Winter Break? Not Really But Woo Woo!

I did slow down on writing and drawing with the boys home for winter break. Still, I did a little of both. Very little of both, but it was something. Almost have the color bases down and I got over a little hump in my trek through the mysterious deserts of the Melikai province. All is well.

In truth, I don't know what the hell a break is. Every time I try it, I'm lucky if it lasts 24 hours. There is always some siren song in work that makes it difficult to stay away no matter how much I need to. That's not to say it's easy or fun all the time, I just want it. More than anything, I start to taste the day when the words and pictures manifest into something sharable. I want to publish and to realize the next idea. I can't lie and say I don't enjoy a lot of it but it can make 7 AM become 7 PM magically and make the day after a Monday into yet another Monday before I realize what day it is again. I tend to do all other things on autopilot-- getting the boys from school, even socializing can have me fading off mid-sentence as those unfinished projects have their 'eureka' moments.

So I'm managing to do something I haven't been able to do for most of 2017-- spending gobs of time with my nephews.  They're home all day, it's colder than reverse hell and there's very little I can do without a bit of crankiness from their cabin fever or their enthusiasm to spend time with me. I can't and don't want to turn it down. They're busy growing and forming their minds most of the year just like I am and we all need to touch base.

So even though I've done all of maybe 2K words in the past week and I still haven't gotten around to getting past the coloring book stages of my illustrations, it's still been quality time. We play games together, of the board and electronic varieties. We enjoy each other's quick-witted and sometimes corny/lazy humor. When I do get to sate all this built-up creative energy, I'll welcome it with open arms.  For now, it's enough to jot a few things down in between and get back to getting to know each other again.

I'm an introvert. I don't have this insatiable need to entertain or have company. However, I am a firm believer that quality time is about unplugging. I don't take a ton of pictures and videos (no offense to my camera-loving friends here-- I see the appeal of capturing it all, but for me, it takes me out of the moment and stifles my observational skills. All the megapixels in the world don't beat my panoramic view or unhindered eyesight). When I spend time with you or anyone, I like to be 100% present and I promise even if my mind wanders, I send it back on track.

So my blogs are fewer these days, but I'm keeping that promise to unplug here and there...

What else? Well, consider this post as some subtle advice. Don't beat yourself up for not being a constant overachiever in your work. Fall behind sometimes to get ahead somewhere else. I never consider any piece of my life a waste. I always labor to reprioritize where needed. I'm not a creature of guilt and regret and no one should be. I often have people tell me they wish they could put forth as much effort as I do. I'm sure it seems glorious in many ways because I can get pretty impassioned talking about it. All the same, I wonder if I should be taking my cue from your lives sometimes too. Everything done too much can be habit-forming and it's much easier to fall back into bad habits than keeping up with good ones. Often your lives do not have the same advantages and disadvantages as someone else's. There is plenty else in life competing for your dreams and sometimes you have a precious couple of hours to work with and it's far better served taking a nap or watching a movie. The number one cause of burn-out for me is not sleeping. The only people who rival me in fighting sleep are toddlers. Even when I know it will make me more productive, sometimes it just ain't happening. I'll end up taking twice the time redoing my sleep-fuddled mistakes.

The harsh reality of creativity is this: no matter how hard I work, no one owes me the precious handling of my motivation. There will be trolls and critics and douchebags who would delight in seeing an artist cave under criticism, to see me give up when the frustration hits me. Good luck. Even if I lost the courage to publish for a while, I do get it back. Sometimes your moods and feedback leave you too vulnerable. Unplug. Step away. Come back when you build a backbone for it. As supportive as I want to be for other writers, nothing will make me ignore you more than a whining binge about how nobody likes you. And? I don't know about you, but nothing gives me more freedom to write than being ignored. Nothing gives me more will to be heard than being shut down. Hug boxes are shit to me. They are insincere and useless for growth. As much as I love fans, I need adversity. I need people to not be afraid to point out my errors (or if my final published MS... turns out to be an early unedited draft. Oops... Keep the collector's edition that you own and laugh at my mistakes).

I do keep this blog to air out some grievances, but I will never ask anyone to pity or console me. If you really want to irritate me, do one of those two things. Pitying someone, no matter how good the intention, is patronizing. You saint, me helpless peasant. No thanks. It shows that you think I am weak to my situation not just struggling to arrive at the solution. Consolation? Again, good intentions and often without action. I know I will get through this. Listen or make me laugh-- those are good enough. I don't need grand gestures or trite placations. It will make both of us awkward. Unless there's pizza involved. That does tend to heal all wounds.

Just don't use pizza to actually bandage wounds. Unless you're trying to make me laugh. I won't stifle your creativity on this one.