A New Year Ahead

Remember when 'new year, new me' used to be the battle call of self-motivation? No longer! Now, it's become the hipster thing to often bitterly express the idea that you're about to get the same old assholes or that motivation doesn't start here for THIS wonder child! And the latter? Is exactly the same sentiment just with the one-upmanship of 'I'm already doing it, slackers!'

I get it. Popularity almost always brings out the purposeful rebels. The devil's advocate, despite the dark implication, isn't the bad thing to be when you're on a shaky fence and the grass is burnt on both sides... But let's not pretend that people who DO make New Year's Resolutions, whether they make good on them or not, are tacky or inferior.

I, myself, am often a Monday starter. During the week, I do the best I can but by the weekend, if I need to cheat on a diet or play hooky from writing, I always make the compromise that day one begins again on Monday. It's one of the reasons I don't hate Mondays. Mondays might be a self-imposed challenge but I'm truly motivated, not just to reflect on where the past week could have been improved in terms of habits, but also on re-focusing on what I want in the present and short-term future. It's not a time to beat myself up for failure on some ground.

It's a point of contention between my father and I, who often likes to dwell on a mistake, almost to the point of demotivating any reparations or compromise to move forward. Perhaps he thinks I don't care enough, but stoicism is how I survive. Being already hypersensitive past a precarious point in tense moments, I've learned that humbling myself to a mistake but focusing on the solution keeps me out of the dramatic hysterics zone.

While it's true that the appeal of Resolutions disappeared for me long ago, and namely because of the last paragraph's hard-won status of largely stoic responses, it's more because the time just comes. My start and finish lines aren't neatly marked and I'd be hard-pressed to remember how I'd gone from overdramatic to level headed more often. It wasn't ever a decision. In my youth, I never once thought to compromise the healthy display of emotions-- yet time showed me that it wasn't that healthy for me OR those I cared about, that I was rather adept at being the problem-solver when I carried the demeanor of someone who had some clue of what they were doing. Even revelations like that weren't ones neatly recorded in a diary because by the time I reflected on it, could name it, it was already in my arsenal.

Epiphanies, while instant, aren't resolutions either. The sudden thrill of discovery is, again, more about naming or forming an idea in a way that you can utilize it again or share it with others, the subconscience knocking on the conscience. While all epiphanies don't bear fruit, those moments are stars in the constellation of progress.

Resolutions are vilifed for one particular reason-- when we announce such lofty goals but don't follow through, it can become a spotlight for ridicule, those damned 'I told you so' and the smug population of other failures welcoming you back to the bottom of the tank.

As long as you don't get conned into that mental shithole, resolution yourself at leisure. While I don't announce it with such aplomb, I do use a new year as a time to take inventory, to ask myself if I want the same things or if I could be doing more (or less) to go after what I really want.

Don't be bullied out of your ways by pseudo or serial rebels. It's not really that cheesy. If you fall off the lofty tops of overambitious goals, don't give up. Change tact, make them more reasonable, push the deadline. Resolutions are guidelines. If they're really important to your well-being, enlist a great friend, your doctor, your cat-- whatever it takes, remember that your goals don't have to fall squarely on what you can do alone.

Have a Happy New Year! May it be a year of growth and empowerment!