Avoiding the Real Trap of Setbacks

First off, there are simply some life factors that will always make certain challenges harder for certain people. You can't simply wish away disability or mental illness, nor force your mind to latch onto what needs to get done or even what you feel like you really want to do. There's no magical solution and I don't have ten steps to overcome any hurdle. You will have setbacks--some that come from within and some from people or situations that slow you down or stand in your way.

What often remains the only thing in your immediate control is your inner voice.

I've had Hulu looping Shark Tank for a few days so I've picked up on some important lessons from the ones that 'failed' to pick up an investor. The show itself often updates to show success stories of the ones chosen to invest in, but it also shows that some of the ones who weren't chosen blew up with success. Often, it was the ones who walked out of that room with a better understanding of their business rather than defeated by what they thought was the lost opportunity that would propel them forward. Even when one of the Sharks told them to burn their business down and move on.

On occasion, yes, people have stars in their eyes on a sentimental mission and the advice to quit is valid. Passion alone could feed some hole in their soul, but they will always be a drain on their finances or those of their investors. It is always a mistake to walk into that room without BOTH passion and a sensible idea of how you can make your ideas worthwhile to an investor. Occasionally, how well you can pull their heartstrings actually works, but the Sharks also have fickle moods and are all business, no bullshit with someone else.

Gimmicks don't really save you when it comes to dealing with any setbacks in life. If you can accept that your passion may be a drain on other aspects of your well-being, by all means, follow them. If your business idea is promising but a tedious drain on any other happiness, would you still want it so badly? Socially, we're often lauded with the merits of grinding through anything that makes money, but it's considered frivolous to grind for happiness. While it may not be a popular risk, a passion is not some panacea for total happiness, success, or even somehow a lazier option. In fact, its failures can sometimes be just as devastating and just as bitter. It's even more socially acceptable to mock a failed passion.

I'm walking a broad circle around this, so let's close it up a bit.

Whatever excuse/reason you have for setbacks, and the way they can pile on so fast there's just enormous shock that isn't easy to climb back out of, you have to train your inner voice to mentor you out of the worst spots. Setbacks can enable you to push away accountability and actions rather than accept it as part of your unique learning process and own it. Going back to the business analogies, you'll hear people say 'my investors backed out' rather than 'due to decisions I made from inexperience, I wasn't able to keep my investors happy.' 

Your inner voice speaks for you. Don't take away your agency to act and correct setbacks by handing them the blame. Cause and effect isn't as simple as the right and wrong. The path of someone's success is not yours. You can adopt the risk involved with trying something that seems right for you, but not a guarantee that anything you do will yield good results.

In desperation, sometimes we think 'if only someone came along who sees how wonderful I am'. I've brought this up before, but that person is you. Another person isn't 'you' enough to really know your best interests. This doesn't mean you should look for emotional support or business collaborators, but it doesn't mean that those external forces should never replace your self-worth, self-confidence and fortitude to forge ahead when all else has abandoned you.

I know that the very common problem of depression and anxiety adds a different layer to matters of the self. It's an emotional override that sometimes sabotages reason and planning. This only means that you need to use your good days, however few and far between, to train your inner voice to override them in any way you can.

Even mentally healthy people fall into setback traps. Sometimes overconfidence makes failure hit that much harder.

Look--one day, you're on Cloud Nine; you're eating healthy, losing weight, mentally focused, have good relationships, love your job, etc. Things start to slip and maybe you eat more junk, gain weight, feel isolated and lose your job. Things fall into disrepair while you're over optimistically trying to tell yourself it will get better. You're not wrong, but you're also not really doing anything to correct it. You don't want to admit its probably depression or anxiety but months pass and it only gets worse.

Your inner voice isn't perfect. Optimism itself isn't harmful but it does need to be acted on. Hope can be a powerful tool, but at some point, hope means little if it doesn't motivate you to make the changes you need to make.

I'm not a self-help guru, so I can't assure you there's a perfect way to train your inner voice. It's mostly about acquiring micro-habits and learning mantras, little bits of wisdom, that spur you into action. Some will work every time, some need serious repair. It's akin to how some people snap rubber bands on their wrists to make cravings they want to kick develop a negative response.

I've exhausted my desire to keep on this topic, so why not plug in some updates?

Although I'm still not super-motivated myself at the moment, I've returned to poking at my book this week. I also ordered a test banner, one that I may use in future shows and conventions if I like how it turns out. I went with a polyester tapestry. I've always loved vinyl banners, but it's a costly option. I had a polyester tapestry hanging in my room for years and it may actually suit my brand. I've been looking for cost-effective options since I really want to put a lot into my booths. I've seen many an author or artist just sitting at a bare white table with nothing but a stack of business cards and their merchandise and they might as well be invisible. If I do this, I want it to be a real visual and hands-on infusion. It's extremely hard to be memorable at a show since there are so many amazing things on offer so there's no way I'm going with anything less than my best potential on display.

I hate to be a party-pooper but this weekend and the next will be stressful. Loud popping noises are extremely stressful for me and even more so when it's in the hands of amateurs who are drinking. Between the summer heat and the fireworks, I'm already both drained and nervous. I might not get much done, but it will pick up again later. For now, I'm just going to keep planning and plugging and building myself back up the best I can!