Working Out is Working Out

 Got a tiny weight drop on the scale finally, which is always a relief after no gains or losses for two weeks. I didn’t doubt that I was making great choices, but since I’m pushing 40, I am aware that hormones may be up to some tricks with progress. Like I’ve said before though, I am aware of what can cause weight loss halts and don’t get discouraged. My body needs to heal from stress both mental and physical along the way and weight doesn’t just want to melt off simply because you’re overweight. The body doesn’t just shed it all in relief, not until you can prove it’s not temporary. It takes a while to convince so many chemical processes to trust it’s a good idea.

Anyways, I have a few projects I want to try to knock out this week. Small ones but things to help me engage in creativity without a huge commitment right now. I still have to finish wiring the lights in a diorama I have finished. I received a template for a doll sized purse that I want to try out. I also bought some resin to try my hand at making some doll eyes.

Working on Endramena and Maxim, my two favorite dolls, is always a maybe. He needs armor and she needs a lot of jewelry and embellishments. Both need their hair finished. As much as I want to see them finished, it’s also very intimidating since these are dolls I envisioned years ago when I started drafting their characters and also a book that I have not finished and published. The pandemic weighed heavily on me, but it was ignoring my health that ultimately led to a wrench in creativity. As I restore my health, I want to ease back into good habits so those intimidating projects are just a maybe right now. I’m pushing the smaller bites for now. The big projects will get to swallow me completely again someday but I can’t afford to have it take too much of my focus while I’m struggling to build the stamina to see them through. 

Not to sound like a broken record but this will always be a challenge with my ADHD. Unless I am very mindful, I can’t catch or tame an obsession and it will take away my concept of time or energy or self-care. Impulses can easily override common sense. Plans can easily be dashed to pieces so I work best with flexibility. A life style change has to have interesting variables to remain in my routine. Routines that feel too rigid are often abandoned. The three solid years I spent obsessed with writing and publishing, I don’t really recall any of it. It felt like a handful of weeks and still mesmerized me that I did all that in so little time. And not at all surprising that I simply walked away from it for a while.

It always comes back. Writing is one of those obsessions that always returns. Drawing is the same. Crafting too. I would love to develop mastery in the traditional sense but it’s almost impossible to tell my brain not to bring in a new interest. It always convinces me that it will only enhance my other skills. It isn’t wrong. I am usually even better at drawing after not drawing for years. It’s never about practice and application but life experience and perception. My brain always retains what I never lost passion for.

So I will chip away at the small curiosities while I plug away at a healthier me. My mental state also benefits from the physical changes. But unlike last time, I will not allow a physical health obsession to lead to creative drought, then trade places later. From the onset, I am minding every day to integrate both aspects. So that when it’s time for an obsession, it is already a habit to mind the other necessities.

I do have some doll heads to paint as well. Those can be a pain, if only because I have to do a layer, seal it outside, let it dry and set, paint more, etc. However, since I can’t just sit the whole time, it’s actually a good habit, using both focus with creativity and movement to take breaks. The biggest wrench is being both in the mood and having good weather for sealing. Much trickier!