Endometrial Biopsy Day; Also, Steel Vagina

 I think I was expecting a lot worse so everything that could go wrong was far more shocking when it just didn’t. Maybe we all buy into the loose/tight myth of promiscuity, but I don’t typically experience much pain during vaginal exams despite never having penetrative pleasure. This may be TMI, but I take care of business using clitoral stimulation and light pressure only to the vulva so if any 40 year old woman should be tighter than a butthole, it’s me. Although that’s also not a good comparison because while anuses can be stretched to the point of gaping, they’re not meant to restore like a canal that accommodates a baby. 

If that didn’t send you reeling away in disgust, the short version is that penetrative sex doesn’t particularly help or hurt a woman’s vaginal muscles over time or at all, assuming we’re talking about ‘normal’ sex and not abusive or unhygienic sex. It doesn’t determine whether you are loose or tight. And many of the things women claim happen after having kids, like abnormal or heavy periods, peeing when you sneeze; this childless woman has those too and age is just as much a natural trigger than a whole baby. Stop blaming your kids for all that. It happens to most of us anyway. Things you don’t know until you’ve met the exception.

In any case, I’ll walk you through the procedure, ladies, so you can understand the potential issues and also maybe be lucky to experience it as I did. If you have current cervical pain issues, they will apply a numbing agent. It may be more painful and feel longer because of that but I assure you, they are moving quickly.

Like a Pap smear, they insert a speculum. I had no discomfort here. As I’ve said before, this is like the feeling of inserting a tampon with the smooth plastic applicator. If that’s not painful, this is even less so. She then applied iodine to disinfect. This didn’t feel weird or messy. I expected the first attempt to breach the cervix (no numbing but I’ve never had cervical pain with previous exams), she said it failed but I honestly didn’t feel anything. She said they were going to gently pry the cervix next. This is where I felt the sort of cramping you get early in a period but not the worst of it yet. It was literally that and not even a pinch like some women report and then less than a minute later, she announced she was done. Both were impressed that I didn’t flinch or show signs of pain. Sometimes they ask you to wear a pad for bleeding but I didn’t and there was no blood once I checked upon getting home either. They do specify no insertion of tampons, douche or sexual insertion for three days, but I’m also not certain that applies here. I’m having no pain, cramping or bleeding at all at this point.

And really, after the anxiety I went through for months now, I would be extremely happy to exceed more expectations in the treatment and recovery. Crossing my fingers cancer is ruled out and the ablation stops periods and really, those would already bring the best possible outcomes on the other side of this. I have to say, I’m pretty psyched I seemed to have been rare case on the side of good news for this procedure and hope it’s a benchmark for things to come!