Nothing Special?

 I don’t have anything particular in mind but I definitely have some life changes worth noting.

On the positive side, my weight is coming down on its own, I’m able to do a full range of lifting and bending and stretching. I’m not constantly dealing with aches and pains. The pressure that was concerning in my left eye is normal again. I’m able to get more exercise by the day. Been keeping up with crafts and crochet but some of it is gifts I don’t want to spoil by posting where it can be found, so a lot will come up after the holidays.

Negatives: still have the eye floater and now astigmatism in the left eye, near sighted in the right. I’ll need progressive lenses to see better. No idea what to do about the floater but my insurance probably doesn’t cover it. The toe I had injected last year is starting to ache again; may need an alcohol injection to kill the nerve. Perimenopause is a bitch so insomnia and hot flashes seem to be an annoyance some nights. My diastolic BP is higher than my doctor likes but I’m very much going to attempt to make changes and fix that. My BP has been higher since the ovary problem came to a climax and I expected it may take time for it to come down so I’m not worried about it at the moment. I’m not experiencing the concerns that come with BP problems like shortness of breath or racing heart rate.

I’m still working on projects that help me balance creativity and stamina. Although I’d love to go back to writing my books, getting those big ideas swirling around onto the page, it’s difficult to concentrate on using a computer much right now and the eye floater is behind this. I’m still hoping it’s temporary or I’ll have to find some way to afford getting it zapped or drained. I do have plenty that needs to get done where it won’t be an annoyance so I’m going to continue working on my health and hoping some of these negatives can be shed with this newfound ability to use my body. Before, I felt like a voodoo doll, just stuck from every direction so there was no ‘do this to fix that’; I was restricted so bad that normal rules didn’t apply. I was gaining weight not eating for 5 days, unable to bend or do anything without pain that didn’t match the actions.

And now I’m starting to recognize my own body again. When I get signals, they mean something and I can fix the problem and feel better. I ended up isolated because no one could help me and people felt helpless. They couldn’t feel my pain and doctors couldn’t help me validate it because they weren’t taking the effort to look. Cycles of futility that made me fade into depression and anxiety, unable to enjoy anything, hanging on by a thread by hoarding projects I couldn’t start. I felt like I was twice my age and ready to be done with all of it. I was a wraith, a husk of a person. The return to finding myself has been exhilarating and fun. I feel the bubbliness and electric wit coming back more naturally, not pushing through a dense mask of desperation.

I can’t wait to show all the bits and pieces of these projects! I can’t wait to find more ways to advocate for women’s medicine and ADHD and hope. Whether I’m just helping one person or many get a boost, it’s truly what makes me me. I’m always learning how to hear others without losing myself, that sacrifice cannot be something that always drains you, that it must feed you to be your best self in some way. I anticipate, for once, a really optimistic year and truly hope for things to keep trending towards good fortune.