Make a mess, make it happen and other things life throws your way…

 I guess I could go back and look at where I left off from the last post. From the title, I remember it was a good one, about how accommodations for neurodivergent quirks doesn’t have to be an effort, just a willingness to accept logic we don’t always understand. But for this one… well, I’ve had an eventful path on the lead up from Christmas craft crunching to here where I’m last minute struggling again for my sister’s birthday.

Starting with Christmas crafting, I gave myself ample time to get it all done and was way ahead of schedule. Then I started getting shooting pains through my face, jaw, teeth, neck, shoulder. I’ll skip the pages of exposition on the trips to the dentist and doctor that filled the two and a half weeks of pain before getting to the part where a week of Augmentin knocked out was a new way I discovered a severe sinus infection can terrorize a person. Needless to say, there’s a happy close to that chapter where I flip you some pics of the gifts I got done for the fam just in time for Christmas morning.

I apparently did not get a picture of the finished cat stitch blanket I made for my dad, just the first few rows, and I meant to get more of the Christmas village (the wooden house is the base that I added more to in that screenshot of a video clip…). Then there’s tacocat I made for Dameon, the bighorn bison steak zipup bag I made for Markie (from some Risk of Reign game he likes)… the little town diorama that I’m still working on (on hiatus while I finish crafts with deadlines)…

Then we got the sweater I made for my sister and our kitten Corvo blending into the crocheted Christmas stuff I’ve been making my dad for years too. Not sure if I’ve gotten to mention him yet since my dad rescued him in September and we’ve been in love with the little ball of fluff (that looks like a mini version of his new big brother Riddle) ever since.

I was a little scattered with remembering to take pictures, just happy to get it done when I got sidetracked those weeks lost in pain.

I wish I could say the mess stopped there. But no, the same night we took Corvo in to get neutered, I contracted a nasty bout of food poisoning. And since I already have moderate to severe gastritis and an inflamed cecum, it was actual hell that night puking up every little bit of what I ate that day then blasting it out in diarrhea the rest of the night. But I kept chugging Gatorade and staying hydrated and was somehow able to get in a car the next day to go pick the baby kitty up. 4 days later, I’m still recovering from the aftermath but this morning, I was able to get my ass up and drill some screws in a cabinet to secure a shelf, which if you know me by now, you know I often say fuck you to a bout of sickness with diving into some impulse project and that was it. That damn shelf slipping off the crappy plastic hinges caused me enough grief so it did feel damn good to tackle that with some new metal screws. Still got a stomach rumbling like an angry or sad Pokémon, and a bit of mucus that’s been padding out an abused throat but I can handle bending without breaking out in a cold sweat or a wave of nausea so I took advantage.

And now I’m trying to crunch in making a gift for my sister’s birthday.

Hopefully I can remember to share a picture of that and the finished little town diorama next. End of the month or the beginning of February. Barring any bastard of a sickness happening again. Atheist though I am, I’ll take your thoughts and prayers, good vibes/juju, or whatever else you think you’ve got in good with this mysterious universe. I could use a break.

Healing up with Corvo and cuddling with my big ginger kitty Weez while I crochet. And ever grateful to be feeling a little better each time I get a couple more hours sleep. Take the wins wherever you can. Sometimes they gotta do some heavy lifting for the setbacks.

The 3 Spoon Problem

 Neurotypicals and neurodivergents may never fully understand each other’s ’methods of madness’ but I came across a simplistic and nearly forgettable instance of this in one of those missable daily chores.

For me, repetitive tasks need to become a ritual to focus on them and complete them and even then, they often have to be short and purposeful. 

I feed my cats every morning. Outside cats first, front door then back door, dry food. Then I feed what were originally my sister’s 3 cats one kind of food (anything but pate), then the kitten got sandwiched in between them and my older 2 girls because he also gets a metal bowl like the first three but he gets kitten pate (though he’ll eat anything) and the 2 girls get their pate on a plate. Different rituals because my sister and I did different things and cats are creatures of habit. The kitten’s managed to fit neatly by food type and feeding dish right between so it naturally fit in. 

As per the post headline, I use three spoons, one for each of them. I never started this intentionally, mind you, but it always made perfect sense to me. To my dad, it’s clearly a sort of unnecessary thing (more dishes to wash and he’s obsessive about how many dishes get used in a way I similarly don’t understand). He pointed it out and, instead of the cringy ‘it’s my ADHD, you wouldn’t understand’, I just said ‘don’t question it’ and that seems to be a satisfying code for the both of us.

The answer, for those of you who are on the side of not getting it (and even some NDs might not get it at first), this is a physical manifestation of a mental need for organization in the early morning chaos of my brain. I am not a morning person. I don’t enjoy getting up for this ritual. My brain is still a bit nonsensical and prone to mistakes first thing. For me, like stimming, this is a ritual necessity to start the day with a coping mechanism to prevent anxiety. I have lots of coping mechanisms and many of them I’m not even conscious of until they’re pointed out. I don’t always have a handy answer to pluck from the air anyway but when I do, it still doesn’t always fully make sense to the questioner. 

I like to believe that my dad is, over time, starting to understand that these oddities (for him) are the unspoken trials of my neurological disorder. Those with ADHD are not a hive mind and we don’t all understand the source of the quirks but we do come to understand that it’s why we get ‘looks’ or ‘comments’ from NTs and even without some weird therapy requirement, we do develop coping strategies that don’t compromise the self but do help us course-correct to avoid destructive crashes in our lives. I don’t try to avoid being ‘weird’ but I certainly try to avoid the impulses to spend money or have unhealthy emotional outbursts where I say things I probably don’t actually mean. I don’t try to ‘do things the normal way’ but I do try to explain it when I can (or reserve the right to politely decline explaining everything I do). I don’t bottle myself for the comfort of others but I do know how to find healthy outlets and not expect others to entertain me. And these aren’t wise adult strategies; many of them I started very young and just refined with understanding.

On that note, this is why I resent being told I need ‘cognitive behavior therapy’ to take Vyvanse. They aren’t going to tell me anything I don’t know. I research things like this exhaustively but I have severe ADHD and the only reason I have ever preferred stimulants is because they bring on a focus, efficiency and confidence that I struggle with and often fail to find without their help. I self-medicated in my youth and noticed things like coffee and cocaine made me ridiculously efficient whereas my peers were just ‘fucked up’ and messy. I can emotionally regulate, manage time and just FUNCTION normally with this drug. And even doctors don’t seem to understand how necessary this drug is for me to live in an NT dominated world. My coping mechanisms work fine. WITH the drug. Otherwise, I am always struggling through the brain clutter, paralysis and exhaustion of effort. Doctors are taught that it’s different for us and yet we’re still treated like addicts looking for a fix. Yes, it is a fix. To be functional in a world that is otherwise ridiculously hard to find a niche in. I don’t get my dopamine fix this way at all btw. That’s right; I get it from ASMR videos and watching kids play and cats purr and sometimes from the zone I go into when I can hyperfocus. Vyvanse is only an outlet, a key that makes who I am shareable and productive and motivated.

The 3 spoon problem isn’t fixed by drugs. But when I understand it better, I can help others understand why it’s necessary. Not everything is able to be masked and some things are very much about mental health maintenance. Not all of us want to feed into the superpower/quirk/etc. language that sometimes brushes off how debilitating it can be, so it may require some of that sensitivity into our coded language. My dad isn’t the most perceptive but he does pay attention. Sometimes that all we ask for. The understanding that this is doing something we need. Accommodations are not about going out of your way to cater to our differences. It’s just about communicating their existence. Communicate with me directly if it’s a problem that makes us undermine each other’s needs but remember I spent the better part of my life making my life harder to try not to rock the boat. It could be time to empathize and understand why crippling me isn’t actually helping either of us. Share in the discomfort; and remember if you have ND status, don’t retaliate by assuming you get privilege as part of the understanding. The other person may have it too so aim for compromise. No one needs to be the only sacrificing one. We should always be learning how to bring out the best in each other, ND or NT notwithstanding.

Updates are fun?

 Healthwise, there’s always something. My weight continues to hover around the same range, my liver enzymes are back to normal, I’m about to schedule for another upper GI endoscopy and a colonoscopy because I’m not getting worse but I’m not getting better so maybe we just have to look at the whole pipeline.

There’s rarely much to say or definitive answers so far so I won’t belabor it.

I finished a fourth mini house today so I can start on the diorama to set those in (I needed the exact base measurements of the completed houses to be able to set up the foundation for the grass mat; you never know how the completed piece will fit until it’s made because it can be different for everyone). Once I complete that, it will knock out one of the bigger projects I’ve left unfinished. I’m really hoping to slowly ‘finish what I’ve started’ since my health slumps set me on a long term burnout. That’s not to say there won’t be new projects here and there but I truly want to focus on the accumulation I’ve let build up.

So I’ll leave you with a quick pic of the latest mini house and get back to doing rather than talking about it!

Sometimes I Just Don’t Wanna Share…

 I do end up trying to catch up for the sake of transparency so radio silence can often lead to me sharing the many updates later. 

I’m not sure where I was with things last time but I think it was gallbladder surgery recovery and some follow-ups so I’ll try to start there and hopefully not repeat too much. I could read my last post… but I’m pretty certain I can pick it up.

The stomach flu prior to surgery landed me with elevated blood levels. I may or may not have gone into it specifically being hemoglobin and bilirubin. Didn’t occur to me than that it could be  *because* of the stomach flu but that’s likely. Did more follow up blood tests when I finally got in to see a gastroenterologist, even did some off the wall genetic marker tests, mostly looking at my liver possibilities. Did not get anything concerning back EXCEPT my kidneys are functioning at 77 and 90 is normal. However, unless there’s protein in my urine, only below 60 is a major concern. I have never had protein show up before so it could very well be temporary.

Weight loss came to a grinding halt but since GLP-1 drugs got approved for obesity (bmi over 30 or bmi over 27 and a health related problem like high blood pressure; I’m all of the above), it’s possible for me to get Zepbound covered and he asked on my last visit if I would be okay with trying it. I said absolutely; I plateaued on weight loss a couple months ago and kept up with diet and exercise. Hormones are completely blocking progress. I see him in September to discuss that again.

Monday I have the fibro scan to rule out any other possible liver issues. Keeping in mind my AST and ALT are only slightly elevated on the last blood test, it’s still possible these are residual from the gallbladder issues and still cycling out. Again, my surgeon remarked that my liver had no inflammation or signs of fibrosis or scarring from the outside. The fibroscan can look through the liver and see what everything else couldn’t so I’ll know if there’s any concern there. If so, early detection. And again, losing weight could reverse the problem. Which is why weight loss is imperative.

I did the research and Zepbound, taken properly, still takes a year and a half for someone my size to return to a normal BMI. Though because this has been an issue despite all efforts to change I might have to remain on it at maintenance doses lifelong. Celebrities don’t need it and abuse it which is why you see the freakish aging and bone visibility. You need to eat more protein to maintain muscle mass and rapid weight loss leads to the aged and loose skin. I will be taking it to lose 1-2 lbs a week *safely* as has been my goal all alone. I do not want to do this fast, I want to do it healthily. So I will NOT be taking shortcuts or overdoing it.

I am attempting to get a remote job, which may mean changing insurance but it’s a job with full benefits so… worth it. It’s the perfect job for me; flexible, computer oriented, task oriented, no micromanaging, so I’m really hoping I’ll get it. Leaving it at that because I’m both focusing on hearing back (and saying why I’m perfect for the job) and not getting my hopes up unless I do get it. So if I give more details it’s because I got it. Otherwise, I’m moving on without mentioning it again.

Our AC and furnace are done for so the summer heat has limited my motivation for crafting. I’ve been focusing my energy on maintaining a clean house and happy cats. I wish I had more exciting things to share but there is not much. I’m attempting to fix an old printer, staying organized for when the weather is good for crafts again and just focused on finding a career after this monumentally tough five years of health issues and finding productivity in pattern making sales, product reviewing and freelance design jobs here and there. I crave stability and routine to anchor me again. My dad is happily productive again and I’m more than a little jealous. I want to really contribute to improving this house and my own life too. I’ve done so much, raising my nephews and helping others, that having something for myself would do so much for my mental wellness right now.

And I apologize if I’m creatively stuck and putting off some favors for others right now but I promise this is temporary. I’m still finding strength and trying to set my feet on new paths (or forge new paths; not everything has to be novel to be an adventure though).

Regardless of when I update, hoping I have more good news and forward movement. I admit I’m impatient to get things moving again but also know that things worth having take time. Whether that’s losing weight, completing a big project or applying for that perfect job. Push ahead but give grace to things that move beyond our control.

Stay strong, people. Times are crazy but purpose can be found. Don’t ignore smaller steps believing only large steps make a difference. Just take steps knowing others could follow. Good can come from simply believing in your journey. Inspire anonymously and hope indefinitely. 

I got plenty of gems in this brain of mine. Stick around and maybe we can learn from each other. 

More on Recovery

 One thing they reiterate after major surgeries is getting up to walk. After abdominal surgeries, this can be a special kind of torture because it’s impossible to not irritate that sensitive healing area even a little bit unless you happen to have one of those slow auto-standing chairs my grandma had (and if you’re not wealthy, you probably don’t). Gallbladder recovery didn’t need the months that the ovary surgery did; it’s only been a little over two weeks and I’m getting around mostly normal at this point. I stuck to forcing myself to walk and avoiding the nightmare of blood clots but the minute I heard that’s yet another surgery and DAYS in a hospital, pushing my tender abdominals seemed like the much more desirable level of torture.

All the same, with the stomach flu preceding my surgery, I feel like my stamina and cardio have suffered greatly. I wanted to get back to crafting and computer work ASAP but instead I found it physically hard to be able to do as sitting up and sitting still have proved difficult. So today, I gave up on the notion of that and… did housework. Mind you, I’m still weeks from being okay to do any heavy lifting, but I vacuumed and mopped (sorely needed without my twice weekly routine not happening for a month; that’s to do both as vacuuming was still something I could do for the past week as long as it was short). It wasn’t super thorough, as I wouldn’t be able to completely clear off the floors, but I did get to focus on high traffic areas and the moderately accessible areas I could shove around with my feet. Some hangers I ordered came (I had 8 or so shirts that sat on top of the hangers in my closet without hangers and a bunch of those cheap clothing store ones I wanted to swap out) so I did a little closet cleaning too. I was dripping sweat like I had a rain cloud following me around and I can feel the ache of the efforts but I also feel like this was a valuable step in being able to rebuild stamina. And I’m going to make it a point to focus on getting moderate to vigorous exercise a few times a week to rebuild my stamina again.

I’m also going to attempt to test my stamina with sedentary but creative and critical thinking elements that I sorely miss too. 

The weight loss slowed significantly: only down a pound in the past month, but it’s somehow relieving that my diet went a little off the tracks and I didn’t see weight gain. I also know from experience that surgical recovery is a terrible time for dieting. People assume because they aren’t that hungry or have dietary limits that that’s a good time for it but no, you NEED those nutrients because your immune system is working overtime to heal the substantial invasion and changes. Trying to keep up an ambitious weight loss plan during not only slows healing but could increase risk of complications. 

So please do your already struggling body a favor and don’t underfeed or overwork your body. This also means that even if you’re feeling great, don’t go against the doctor’s advice to wait for those weeks or months before you’re cleared for tasks and attempt to do more than recommended. If you need examples, things like hernias, fissures, painful keloid scarring, muscle strains, blockages (in arteries, ducts, etc) and infections. These are things your body might not even give you any indication they’re happening until it becomes another major issue. That could require yet another reparative surgery. Keep in mind, scarring vastly limits their ability to avoid surgical complications and some doctors even refuse to attempt anything but emergency surgery if the scarring and fusing and issues are too complex, so even a ‘simple’ repair can cause problems for surgeries you might need later.

I’ve started to get back into my dieting again, started the day with cream of wheat and had a chicken and green bean lunch. Tonight my dad is making burgers with the new indoor grill my sister got him for Father’s Day but if that’s a little carb-y (my dad’s cooking usually is) I could actually use that today with the workout that housework gave me. I’m not ready for going back to ambitious food prep; my dad does not air condition this sweltering house and trying to spend hours prepping would wipe me out, if not cause me to pass out altogether, but I did get bagged salads to last the week. Cream of Wheat, oatmeal or egg on toast for breakfast, dinners I’ll just have to be flexible but mindful with until I can structure that again. The salads can land around lunch or dinner too.

I may need a couple weeks or even a couple of months to slide back into the balance of creative and physical and get back on track but honestly, it just feels really good to be semi-normal. Stomach flus always make me wish I was dead and this one left me drained for days instead of the 24 or so hours I could heal from them when I was healthier. No idea where I even got it but my nephew got sick too so it’s super likely we both got it at his graduation. Go figure the one time I’m around people, they can’t keep their germs to themselves. All the same, I’m glad my recovery hasn’t gone south so far and that I’m on track again. I wouldn’t at all call this a square one since I didn’t gain weight, my blood pressure is actually normal again and in a few months, my primary is doing labs to make sure the liver enzymes and cholesterol have stabilized since.

Dare I hope this means I can move on and get fit and healthy again. I had been really making progress in my late 30s before it all took a turn for the worse and set me back so much worse. Still, I’ve held on to hope and believed in myself and the doctors I worked with and have found my way through quite a bit. Of course, I’m cautiously optimistic but I’m in my 40s and that can be a dirty transition for a lot of us so I’m doing what I can to prepare for more obstacles but also doing what I can to avoid them. Genetics, my friends, isn’t something you can run from. I’ve had more than one dear friend die in their 40s suddenly. One from a sudden heart attack on his return from an out of town job, one who was otherwise very healthy then died suddenly in her sleep from a pulmonary embolism. We don’t get to prevent everything but at least when I make the effort to try, I simply KNOW I did all that I could with what I knew. Guilt is not something you want to bring into an already troubling situation. I don’t think advanced old age was ever a goal for me, but I would like to hope that going forward, the time I do have might have some quality of life worth sticking around for. I have done a lot of suffering and there may be more but I will do my best to eke out every bit of enjoyment I can and never belabor myself unduly. One life, nothing else, so precious.

Maybe Not That Juicy…

 I’m one week post gallbladder removal and I absolutely still don’t have the energy to organize a really well-thought out post where the details are concerned but I will give it a go anyway because I’m really not going to be able to keep the details fresh otherwise. Pain is something our bodies are wired to forget and going through this, like having the stomach flu leading up to it, is definitely something I’m eager to put behind me.

First off, I’m super grateful to the whole of my team: my surgeon, the anesthesiologists, the nurses, all stellar. Normally I love to post names and details but I still feel protective of my life here and in no hurry for my past to ever find me. I’ve sent comments to the hospital to address those people directly so they know who they are and they know I’m thankful and that’s what truly matters. 

The pre-op process is pretty simple. Check in, getting my ID bracelet, going to the lab for tests (if you’re a female, that is, because it’s a pregnancy test which is absolutely unnecessary for me but who ever believes you?), and waiting to be called back to what will be my recovery room later. I then meet my pre-op nurse who finds out when I’ve eaten and drank last, what medications or supplements I’ve taken or quit taking, what medications they will be giving me for pain then he has me change into the gown with all the fancy ports so he can put in my IV. The IV is then hooked up for hydration and also a first round of antibiotics, which is standard in most gallbladder surgeries but may not be deemed necessary for all. In my case, they just wanted to make sure the stomach flu would be cycled out and not cause issues.

The OR was still in prep so I waited in my room for another half hour before they came to wheel me back. Once there, they walked me through getting up on the slim table, making sure my gown’s ports were accessible, and placing a board under my feet and securing my arm out to my side. They would be operating in a reverse trachtenberg position which basically elevates you at the head instead of the feet. They secured the oxygen mask to my face and just had me breathe that in for a few minutes. In that time, I got to appreciate how a dozen people were milling around that room like perfect clockwork when any other group of people would be colliding in chaos.

The anthesiologist then informed me they were administering anesthesia and he asked me a couple questions; where my favorite vacation spot is and what I was going to dream about soon. The second one made me laugh and, even though my ears started buzzing, making me laugh must’ve helped me not feel the awful pressure like last time and I was out like a light.

When I woke, I didn’t open my eyes, heard the nurse telling my dad they would just let me sleep and he could come back around 1 or 2 when they could run my last rounds of antibiotics. I kind of just enjoyed the peace and kept my eyes closed for a while longer but when I did open my eyes, the post-op nurse had crackers and shortbread cookies and water for me. I probably had six more little packs, a refill of water, and a popsicle before they had me get up to try to pee hours later. No problem there. My doctor came in to let me know what was up, said the only issue to watch was that a bile duct was too short so we’d need to monitor for that in the coming months, make sure there is no narrowing, blockage, etc while it heals. Again, not anything I hadn’t known could be a risk. The symptoms are pretty telling too, a lot of pain and jaundice, neither of which would be hard to miss. I was plenty sore but didn’t have too much trouble getting around on my own. They let me get dressed on my own and then discharged me and wheeled me out to dad’s car. It went about as smoothly as I could hope.

Day 1 is always comparatively easy. The nerve blocks they give last at least 24 hours and that’s pretty much all I got. After that, terrible gas pain, both digestive and abdominal. This level of pain was a mainstay for 48 hours, made bearable with Norcos, but still not fun. Sleep did not come easy but even a couple hours sleep did make me feel noticeably better every time. I finally started getting good sleep around days 4-5. Day 5 is where I could finally get up out of bed without feeling pain in my abdomen. At no time did I find it unbearable. I was still able to do light housework, make food, do dishes, but I often asked for help to finish a task or just have them run my ice pack to and from the freezer. I mostly ate Jello, pudding, chicken noodle soup, in the first few days but then I started eating more regular foods, just in small amounts. 

As far as bowel movements go, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was on the end of gastroenteritis so I still had diarrhea for the first three days. Then it stopped day four and… there was a TON of gas. lol I called it a night of endless farts and it was just HOURS of these reams of flatulence. But they didn’t actually smell much. No more BMs for 48 hours though so I started taking MiraLax because I had a bad feeling… that turned out to be true. Super painful but more solid and brown constipation that crippled me for like an hour, nausea and sweating too. But once that passed I felt SO much better. The following BMs have been in the morning each day and still not regular solid. All the same, no yellow and no more issues with having them. At no time post-op did I feel like I couldn’t make it to the toilet so there was no problem with urgency. I also knew that constipation and diarrhea both are typical adjustments to the bile changes.

I’m able to get up and get around more but I do get exhausted easily still. There is still some tenderness and I can’t bend or squat well or for very long. I am able to sit on the porch for a little while to pet the outside cat but sitting up too long still isn’t comfortable. There is bloating and gas and tenderness overall and I suspect it may be another week before I feel close to normal. I can kind of sleep on my sides but with a fatty bloated abdomen, the movement makes my incisions a little more tender and it feels weird so I end up on my back again for most of the night. I feel like I’ll sleep better once side sleeping isn’t so tender. 

I did want to go into incision and surgery details too but that’s a bit much for me at the moment. I’m getting heavy-eyed just doing this much. I may revisit that in the near future but I may be ready to just move into the next phase of life. I’m sure the next blog title will give away which route I take. Until then, more rest and plenty of contemplation! I hope this does help someone looking for more detailed experiences to make it less scary, more realistic. It’s no picnic, but this has definitely been its own challenge, not really comparable to my surgery two years ago but with some familiarities that made it less full of unknowns. But it’s always been my philosophy that doing nothing is still a choice, and often a bad choice. When you’re at a point where nothing is getting better, then the risks are often worth taking. If I thought I could handle it, I never would have brought it up to begin with. When I go to a doctor, it’s because I’ve exhausted all of my own options and truly need to consider the best and worst of what it takes to hope things will get better. It’s not about me being strong, it’s about humbling myself to accepting help. Genetics just don’t give a flying fuck how good your diet or exercise or habits are. There’s no point in blaming anything; get the help your body knows you need and accept all of the feelings and doubts and hopes. 

And I thank whatever conditions created Medicaid so I didn’t have to continue suffering. Or worse. The ovary thing still haunts me because that sucker was killing me. My long term goal is to not die young enough that people say what a shame it is I went before my time. I don’t exactly want to see super old age but I sure as hell don’t want to be ‘too young’. I sure as hell don’t want to be pitied. I’m having a damn good run, all things considered. I’ve survived shitty friends, shitty jobs, got damned good at a lot of things. But I hope I’m nowhere near done yet.

Juicy Surgery Deets to Come!

 Day of surgery went well and I plan to go into some great detail as soon as I have the strength to dedicate to it. I’ve taken notes and talked to the doctor and did a bit of research so I’ll have plenty to go through even before my post-op visit June 12th. 

For now, simple details that I’ll likely mention again in the full post. Gallbladder did. Or just have polyps but gallstones and a weird little condition called cholesterolosis or ‘strawberry bladder’. I’m literally weird inside and out and this tickles the hell out of me. A duct that was too short needed to be catheterized to be drained and he’ll be monitoring that as I go through recovery. But my liver is not only NOT fatty or scarred but back to a healthy state. And the elevated liver enzymes and cholesterol and triglycerides can all be attributed directly to the gallbladder and I’ll see marked improvement of those over the next 4-6 months. Which also means the obstacles to losing weight and possibly even the high blood pressure will also see satisfying improvements.

Sometimes you know it’s not your lifestyle choices. Sometimes it’s freak genetics. And da-yum, does it feel good to be right once again. I just unloaded a little package deal and now my devotion to cautious but persistent healing begins again. Sore but already in so many ways much better than the collection of symptoms that plagued me before. I am beyond grateful for the doctors here and the amazing staff at the hospital I’ve been getting surgeries in. I’m grateful my dad took the leap and finally moved so I could finally unlock everything behind those invisible obstacles. And I’m proud of myself for breaking through doubt and fear and advocating for myself once more. 

As I said, more to come, hopefully a bit more organized so those who need it can glean a little insight if some of their experiences align here and are looking for comfort. That’s really my driving purpose with sharing openly.