Finishing Touches

Today was a spray painting day! I spent the better part of the week just working with the rotary tool and sanding, so it was a nice change of pace. The armor is painted and awaiting a full dry cycle. Tomorrow, I'll glue the hip guards to the belt and then that will have to dry 24 hours too. While that is setting though, I'll be working with the odds and ends--small chains, rhinestones and wire--to create the fabric and armor designs. No plans for that, just doing it on the fly, so I'm not sure what I'll come up with yet.

Another reason I've been holding off on taking pictures. The last of the pieces will fall together all at once practically so... I'm hoping by Sunday, I'll have a finished doll to show off.

Just glad the weekend is finally here. I spend all week fantasizing about the extra time to finish some projects and then the time comes that I actually get to do them. It's almost magical. 

Anyway, it's back to crocheting for now. Watching paint dry, literally, is futile and not my idea of a good time, so it's best to jump over and get busy elsewhere. I should have quite a bit to do for the winter months so I'm looking forward to staying productive.

Lazy Day

Didn't sleep well last night so I'm not terribly motivated today. Got my dremel/rotary tool in the mail, as well as the silver spray paint, but while waiting for it to come, I made a belt to later glue the hip guards to. Then I just started feeling sluggish, so... it'll be a crochet in bed day.

One of the hip guards could go an extra day of drying anyway, so no big deal. Hopefully I'm up for sanding and sculpting tomorrow. Today, I'm up for yawning and coffee. A little sad that I need coffee to stay awake until bedtime, but there are much sadder truths.

So... if I do get sleep tonight, I'll probably have some progress and pics to share. I do look forward to the distinct possibility of finishing the doll in the next couple of weeks. There's still a sword to carve, pieces to paint, jewels and accents to add, before it is complete, so even two weeks might be stretching it. I don't want to rush the last few steps out of excitement for completion.

Onto crochet then!

More Stuff

Did some sanding and magnet glueing today for the breastplates on the doll project, but found a dremel tool on Amazon for only $20 so I nabbed that so I can do some finer detailing and smoothing. Also bought some metallic spray paint for when it comes time to do that too. So far so good. No big expenses at least.

Might do some detailing to the fabrics as well as start carving the sword. It's the carving that makes me the most nervous since I've never done anything like it before. The closest thing to it was carving a design in a rubber stamp and that was a little project from wood shop, you know, that class where I mostly wandered around and did etchings, if anything. Ah, those days when female students were kind of ignored... But that won't deter me these days!

Can't wait to get to a point where I can take some progress pics! I'll take pics of the rough parts of the armor sculpts tomorrow. I did the second hip guard today so it's drying. The clay I used today was wetter than my first batch, making it a pain to roll flat but much easier to mold the pieces together. Where's the happy medium? Can't have it all, I guess.

About to hop off and draw the sword on my wood pieces, so see ya!

Much to Do!

Looking forward to sanding the breastplates for the doll project today, as well as the one hip guard. I made one to test the shape and placement before committing to another. Plus I laid the doll sideways so gravity might help the drying process so only one hip was available.

Also looking forward to some writing! I've finally joined up with the draft with the added scenes so I'm reading and altering with the new information. Much will change for the better.

I'm also getting a large-ish yarn delivery today to work on some crochet projects for friends. Crafting seems to be where my head and heart are lately so I'm rolling with it. Drawing always comes back like a tsunami when it's ready so I'll look forward to that crazy muse in the future too.

For now, I'm getting ready for a nice little shift at Sports Page! I never thought I'd enjoy working in a restaurant as much as I do now, but Sports Page is a mom and pop op, so it's cozier, friendlier and easier to manage than what might go on in a corporate or franchise deal. I've worked both of those, pizza places and Subway, and neither lasted more than a couple months.

See you with more progress pics! I always look forward to sharing!

Super Clay!

I mean, I'm working with normal clay and all, but I have my doll lying in a Superman pose while the breast pieces are drying. I'm hoping the magnets will work out between the front and back and that I can get the joins to line up, but I've got them sculpted and drying at least.

I've been using my nephew's cat-free room to lay the doll for drying since my little heathens would find some way to either knock it down or get cat hair all over it... I'm sure he's glad when the weird headless doll isn't in his room though...

So I did the cuffs at least:

I may do the hip guards today but I've yet to plan that on card stock so I'll have to get to it.

I got some writing done at least too. So it's been a productive weekend. Can't say that about all of them.

More on Doll Customizing

Bit of a headache going on today, but I have more pics!

First, the pinning and gluing of the soles to disguise the seams...

Then, a shot of them finished...

I did the arm guards today as well, though they'll get a few more finishing touches as well...

Lastly, the doll is able to stand on its own still, so the soles are well balanced!

So I'm pretty happy with what I've been able to do. Hoping to work on the cuffs for the boots and arm guards as well as the breastplate tomorrow. A lot of problem solving still to be done. Might have to hit up the craft store in the next week or so, see what might be worth picking up. Silver spray paint is on the list, maybe look at some fasteners for the breastplate. I was thinking magnets but not 100% sure yet.

About to rest this headache off, maybe do some more planning. Writing is in the cards for the weekend too, so we'll see.

Omg, shoes

Yes, I did more work on the doll boots today. Today, I painted and glued the cork to the base of the feet today. There are some visible seams, which I'll probably just clean up with more glue and silver paint once this glue cures. For now:

So they're coming along well enough...

I've ordered a cutting board for my Xacto knife since I kinda sorta left a couple of gashes on my dad's kitchen table when I cut the clay for the shoulder piece. Oops. But the board is coming and I'll be laying down Saran Wrap over it to work on the breastpiece. I need to roll it pretty thin so I don't want to stretch it when I peel it up. Not too thin, just not as thick as I did for the shoulder guards. Yeah, I can sand everything down as needed, but I don't want to spend hours drying and sanding clay because I was *too* careful. I have plenty of the clay in case I need to redo anything.

Hoping to work on more doll stuff over the weekend. I'd also like to cut and sew the boot cuffs, get the boots done this weekend if possible. I don't have a plan for the hip guards yet, so that part will probably wait yet another weekend, but I might be tempted to at least try an idea or two. Once everything is all painted up in the armor department, I'd like to start bejeweling those.

The sword is what I'm least confident about. I have two blocks of wood to carve, fit and paint into what I hope resembles a fitting sword. I've never done wood carving so I might be chipping away at it for longer than the rest.

Oh! I need to do the arm bands too so that might get done when I'm doing cuffs. It will use the same fabrics I've used for the boots anyway. That covers most of it. There will also be small details like her barrette, a pouch and some buckles but I'll be planning those after the big pieces are done. Sometimes, you just have to see the big picture before the details make sense.

So this weekend: boots (with cuffs), arm guards, breastplate. A good mix of waiting for clay to dry while sewing. See how that goes and do more if there's time.

Now, this girl needs sleep. Keeping busy is tiresome work!

Project Updates

Just some more pictures to share before I snuggle off to bed. My new girl got herself a wig:

I also worked on the doll boots for Rienna today. This involved a sort of moccasin stitching on the sole. I've cut some cork to glue on the bottom later. I'll be painting the cork silver first though.

bottom view of soles

boots with sewn bottoms

I know picture quality is kinda PBBBTTTT but I'm always snapping low light pics with my tablet in my dungeon of a bedroom. When I'm more awake, I might take the time to post a tutorial on how I'm doing these boots. Not that I'm an expert, but it might help someone else brave a DIY.

Last pic is the white clay mold of the shoulder guards.

Hoping I can work on the breastplate sometime this month, but it's tough picking a day where I can work on it. Or that the cats won't mess with it...

So that's all for now! Off to bed! I'll keep everyone updated on the projects when possible.

Simple Publishing Steps for the DIY Junkie

Simple is probably a misleading word here, but I love making simplified lists at least. They make larger goals more palatable. So in the spirit of encouragement, let's just say it's entirely possible to publish a book in bite-sized steps. So here's the list to start.

• Write the book.
• Format the book.
• Design the cover.
• Determine the host of your work.
• Submit
• Do a little dance.

Time to explain the steps, and the reason I chose this order.

Write the Book

Probably seems like a no-brainer, but this one is here a bit gratuitously. While some people buy a cover first then do the book, for most writers, it's probably best to stick to writing first, then worrying about the design. There's so much about research and writing that may make what you want to change what you want out of the cover design, even how intricate or simplistic it becomes. Let the writing be the journey towards discovering the characters and worlds (or narrowing down visuals succinctly if you're going nonfiction). In my experience, confinement of visual ideas can hamper the process. Many things will want to change organically. So if you're new to the whole process, stick with writing first, then collect ideas for the rest later.

Format the Book

The main reason I don't put this before writing is because most writers will end up with two separate formats to work with: print and ebook. These will have grossly different learning curves. Ebook users often want the flexibility of choosing their font so it's best to stick to bolds and italics to alter the font style while you may want to be more playful with print fonts. In my experience, this step often encompasses a chunk of time AFTER coming up with that final draft. I've already done a blog post on the specifics, so if you're interested in it, hit my tags for formatting and dig around. It's a long process to learn from scratch but oddly simple once you've been taught what to look for. I do almost everything the hard way because lessons have to be beaten into me to stick sometimes.

Design the Cover

Assuming the writing part is mostly over, a book cover has another checklist to consider. It's best NOT to find the image first, but to place the title, author name on the front, back matter and UPC block on the back and consider the spine. I've also gone into templates and book cover design at length so look for those tags if you're interested. For the sake of simplicity, let's just say that choosing images can be an easy process. It can be just a textured background or solid. The image or images can be resized, but dear gods, don't stretch them. Try to work in harmony with font choices and mostly avoid clashing colors unless it has some immediate relevance. Remember, you'll want your choices to be recognizable in thumbnail sizes.

Determine the Host of Your Work

By this, I mean that you should choose your host wisely. Avoid vanity presses that ask you to pay anything to publish. No respectable method will require this. Self-publishing can be free and traditional publishing as well. The only time you ought to pay is if there's a step you absolutely can't do and need to pay an artist or editor. Do the creative and copy communities a favor and avoid sites where people let you underbid on their work. While you can get a decent cover for $5, you wouldn't want your own work to be underpriced so don't do it to another professional. If someone does a stellar job, offer to pay them fairly. Rock bottom prices are for rock bottom work.

Whoops, I'm rambling off, but what I mean by finding a host: Amazon, Smashwords, Draft 2 Digital, etc. these are free hosts for both print and ebook possibilities. I personally use Amazon and Draft 2 Digital for print and distribution options. Once you determine your host, they may have some formatting or design standards to consider. This one actually *could* be a first step, or at least before formatting and design. But I put it here because I often do things the hard way and this is where I would give myself extra work. I really hope you read lists all the way through for that reason. I stick to my stubborn love of difficulty...

Publish Your Book

Assuming you've passed the system checks on your chosen host, this one is just a waiting game. No matter what kind of file I've used, it can take about 15 minutes to upload a manuscript into a server. Every. Time. You. Need. To. Fix. Something. So, if this is your first ride, you may be tweaking things for hours to make a system happy. Precisely why I wrote more in-depth posts about formatting and design in the past. I can definitely help make the process less painful there. So, when you're ready, make sure you're checking those proofs. Some mistakes will pass a proof so flip through and be sure it looks right.

Do a Little Dance

Assuming you've made it through the process and hit that Publish button and put it to market, take some time to celebrate. You've done something that takes a lot of discipline. Well, unless you're a half-assing douche that took a word shit on a few pages and pretended to be an author. For most writers though, a book is a serious and involving process and you deserve to take a moment to celebrate. Do that. With all you've got. Some of us forget to do that and it shows.

So hopefully this leads you on a simple path to accomplishing a big deal event. No matter how you choose to do this; marketing, sewing people's eyelids open, threats--get people reading! Spread your enthusiasm for your work and don't get discouraged. Anyone can be a writer so that part isn't that impressive. If you want to be a great writer, believe in your work and get some momentum.

Keep it going!

More Doing, Less Not Doing

I know when people read my blogs, they'd rather SEE what I'm up to than just hear me talk about it. So let's start with my finished Simon Belmont!

Simon, Simon, bo Simon, fa-nana-nana-fo Fimon, mi my mo Mimon...

YAY!

I don't yet have a picture of Rienna's shoulder guards just yet, but I sculpted those this morning just to see how they turn out. I used a white air-dry modeling clay I found on Amazon for this 'trial'--which they are always 'trials' until they turn out well enough to be 'final'-- so after I give that time to dry, I'll sand it, possibly glue things that fall off (hopefully not) and then paint it to see how it goes. It's my hope that this one will work out since figuring out oven bake will be a bit of a pain. I can't exactly bake my doll so I'd probably have to attempt using foil to hold the shape... Eh, so GO, AIR-DRY! YOU CAN DO EET!

I'm about to jump over to writing for a bit, but I hopped over here to share some progress at least. You should probably go back to something else too. Even if it's just napping. Take care of yourselves, peeps!

Finishing Things

Three day weekend, woot, woot!

I had to start off by saying that. Hella busy week at the restaurant so I am more than happy for a break. And some good news! I got this blanket done:

TA-DAAAAA!

As well as receiving my latest doll in the mail.

The tan lady on the right

She's actually the last one I plan on getting for a while until I actually finish up the others. I still have to learn to use my airbrush machine and plan for some sculpting for some of the other parts of projects-- a Nendoroid's ears and feet, Rienna's armor, whatever else. I feel like I'm mentally lazy with that list right now. I have several different types of clay though that are meant for quite a few projects and I'm not entirely sure how far I was going with that anyway.

In any case, my new doll, I actually bought the face-up, clothes and wig for so that's not a custom job. I really just wanted a finished doll to gawk at and maybe inspire me to finish the others. Especially since my two boys would be the easiest to go ahead and finish. It's the girls that will take me a while.

'Specially with Rienna always under construction...

I'm also crocheting a Simon Belmont for my friend Joe. Crocheting is one of those nice in-betweeners these days while I sort out the rest.

Beefy baby-man in progress

And yes, writing was done. The only thing I'm neglecting these days is drawing, but I'll get back to that in my own time. The writing is going well enough... even though I feel like I'm being kind of mentally lazy with that too. It's not really a cardinal sin for a first draft to be kinda lazy though. I'll be able to dress it up in edits as long as I can make it at least partially coherent.

So tomorrow, more crochet and whatever else. You know me by now; enjoying the random. Letting the impulses lead since my muse is an asshole mostly. I'll see if she feels like playing tomorrow. Or not. I can manage.

When the weather is nice again, I'm hoping my dolls will be ready for some photo shoots. So I guess I better get cracking on them before spring springs up! But to be honest, this cold weather is ripe for writing. And drawing, if I feel like it.

Seriously, I sound like the world's worst procrastinator, but we all know that's... not really like me at all. I don't have clear intent for plans in the first place.

And that's probably the secret to happiness. Eschew expectation, comparison, and if you have nothing planned, you can't procrastinate! Sounds good to me.

All in all, I have to say I do love finishing things. It's not often that I get to say that because I rarely choose small projects. Everything has small steps and progress, but sometimes I like to save things for a big reveal. Other times, I just have to show anything at all. If only because I love to share.

Tagging Laziness

I know I'm being lazy about tagging my posts lately, but the whole thing with picking keywords so I can find something later, well, it doesn't really apply to what I've been writing lately. I don't really expect many people are reading these. If I did pick up popularity, there's a chance I'll end up using a different official host or scouring through to weed out the more informative or important posts. Because I realize I do babble quite a bit and not everything is useful. I'm just not THAT precious with everything I write.

So this week is the week I hope to get my little writing laptop. Just like with drawing, I always feel like there's something instantly motivational in a new tool. I've got my eye on a purple HP Stream and should be able to get it midweek. Supposed to be getting my haircut and I have a Perkins PJ date to attend this week too, so I'm excited to get through this week.

There's a good topic in there worth writing about but a precarious one I want to take my time with. Since leaving people hanging is a shitty thing to do, let's just say this much: my mom started dating my dad when she was pregnant with me. My biological father has two other daughters. I live with the Dad who raised me, my brother, sister and nephews. It's complicated, and not in the generic social media claim kind of way, but there are details about it that I do intend to share, but with as much care as possible. There are two families that I don't want to hurt by being careless. I love my Dad for always treating me like his own blood. If anything, he is the person that taught me family is not about blood at all, but about the love, trust, and respect you bring.

But because it's a very hard topic, it's one I'm not prepared to just spill out in a quick blog post. I want to give it some thought, separate facts from feelings to be fair, but also validate my feelings, since you shouldn't pretend feelings don't exist in decisions. It will happen, but it takes a lot out of me and I need my energy for work today!

I do want to talk about my crazy cats. Namely Seven this time since she's my adorable little basketcase lately. She loves to massage my stomach and when she does, she always does this weird hag-like hunch with her back. Well, lately, she has taken to walking backwards up my arm and digging her claws in. It doesn't last long (and hurts like hell), but she'll circle around when he stops. This is where I have to pet her or she'll nip me with her teeth a little and do this pissed off meow.

Honestly, I don't know how I always get such weird cats. She-Ra is completely insane when she's in heat, but hopefully, getting fixed will solve that. Because of the weather being unseasonably warm, the both of them keep going into heat and can't get fixed until they stop. And yes, they do tend to mark when they're in heat so I don't enjoy cleaning up after their happy pee time.

Okay, I'm done for now. I thought I wanted to type more, but I really just want to drink coffee and sit here with a deeply pondering look on my face. So, I'll be back when the mood strikes again. Maybe with something useful, maybe with something useless, but either way, I like having a little place to kill time. Peace!

Do Over!

I'm always in the habit of redoing done things. I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist since those are the sort of people never satisfied because 'perfect' is too subjective to reach. Instead, I'm more of a tweaker, though not of the addiction variety. Although, is it far from an addiction? Probably not. Only less self-harm and no chemical degradation. Caffeine is just a bonus but I've gone without it...

Of course, I think about my current series. How could I not, as it still unfolds and needs so much interweaving as I bring it together? But, though my first series is done, I revisit the idea of 'alternative covers'; not because I intend to change them, but because I like to visualize yet another scene to immortalize in drawing. I see Rienna meeting SeaStar for the first time, a girl terrified she is drowning until she's eye to eye with a mystical being with unfathomable beauty that strikes instant and visceral curiosity. I see Rienna at the literal end of her rope, being pulled towards the playful warrior who is stealing her heart. I see meetings and endings, people and creatures sniffing each other out and villains revealing their vulnerabilities. You want to feel sorry for them but they do such stupid things to compensate for the corners they paint themselves in.

Even if people never take the time to read my words, I want to show the visual set still. I think about picking up drawing again. I've barely touched my drawing tablets in the past few months. I've been working, paying bills, stealing moments to write or craft, but drawing went neglected. I've listened to music and whenever I do, I start to paint in my head pictures I might do or simply let them be enjoyed and be lost in those moments. 

This is the romance I'll have with my passions for the rest of my life. I know there is very little than can sway me from finding those things and trying to bring them to a medium they can be shared in. To take what is made, in some form, and make it again, to realize it as something else. I can see the obscure characters taking spotlights and becoming the stars before they are content to burn low, bathe in the afterglow of their adventures. Still, I see them gathered by fires, telling others, even using different names to disguise that they are talking about themselves.

Yes, there are plenty of new ideas, ideas I haven't released yet but slowly find their way into stories and pictures. There are days when dreams become substance and substance becomes possibility. There are days when I doubt I've done something well, but then I actually pick up what I've done, look at it again, and fall in love once more. Not just experiencing pride for what I've done, but experiencing some things for the first time, things that fell away from my memory and get to be experienced differently.

Once my job at Sports Page is done, there will be a confusing period where I realize just how big the list is. This is where I'll need to refile my priorities before I can get to chipping away at all that was started and is in various stages of being finished. There will be two young girls who reassemble our broken world. There will be a detective in an underwater city, trying to find the mysterious causes of deaths in a city that was designed to be a flawless utopia. There will be an UnQuadrilogy where a fantasy world must find the long buried mystery of Four Gods. There will be a comic about a childhood psychologist and the alien that falls into her life. There are years and struggles ahead, to be filled with frustration and fantasy, but for now, there are things to be done to secure those years for the work needing to be done. Supplies to be stocked, equipment to be bought, days to be worked.

And unlike the march of time, there is no doing-over, so what must be done is to live a life that will leave me with no regrets. I don't worry about an afterlife, but I don't want to stop at any one point in my life and think 'I should've done that.' No, I plan this day and every other for what I can accomplish to never see that day.

That is a life I aspire to fulfill.

I Am Not A Sculptor

I would love to be great at working with clay. And paint for that matter. But there's something about the messiness of it that makes it very difficult to want to work with it at all. In my head, I always feel like it's something that will go smoothly, but when I start to do them, it all goes to hell.

I was working on the soles of shoes, which I cut from this weird plasticine clay, that I've discovered only dries about an 1/8" deep and then refuses to dry. So I cut a sole shape and thinned it out so it could dry more and I'll try again later. Wheeeeee, isn't that fun? Nope, but I'm still determined to make it work somehow.

Look, I was this way with the Pen Tool in Illustrator. Hated it. Wanted to do everything freehand, damn those spectacular greeting-card-worthy, smooth lines. But I had a teacher that insisted we learn how to use it. To pay him back, I made my project, this rainbow vomit ad that hurt the eyes looking at it. But I also went on to make some electronic-paper-dolls using the Pen Tool and somewhere along the way, I fell in love with it. Yet I'll never forget how much I despised it at first. Because that feeling is what I need when I try something new that I swear I hate. I have to remember that someday I can fall in love with it, if I keep at it.

So it's down to that and YouTube because I have no good got-damn how to put together some doll boots. If the clay soles don't work out passably, I do have cork I can try to shape and paint. I wish someone made these boots, but they're specific to a design and I haven't the fundage to pay an artist what they deserve to put up with making them for me. So, I learn to do things myself and hope for the best. Being creatively diverse, a lot of people expect I can do a lot of things I can't really do that well. "If you can do that, you'll LOVE this!" but no. Sometimes, we're not particularly good at everything and just happen to work at something enough to be lucky in making something passable.

I'm reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Good book, hard to put down. lol Okay, no, it isn't hard to put down. Nothing is hard for me to put down. It's harder to pick things back up, no matter how much I think I want to. I'm a crap starter so I try to finish as much as I can in one sitting because it's hard to motivate myself again.

As for writing, I wrote about 4K words today. I know I said I wasn't doing word count, just time spent writing, but I had to miss a few days writing to prep for my nephew's birthday and it just so happens I started a brand new chapter so everything in the word count bar for that scene was from today. Makes it easier to figure word count when it's staring at you. I didn't set out to write that much and it's not exactly ground-breaking writing, but I certainly didn't expect to do so much after being so exhausted and distracted. This is why expectations are a really crappy gauge for actuality.

Well, I guess I should hop off. Try to edit a screenplay and finish this book. I'll do one or the other or both and whatever doesn't get done waits another day. Saving up for a writing computer this week to make things a little easier. Love my iMac but I don't have the patience to let it load shit like I do when I'm drawing or other more intensive things. Kinda just want to open a nice little laptop and get going. It's gonna be a cheapie one, an HP Stream, but it'll do the job. Mostly, I'm running my shit through cloud storage anyway so it won't need any impressive features. The only thing I aim to put on it is Scrivener anyway.

Anyways, peace out. Hoping this week goes great. Get me a haircut, a computer and go out for lunch one day. Keeping it humble.

Skip Days

Being prolific, no matter if you have one focus or many, is something I learned to let go of; mainly because taking care of yourself as a human often means adjusting to the moments you're given. You could be a prolific writer, but you could also end up a miserable alcoholic. Or a happy one. Not judging but that part isn't often the reality, just the excuse for the addiction.

And anything can end up becoming an obsession that goes awry. It always starts off innocent, even self-medication. It doesn't really hit home the lengths and sacrifices you go to in order to maintain an obsession, but then the vices start creeping in. Even things that seem healthy for you like exercise can become an obsession into anorexia or reckless bodybuilding. When you start measuring life by the way you need to feed an obsession, the best thing you can have is a spotter. That person who sees you interacting (or avoiding) and can say, hey, there's a chance you're crossing a line. If you're pushing this hard every day, you could burn out so maybe tomorrow should be a day to focus on self-care.

That's where I believe the self-care movement is healthy. It's not meant to be a parade of fuck-yous and Imma-do-mes endlessly. It's meant to be an aha moment either for when you're letting life bulldoze you or maybe you're the bulldozer. Self-care is a conscious act of adjusting away from extremes and reflecting on your journey. Obsessions, by definition, are not totally in your control so you need to check how much it's actually sabotaging your intent and well-being.

These are important to me personally as well. I'm not just here to lecture like some guru on a wisdom high. I easily develop obsessions and depressions based on pushing myself beyond mental or physical means. What I do have are people in my life that help me dial it down. They help me look at my accomplishments and take days off to socialize and walk a little more. It doesn't have to be grand. The best support groups understand you do need to work hard and fail sometimes. They are simply there to rein the wild horses back in.

Don't be afraid of rest days. Even in succession. There are times when the burnout could take weeks to recover from if you didn't listen to your support system. It's even okay to beat yourself up a little for being stubborn. Just don't quit. Stepping away from your passions isn't the same as giving up. Sometimes you just need to long for it again. Sometimes you just beat it into work and it needs to be something playful again. Don't worry about the people that never seem to burn out. It's not going to happen to everyone. It's not a total failure if it happens to you though. It may just mean your needs are more diverse and aren't being met in one area. Use it as a time to explore a hobby. Try diamond painting or sculpting or wood carving or mountain climbing. Whatever you think you're interested in, there may yet be a secret passion in you yet.

Keep up the lifelong search for yourself!

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

And Other Shit Rich Cunts Say When They Dissolve Your Trust Fund. But that's a long headline, no?

Here's some back story. I knew something was up when I found out my aunt had talked my grandma into a joint bank account. Mash up assets and all that. What's one of the ways a trust fund can be dissolved? A quick Google search will tell you outstanding medical bills. So, with her entire millions of dollars' fortune (and I know my grandmother's SMALLEST bank account contained $15 million, btw) tied up with my aunt's and no way to distinguish any of it was my grandmother's... VOILA! Dissolved trust approved.

Now, I wasn't slated to received millions. Actually, a modest but life-changing $20K. I could've gotten my teeth fixed, my future convention booths stocked, my equipment upgraded. 

I know; don't cry over spilled milk. But I hope an elephant sits on the bitch and crushes her.

It makes sense now when my mom told me that my grandma in her last moments, delirious and desperate, kept repeating that she was going to Hell. No one in my family is particularly religious, but her father was a preacher, so I can imagine she had some residual beliefs. Yes, grandma, if there is a Hell, you'll probably be there. If souls have any transcendence or punishment, karma isn't looking good for you. But unlike you, my aunt has no guilt. Only pure entitlement to all the money you squandered in your life.

It's simply something worth venting about but all the more motivation to make it big. Let the bitch try to share a spotlight with me in those moments I make a mark and I'll have her ass kicked out.

Because throughout a life of being the dirty family secret, my mom's love child, I've learned to be sweet and caring, but guarded and vigilant. I've learned that family can be the coldest blooded and that friends can be the family that warms your heart.

My aunt dicked us out of a better spot in life. Not in class or any such societal bullshit, just a chance to fix everyday inconveniences and expedite some dreams.

I don't want this to be only a negative post, but I don't often dig very deep, so I'm feeling generous enough to give a torn piece of myself.

However, I've been working on my dolls. New cape, boot soles made of clay and hardening to be cut later, shoulder wedge built to sculpt the shoulder guards. Writing is coming along. Love me or hate me, I'm feeling my groove again. I'm excited to have found a cheap cube organizer set to organize my craft, writing, and creative stuff better so I'm not always digging in the four corners of my room. You'd be impressed by the game of Tetris this girls works in, but I've always been resilient and resourceful.

Securing a better life for my nephews has always been a priority. I've said before; those boys saved my life and renewed my purpose just by being born into this world. There is no way in hell I'm squandering my life when I have them looking up to me to guide them. They're so smart and sweet and talented and bright-eyed, and it fills me with pride that I am responsible for such wonderful human beings. Sure, I can take credit for how they are turning out, but I think we're all born with something that guides the people we become and I could never take all the credit. They have worked hard to be amazing young people too.

Don't sweat the small stuff, they say. What's difficult is sorting the small from the big piles of shit. From sorting out those who love you and those who just love to torment you. In the end, you must find that guide within and reach for what YOU think is most important in life.

And I hope the stuff that moves you doesn't harm anyone else and helps you and those around you grow and change the world for the better. Be the better person... but maybe don't think you are.

Comparisons don't do you much good. Just be better than who you were yesterday and don't worry about where you rank. Let the ones who inspire you lead you up and the ones who detract you fall behind.

Love, peace and chicken grease!