Big Changes Ahead!

 With the creative stagnancy has come a more fortuitous life event...

My family is currently negotiating a contract for a new home! We’ve already put in our bid, but it is pending prior to an appraisal and inspection. Provided these are all negotiated well, it should be final in about a month.

Last week, we started by trying to arrange showings for our top picks. Unfortunately, while waiting for the realtor at our first showing, we already weren’t too thrilled about the work we’d need to do on the outside. The realtor was running late and we ended up calling to cancel it. This wasn’t the house for us.

Within a day, all of our other showings (7-8 other houses) were snatched off the market and cancelled by the realtors. So, change of plans. Instead of arranging showings, we made up another list of potential houses and decided to just drive out to look at the outside, see if we even wanted that before arranging any more tours.

So we picked 6-7 more for a drive-by visit! We drove about 4 hours that day and weren’t really thrilled about any of them on closer inspection. Some needed too much work, some just didn’t have enough property or privacy. It was a bust, but we got home, lined up another 6-7 to look at (I apologize that this is so non-specific, but I truly lost count).

This time, it was 5 hours of driving. I packed some granola bars and brought along some coffee for this one. The first two houses, we absolutely loved. The ones after just didn’t compare. So we called up the realtor and asked if we could look at those two. This is how we met Amy Broermann. She was the most attentive realtor we’d spoken to yet, immediately disclosing the possible issues with both. The issues with the second house on the hill were worrisome, possible foundation slippage, which would be a HUGE costly fix if confirmed. Since it wasn’t our number one choice, we asked to take a tour of the first one. Major repairs had already been addressed and fixed and the minor ones, some possible electric and water issues, would be covered by the seller. So far so good...

And so we got to this house early and spent some time drooling over the outside, getting more excited as we got a closer look. This was our first meeting with Amy and she was not only from the area we were coming from, but she was really friendly and disclosed everything through the tour, asked us to check windows and lights and poke and prod at everything. 

To be honest, it has a really odd layout. Two bathrooms but all of them are off of bedrooms, no ‘guest bathroom’ off of the main rooms. Again, not a deal breaker just odd. It’s listed as a three bedroom, but we could easily make a fourth out of the room listed as a study. There is a sizable main room and a big kitchen/dining area with a small laundry room and the first garage off of it.

I say ‘first garage’ because the SECOND building was listed as a garage/rec room...

Which would be perfect for my Dad! The upper rec room is actually substantial enough to be a two room suite and the garage area could fit two cars... with a THIRD smaller storage room that could also house a car. Even though there is no bathroom in this building, it is possible to covert the storage room into both a small bathroom and a modest extra bedroom.

Although my nephews would have to share a room at first, we have plans to do just that, work on extra rooms, continuously making this home more accommodating to a big multigenerational family.

It’s still in negotiation, but we’ve all been learning and researching to make the transition, knowing that even if this deal doesn’t work out, we’ll reach our goal eventually. I have great faith that Amy will be able to find us the right home, regardless. We’re preparing for how we’ll get around town, get everyone to school or work, what we need to do to take care of utilities, and so on.

It will be a stressful but exciting process. We’ll likely all be bipolar on highs and lows as we maneuver these transitions.

Still, I have high hopes that this will be the new start that we need. I am hoping a bit of hard labor and nesting might interest my muse for a return. Amy has already soothed a lot of the unknown stress of the process, a true professional that knows her work and is great at explaining to all of us in simple terms what all we need to know and consider.

I truly look forward to being able to say we have a new home. I truly look forward to the work we’ll do to make it our own. I really feel like our family is bonding through this, that we appreciate each others contributions and each other.

I am hoping to return to blog again, saying we’ve got the home and are beginning the work. I may not be inclined to blog often, but I am hoping to take lots of photos of the process and post some substantial news  when possible.

Until then, wish us luck!

*Ive purposely left out addresses and locations for privacy reasons. In respect to the sellers and realtors, etc. some names are withheld as well. I may offer some of the house’s history later, but again, I’m aiming for some discretion. I have no intention of disclosing information that could damage interest in any homes prior to discussing these issues with the realtor, who will be more knowledgeable on their severity. I only mention Amy because I have to highly recommend her to others. This is encouraged by her personally and I am more than happy to recommend her!

PSA: Overthinking Does NOT Make You Smart!

This will be short and sweet, after reading a post that overthinkers can’t be fooled because they fill in all the holes until the story makes sense.

With bullshit, my friends. When you OVERthink, you are not saying you are fully researching all sides or considering the weight of facts. It only tells me that when there isn’t an answer, you’ll panic and grasp at straws.

No reason or logic comes out of racing thoughts. Hell, sometimes you’re not even resolving feelings that way. The very essence of overthinking isn’t the careful resolution of issues and problems. It’s spinning out of control and landing in the mess exhausted but not wiser.

Only once you’re able to both realize your feelings and dig through very uncomfortable facts are you mastering your thoughts into something productive. Intelligence is not about the sheer volume of thought. It is about carefully sorting through facts, and feelings, and developing sustainable logic. Intelligence is also useless without compassion. If you can’t bring yourself to think beyond your own needs and desires, to feel hate or blame, you have not fully resolved to a whole solution. Even the most eccentric, isolated and single-focused geniuses have centered their efforts for the good of mankind.

And in some cases, have been horrified by the abuse of their inventions.

So if you are 100% sure your ‘story’ is flawless, the truth is, you have filled in a lot of cracks with whatever floats around in your incomplete mind. Many conspiracies come right out of the possibilities explored in sci-fi, with technology wrought of pure fantasy, that isn’t even a little possible with our knowledge or ability. Belief doesn’t equal fact. There are always multiple sides to arriving at intelligent conclusions. Being unsure is a healthy sign you aren’t just making shit up.

Overthinking? Just isn’t smart. It’s a sign of irrational distress, not intelligence. It’s like being stuck in fight or flight, with zero action. It’s playing roulette with no ball. Again, you aren’t resolving anything, just stroking your own ego. Intelligence always leaves room for new information where there is none.

What a Difference a Day Makes!

My mind has weighed heavy with a lot of thoughts over the past few months and they’ve been heavier than ever in the past month alone. Yet today, the weather is absolutely perfect and it’s done something quite miraculous to my moods. I woke up feeling refreshed in a way I haven’t in a long time. I almost forgot it’s possible to feel this way. So I started my day cleaning and the peace has only extended.

I don’t expect it to stick around so it’s a feeling I must take advantage of. Experience tells me to nest, to make the space around me clean and organized, that such a simple thing can keep the peace going longer. It’s not guaranteed, but it’s well worth the effort to give my peace a chance to continue.

I’m at a place where I’m pretty damn content with what I have so now is a time to just wander around, pick things up, dust them if needed, and keep them looking appreciated. It’s quite surreal, having saved money while buying things I want and need. I’ve never quite had a job that let me do that and if I did make good money, I rarely had the time to appreciate what I could get with it. I’ve gotten a taste for what it’s like to have a living wage, although I’d like an actual job to fill my time too... but that’s a whole other line of thought I’m unwilling to pick my brain with at the moment.

So I guess this will be a short post. Just one I’m allowing myself on a good day. To set a reminder that good days do happen and we should always embrace them, feed them positive thoughts and believe we deserve them as well. Especially in times where down days seem to be more frequent. Let good days be a lifeline to self-preservation!

On Hiatus?

A friend of mine put up a tweet that after months of not writing, they might be ‘done’ with writing...

It gave me pause for reflection, especially since I’ve been struggling for the past year on what my own efforts ‘mean’... but do they mean anything that permanent?

No. I don’t use words like burn-out or writer’s block or labels that speak to negative OR positive threads of commitment these days. We’re all adjusting to a new and uncomfortable normal and I think it’s been a significant part of my all-around health to stop demanding an extreme assignment for my actions.

Then again, I’ve always been that way, in a sense. I’ve never found it helpful to compound my issues with labels. I’ve never found them particularly helpful to any kind of success. There are many ‘experts’ that might say it’s a form of denial not to call it what it is, but we have so many people these days especially that are so quick to label what they see as the problem rather than put anything worthwhile to the constant but not obsessive analysis that things actually need and deserve.

At this point, it can simply be okay to be unsure. While it’s been a bit torturous to leave my second series suspended, I do have copious notes for how I would like to continue and even complete the books, so I haven’t been willing to say I am done. I didn’t start serial writing with the intent to keep myself chained to the work until it’s finished in a timely manner. In fact, many very popular and known series have suffered years of delays and likely for the same issues I’m having. My heart and motivation just isn’t firmly planted in the world I created, not like it should be. Some authors might actually admit mental health issues being an underlying cause, some might actually have written themselves into a deep hole that requires constant immersion to keep up with the many plots and they’ve only got a shallow foothold in it amidst current distractions.

Either way, it’s okay to admit we’re not machines, solely devoted to our arts. Sometimes they just aren’t an escape or a motivation or where we need to be right now. Sometimes we need larger chunks of time to be what we need to be for a project. It’s plenty a torment for us creatives to admit that since we know full well that time isn’t guaranteed. We want that finish something fierce once we’ve tasted it, but we also want that passion and focus that made those projects something worthy to put our names on. This is probably especially true when you’re relatively unknown, when putting out half-assed garbage might stigmatize the quality of your work.

And again, I’m mostly just playing video games to while away the time. I haven’t been able to focus much on reading either. I’ve been playing remakes of the original Dragon Quest games which I can easily say were an early inspiration for my own ideas. I’m not exactly playing them to get inspired to work again, just trying to remember basic appreciation for where I’m coming from.

I truly don’t know if/when I’ll find my muse again. It’s a time to feel weak and vulnerable because I’m admitting I’m not ‘something’ enough to pursue my dream work. A big ‘something’ is missing but I’ve consciously tried and failed what I know and nothing takes. My days feel focused on basic hygiene, housework, humility and kindness, both to myself and to those around me. It’s simplistic and unchallenging, or rather it should be, but it feels daunting.

At the same time, I do feel strangely empowered. To be able to admit that I am actively in search of myself isn’t easy. It’s always been socially acceptable to only talk about how motivated and in control we are. But if you are in a state of doubt and adrift, it’s not quite failure, as long as you are honest with yourself. It’s possible to even be proud of at least the admittance of flaws, of a hitch in the efficiency of plans, to admit that you’re reduced to a creature of basic function, as long as you’re not wasting time in a state of self-pity and misery. If you’re reflecting, using the time to get to know yourself better, there is simply no point in worrying you can never find your way back to a more ideal state of being.

So if you feel you need to walk away from your dreams, don’t lament it as permanent. Find a way to be accepting of your need to explore some other facets of your life for a while. Come back to it when you’re hungry for it. As long as you live, there is always opportunity to pick it up. Regrets have no place in a life still full of potential. Don’t wish at age 60 for what you didn’t do at age 30. If there’s a will, there’s a way.

Sure, some dreams are very grounded in youth, but perhaps if you couldn’t be the Olympian, you could still become the coach or the guru, to go as far as you can physically go for yourself. Some dreams are simply far too specific and deny the dreamer the fulfillment of the journey. If your dream is simply a lofty end goal, perhaps it is time to condense it, to extract its most worthwhile parts, then expand it into something attainable again. Give maturity to immature dreams and you’ll never cater to regret.