Doll Progress and Stuff

 Trying to write headers when you just want to dump your thoughts a bit… ugh. Just ugh. I never seem to have just a single (or two) topic to write about these days, which is why I miss my old writing and drawing marathons. Although I couldn’t really talk about the pieces themselves, they seemed to inspire me into a tutorial phase or some more focused thoughts.

But for today, I can at least say I feel satisfied. I did some normal things like wake up in the morning and eat meals at semi-normal times. Although I did pick the hottest part of the day to go on a walk in the park, I came back, cleaned up and actually worked on one of my dolls.

This time, I carefully glued 8, um… eye-shaped jewels onto the gold trim around her waist. Lol pointed on the opposite ends, curved to meet them. There is likely a fancier word for them but looking it up to use it would likely send other people into doing the same. I’m still going to look it up later because I’m insanely curious.

Once I did the jewels on the trim, I had some appliqués that I wasn’t quite sure where I wanted them but I held them up along the sides of her pants and they look terrific there. So I used a paintbrush to apply some E6000 glue to the backs of the appliqués. Leaving the pants on the doll and her on a stand, I carefully pressed them to the clothing, making sure it wasn’t soaking through and glueing to the leg. The glue is kind of gummy at this point so probably the perfect stage to avoid that. I’m sure there are areas that will need to be touched up, but I was as thorough as I could be on the edges and the thickest parts of the embroidery. I was going to edge the bottom of the pants with trim and jewels too, but I want to wire some tallish, like half-calf height, anklets so it will overlap that area. So next on her will be decorating the anklets, shoes and touching up the appliqués.

As for the male doll, Maxim, the next step is shaping the EVA foam with a heat gun for his armor pieces. Once those are cooled, I can glue and trim the fabric and start thinking about where I want the rivets and grommets to be. I may do a foam sword for him, but I’m thinking that over. I’d have to design that in layers carefully. I’d like to research real and fantasy swords designs to find something that suits him.

But this is a sort of day I’d like to make more habitual. To do self-care on all levels, mental, physical, emotional, and integrate time for creativity (which also hits some of those levels but also fulfills my need for productivity and meeting goals); this has always been my aim. It’s probably not realistic to frame every day in this ideal way, but that is why I say it’s my aim and not being firm about controlling it.

Being healthy is still a struggle. I’ve been sticking to a reasonable diet, exercise and vitamin habit. I still struggle for energy and stamina but there are marked improvements. Sometimes I just notice a muscle is more prominent in movement, or there’s a little less skin to pinch. I can engage my core better which is always impossible when starting out ( and exercise gurus are really frustrating about not knowing that…)

It’s hard to suck in your gut, let alone tighten ab muscles long out of use. You can’t really ‘feel’ those lats and obliques and abs like they say you can until you’ve gained some strength with the exercises. It all feels pretty gross and vulnerable at first, like everything is slopping around and reluctant to accept it. I don’t just mean that to be the realization of any fat I’m pushing around, but more the limitation in mobility and strength and flexibility.  For one, I’ve always had big thighs and I can try all I like, but my ass will not physically touch my ankle… on my left side. Or I notice I have better balance on one side. It’s not always the dominant side that is more flexible or strong either. The only exercise videos I’ve ever done where the instructor addresses this at all is Tony Horton. I love his videos just because he’ll take time in those long sets to actually explain milestones and unique differences. And once you know to look for them and not be so fixated on the scale or tape measure, you start to relax a bit more and appreciate how you move. Even with yoga, you learn proper form of course, but you start to pay attention and learn which muscles link to others, how to stretch, flex or relax to go deeper into that posture.

I’ve always loved how Terry Crewes would show off his muscle knowledge playfully; you could really admire the knowledge that goes into knowing your muscles that well. And from experience, I can say it feels freaking amazing to start moving every little muscle with real command.

I know for this to be different from last time, to be sustainable, I can’t let it become an obsession. Same with creativity. I will need to set limits and bring each facet of myself into every day as possible. It can’t become a crippling chore. Some days I will be okay with vigorous exercise and rest. Some recovery days will be light exercise and creative marathons. Yet the aim will be days where I’m sampling each in moderation. Being a little militant when I’m indulging too much or a lot more forgiving when I’ve been pushing too relentlessly.

Sometimes I’ll just want to share my progress with all the bits. A focused blog would be nice at some point, but being in a precarious and vulnerable place of change means I’m not in a place to really adhere to that.

Right now, I’m blogging to spare some of my friends and social media the long winded diatribes. Nobody needs that. I can save it for all five people who read this somehow.

Whoever you are, muah! Thanks for the silent support!