Not a Fan of Summer

I used to be a fan of summer. It's impossible to say for certain when I went from a summer person to a fall/winter. My skin stopped tanning and started breaking out in rashes. Bikinis made me hiss in revulsion. Shaving became more trouble than it's worth. Fall and winter became fluffy blankets, curling up in hoodies, hot drinks, crochet, the smell of leaves and their changing colors, writing and untouched blankets of early morning glittering snow...

I could run the comparison charts, PowerPoint the fuck out of it, but there's one grand reason this summer stinks and it's not the nuisance of fireworks.

Hot. Summer. Garbage.

I love morning walks, the coolest time to fit them in, but it's still no reprieve from Wednesdays in the summer. Stubbornly, I dodge garbage cans, holding my breath or living dangerously by breathing shallow. I wish Rumpke had a summer bleach spray service because it can be vomit-inducing.

Sunglasses are foggy sweat goggles already but it has still crossed my mind to hang a wicker basket full of potpourri across my face like a horse's muzzle. Would Vick's VapoRub do any good or would I stilll be immersed in the smell of week old diapers and beer enemas with a mentholated twist?

Rest assured, it's not for love of candy corn, pumpkin spice lattes or hayrides. I love just hunkering down under blankets and settling down into low maintenance hygiene. No painting toes for sandalwear, no shaving legs. It also takes well below freezing weather for me to even need the heater so I don't have to hear something running constantly to avoid sleeping in a puddle of sweat. It's not even the holidays or the weather itself. Too many grey days can make me gloomy too. Still, garbage does not transform into silent olfactory assassins. 

That counts for everything.

Cincinnati doesn't see a lot of mild weather like it used to. We get a lot of summer-winters over the years. Mild weather is actually ideal. However, when we hypothetically have to choose between hot and cold, we laugh bitterly first... Then tend to have a PowerPoint ready with a clearly chosen side.