Wednesday, December 12, 2018

12th Day of Christmas

Call it what you will-- lazy, strange, callous, but here on this 12th day of December,  it only just now occurred to me to wonder when the 12 days of Christmas actually are. When does it start and end? Wait, no, even though I wondered in blog form, I'm still not as curious as I pretend to be. Christmas, as the name insists, is a Christian concept glued on top of Yule and Saturnalia, pagan concepts, in some uncomfortable and transparent effort to kill off that which the terminally offended don't care to understand either.

Aw, now I kind of painted myself into this one, didn't I? Unless I'm being self-unaware, then I have to either follow through or just persist in my ignorance, albeit a harmless one.

What I find stranger is that, even though I kind of fancied myself a willing Christian (not inherited from insistent family), it is one of those oddball things that never came up. It's a really common thing, for widespread songs or sayings to be oft repeated with no actual idea of what they actually mean. Knowing that this mindset is one of the reasons religion can be so dangerous, it's also in my best interest to remedy that.

Unfortunately, unless I have some profound insight to add to a Wikipedia entry I copy-pasted, then persisting in this line of thought is just tedious. So here's the short and sweet.

The Twelvetide starts on December 25 and ends January 5. If I play my cards right, I'll make off with 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 lords a-leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a-milking, 7 swans a-swimming, 6 geese a-laying, FIVE GOLDEN RINNNNNGS, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree. And also, I knew that by heart because I insisted on singing the whole song beginning to end almost religiously since I learned it as a child.

So essentially, spring cleaning will be a yard sale/pet shop that may or may not be morally questionable considering the human trafficking element. I'm not sure why my true love thought a bunch of artists and nobles are something I can afford the upkeep on or even what I could do with practical maids that are a-milking cows I don't have (although milking has a sexual connotation I'd rather not pursue). As much as I love animals, it really sounds like my true love be setting me up for legionnaire's disease from all the bird dust. Swans though? Do you have any idea how evil those majestic bastards are? I'm certain that I should gift my true love with a restraining order because this can't be a healthy relationship and I gather from the song that he does NOT take 'no' for an answer.

In any case, stay curious. Enjoy some mental flexibility and don't forget to also enjoy exploring what seems mundane but often leads to some fun ideas.

And if you haven't already, look up Dave Chappelle's take on the expression 'screw the pooch.' For the record, I've never actually used this phrase but I'm super tempted to put on my best Dave Chappelle voice when I find the perfect place to use it.

PEACE!

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