Onward!

 So today I decided I’d take an outdoor walk. I think the only reason why I don’t do it more often is because I have to put on socks and shoes and there’s always ‘halfway point’ dread, that point where even if you get tired and want to walk back, it’s the exact distance it would take to just finish it. My sister and I both like to do laps around the pond; it’s one of the few continuous walking paths around here, but it is pretty consistently covered in goose shit and, for some reason, the geese actually get irritated and hiss at her. I have yet to experience any hostile geese myself but she seems to have this oddly hilarious way of irritating animals. Case in point, our cat Seven, who is really bonded to me and the boys (she’s friendly with Dad and my brother Ryan too) is really repelled by her. She’s never been mean to Seven; for some reason, the cat just seems repelled by her.

In any case, I’ve been consistently exercising as well as attempting to throw in some creative time. I have only lost about 12 pounds since February but my mobility is getting so much better and my muscles are a lot more solid and useful again. So its very likely the hormones of pushing 40 are just going to consistently work against me, despite all of my food and exercise trackers swearing I should be dropping at least a pound, if not two, each week. Again, also super possible that inflammation and overworking/under-eating could be triggering some stubbornness. Of course, once my body realizes I’m not trying to kill myself, it may let go of some weight… at least until the routine is too ‘easy’ and it wants to plateau for that reason. I get it, body; cool knowing I’m not going to starve easily in a survival situation but  could we come off of the overprotective streak and let me obtain a healthier BMI before you prove that kind of efficiency?

Ahem, but the creative side? Groovy. I’ve been poking at the doll projects, although I’m still in a kind of paralysis with moving onto the more involved parts. For Maxim’s armor, I will be measuring and creating the pieces on card stock first, a pattern I will use to cut out black foam. I can then use clay or even a polyfill fiber and glue to reinforce parts, but I could also glue together and sculpt the foam sheets directly, but… I always end up deciding this when I get there. In any case, I’ll be using the silver fabric I used on Rienna’s boots as a liner on the pieces but a black faux leather on the outside of the pieces. They will most likely have to be formed and sturdy prior to covering them with fabric though; the fabric will crease and wrinkle and bubble, etc. if I try to shape the pieces later. Once the fabric and pieces are done, I have rivets and other decorative pieces I can decide on. But, like real armor, all the stages of dressing and decorating will be fidgety and there may be plenty I haven't foreseen. A learning process.

I mostly worked on mini Endramena this week. I fell in love with the big sculpt and wanted to get the smaller version, so I thought why not? I’m making the bejeweled princess version from the big sculpt so it makes sense to do a more adventurous version of her with the smaller. Smaller dolls are usually much easier for dynamic poses. So I did her corset, arm guards and a buckle, but she’ll need more buckles and I have enough leather to maybe arm her a bit better. Maybe a shoulder guard or two and a knife sheath for her thigh. I’ll add to it at leisure.

The only other thing I made was a simple crochet hat from a simple pattern. I might make more of these hats since they work up quick enough and don’t use too much yarn so they might be a good $10 hat for craft shows. Most of what I make it just too costly in time and materials to go so low…

So yeah… I’d love to get more outdoor walks in my days but it’s also totally pointless to plan much just yet. I have a mental goal of trying to do one workout and one creative session each day right now. For the past few days, it’s been working but I do have those bad days where I’ll have to both be forgiving of any goals or plans and also insistent about getting back on task once I’ve had a proper rest. Easier said than done. I’m ridiculously critical of myself but I’m also aware that a lifetime of undiagnosed ADHD has left me with some bad habits and masking techniques to cover eccentricities I am slowly trying to embrace.

It’s very sad how I was treated growing up. More so, that I had to learn to hide so much, just for adults to continually find my weaknesses at some point anyway (because I’m really terrible at lying or self-suppression and that shit comes out whether I like it or not). But I’ve always been a firm believer that I am not only a late bloomer but the fabulous sort that blooms far beyond even I expect, that one of the great things about me is that, for every gap in my growth, I shoot up like a rocket and well beyond my peers when I am in motion. 

We might have been taught the virtues of consistency through the tortoise and the hare, but the bunny got a bad wrap. Some of us do work in quick powerful bursts and quite well. We just also have the decency not to make fun of the turtles or nap too long. But one thing I have learned is that the outliers will always be bullied into believing their paths are unworthy. We’ll be made fun of for taking the hard way, the easy way or any path of uncertainty. When we fail, we’ll be ridiculed for the risk; when we succeed, they’ll grumble and invent all the ways we think we’re better than them. Let the world envy your paths. Hard or easy, success or fail, they’re yours. Keep worrying about what others think of them and you’ll miss out on the beauty of each step.