Weigh In on Korean Skincare Routine

 Back in December, I had one of my random ‘fits of hysterics’ and decided to chemically burn two bumps on my face that I constantly scratched open until they bled. Of course, I didn’t realize I got it on healthy skin and left it on too long and ended up with some gnarly scarring.

I’m not the type to believe my life is ruined over facial scarring, but I was worried that they would end up being puffy… and cause me to just pick at them again. I looked at scar healing creams and silicone bandages, but both have a sort of ‘masking’ feeling that I would not be able to leave alone either. 

So I looked into the 10-step Korean skincare method and it works for me. However, it is a learning process because all 10 steps are not a formula for everyone and you may want to chop some out. Here’s what I’ve learned.

3 steps are your daily minimum. Every time you want to take care of your skin, you should use an oil/foam combo cleanser, non-alcohol toner and moisturizer. The rest of the steps can be really relaxing unless you’re pressed for time or just tired, then it’s tedious. The first two steps are actually oil cleanser then foam cleanser, but you can absolutely use terrific combo cleansers. No matter what kinds you use, both will strip your skin and possibly leave it feeling a little tight and dry. Toners prep your skin to absorb moisture and a whipped moisturizer, something light, is best for day use, but a thicker overnight mask is good for evening. As long as you don’t mind keeping extra clean pillowcases handy. Keep to the fully absorbent moisturizers if you don’t want to leave product behind.

Exfoliation and sheet mask steps are also optional. These are what I consider once a week or even once a month spa day extras. Both of these will fall after the cleansing step. Exfoliating can be too abrasive or stripping for frequent use but if you’re noticing a build up of scaly or dry skin, exfoliation can lift that. A sheet mask often takes 10-20 minutes of use but it will pretty much cover steps like toning, ampoule and serum all in one. Some will need to be rubbed in, some rinsed. You can still follow it with a moisturizer and eye cream if you like. It’s not really a time or money saver since it’s actually quicker to use the small amounts of those steps anyway.

My personal choices? I use a double cleanser in a white lily scent (in my shower I use a floral scented double cleanser with a PMD cleaning wand) at the sink. I follow with a few drops of toner, directly in the hand. Cotton swabs absorb and waste so much product. I follow with an ampoule, the super greasy stuff. I realized over time that this order is set for a reason because it goes from greasy and thick to absorbent and thin. You end up with silly, dewy skin by the end. The serum is still oily but a bit thinner. I usually stick to 5-6 drops of each step but I like to rub it on my neck and upper chest too. Hyaluronic acid water cream is my next favorite after that. I then use a smoother, which is a sort of gel like moisturizer. Eye cream goes next, tiny drops applied directly around the eyes. At this point, I let things absorb for a few minutes, brush my teeth or put on body lotion, before returning to a moisturizer or SPF.

Other things I had to learn along the way; keep a sun friendly and not sun friendly option for the last steps. One of my eye creams has retinol which will make your skin more sensitive to light but also kicks so much ass. The other has ingredients that won’t cause sun sensitivity. Same for the moisturizer/SPF step. Sunscreen products tend to be pricier and are completely pointless if you’re going to bed or staying in on a rainy day. Keep your SPF handy for sunny and outdoor days but stick to your cheaper and even thicker moisturizers for your hermit days.

I’ve been doing this for months now and, because of how insanely healthy my skin is, I truly look forward to doing my routine. Any facial scarring is virtually invisible unless I point it out. I do still break out around my menstrual days, but that’s strictly hormonal. If you do need an acne regimen, my advice is to add a CICA cream after toning your skin. Mine does not smell pleasant so I like to mask it with all the smell good products but I forgive the smell since it absolutely zaps acne. Once your skin is completely dry, maybe an hour or two after your routine, CICA acne patches are amazing little clear patches you can’t see or feel so are definitely a bonus.

I actually acquired most of the products I use cheap through Ipsy and a Korean skincare box called BomiBox. BomiBox is pricier at $40 but you get several full sized products that last a long time and I’ve never gotten anything that isn’t incredible for your skin. Ipsy is cheaper for its lowest range but if you don’t pay for Glam Bag Plus or Ultimate, almost everything is sample or half size. If you want to focus on the skincare part of beauty, BomiBox is the clear winner.

And yes, I know the PMD Clean is expensive but I actually got that in a subscription box called FabFitFun. If you ever want to get a respectable hoard of healthy products, subscription boxes tend to get you there much faster than paying full price for each step.

The best part about healthy skin isn’t the vanity aspect. I do not pick at my face anymore. There is literally nothing left to tempt it. And when you’re highly sensory, it is one less thing to amplify your anxiety. All of the smells and liquids were a wonderful exploratory journey as well. 

I highly recommend the Korean skincare method for your best skin health. It truly worked for me!

Onward!

 So today I decided I’d take an outdoor walk. I think the only reason why I don’t do it more often is because I have to put on socks and shoes and there’s always ‘halfway point’ dread, that point where even if you get tired and want to walk back, it’s the exact distance it would take to just finish it. My sister and I both like to do laps around the pond; it’s one of the few continuous walking paths around here, but it is pretty consistently covered in goose shit and, for some reason, the geese actually get irritated and hiss at her. I have yet to experience any hostile geese myself but she seems to have this oddly hilarious way of irritating animals. Case in point, our cat Seven, who is really bonded to me and the boys (she’s friendly with Dad and my brother Ryan too) is really repelled by her. She’s never been mean to Seven; for some reason, the cat just seems repelled by her.

In any case, I’ve been consistently exercising as well as attempting to throw in some creative time. I have only lost about 12 pounds since February but my mobility is getting so much better and my muscles are a lot more solid and useful again. So its very likely the hormones of pushing 40 are just going to consistently work against me, despite all of my food and exercise trackers swearing I should be dropping at least a pound, if not two, each week. Again, also super possible that inflammation and overworking/under-eating could be triggering some stubbornness. Of course, once my body realizes I’m not trying to kill myself, it may let go of some weight… at least until the routine is too ‘easy’ and it wants to plateau for that reason. I get it, body; cool knowing I’m not going to starve easily in a survival situation but  could we come off of the overprotective streak and let me obtain a healthier BMI before you prove that kind of efficiency?

Ahem, but the creative side? Groovy. I’ve been poking at the doll projects, although I’m still in a kind of paralysis with moving onto the more involved parts. For Maxim’s armor, I will be measuring and creating the pieces on card stock first, a pattern I will use to cut out black foam. I can then use clay or even a polyfill fiber and glue to reinforce parts, but I could also glue together and sculpt the foam sheets directly, but… I always end up deciding this when I get there. In any case, I’ll be using the silver fabric I used on Rienna’s boots as a liner on the pieces but a black faux leather on the outside of the pieces. They will most likely have to be formed and sturdy prior to covering them with fabric though; the fabric will crease and wrinkle and bubble, etc. if I try to shape the pieces later. Once the fabric and pieces are done, I have rivets and other decorative pieces I can decide on. But, like real armor, all the stages of dressing and decorating will be fidgety and there may be plenty I haven't foreseen. A learning process.

I mostly worked on mini Endramena this week. I fell in love with the big sculpt and wanted to get the smaller version, so I thought why not? I’m making the bejeweled princess version from the big sculpt so it makes sense to do a more adventurous version of her with the smaller. Smaller dolls are usually much easier for dynamic poses. So I did her corset, arm guards and a buckle, but she’ll need more buckles and I have enough leather to maybe arm her a bit better. Maybe a shoulder guard or two and a knife sheath for her thigh. I’ll add to it at leisure.

The only other thing I made was a simple crochet hat from a simple pattern. I might make more of these hats since they work up quick enough and don’t use too much yarn so they might be a good $10 hat for craft shows. Most of what I make it just too costly in time and materials to go so low…

So yeah… I’d love to get more outdoor walks in my days but it’s also totally pointless to plan much just yet. I have a mental goal of trying to do one workout and one creative session each day right now. For the past few days, it’s been working but I do have those bad days where I’ll have to both be forgiving of any goals or plans and also insistent about getting back on task once I’ve had a proper rest. Easier said than done. I’m ridiculously critical of myself but I’m also aware that a lifetime of undiagnosed ADHD has left me with some bad habits and masking techniques to cover eccentricities I am slowly trying to embrace.

It’s very sad how I was treated growing up. More so, that I had to learn to hide so much, just for adults to continually find my weaknesses at some point anyway (because I’m really terrible at lying or self-suppression and that shit comes out whether I like it or not). But I’ve always been a firm believer that I am not only a late bloomer but the fabulous sort that blooms far beyond even I expect, that one of the great things about me is that, for every gap in my growth, I shoot up like a rocket and well beyond my peers when I am in motion. 

We might have been taught the virtues of consistency through the tortoise and the hare, but the bunny got a bad wrap. Some of us do work in quick powerful bursts and quite well. We just also have the decency not to make fun of the turtles or nap too long. But one thing I have learned is that the outliers will always be bullied into believing their paths are unworthy. We’ll be made fun of for taking the hard way, the easy way or any path of uncertainty. When we fail, we’ll be ridiculed for the risk; when we succeed, they’ll grumble and invent all the ways we think we’re better than them. Let the world envy your paths. Hard or easy, success or fail, they’re yours. Keep worrying about what others think of them and you’ll miss out on the beauty of each step.

Journal Journey

I haven’t kept a paper journal in… so long, I can’t quite pinpoint it. I think the last time I tried, my nephews were still in diapers, so more than a decade. Not truly for fear of anyone reading it; unless they want to be concerned by erratic mood swings or bored to tears, I’ve never quite had an exciting day-to-day life. I could pick apart my life to make a riveting memoir but the reality of a daily journal would be less than entertaining. Weeks of depression or babbling manic episodes— so, yeah, maybe my blog kind of does that too, but I’ve attempted to summarize it rather than subject anyone to a play-by-play.

I became a bit practical about the practice of journaling. Do I want people finding and likely misinterpreting the unfiltered babbling? Do I ever want to subject myself to reading it? Do I want my garbage to take up more and more physical space? Do I even have the ego to place any importance on it? There weren’t really any positives to it. I have trouble approaching sketchbooks when they’re too pretty, even. It feels like they should hold more valuable things than impulses. I end up using cheap lined notebooks. Not really because I feel my efforts are unworthy, just because if it’s crap, the really nice notebooks don’t have the perforated pages and the bindings will come loose if I pull out the ‘unworthy’ pages later. I have come to grips with being a fickle creature that loves some things I hated before and vice versa. Items of permanence often don’t keep my interest; I give away or finalize them and don’t look at them again. My dolls are often always picked at, reworked, reposed or dusted to become ‘new’ again.

But journals lost all appeal so long ago, especially as a daily practice. How do I feel? I don’t always have an answer to that. Okay, I guess. Mostly tired or restless. What are my plans, my goals, my dreams? I might talk about following my dreams but it is not an ideal I can summarize. My dream is ever-changing and variable, like every other aspect of myself. Evolving characters in my stories is second-nature because I understand quite intimately how rapid or stubborn change can be. I have childish tendencies that remain, where some aspects of my self are restless and undecided. So I guess I’m capable of diving into more interesting subjects but then my lack of ego kicks in and I get annoyed. How much can I actually write about myself? Because my social life has always been scarce, that’s the bulk of my experience: me.

Yet, I received a beautiful hand-bound leather journal, embossed and crimson and demanding a practice I long abandoned. Random won’t quite cut it. Structured is absolutely out. I’ve thought about using it as a way to cultivate hobbies I’ve been neglecting. I’ve thought about writing it like a tutorial for my projects, but assuming the person following it already knows all the terminology because I will also fast lose interest in describing all of it to myself as if I were learning all over again. Sometimes that might be a fun challenge, appealing to the teacher in me, other times off-putting and tedious.

So I think I’ll start it tomorrow. Find a pen I like for it first then attempt to craft and record what I’ve done and discovered. Record my adventures from any approach I feel like. Give myself permission to be tedious and boring or optimistic and descriptive. To be vague or detail-obsessed. And rather than making it a wasted book of ‘dear diary, today I was sad’, I can give myself a little challenge to prompt it. What thing that is mundane and normal to me might be fascinating to others if I approached it fearlessly?

Today, I stood up my favorite male doll on a stand and simply admired how much I adore looking at him at his full height. My warrior is not meant to sit. Tomorrow I may work on his armor. Or I’ll work on the princess he guards. Perhaps I’ll work on her diminutive form, shorter hair, softer makeup, discreet but relentless feminine power in any form.

I’ll give this journal a little push. It might stick, become something focused and scheduled. Maybe not. But I will make a go of it. I’m in need of a new approach so perhaps this will be a catalyst in a change I sorely want. Like with my blog, why not let it take on an organic role? What blooms from the chaos in me usually sprouts wildly from the least likely possibility. Something a decade old and dusty might be the start of an adventure.

One Day, One Step

I haven’t lost any weight in over six weeks. I eat 500-1000 less than I burn and I burn anywhere from 2300-3000 calories through exercise and rest. I have recovery days and I have cheat days. I feel like I am successfully attending a healthier lifestyle and yet it’s this excess weight bogging me down that whispers about failure. It leaves a bitter taste and the nasty lies we’ve heard our whole lives about obesity pound my skull with thoughts of eating less, exercising more, you’re not trying hard enough until you have an eating disorder! It threatens to become an obsession because it tells me I’m not doing enough when in truth, I may be stuck because I’m doing too much. I can operate under higher pain thresholds, thanks to an adulthood of chronic pain, and it’s very unusual for anyone of my size and height to do what I do... and still, because I’m female, I am fighting a lifetime of the pressure to be more successful at just being thinner. And, every day, despite the pain of trying to budge this stubborn fat, I have to tell myself if I’m not in pain, get that workout in. Eat well and eat enough. Don’t fall into a trap of thinking you aren’t doing enough or that, if this is the best you can do, just give up.

But my happiness and my creativity are also at risk. This isn’t really about just physical health or looking better, but I fall into that trap of thinking, again and again, resenting the men and women who’ve politely asked if I really want another fattening treat or patted my stomach to say I’ve got a ‘nice little lump there’. I have to fight all of those sticky voices that shifted my focus away from my worth or equated thin with what people perceive of as health. I have to remember that weight loss isn’t about pant sizes but being able to sleep less, not in a fog when I am awake and having the stamina just to sit in a chair long enough to start, work on and eventually finish a project that I truly would enjoy if enjoyment wasn’t so exhausting.

So yeah, it’s heavier than a few extra pounds. But I can’t let the weight of those drippy thoughts obscure the fact that making these choices for my health, every day, will very slowly manifest into being able to meet goals that make life worth living. I can’t get discouraged by the stupid scale. Numbers have always been the problem. Society’s petty judgements have always been the problem. Each attack must be met with intent and a counterattack to push forward. 

And now, photo dump of things that I enjoy lately.

Working Out is Working Out

 Got a tiny weight drop on the scale finally, which is always a relief after no gains or losses for two weeks. I didn’t doubt that I was making great choices, but since I’m pushing 40, I am aware that hormones may be up to some tricks with progress. Like I’ve said before though, I am aware of what can cause weight loss halts and don’t get discouraged. My body needs to heal from stress both mental and physical along the way and weight doesn’t just want to melt off simply because you’re overweight. The body doesn’t just shed it all in relief, not until you can prove it’s not temporary. It takes a while to convince so many chemical processes to trust it’s a good idea.

Anyways, I have a few projects I want to try to knock out this week. Small ones but things to help me engage in creativity without a huge commitment right now. I still have to finish wiring the lights in a diorama I have finished. I received a template for a doll sized purse that I want to try out. I also bought some resin to try my hand at making some doll eyes.

Working on Endramena and Maxim, my two favorite dolls, is always a maybe. He needs armor and she needs a lot of jewelry and embellishments. Both need their hair finished. As much as I want to see them finished, it’s also very intimidating since these are dolls I envisioned years ago when I started drafting their characters and also a book that I have not finished and published. The pandemic weighed heavily on me, but it was ignoring my health that ultimately led to a wrench in creativity. As I restore my health, I want to ease back into good habits so those intimidating projects are just a maybe right now. I’m pushing the smaller bites for now. The big projects will get to swallow me completely again someday but I can’t afford to have it take too much of my focus while I’m struggling to build the stamina to see them through. 

Not to sound like a broken record but this will always be a challenge with my ADHD. Unless I am very mindful, I can’t catch or tame an obsession and it will take away my concept of time or energy or self-care. Impulses can easily override common sense. Plans can easily be dashed to pieces so I work best with flexibility. A life style change has to have interesting variables to remain in my routine. Routines that feel too rigid are often abandoned. The three solid years I spent obsessed with writing and publishing, I don’t really recall any of it. It felt like a handful of weeks and still mesmerized me that I did all that in so little time. And not at all surprising that I simply walked away from it for a while.

It always comes back. Writing is one of those obsessions that always returns. Drawing is the same. Crafting too. I would love to develop mastery in the traditional sense but it’s almost impossible to tell my brain not to bring in a new interest. It always convinces me that it will only enhance my other skills. It isn’t wrong. I am usually even better at drawing after not drawing for years. It’s never about practice and application but life experience and perception. My brain always retains what I never lost passion for.

So I will chip away at the small curiosities while I plug away at a healthier me. My mental state also benefits from the physical changes. But unlike last time, I will not allow a physical health obsession to lead to creative drought, then trade places later. From the onset, I am minding every day to integrate both aspects. So that when it’s time for an obsession, it is already a habit to mind the other necessities.

I do have some doll heads to paint as well. Those can be a pain, if only because I have to do a layer, seal it outside, let it dry and set, paint more, etc. However, since I can’t just sit the whole time, it’s actually a good habit, using both focus with creativity and movement to take breaks. The biggest wrench is being both in the mood and having good weather for sealing. Much trickier!

Healthy Journey

 Getting right to it, this isn’t the first time I’ve become dedicated to weight loss and lifestyle changes. And really, until you’ve been doing it consistently for a few months, you’re never sure it’s going to stick at all. The beginning is so full of discouragement; hunger, moods, the days where you can’t move because you pushed too hard exercising.

When you keep a log, which you should in some form, you truly get to see where things start to change. It’s not always going to be in the form of weight loss or perfect habits, but it’s there. In fact, I haven’t dropped any weight in two weeks at this point and I’m not freaking out. Why? Because, in the past two weeks, I’ve not only hit every daily minimum goal I set on FitBit, but on more than half of them, I doubled or even tripled those minimum goals and in some cases I have been meeting larger goals that I wasn’t getting close to before.

I’ll elaborate on this more. FitBit does a system called Active Zone Minutes, which I consider my primary goal every week. Divided up into a daily goal, it asks you to get your heart rate in one of three Zone categories: fat burn, cardio or peak. I hardly ever hit peak times but those also aren’t mean to be prioritized and don’t ‘count’ for more than cardio. You get one Active Zone Minute for a fat-burn heart rate and two for cardio. On my slowest days, fat burn can account for all or about 3/4 of my AZM. On my most intense days, it can be flipped to where cardio covers 3/4 of that balance. Essentially, when you reach cardio, you need less time but more effort to reach that goal.

Now, that is the most involved stat. The others that I keep on my dashboard are calories burned (which calculates both sedentary and exercise to let you know how much you’re using daily), step count (which I keep on 10K for the goal— a secondary goal that I don’t always enforce), stair count (really just how many times you go up a full flight of stairs daily), and miles. Adding that I’ve learned that my 5 mile default goal actually takes a little over 11K steps so if I’ve made the 10K goal, I can decide whether I want to go ahead and push it a little more before the day is out.

Now each day is different and I figure out what I’m up for once I get there. Strength workouts get the heart rate up faster and are shorter workouts but I’m also more likely to push muscles too far and really limit exercise the next day. They’re not my favorite days, actually, and at this point I only do them 2 or 3 days a week. If I do a strength workout, I don’t aim for 10K steps. I usually follow up with careful stretches and hop in the shower (you’d be surprised how many active minutes you can get just from that bit of hygiene— I make it a point to tack on some extra minutes by keeping my heart rate up with a shower!). 

Now cardio days are where I end up walking or jogging, going for stamina. Jogs, of course, don’t need to last as long and doing them in bursts is just as good as doing it the entire time. I’ve managed to build my endurance to where I can do a brisk jog for 20 minutes at a time. And yes, that took time to build up to; I started with 5 30 second bursts with one minute of walking in between to 5 one minute bursts and 30 seconds walking. One minute went to two and then three and then I actually jumped to 12 minute jog/2 minute walk twice then a 6 minute jog and 3 minute cool down to finish. Every time you push, you think there’s no way you can do more. So you go back to a spot that isn’t as much but was hard at the time... and suddenly that place is actually too easy! So, it’s not a setback to say I’m not pushing today. You’ll get a huge boost in confidence when you can do far more than you could a week ago. That’s the kind of measure you will need sometimes.

A little off track there, but a jog can cut the 10K step count down to a little over an hour where a brisk walk will take an hour and a half (and yes, you can still get fat burn minutes with a two hour stroll; you never need to stick to only moderate or vigorous workouts to maintain healthy goals).

So while I would LOVE it for the scale to drop, I have been consistent in my diet and workout. Some days I have been eating less than I should, but not in any alarming sense; I’m still getting at least 1500 calories but my tracker tells me that’s about 500 calories short of where I need to be... and eating less than you should can sometimes trigger protective mechanisms in your body. You might be losing fat still but inflammation from digestion or muscle recovery will keep that number up. I can visibly SEE I’ve lost weight in my face, chest and shoulders as well and I do build muscle faster than the average bear...

I don’t do measurements but I know from experience that those numbers are... weird for me. I am able to lose 60 pounds and not drop a single pant size. Most of my weight, at any time in my adult life, just likes to sit in my hips, thighs and ass. I’ll lose inches everywhere else and that will go nowhere. It can be motivational for some people to take measurements but, for me, it’s pointless. There isn’t actually a goal or a one-size-fits-all goal for that one unless you’re a model that has to be a certain size to fit clothes and... I’m a stretchy clothes kind of gal. I don’t even know my damn number size because everything I buy has a variable letter. So that one is just not a priority; I’m looking at variables to measure health and that one just doesn’t.

I won’t delve into diet too much here. I eat a combination of food I enjoy and sometimes it’s just a healthy choice. I don’t hate it but I’m not gushing over it either. To have a good relationship with food, it works best for me to moderate but indulge. Restrictions are not happening and sometimes even substitution is a bad idea. If ‘healthy pizza’ is a joyless piece of cardboard, it doesn’t absolutely nothing to satisfy the craving. You’re better off eating a slice or two of the good stuff than crying over that edible (?) frisbee of despair.

I know what I’m in for. While it’s possible to reach my weight loss goal of 150 by the year’s end, that’s super ambitious and may not be realistic. And once I get there, it’s not a finish. I must still maintain an eye on exercise and diet or that weight can slip right back on. I’m not going for speed this time. I want these habits to be sustainable now so I’m not starving for the freedoms I took away later. The weight loss goal will have perks too though. I’ll get to embrace those minimum goals of activity and eat more on maintenance (not a LOT more, but maintenance calories are still more forgiving).

I try not to look too far ahead. You have to embrace where you are and not look too wistfully at what you aren’t. You have to find what you’ve accomplished when you feel stuck and find comfort in personal progress. Stop telling yourself where you need to be or coming down on yourself when you’re not where you wish you could be. For most of us, doing everything you should do for certain results just doesn’t happen. It’s not necessarily because you didn’t do enough. Sometimes you’re doing too much but you’ll have to wait to see the benefits. (Also, don’t make it a habit to do ‘too much’ because it’s NOT a healthy habit and could lead to disease and disorder.)

And this last bit goes for people like me; try not to obsess on it. You will absolutely need to prioritize more than diet and exercise. You will need to get your mind onto other things you enjoy. You will need to consider diet and exercise as a part of a full life and not turn it into the central existence. If, like me, you are doing this to help build creative energy and stamina, then like with exercise, you’ll have to test your creativity regularly too. Last time the weight crept back on, it was because I had denied creativity and fell back into it obsessively after depriving myself of it too much. If you don’t make it a PART of your life, the parts that go missing can overwhelm  it later.

You might need to reflect on diet and exercise a lot in the beginning, but as you find your stride, you will need to learn to trust what you’ve learned more. Ease up on it and make sure you’re keeping your goals and priorities balanced. A healthy lifestyle is only as healthy as your overall well-being.

Time to Ramble!

So, it’s been over a month since I even thought about blogging last and I have no idea where to start. I am fully vaccinated at this point and I keep buying ‘just one more doll’ to the point where I’m certain my bedroom will eventually be entirely filled with dolls and cat toys at some point in the future.

I have been very sporadic and unplanned when it comes to projects. Even my weight loss plans are completely impulsive. Consistent but still impulsive.

In the three months since I’ve started, I’ve lost a little more than 12 pounds. For the past two weeks, I’ve been fluctuating between 208-210 pounds. I’ve been drinking over 100 oz of water a day, working out from between 18 minutes to two hours, and eating between 1200-1500 on most days, no more than 1800 on a cheat day.

Two hours of exercise though; sounds like a lot but those are just days when I don’t want to do cardio or strength and opt for a more relaxed but still demanding 10K steps a day. I know some of you are saying, whoa, I can math and 8 eight-ounce glasses is 64 so why over do that too? Well, I do sweat and workout more so the minimum recommendation is an ounce of water for every 2 lbs of weight. Say I’m 210; that’s 105 oz of water. And yes, at first, it makes you pee a lot but eventually your body doesn’t flush it so fast and maintains more of it for sweat and increased activity. As for diet and lower calories, I don’t restrict what I eat. I can eat garbage but that puts a huge dent in the calorie count so most days you will make better choices just so you can eat more. And sometimes I’ve maxed out the calories I’m hoping to stop at but hunger hits with a vengeance. I keep Quest protein bars on the ready. About 200 calories, but they are balanced on the macros and full of nutrients so it doesn’t throw me into a huge binge/craving mode.

Let me add, there is no non-frustrating way to lose weight. I’ve tried it all and you really start to crave all that weight gone just so you can get those more satisfying maintenance calories. When losing weight, you’re aiming for 500-1000 less calories than you’ll use in a day just to drop one or two pounds in a week. I’ve gone super strict to try to drop weight fast but what usually happens is that my body will panic and I won’t lose or gain at all for about a month. Plateaus from hell if I get impatient. I tried intermittent fasting and even three day fasts and I can’t be around people because I’m so miserable, moody and sick those days. I’ve tried workout challenges and schedules and there always comes a workout day that I end up skipping because I simply loathe doing it again.

So this time around, I’m doing the slow crawl. No stupid restrictive diet, no set workout schedule, no panic bingeing or pushing my workouts to the point of pain. It means that I might not make my weight goal until the end of the year or into the next, but it also means, I won’t drop a ton then plateau for a long time repeatedly either. I do not weigh myself every day anymore either. I try to only do an official weigh in every Friday and whenever I’m just curious. Daily weigh ins were pointless and didn’t help at all. My weight will rise and drop several pounds for no apparent reason I can’t correlate. It’s probably hormonal or metabolic, who knows, but they don’t match up with how much I eat or exercise. I’m doing a lot better by just listening to my body and not turning any aspect of it into an obsession. Obsessions tend to burn me out too easily once they pass, but if I do this with too much ambition, I end up dropping every good habit because I’ve so long deprived myself of any joy in life.

I need this to be sustainable so that when I go into maintenance mode eventually, I don’t overindulge to feed the famine. I need healthy habits to be sustained so that I have the energy and motivation to meet my creative needs. This has to be the trifecta of mind, body and spirit or it will get put aside once again.

It’s never as simple as calories in and out. While that is a measure for the loss of fat, it does not factor in muscle gain, how your body stores fat (and how quickly it panics to hold onto it), your metabolism, any genetic predisposition or the possible existence of disease that may hinder weight loss or cause weight gain. Be wary of any ‘health experts’ that come with one-size-fits-all solutions or even those that can ‘tailor your diet and exercise’ based on a few simple questions. If you’ve tried quite a bit with food and exercise and are frustrated, skip the weight loss systems blowing up your social media and get a doctor to run some tests. Make sure you know where you are with blood pressure, blood work, deficiencies or disease before taking more drastic steps. You can end up wasting hundreds or thousands of dollars for little more than a placebo. If you know what your specific deficiencies are, get those medications and supplements specifically. 

It’s really tough for some of us to lose or gain weight. I’ve learned that while it’s tough for me to drop a lot of weight, that I also maintain and burn for a long while before the weight creeps back on. I did not gain a pound after I slipped back into old habits for a full six months. Unfortunately, two years later, it crept back on fast. My body is really slow to realizing a big change has occurred. While that sucks for good habits and progress, it’s on my side against bad habits. I just can’t let it slip like I did this time.

No drastic goals here. Just want to drop to 150 lbs and maintain it below 160 from there on out. I will not need to monitor as much as I am now forever. There will come a time when I’ll only weigh in every week or two and I won’t count calories as strictly. I can focus on minimum exercise needed rather than weight loss deficits. Slowly, frustratingly, but determined to do this sustainably.