Nerd Pretty

First off, I'm going to come right out and say I'm not beautiful. I know it's subjective and I'm not about downing myself either. Realistically, I have a classic look and can even be cute or pretty at times. I'm not here to lament being thrust into nerd culture because I needed an escape from looking like a cave troll. Maybe that's what makes some of the trolls of nerddom bitter-- that it was somewhat of a choice but more of a compulsion. That I COULD have been 'cool' because I'm not genetically unfortunate, maybe (at least aesthetically). At worst, I really haven't met that many people that give me shit for being a geek/nerd but when it happens, it's weird as hell.

No one is 'too pretty' to be a nerd. I realize you'll find a stereotypical pocket of elitist social rejects that think the only exception to the culture are the hot cosplayers that get hired to dress like their spank fantasies. Want but can't have and still bash them and other nerds-that-didn't-have-a-choice or some dumb shit excuse. Even when you can find countless devoted hotties, male and female, that genuinely enjoy the fandom (outside of being fit and hot) across social media, you'll still find this disbelief. They actually do more than spend thousands of hours making costumes for anyone else because they're actually fans that are doing it for themselves. Yes, maybe it turned out to be a lucrative fluke, but do yourself a favor, fuck off with the m'ladies and kind-sirs and talk to them like people and you'll find some actual fans.

Granted, you still get the 'nerrrd lol' girls who put on fake glasses and hold controllers wrong. It's mildly annoying but ignorable. However, this also set nerd girls back for a while, giving the treasure trolls license to think they could legitimize whether attractive girls could be nerds at all. They can and are and no one needs a gatekeeper to decide enjoyment. Elites are why games and fandoms die. You need the curious noobs to keep the numbers up and keep it afloat. Really, if a pretty girl wants to fake-nerd, enjoy the meme and be glad the name is crossing boundaries. We really can't be mad at 'impostors' because, like it or not, we depend on casuals too.

Here's another thing: most guys I've met, even when surprised, don't need any convincing and are thrilled when 'legitimate' female fans come along. Not all of them automatically set out to court me like I was destined to be their future wife (although you do get one here and there that clearly wants to skip over friendship or has expectations and it gets creepy, scary and even demanding, controlling and abusive if not shut down). I feel for the social rejects, but I think sometimes they get too comfortable in their escapes. They crawl out, demanding fantasy from reality and lose sight of why it's worth it to learn reality with an ounce of what they apply to the fantasy.

It's a strange mix out there, but even when girl gaming culture became widespread, there are still strange assignments I run into. Still people thinking I'm a casual Candy Crush kind of gamer. Young boys don't question young girl gamers but are pretty shocked that someone their mom's age actually loves PS4 and will forego sleep to marathon a great game. My generation of female gamers, if we didn't give up gaming for careers or families, are still seen as a rarity, something that may always raise eyebrows. The box just follows me, but I never minded it even when the occasional troll set out to de-legitimize it because fuck Halo and Call of Duty. If I want to shoot things, I play Uncharted. Preferences exist within a fandom and knowing a little about everything doesn't trump being preferential in a smaller sphere. Again, this is a nerd/geek distinction. Nerds tend to be strict fact-hoarders where geeks are content to latch onto certain aspects and lock it down. I'm willing to concede many people probably know more about a lot of things I love more than I do, but it doesn't take away from the many hours I spent investing in it for very different reasons and results.

I'm using games as the example, but it does go for comics, anime, books-- largely when my tastes don't fall into the pink feminine genres, bypass the happy medium, and end up in he-man territory. My tastes are everywhere and I'll always encourage people to try genres that wouldn't be their first choice. There's a lot of fun to be had in not being a genre purist. There's also gates to crash, trolls to butt heads with, and... quite frankly, I do hesitate to cluster with fans.

I'm sure you've come across it, but sometimes fandoms can kill the love for something. There's really nothing shittier than losing the love of something for being told how you should love it.

I could go on with all of the aspects of fandom/geekdom/nerddom that suck, but really, it's the aesthetic part that really only ever makes me self-conscious. People have to suspend disbelief when I warn them I'm a geek (sometimes a nerd). I don't really wear the uniform and I am not entirely socially retarded. I've been accepted just to be rejected when I don't want to be romanced either. My sexuality is something that makes every area of my life more complex. I'm not rejecting advances, waiting for a 'better' choice and it's hard for people to wrap their head around that too.

Ultimately, I don't care if you doubt that I'm a geek/nerd. Call it a privilege, but it's a compliment that someone is not automatically hostile, that it IS a choice to be a fan or a hermit or whatever label you throw at it. I'm happy that I can adapt and that I've also been able to continue my passion for things without needing permission. I don't feel the need to prove that I'm a bigger fan. I enjoy the hell out of Cons. I raise nephews that will never ever think that a girl gamer/fan is a weird thing.

I don't really need to fight the assholes on this because they defeat themselves over time. I would say I pity them, but that's condescending as fuck and they know damn well what they've chosen and what they have to deal with. They've found a niche for their outcast status and they also can't hoard it. In fact, deep down, they know they need people to love it despite their attempts to chase people off. In some ways, they probably think they're forging and tempering future fans, testing them to see if they have what it takes to carry the torch.

I'm cool with that. Perceptions tend to be stubborn, but they're not the end of the world. I know nerds/geeks really lamented how 'cool' nerd culture became, but we'd never have the explosion of fantasy and sci-fi on Netflix without the mainstream demand. And you can't say it's all watered-down garbage. The underground has seen the light. Game of Thrones has incredible computer graphics and one of the most amazing soundtracks. People either love it or hate it (and that goes for the books-- and not mutually exclusive) but each one keeps the torch lit for the next genre hits to have a chance.

Let's face it-- nerds don't really spend all that much time assessing other nerds. We've got fandoms to absorb, after all.