Stupid Human Tricks

Unfortunately, this isn't about the gimmicky stunts that people pull for video entertainment. This involves a collision outside of my house last week that is one headache after another...

Two young girls (with a male special-needs passenger in the back that I didn't see) slammed into my dad's car that was parked in front of our house, hard enough that it pushed the car a few feet and slammed into his other car behind it. At the moment of impact, I was looking out the window at it and immediately yelled to my dad the license plate number in case they tried to flee. The car they were in was clearly totaled in the front where it hit the driver's side front of my dad's car. I saw the girls get out as my dad and sister went out there.

Now, first off, the girl in the passenger seat said that she was driving; likely because she disclosed that the car was in her dad's name, although she said she only had driving privileges but no license. So it was already fishy from the first. That girl got into the car and promised she wasn't leaving, dropping off her male passenger at the house up the street then driving back down.

The neighbors were out, discussing what they saw or heard and pictures were taken, including the skid mark on the street caused by their car. She said that her brakes locked up but when her father had come and tested the car, they were working fine. I'm no expert but the skid prior to the crash seems to indicate that the brake was applied, and the angle itself shows both speed and a turn that never would have made it anywhere near our driveway to turn there.

Their insurance company, All State, sent a young representative this week that not only claimed that the girl was backing out of the neighbor's driveway (to try to explain the skid angle) but that she was only going 10 mph, which never would have pushed the car, nor explained the heavy damage to her car's front end, nor the crush and angle of the push. As I said, I saw the moment of impact and it was clearly a front end collision and a loud one at that. She had to be going at least 40 mph.

So, because of the layers of bull piled onto this one, my dad will have to go to court to contest the claim for only 'minor damage'. The inspection doesn't even mention the severe damage to the frame or the fact that the passenger side window was jarred so that the automatic window no longer works. He'll also have to obtain the original police reports and likely inconvenience our neighbors because of these people's dishonesty.

I try not to parrot the cynical statement that people suck, but in this case, it's applicable. That people have no qualms about lying or changing their story to avoid blame is sickening. That they believe that people can't or won't pursue a case so they can get off scot-free is nothing short of deplorable. The justice system is too often placing the burdens on the innocent rather than placing the suspicion with the victims. I'd expect as much from insurance companies but the way the girl kept changing her story and honestly didn't have the decency to look upset or sorry; that is what bothers me most.

This is the direction of a country my nephews will grow up in. This is the loss of honor and accountability that they have to defend themselves against. I hope that justice will prevail here, but let's be honest; can we really be so optimistic in a world where it's more common for people to lose all sense of decency to protect their own too-fragile egos?

I have friends who are cops. I work around lawyers and cops and judges sometimes. I don't think the employees of the justice system are all corrupt or useless. That needs to be said. These people have to deal with this crap all the time and I commend the ones who are still noble and true public servants. Hopefully, they will be able to help my dad's case as well. I want to be able to say that the justice system can make up for the sheer number of garbage people trying to abuse it.

Mother's Day

It could have been a harder day. I've endured a few of these without my mother, that turbulent relationship, a woman who was the high-definition two-way mirror and an impassable brick wall nonetheless. The first was still too soon after losing her to feel the brunt of it. I'd lost my grandma two months before her and I stood in shock of being suddenly matronless.

Not that my grandmother or mother passing meant any privilege was passed. I came to terms with it long ago, that I was family only at arm's length. There would be no inheritance and no acceptance there. There would be no change in my life, for better or worse, but for the absence. My mother seemed to have known her time was short and she'd made our visits about confessions of her mistakes and guilt so I made peace with that closure. Yet death doesn't wipe the slate clean. It's not the growing gnawing of a grudge that is left, just the gaping maw of a toothless gear that clicks pathetically against nothing at all.

Yet today, I spent a few hours with my sister and nephews in an arcade/skating rink/play area and I found some joy and peace in the people I do have. It's only when I've been alone that I wince at why a day keeps hooking into me when days never meant so much before. Because, maybe, I might have reached for the phone unconsciously to make a requisite call to someone who is gone.

It still hurts, the decision to not be a mother. Yet, I don't think I could bring a child into this world, knowing they could inherit what makes me dig way too deep into voids I struggle to share. It doesn't matter that I could be a great mother. I did well for my nephews, somehow, but as proud as I am of who they are, it's also the most terrifying responsibility. I get a lot of credit for them, but I didn't do it alone and it gets no easier over time. It takes more than being a good mother or wanting to be to take on motherhood and, at the end of the day, the children I bear must come only from the womb of imagination.

It's a tough day, as I've said, but it could have been harder. I have much to be grateful for, skills I've climbed mountains for, people who pull me out of places that could swallow me, wisdom I've nearly drowned in to drink. I stand on the edge and breathe. I cannot fly but I stand firm and dare the wind to shake me. If I fall, may the dive be spectacular. Although it's in me to grow roots and bend as the wind blusters. That much, I had in common with my mother. To all who give life, improve life, and preserve life, Happy Mother's Day.

Tomorrow is another day and one to start anew.

XP-Pen Artist 12 Digital Drawing Display Tablet Review!

I realize this is my third blog post today and I *could* schedule them apart, but why not just keep up the flow and be spontaneous!

Without further ado, let's get into the tablet review.

I decided to go with yet another XP-Pen tablet, if only to make sure having multiple brands' drivers on my computer didn't cause conflict. It happens and I was so happy with the 22E Pro anyway that it wasn't a sacrifice. Most complaints come from Wacom users having conflict with their drivers not playing nice...

What does it come with?

• the 11.5" widescreen drawing display tablet
• a screen glove
• a screen cloth
• an assortment of cords for *most* Mac and PC users
• power adapters for overseas use
• instructions for setup
• one no-charge stylus
• extra nibs in a pen case/stand

What it ISN'T: a standalone tablet or touch screen. A good deal of reviewers thought this would be akin to an iPad, have its own graphics software, or work without a stylus. Depending on where you shop, this tablet will run about $225-250, which no such technology would be this inexpensive. It is, however, akin to a Wacom Cintiq, as it is simply an extra display that can communicate with a stylus. Cintiq does have a touchscreen model, but you're looking to pay hundreds more.

THE SCREEN: HD, all the way. It's comparable to my MacBook Pro screen. It also has a screen protector pre-set, which I don't suggest removing. Some people insist it makes their screen blurry. My advice is to set the navigator or preview screen of your graphics program on your primary monitor to view it more clearly. No warranty covers scratches of the screen guard or the original screen, so protect your assets. However, I don't have an trouble seeing the work. Make use of zooming and the hand tool to improve the view for details.

THE HOT KEYS: There are six on this one, as well as a slider bar. The defaults suffice, but I changed the bottom three to Eyedropper and Zoom/In Out and the slider bar to brush size. The first three are brush, eraser, and undo. I may use Undo, but the first two are kind of useless with the default stylus options, which I'll get to. They click quietly when you push them and they're in a good place to not be accidentally hit even when you hold the tablet on that side to draw with the tablet in your lap. The options are easy to set in the driver's folder.

THE STYLUS: Love this even more than the 22E Pro! There is an eraser on top like my Wacom Intuos 4 and the grip is angular like holding a wooden pencil. The buttons are NOT easy to accidentally press as they are recessed into the grip rather than sticking out. It also works without charging. Very lightweight as well.

CALIBRATION/PARALLAX: Very simple, but beginners may have some difficulty getting used to it. It's not necessary to do this if you have the indicator cursor on, showing you where you'll make your marks anyway. Don't overthink this. Unless you're completely stationary, you'll have to calibrate it every time to make it 'perfect.' I've described the concept of parallax in my 22E Pro review, but it's basically the room between where the pen touches the glass and where it shows up. Some people complain about this, but again, it's not something that slows me down. For the money, it's pretty damn great and cuts down plenty of time from my Intuos' issues.

CONNECTIONS/POWER: I haven't had any trouble with the cords causing interruption when the tablet is moved, nor any faulty wiring. I have the MacBook adapter plugged into the HDMI, and the two USBs plugged into the USB ports. I also plugged the port that connects to the tablet with the wires not hanging over the power button. For some reason, I plugged it in the other way and there was some screen jittering. This issue went away when I flipped it. Not sure why you'd want to cover the power button anyway... Sometimes USB port warnings will pop up on laptops when they are using too much power, but I don't have that issue with the tablet (even though charging an ipod has given me that grief before). They do include a power adapter to use if that is an issue. They also include international power adapters so bonus for those using this as a mobile display.

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I only used it for an hour, so I can't speak for long-term heating issues, but I haven't seen complaints with that. The tablet itself only weighs a couple pounds, no more than the Intuos 4, so it's very comfortable using it in my lap. I did a little doodling in my favorite drawing program, Clip Studio Paint:

Me and my cyan lines on grey to draft...

Thoroughly enjoyed just playing with it a bit. Once again, I look forward to what all I can accomplish with this over time.

Oh, and as for SET-UP, the instructions take you to their website to install the drivers. Install discs are defunct in this day and age, so anticipate using the internet just for this. It's a small file size so it downloads quick even with a slow internet connection. I do still have the Wacom driver on my MacBook but it didn't cause issues. My computer automatically set the screens as separate when I powered on the tablet, but some people have to set up whether they want to mirror screens or treat them separately manually. You'll have the options to set buttons on the stylus, hotkeys on the tablet, calibration and screen operations from there.

I don't know why I thought this would be a big task. It was set and customized within 15 minutes and it's very intuitive for most artists. As long as you know how to use your graphics program, the tablet doesn't add a huge learning curve to that.

If I can think of anything I overlooked, I'll add it later (asking me in comments will also help me decide what to add). For now, I hope this convinces you to give this tablet a try! As nice as this tablet is, it's hard to believe Wacom could really be worth paying hundreds more for. It really is a joy to work with.

How Bouts a Picture?

I tried to build a brand to trend, but it's about as stale as... well, month-old bread. I decided instead to focus on a business card that reflects what I actually like to do.

I write in my own style. I draw in my own style.

So why should I brand any other way?

I've been working on this one as a possible business card design. There may be quite a bit of fidgeting with fonts and image placement to come, but I rather like her for it.

I have a bit of fussing to do with it yet, but she embodies my work both as an artist and my interest in sci-fi infused fantasy themes. And let's face it, I tend to enjoy drawing women more. I don't hate drawing men at all--there's just that easy connection being in a female body myself. I might spit on enforcing any sort of gender roles, but I'm not in denial that I'm a female. (Also adding that men and women do tend to be better suited or more interested in certain roles and jobs, but anyone who has competitive skill levels NOT common to gendered stereotypes should kick some ass doing it.)

It's not the artist's job to be safe. If you want to work with a passionate artist, they're likely to drive you nuts from time to time. If you want to work with a safe artist, they're not likely to stand out for their clients or their customers. Because of that, I did a disservice to myself before by toeing the line. Every time I've followed my gut, I've found my best clientele, fans, and even better, friends.

I've taken an odd assortment of jobs, but rather than going the true temp worker route, I've found freedom in choice and risk. However, I am not that picky nor prone to danger. I do believe in humbling myself into choices I'm both not thrilled about yet still connecting to my goals. I've shed the bullshit tacts that baby-boomers swore by and adapted to the challenges that plague my own generation.

And now I look forward to MY future. The one where I stop listening to safe and keep listening to my instinct. Where I am accountable to my own choices and feel the full brunt of my mistakes, turning them into priceless lessons to push ahead.

Oh, and as my last blog post said, XP-Pen Artist 12 digital display tablet review ahead so stay tuned!

It Was a Cold and Rainy Morning...

Despite my resolve to never start a story with such a cliché, in reality, days don't escape the mundane quite so neatly. We all got up and donned our shirts for the Spirit Walk for the boys' school. My sister had to work, but she still wore her shirt to work. After dropping the boys off, I came home and got ready then headed back up there.

The rain came and went... And came and went again over the course of the walk. I let Dameon go off on his own as usual, but Marcus hung back with me and we talked about video games and having to pee. My bladder started feeling heavy into the end of the first lap, but Marcus felt it into the third and we constantly debated ducking into a restaurant or running home for the bathroom. Luckily, sweating made the urge less urgent and we finished the walk. Being cold and still bladder-heavy, I kissed the boys and told them I'd be back to pick them up later. The kids were eating popcorn and drinking slushies, but I was hyper-focused on hitting a bathroom.

Took me a while to thaw out once I got back, but hot coffee and scrambled eggs helped. After making a beeline for the toilet, of course. Still have to walk again, but I'm enjoying some relaxation time.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to give the new tablet a whirl. The effort it would take to set it up is minimal but between antihistamines to calm the allergy symptoms and all of the running around this week, I'm just happy to keep diving back into bed before passing out.

I have found some good deals on printing my work onto big tapestries at least. I'd like to work on some new drawings to use for them, although the greyscale one that I use as a cover backdrop on social media might be one of them. I'm always looking into ways to dress up my future ComicCon booth, looking at ways to expand my brand. My workload in the social and temp arena will be lesser, giving me more time to rest and create. Once the boys are out of school for the summer, that is especially true.

Hoping to pick up on blog ideas and things to share soon, but rest and health are in order. I'm not unique in the respect that while I do have some downtime creatively, I tend to obsessively binge once I get going. The ideas have been pouring in, along with the piles of scrap paper containing their hasty semi-permanence, so there will be no staring contests with the always-blinking cursor nor the pathetic mini-triumphs of telling the cursor 'you blinked' once I get to it. Just periods of zoning out with passive mental reminders wondering how long it's been since I've eaten or used the bathroom. Liquids only work as a timer if you don't forget they're there when caught up in the moment.

But first, rest. Creative marathons await!

Hump Day News

My busy week is coming along, but I'll be glad when things slow down again. Got the doctor appt, cookie baking, bridal shower stuff done, but a waitressing shift and 5K walk still before I can enjoy the weekend.

My new XP-Pen Artist 12 display came. If you've been following the blog, I reviewed their 21E Pro tablet favorably, only disappointed that the size makes it anything but portable. While the 15" might've sufficed, I decided to try out the smallest (11.5"). The appeal of this was the stylus, just one with this model, doesn't need charged. While the battery life of the two in my big one isn't a problem, it could be a minor annoyance if I forget to plug it in. What I really wanted was something I could easily maneuver while using my laptop in bed, so the weight and size was pickier this time.

Again, I hope to actually try it this weekend and review it then. It's a small screen, but I do like the weight and orientation so far. The real test will be the driver setup, ease of use as planned, and screen quality. Reviews I've read do emphasize that it's a high def screen better than some of their computer screens, but without specifying the year and make of their primary computers, that doesn't tell me much.

I hope to finish up the image that will potentially be on my business card. That will be my next expense and I'm leaning towards a linen texture paper in cream. Still can't decide on rounded or standard corners but I'll play with that. I want to stick to a basic triangle because I'll be passing these out at a future ComicCon and want them to not be accidentally dropped while people juggle their collection of business cards. I hope the design does the work.

So that's where it's at for now. Pushing through this week and settling plans, raring up for a more creative week to come. This social week has been cleansing but exhausting and creative work will be more appreciated for the absence.

A Quickie Update!

Still working on the drafted drawing from the last post, but I'm down to fiddling the hair, shading and color work. 

Busy weekend/week ahead. I celebrate Cinco de Mayo with my friends, an annual get-together I aim to never miss. I bake my grandma's M&M cookies for it so I'll be up early to get that done.

Tuesday, doctor appointment. Absolutely love my new doctor, so I look forward to these. She's really helped point me in the right direction. Wednesday, bridal shower. My niece Melody is marrying a guy she loves on May 24, so I'm happy for her. Also baking cookies for the shower. Thursday, waitressing. Friday, the Spirit Walk for the boys' school.

So Monday might seem empty but after an hour long talk with Joe yesterday, I'm going to organize pictures he can use on the website he's building me and he's on it for a solid marketing plan as well. It's a great exchange going on--in return, I'm going to design some elements for fantasy layout sites and also consult with his friend to do some custom work for that site as well. He is certain my work would really boost interest so I'm also eager to give it a shot.

Once the school year winds down, I'm confident the more relaxed schedule will allow for more focused work. Since I just mentioned those details of what I hope to work on in the last one, I won't belabor that here, just reiterate that I'm eager to get going there as well.

Oh, I did mention ComicCon before, but I'm holding off on this year. I prioritized buying new equipment so I still need to purchase displays, print banners and business cards and bookmarks, whatever else I researched material-wise and rather than try to crunch that in last minute, I'll just gradually continue to gather that together as the money allows. I would also like to focus on the website, marketing, and broadening my body of work a bit more. I might still attend as a guest, since I usually go with my nephew Thomas each year, and it continues to be good research for ideas on when I do set up my own.

Yes, this is my idea of a quick update, but there were a lot of bases to cover and it's still brief, considering.

I'll most likely sneak back over here to throw up the finished image I'm working on. I'd like to use it in some form on both my business cards and my site but that may change. I may just use it on one or the other and make a similarly themed one to use on the other. I usually get a feel for these things once I've played with the finished image a bit.

Let's get through this week for now and see where things land!