Showing posts with label drawing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drawing. Show all posts

Saturday, October 5, 2019

The Struggle, No, The Juggle

I look forward to NaNoWriMo coming up, if only because it seems I need motivation to write or even draw at this point.

Not just because of some struggle, but like the header says, it's the juggle.

If you've followed then you've seen my doll posts have been the most frequent. I've... accumulated quite a bit more than the 'doll' I set out to do. Since starting Project Rienna, I decided to get Talia, a medium sized doll, a tiny... or two or three and there will be a third addition to the big dolls who will be my Lyria from the first series as well.

Dolls seem to be my catharsis from the stress of juggling-- work, my nephews' school year, cat caring insanity, etc. I juggle a lot that has little to do with my hobbies and creative work but nevertheless affects them.

Today, I read another of Antonio's wonderful screenplays, but for the most part, I plan on simply relaxing. Started to sew Rienna's bathing suit, but decided after reading the screenplay, I'd hunker down and watch movies. Welcome to Marwen and Glass are on the roster when I finish this up.

Juggling life, well, IS the struggle and I do still adjust to medications and recently had a root canal that means I'm at a chewing level below a toddler at the moment, but that will get better. Things often have to get worse before they get better. The struggle is about adjusting and learning to not take for granted the good things to come.

So, with all said and done, time to wander off and dream another dream. At the very least, the screenplay inspired me with an idea from the second book of the series that will carry a subplot for the one I currently, or will be, writing. 

UnHeard is a struggling story. Not for lack of ideas or muses or even some creative block, but because I've given the lead character more of my painful and hard to decipher mysteries and fears from my own life. It's hard but necessary to separate my experiences from hers because she can't handle it the way I would and succeed as the person she is, anymore than she could make sense of my life were she the writer of my tale. I don't mean to sound cryptic here, but she is only relative to my experiences and it's not meant to be a memoir or an outlet, just being lent the perspective of my knowledge. I'm not using her to understand or even accept myself. I'm using my own experiences to make a more poignant and insightful story. It's just not one that can pass without taking something out of me.

Anywho, movies. I love to blog for anyone who would read it, but relaxation is still the name of the game after a stressful work week. I should only be working two days this coming week; and hopefully, because I'd like the energy for creative projects, not just some down time.

Be sweet, my babies!

Sunday, June 9, 2019

More on Totem

I went back to Totem today, but I'm looking at the draft lines I started and... decided to start over. I did keep the basic structure, but each of the characters is a different ethnicity and mood and it just felt like it was missing something that a few quick lines wouldn't accomplish. There are several enmeshing elements that combine them, things that blend and things that separate. There is no hierarchy here, but I'm sure people will read into that. I'll talk more about what my thoughts were when I created it when it's finished, of course, but likely in a separate post from the picture itself, just because I don't WANT to lead you into exactly what you're 'supposed' to be seeing. I still want to give the viewer some ownership of their thoughts and impressions, to have visceral reactions rather than know what to expect.

So all I got done today was fully drafting it. Now, normally a draft takes me 10 minutes, an hour at most. This one took me two hours and a slightly different approach. For one, I like to do draft lines in the most extreme colors of the digital spectrum. In this case, I started with blue (or cyan, that eye-blinding light blue) to form their bodies and faces, then used green to do clothes and accessories. Usually I stick with those two, but this time, I did yellow for the hair lines. Most notes were jotted down in the same color and layer I was working in at the time.

However, I finally got the lines, direction, mood, and many elements to flow without becoming too busy. There's a little bit of a background in this one, but only because it's an important bleed into the foreground. I'm not much of a background artist, if only because large scale distance planning is not my forte. I've managed to do some outdoor backgrounds, but they typically aren't large scale (a dense forest, a waterfall, a mountain at closer range, etc). Indoor can be challenging but I also rarely get creative with the architecture. If I really want to do so, I still know my way around basic 3D modeling and could throw together some basic furniture shapes and room dimensions to help out with backgrounds.

Mostly I end up sticking to characters. That's where I start to connect with the moods and emotions of drawing. It's not the abstract that draws me in, although living bodies are plenty diverse. However, it is the underlying skeleton, the movement of muscle and skin (or feather and fur) that freeze in their dynamic states that really connect me to the work. I love to blend real anatomy with my favored Disney and anime influences to create something personal. If I want a quick fix, some comic line work does the trick. If I want to bleed, sweat, cry and ache, it comes down to a painting that won't let me go for days or weeks at a time.

Speaking of which, part of the reason I broke off was because that ache has gone from delicious to actual back and shoulder pain, so I'm cutting off of here soon as well. There's something gratifying about turning work I can't yet share into words.

But as usual, I'm both screen shotting progress for a post that shows my workflow as well as planning to share the picture in one post and my impressions in another. So there will be three separate posts pertaining to it... unless I feel like throwing another one of these impatient posts in while it's a work in progress.

For now, a break is in order. More to come before another work day pops into the radar.

Monday, June 3, 2019

A Beautiful and Just-Plain-Full Day

That rainless day I've been hoping for finally arrived so I started off my day with coffee and window sealing. A test of how well I did will come when it rains again, but just checking it off the list feels good all by itself...

After that, I was treated to one of my writer friend's screenplays that I've been anticipating reading since he started it. I intended to break up the 160+ pages over the week but I couldn't put it down once I got going. He has a way of blending both familiar and alien concepts in such a way that I'm never disappointed. I had plenty to say, as I always do once I get hooked.

Of course, I couldn't squander such a cool and sunny day so I stepped outside quite a bit to enjoy it. Probably pulled a lot of interesting faces while I daydreamed but my street was pretty quiet today so I didn't have a big audience for that.

Then onto the task of test printing and affixing borders to business cards. Since this isn't the first or even second time I've brought that up, I'll snap a quick pic in this low-light room of mine. It'll be a bit grainy but easier to show than explain.
The backside has a simple header as well as my website, email and phone info; very simple and functional. I used one of those handy roll on tape dispensers to put the borders on the top. I still plan on getting some higher quality cards--thicker card stock with better ink quality, but I'm happy with this design. The muted brown and purple also doesn't drain my ink supply so even after printing 100 of them, I'm well away from needing to replace the ink. One of the reasons I chose this printer to begin with was its ink conservation and it doesn't disappoint, even when setting it to best quality.

Admittedly, these tasks carried me well into evening, so I feel a well-deserved rest is in order before I tackle another couple chapters of another writer's work tomorrow. Hopefully it gets me revved up to do some more work on Totem or a writing project of my own. One or the other; drawing or writing, I'm not picky. As long as inspiration is on point, I'll go for it.

Oh, and picking a layout for my site. I have most of the pictures together for it, but still haven't gotten to that. Put that on my list. Probably working both Wednesday and Thursday so best to get as much of that in as I can. 

So, that's that. Ready for bed and open to dreaming. Well... As long as it's not one of those awkward dreams that makes me glad no one is privy to some of the dumb shit my brain dumps from time to time.

Seriously. Not even useful. For any genre, muse or pursuit. Just plain garbage. Better out than in, though. Either way, I'd rather it not be the stuff I remember on waking. It just makes me want to punch my skull.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

FINISH IT

Admit it; you can't see that in caps and not mentally hear Shang Tsung growling that... Unless you're too young, too lame, or too oblivious.

Double-posting to say things happened. I both wrapped up my business card design and managed to stop poking at the pink princess. She's not exactly *done*; didn't do any deep shadowing or highlighting or pull in atmospheric light onto her from the background, but I got it to where I was satisfied enough to move on. She's warmed up quite a few stubborn tasks in the past two weeks, but I feel like she's done her job. 

Oh, here...
I promised to share, after all!

I might come back to her in the future, but I feel like an 'imperfect picture' is one that assures there is always something I could do. I could see more sparkle, more jewels and jewelry, more texture if I come back too. Part of what I love about plainer pictures is their ability to stoke my imagination. To see what else could come of it.

But I'm also jumping on inspiration trains. I'd love to depart from the sci-fi warrior and this trembling princess to a leather and fur clad battlemage. Who knows? Maybe I'll gender-swap those three and do the 'masculine'. Keeping in mind that masculine and feminine have never had exact boundaries for me, but it sounds better than 'the penis-having version'.

Don't be obsessed with finishing everything, thinking it's not worthwhile if it can't impress everyone. Doing your best doesn't mean tucking away anything short of perfect. It can be miserable, hiding away everything for fear of how others respond. I want people to have a taste of my inner world, even if I can't give them the full picture. I'd love to, but the effort to realize it all myself would leave precious little shared, precious little room to ever live the sort of life to keep inspiring those efforts.

Share, share, and don't be a growly shit. Finish it as far as you mean it to go and keep on your crazy path.

Rainy Day Insanity

I'd like to say I've worked on digital drawing.

I'd like to say I've written something worthwhile.

I woke up at 8:30, adhering to my new resolution that sleeping in bites ass and I need a schedule of some sort. Despite noon still being early in the day, waking up at noon usually means my brain saying 'aw, fuck it. Day's half over so let's do nothing.' 

Instead, I made coffee and baked cookies. My grandma's recipe for M&M cookies. I looked on the big package of M&Ms I bought and there was also an M&M cookie recipe. I compared the very similar ingredients and scoffed at the different amounts. 3/4 cup of brown sugar? Pfft, amateurs. Nothing short of a cup! 

My cats are shit helpers in the kitchen. After tripping over them a few times, starting to count how many times I tripped over cats then losing count altogether, I took to scooting across the floor and wading through the sea of cats. Two. I have two but I also have two feet and each was clearly assigned to one of them at all times. After making most of the cookies, I end up with not enough dough to fill one last tray so I turned down the heat, made one massive cookie of the rest and decided my nephews could make breakfast out of it.

Made my way upstairs where I went back to punching out borders for my business cards. Fucking sparkle paper everywhere, but I got through the whole stack. I looked at my floor, horrified by the disparity between my ugly ass brown carpet and the pixie-esque paper freckles and dove for the vacuum cleaner.

Once I was sure I was rid of them, I browsed through my Amazon wish list and added some glue dots and roll-on adhesive to the cart. I'll need those to affix these damned borders to the cards, along with the trinket bags. Might have to order printed bookmarks though. Although I like the tassel selection, I rue both the cost of ink and the size selection. 2 1\2" across which just seems about an inch broader than I'd like. Looking to go about 1.5 by 5.5 or 6 on those. The smaller books people buy are about 6 inches in height so exceeding that is inconvenient. Besides, I'd like them coated after printing, both to preserve the print and make them stand up to accidental water or coffee damage.

I've had some people wonder about the borders. I'm not hording the idea like some trade secret so I'll disclose what that's about. I ordered some fairly cheap small origami paper, about 7cm square (though the 7x14 sheets were also good--these are going on the short edge of the card so I don't need a lot of excess). You can pick up a 50 sheet pack for $1 if you're thrifty.  I also ordered a border punch from Walmart, this one a rather simple flower or crown sort of vibe. That went for about $13-14. I have to line up and punch twice to get across the 7cm, so I'd say the actual border punch length is about an inch and a half, give or take a few millimeters. (Don't hate; I use standard and metric like a bastard queen.) On a 7x7 piece I can get about four rows. I stack about two or three of the sheets together at a time. The border punch is pretty sturdy but it doesn't go through heavy cardstock and anything more than three thin sheets is both hell on your hand and risking breaking it. Once the cards are printed, I'll run roll-on glue along the bottom of the border and attach it to the back of the card.

Again, I'll get pictures of that once put together. Feel free to steal my lovely ideas. I doubt I'm the only one to come up with them, but I embrace being extra (and don't really think many people would care to put in the extra work anyway).

I'll keep regular business cards out on my table, but reserve the extras for people who buy something or just talk to me for a bit. I'm not looking to bark at people and make them endure my enthusiasm. Like in real life, I tend to draw people in by my easy-going nature and reserve the enthusiasm for those who engage my interests. At a convention, there are hundreds of other vendors and hawkers wearing people down. I'd rather be people's respite and meet them where they're comfortable.

It's nearly 1:30 as I write this and, as you can tell from the shift to active insanity to informational babbling, my brain is threatening to declare this time 'noon' and squandering the rest of my perfectly productive rainy day. I might not be able to seal my windows just yet, but I might scoot my lazy ass over to my computer and work on my sad pink princess picture for a bit.  If I hadn't worked yesterday I might have done more then. Not that she's going anywhere or serving any purpose. Just a vanity project, which is what I call anything that isn't boosting some specific goal. Everything is portfolio worthy, to be sure, but she's just my excuse to play on the new displays, get used to them and such.

So! Off to attempt to disabuse myself of bad summer habits and try to make something more of the day. Working tomorrow and Dad's birthday is Friday so those will eat up the better part of the next two days, if only because I'm making my dad his favorite kind of cake, carrot cake with cream cheese icing. I'd like to do it by scratch. The store bought icing isn't bad, but I think it's a little too sugary and not enough cream cheese. A rich cream cheese flavor really makes carrot cake amazing.

Monday, May 27, 2019

Business and Pleasure

While deciding what I want to do about business cards, I remembered the time I ordered sticker sheets to print out my logo for the crochet pieces I sold--under a name I still sometimes use: KitaCraft. So before I go ordering any fancy cards from a printer, I thought I'd give home printing a try for this and order some perforated sheets that work with a template. I know that business cards tend to get gobbled up at conventions so I'm crossing my fingers that it works out.

I've been working on little extras. Bought nice paper to punch borders into to glue to the edges, little bags the size of the business card to put miniatures into: little books, swords, fantasy themed goodies. I'm extra so I like to upgrade a basic idea. It appeals to my craft side. The business cards will say author, illustrator, crafter so I'd like to show as much of that as possible.

The writing part is slightly neglected at the moment, but I've been playing with the new tablets here and there. Using them never gets less enjoyable. They really make digital drawing less of a chore. They come with their own challenges but nothing I wasn't prepared for. Pressure sensitivity and calibration can be a bit less intuitive than traditional but digital brushes can do a lot that traditional can't as well.

Really, I'm spoiled by summer sleeping. I'm tempted to set an alarm in the morning because it's been making me too lazy and my hours less productive as a result. Being without a schedule was great in my teens and twenties. It's just frustrating in my 30s. I actually have come to craving discipline. It's a holiday weekend though, so it makes the most sense to start tomorrow. I have windows to seal, rooms to clean, laundry to do, plans to start fulfilling. Getting the nitty gritty squared away by noon is ideal...

As usual, I'll post my impressions of the home printing experiment, as well as my finished digital drawing projects as they happen. I'm also still working on rounding up pictures for a website. I feel like I'm slacking off but, truly, my so-called organized folders are badly labeled and not as complete as I thought. Really have to do a digital clean-up, get everything making sense again!

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

It's my favorite kind of weather and I woke up tempted to go back to bed. The only way to get the energy going was to bend to the joyless task of housework. Not just the normal fare like vacuuming, dusting and wiping. No, I went whole hog and bleached the kitchen garbage can, scraped my windows (I'm installing some of those heat-reducing films later this week), and covering evidence of where my adorable little hell-cats managed to scrape paint off of the wall.

It worked. So I worked.

Finished up the business card image:
Done with my XP-Pen Artist 22E Pro

Playing with the design for it, but not yet done with that. I spent the better part of today just cleaning this image up and hadn't set up a business card template beforehand so I just took care of that part.

I may do more tonight, if not, tomorrow is going to be another gorgeous day to do it!

Friday, May 10, 2019

XP-Pen Artist 12 Digital Drawing Display Tablet Review!

I realize this is my third blog post today and I *could* schedule them apart, but why not just keep up the flow and be spontaneous!

Without further ado, let's get into the tablet review.

I decided to go with yet another XP-Pen tablet, if only to make sure having multiple brands' drivers on my computer didn't cause conflict. It happens and I was so happy with the 22E Pro anyway that it wasn't a sacrifice. Most complaints come from Wacom users having conflict with their drivers not playing nice...

What does it come with?
  • the 11.5" widescreen drawing display tablet
  • a screen glove
  • a screen cloth
  • an assortment of cords for *most* Mac and PC users
  • power adapters for overseas use
  • instructions for setup
  • one no-charge stylus
  • extra nibs in a pen case/stand
What it ISN'T: a standalone tablet or touch screen. A good deal of reviewers thought this would be akin to an iPad, have its own graphics software, or work without a stylus. Depending on where you shop, this tablet will run about $225-250, which no such technology would be this inexpensive. It is, however, akin to a Wacom Cintiq, as it is simply an extra display that can communicate with a stylus. Cintiq does have a touchscreen model, but you're looking to pay hundreds more.

THE SCREEN: HD, all the way. It's comparable to my MacBook Pro screen. It also has a screen protector pre-set, which I don't suggest removing. Some people insist it makes their screen blurry. My advice is to set the navigator or preview screen of your graphics program on your primary monitor to view it more clearly. No warranty covers scratches of the screen guard or the original screen, so protect your assets. However, I don't have an trouble seeing the work. Make use of zooming and the hand tool to improve the view for details.

THE HOT KEYS: There are six on this one, as well as a slider bar. The defaults suffice, but I changed the bottom three to Eyedropper and Zoom/In Out and the slider bar to brush size. The first three are brush, eraser, and undo. I may use Undo, but the first two are kind of useless with the default stylus options, which I'll get to. They click quietly when you push them and they're in a good place to not be accidentally hit even when you hold the tablet on that side to draw with the tablet in your lap. The options are easy to set in the driver's folder.

THE STYLUS: Love this even more than the 22E Pro! There is an eraser on top like my Wacom Intuos 4 and the grip is angular like holding a wooden pencil. The buttons are NOT easy to accidentally press as they are recessed into the grip rather than sticking out. It also works without charging. Very lightweight as well.

CALIBRATION/PARALLAX: Very simple, but beginners may have some difficulty getting used to it. It's not necessary to do this if you have the indicator cursor on, showing you where you'll make your marks anyway. Don't overthink this. Unless you're completely stationary, you'll have to calibrate it every time to make it 'perfect.' I've described the concept of parallax in my 22E Pro review, but it's basically the room between where the pen touches the glass and where it shows up. Some people complain about this, but again, it's not something that slows me down. For the money, it's pretty damn great and cuts down plenty of time from my Intuos' issues.

CONNECTIONS/POWER: I haven't had any trouble with the cords causing interruption when the tablet is moved, nor any faulty wiring. I have the MacBook adapter plugged into the HDMI, and the two USBs plugged into the USB ports. I also plugged the port that connects to the tablet with the wires not hanging over the power button. For some reason, I plugged it in the other way and there was some screen jittering. This issue went away when I flipped it. Not sure why you'd want to cover the power button anyway... Sometimes USB port warnings will pop up on laptops when they are using too much power, but I don't have that issue with the tablet (even though charging an ipod has given me that grief before). They do include a power adapter to use if that is an issue. They also include international power adapters so bonus for those using this as a mobile display.

------

I only used it for an hour, so I can't speak for long-term heating issues, but I haven't seen complaints with that. The tablet itself only weighs a couple pounds, no more than the Intuos 4, so it's very comfortable using it in my lap. I did a little doodling in my favorite drawing program, Clip Studio Paint:

Me and my cyan lines on grey to draft...
Thoroughly enjoyed just playing with it a bit. Once again, I look forward to what all I can accomplish with this over time.

Oh, and as for SET-UP, the instructions take you to their website to install the drivers. Install discs are defunct in this day and age, so anticipate using the internet just for this. It's a small file size so it downloads quick even with a slow internet connection. I do still have the Wacom driver on my MacBook but it didn't cause issues. My computer automatically set the screens as separate when I powered on the tablet, but some people have to set up whether they want to mirror screens or treat them separately manually. You'll have the options to set buttons on the stylus, hotkeys on the tablet, calibration and screen operations from there.

I don't know why I thought this would be a big task. It was set and customized within 15 minutes and it's very intuitive for most artists. As long as you know how to use your graphics program, the tablet doesn't add a huge learning curve to that.

If I can think of anything I overlooked, I'll add it later (asking me in comments will also help me decide what to add). For now, I hope this convinces you to give this tablet a try! As nice as this tablet is, it's hard to believe Wacom could really be worth paying hundreds more for. It really is a joy to work with.

How Bouts a Picture?

I tried to build a brand to trend, but it's about as stale as... well, month-old bread. I decided instead to focus on a business card that reflects what I actually like to do.

I write in my own style. I draw in my own style.

So why should I brand any other way?

I've been working on this one as a possible business card design. There may be quite a bit of fidgeting with fonts and image placement to come, but I rather like her for it.

I have a bit of fussing to do with it yet, but she embodies my work both as an artist and my interest in sci-fi infused fantasy themes. And let's face it, I tend to enjoy drawing women more. I don't hate drawing men at all--there's just that easy connection being in a female body myself. I might spit on enforcing any sort of gender roles, but I'm not in denial that I'm a female. (Also adding that men and women do tend to be better suited or more interested in certain roles and jobs, but anyone who has competitive skill levels NOT common to gendered stereotypes should kick some ass doing it.)

It's not the artist's job to be safe. If you want to work with a passionate artist, they're likely to drive you nuts from time to time. If you want to work with a safe artist, they're not likely to stand out for their clients or their customers. Because of that, I did a disservice to myself before by toeing the line. Every time I've followed my gut, I've found my best clientele, fans, and even better, friends.

I've taken an odd assortment of jobs, but rather than going the true temp worker route, I've found freedom in choice and risk. However, I am not that picky nor prone to danger. I do believe in humbling myself into choices I'm both not thrilled about yet still connecting to my goals. I've shed the bullshit tacts that baby-boomers swore by and adapted to the challenges that plague my own generation.

And now I look forward to MY future. The one where I stop listening to safe and keep listening to my instinct. Where I am accountable to my own choices and feel the full brunt of my mistakes, turning them into priceless lessons to push ahead.

Oh, and as my last blog post said, XP-Pen Artist 12 digital display tablet review ahead so stay tuned!

Monday, April 29, 2019

Kind of an Update

I usually do waitressing on Thursdays every week, but lately (like today), I've been taking Mondays for my cousin instead. Which I am all too happy to do, actually, because the difference has been about $15-25 higher in tips. So once again, in an effort to avoid a bedtime-ruining nap, I'm back to blogging.

So what's new? I'm feeling up to some amigurumi this summer, so I went yarn shopping for some colors I don't have. For those who don't know, amigurumi is the term for dolls/plushies/etc. knitted or crocheted. They often resemble popular characters. I won't be using patterns. I'm pretty versed in fiber sculpting. I'll be doing an older Ezio from Assassin's Creed for my nephew Dameon (we both agree his aging goateed blue outfitted form is the coolest) and a Gloomper from Don't Starve (another video game) for Marcus. I ordered it cheap from AliExpress so it might not even come for another month, but I'm making a list of other possibilities. I've had a lot of request for dragons, mermaids and other fantasy themed ones, so those are possible. I'm trying to keep most of them in the 6-12" range so they'll be fairly quick projects to squeeze in between drawing and writing.

A recent dragon neckwarmer I did; not amigurumi
Which is the next decision. I started doing a design that might be on my business card. I've designed business cards in the past but they've always felt conformist and sterile to what I'm actually about. So this time around, I'm drawing one of my bad ass, scantily clad ladies that will be emerging from the pages of a book. What prompted me to do this now is that I met a man where I work, Joe Styer, who saw my books and was interested in me doing some fantasy art for a friend of his. In exchange, he's using his professional expertise to help me build a professional website. So I decided that my business card should follow the colors of the site and wanted to get that going to match those up.

Just a peek at the draft...
Again, this is why I say it is so important not to sit on your work for too long. Absolutely edit it thoroughly and get it in the right place, but keep in mind that it becomes a portfolio. You probably think people are going to look at it as the best you're capable of, but the people you actually want to work with will more often recognize it as a part of your potential. Get something out there and prepare to talk about it honestly.

As for writing, I poked at what I'm currently thinking of as literary fiction. Not any impressive word count but I can tell you that, so far, it's about a young girl whose mother seems like a caring extrovert, but is actually a mentally ill woman who mostly takes it out on her. She has a younger brother who is still too young to notice anything and her mom suddenly springs a rather huge bomb on her daughter: she married her boyfriend and the man has a teenage son and fraternal twins, a boy and girl, she hasn't even met and they're moving into his house. She is forced to move into their home and a stuffy new prep school, all under the thumb of her unstable mother. Not really sure the aim of this one. Short story? Novel? Romance? Thriller? I'm not yet sure, but drafts don't necessarily contain those elements in stone so I'm going to let it grow organically.

I'll either work on that one, my UnNamed spin-off, or poke at Piscine, my sci-fi mystery. UnHeard isn't quite ready for progression yet and I'm okay with that. If don't pick it up before NaNo this year, it will once again be my NaNo project. Since I've been releasing the books in that series for my mom's birthday each year, that's always a good place to crunch the drafts and crack down on editing after anyway.

As for its partially finished cover, that's on the drawing list and is done as quick or sluggish as I care to make it. Likely followed by going ahead and designing the fourth while the momentum is up. I've had Eredin's face in my mind for quite a while, so it'll be exciting to get that done regardless.

And now I'm out. Bedtime is here. Thanks for killing time with me!

Saturday, March 30, 2019

XP-Pen Artist 22E Pro Mini-Review

I just got it and set it up so this won't be terribly comprehensive for the time being...

I set this up on my 2010 MacBook Pro and also on my 2009 iMac. First off, it does have the HDMI adapter for the MacBook Pro but I had to rob the HDMI adapter I use for my TV to hook it up to the iMac. This may not be an issue at all if you have a newer iMac but heads up for the older iMacs. Reviews recommend removing all Wacom drivers driver's prior to installing XP-Pen, which I did, so there wasn't an issue. You'll need to hook up both the top connecting port to USB as well as the HDMI cable for everything to work. Both pens charge by USB. For the MacBook, a USB hub is the best option if you're plugging it all in at once.

Unfortunately, my MacBook Pro charger decided to crap out today so I didn't get to finish testing it. The connections work but I'll have to come back to this once I get another charger. No biggie, just a minor setback.

I got it up and running just fine on the iMac though. I shut off mirror displaying in the display options and set the menu bar on the iMac but made the XP-Pen the main display so programs open on it by default. I opened the pen tablet display options and added Clip Studio Paint then wrote down the sixteen default hotkeys, which I like as is for now, then opened a Stickie and typed out the hotkeys on that, dragging it to the iMac screen for reference. I also dragged the navigator display from the side menu of CSP to the iMac screen and blew it up. This will make it easier to view the overall size while zooming on the drawing canvas in the program. I calibrated the pen, which may take a few tries, but it's all good to go.

The screen is definitely grainer if you're used to retina displays but I truly don't see this as a deal breaker for the price. The pressure sensitivity is very smooth and useful but it can be turned off if you want uniform lines that conform to the brush size. I don't have any issue with the pen buttons and I like the defaults where the top toggles between pen and eraser and the bottom is a right click. I haven't had issues with hitting the buttons when I didn't want to, but I am a pen turner so prolonged use may mean I end up turning off the bottom click setting at least. I did a bit of doodling and enjoy the feel and size of the pen as well as the stand and angles. Everything feels well built and, even after using the Wacom Intuos 4, I didn't find this to be inferior.

I've only played with it for a couple hours but so far, I'm pleased with it. I'm looking forward to using it for digital comics and book covers.

As for what it comes with, you get a bunch of cables, two pens (one comes in the case with the extra nibs and it's stored in a drawstring pouch), a drawing glove and a cleaning cloth. The pens charge with a cable but I've read that they charge quickly. I don't find them uncomfortable to use even when attached and charging though. Even as a third finger drawer, the third finger being covered is not obtrusive. The glove is very lightweight and comfortable. It's handy to reduce the cleaning of smudge marks caused by the oils on your hands.

The stand is very easy to adjust. You pull up on the little tab that hangs out and then move the stand bar. It's firmly held in place when you drop the tab back in place. It's nonskid so it won't be sliding all over your desk when you're using it. Despite my reservations about drawing being awkward at a desk, I quickly realized it's much more comfortable than I thought. The only thing that might get old is reaching up for the hotkeys so I may invest in the remote for it.

All in all, I'm pretty satisfied with what I'm seeing. I'll wait until I've had time to run it on the MacBook to go into more details, but so far, I'm excited to reconnect with drawings appearing under my hand. It's already a lot less awkward in that respect. I have a lot of experience with vector drawing and screenless tablets but it never quite felt right. I'd turn the tablet like I would paper and my strokes were going all over the place. I really see this cutting down on the time it takes to draw and paint and I'm eager to assess this again once I've put some quality time into using it.

Monday, March 25, 2019

Blobert, Blobbera, and Waitressing

Let's start off by introducing the title characters, Blobert and Blobbera:
Yup, these six inch high models are a new addition to my drawing repertoire. While I love apps like Magic Poser and Easy Poser, it takes quite a while to maneuver 3D figures and there are always some awkward bend deform issues. While a physical model like these comes with its own issues, it's much quicker and easier to manipulate. 

When you first get these guys, you'll absolutely want to pop them apart and fiddle with the assembly. If you're adventurous, you may want to take an X-Acto knife to a few places. The male's neck is a bit thick at the back which limits the tilt there. The female's head tends to pop off easier since it's not ball socketed like the male. However, any part that isn't sitting right can benefit from a little putty or, my standby favorite, silicone earplugs. They're wonderfully built but make them yours, if you pick some up. I love how little real estate they take up as opposed to the larger drawing mannequins. I have Barbie sized ball-jointed dolls, built much the same way, if I need something bigger but I think these little guys will get more mileage.

As for waitressing, it does get better. While I haven't yet run into any raging assholes, it's also possible my natural temperament prevents that. I am straightforward but apologetic when I get something wrong. I easily take blame when it's my fault and quite honest about it. When people get irritated, I don't send it back. I simply nod and tell them how I will fix it. My family is more forthright so they tell me they will step in if anyone gives me shit. Which isn't terribly likely to happen, but it's always good to know they have my back.

In a typical day, we spend about 30 minutes prepping prior to a shift. People all tend to flood in around the same hour or two, but the rush typically doesn't exceed two hours. There are some people that linger beyond closing time so we pretty much work around them to close up and finish up pretty quickly once they leave. This little restaurant only serves breakfast and lunch, closing at two. I bust my ass for around three hours and it pays decent. If everyone was a fair tipper, it would be better, but we'll get a mix of cheapskates and big tippers that sometimes balance it out. 

I love that I rarely stand still. Sedentary jobs are the worst. I love it as an artist because I stretch out on the end of my foam bedding, wear pajamas, and break when I need to. However, getting dressed up in uncomfortable business casual, sitting in a cubicle and twiddling my thumbs would drive my restless soul up a wall. It's constant thinking on my feet and I sweat like a marathon runner but it does wear me out enough that good sleep is the reward after.

So my blog is a mixed bag of nuttiness but I'm okay with that. I'm working towards an important goal so it's important to build my bases too. 

Also, shhh, but I bought my younger nephew a lightbox drawing tablet for himself. It's not going to be as high tech as mine, but it will work great as a tracing aid that can turn his efforts into a digital file. For him, drawing is a hobby. If he decides to get serious about it, I'll help him upgrade but there's never a sense in dropping big bucks early into anything. Work your way up and you get a sense of doing things both manually and then really appreciate the newer perks as you go. I support my nephews in anything they want to try and they can try more when we're thrifty--at least until we know how far they actually want to take it.

Now about that sleep... I'm ready for it.

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Desperately Seeking Solutions

It's no secret that I've been eye-humping Wacom digital drawing tablets for a while now, but I'm a long way from touching a price tag that lofty. I decided to start looking at those lesser known brands: Huion, XP Pen, etc. and found one by XP Pen that I'm now panting after as far more attainable.

21.5" display, touch keys, no touch screen, and a pressure sensitivity-in-the-many-thousands stylus with terrific reviews. Sorry, Wacom, but I'm cheating on you. Being nearly 5 times cheaper and much more reliable, it's not even a competition. I'm now aiming for the much more affordable range of $400-500 as opposed to the $2200-$3000 of the leading tablet company. For one, the 16 inch display falls into the $2200 range. Looking at the standalone option, Mobile Studio Pro, is upwards of $3000 and even those START at $3000, going up several hundred bucks for each inch of display.

While I'm sure leading brands probably get there for a reason, it's also very likely that hype starts to drive up those numbers more than anything. Look at Beats headphones; despite only being mid-range in sound quality, they're popular and more expensive than much better quality brands like Sennheiser. For a girl who just wants to start some serious digital drawing, the cheaper option is simply more appealing. I've learned over time that it's better to look past brand power, to find something functional and right for me, so research is a girl's best friend.

That's not to say I'm not a fool for Apple. People generally think that Apple is too high-priced or not upgradeable, but I've never had trouble snagging a great deal on them, especially prior to a new model. I'll take a generation behind the newest for a deal. As far as upgrading goes, my iMac was ahead of average for a good five years before standard PC packages ever came close. I've always preferred single-player gaming on consoles as well, so having a gaming rig was never a factor. I played World of Warcraft and Sims 3 on it just fine, no lag or graphics issues to speak of. My laptop, the latest 15" Macbook in 2010, finally reached the point where it wouldn't upgrade to the latest OS, Mojave, but I'm not shedding tears over it. It's still my faithful writing companion (but just as faithfully backed up because, holy hell, I've had it nine years. My first PC didn't hold up this long).

Even though brand power can feel like an added bragging right, there's nothing better than owning a piece of equipment you're not secretly cursing at, a trouble-shooting, customer support nightmare with a fancy logo on it.

I believe I've found my Mr.-Right-Now, which is as good as it gets with technology. Inevitably, tech just only goes so far before the hardware must simply be traded for the next best thing. The only technology I truly regret buying was my first laptop (I'm convinced Dell actually means 'coaster' in some language somewhere) and the Kindle Fire (which completely died for no apparent reason after less than a year of light use). Other than that, I've made some pretty stellar choices, fueled by research tailored to my long-term needs rather than being more impressive at a party.

I expect it will only take a month at most to save for it. But you can bet your ass I'm bragging about it when I do!

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Strength and Beauty: The Nature and Aesthetic of Women

Sometimes, we confuse the inner and outer beauty arguments, deciding what things should be without considering the person we're projecting them onto. 

Drawing isn't just about an aesthetic for me, although that's certainly part of it. It's not that I hate my face or my body, but there's never been a draw in simply duplicating what I see (and many an art teacher can testify to that when I took liberties in life drawing classes). When I want to draw a woman, I don't want to know exactly how it will turn out. Drawing from my head isn't so much about depicting the ideal woman as it is capturing a piece of what connects me to her.

Inevitably, the women I draw are beautiful. They're not always thin, but what I capture in their forms still reaches for grace, physical strength, emotional clarity. Sometimes, I'll draw a simple bust form...


Sometimes, I really want to play with the full anatomy.
There are always elements exaggerated, even realistically impossible, yet that's probably why I am able to reach into difficult dilemmas in my own life that I struggle to make sense of. When I pull these forms from my own experiences and observations, I am closer to my own nature.

Beauty is a concept women struggle with. We want to be beautiful but we don't. We are anxious if we'll be noticed, anxious about how we'll be noticed. We don't want to be forced to accept a compliment, told not to be a bitch when we don't want to acknowledge it the way the giver expects us to. We wan to feel safe, strong, noticed, but that isn't always about outer beauty. We want to be brave, intelligent, kind, curious, independent, but sometimes all the compliments (or insults) focus on how we look.

I know; it's a frustrating thing and we accept that is the nature of it. We know we can't have it all and sometimes we even objectify men or injure their self esteem when it comes to looks or superficial ideals of what we want them to be. 

What also should be understood is that what people fantasize about isn't necessarily what they want from reality. A bit of a morbid example, but on an episode of Law and Order SVU, a woman's identity was used by a vengeful ex on a rape fantasy site where he arranged for her to be sexually assaulted, her struggles and protests to be ignored as part of the act. While the theme is extreme, the episode touched on issues like consent and measuring virtual strangers by their online presence. Hell, the entire Catfish show can hammer that one home too.

With communities of disgruntled MRAs, MGTOWs, incels, feminazis and gender purists throwing out extreme ideas of what is expected of men and women, the prevailing danger comes most strongly from the very one-sided views of people that likely need therapy to cope with trauma rather than fueling each other's sicknesses. In the same vein, they try to police how the world should work in a way that protects them but harms others. 

Although my thoughts sometimes take a dark and gritty turn, I am optimistic. As I've said before, it's important to encourage individualism, to strive for the balance of humility and ego that lets us achieve self fulfillment without crushing others.

My struggle as a woman will still be unique to my experience. Even though I sometimes look for comfort in like minds, I know that to be too comfortable is dangerous as well. To agree with someone on one level does not mean we are bound to aspects of them we don't agree to, simply out of loyalty.

As they say, a true friend will always call you out on your bullshit. 

Mind if I wheel off these tracks and go back to the topic of art?

While drawing these pictures today, I had a bit of a mental glitch. I'd gotten used to digital painting a bit too much and the first time my pencil didn't cooperate, my left hand started pressing the page for the Undo hotkey on my tablet. Sigh. Blend or erase... Nothing quite beats the feel of paper and pencil but the transition isn't always so seamless and they both have their own challenges. I'd like to do some pen sketches if the mood strikes this weekend. As much as I love drawing women, I really need to work on men. As you can see, I have a soft style that often makes all of my males a bit effeminate. I'd like to work on some hyper masculine subjects. Not to say effeminate men aren't awesome, but I would like to extend my range.

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Cats, Coffee and Halloween

Saturday night, we finally caved to having furbabies in the house again. After losing my dog and cat a few years ago, I just couldn't get over the feeling that getting another pet was replacing them. My sister's cat had a couple of kittens that finally reached weaning stages, so now we have She-Ra and Seven. It's nice to have cats in the house again. They adjusted pretty quickly and they do bring cheer to the house so it was time.

Onto the coffee...

You might also know I got a coffee brewer for my birthday and have since enjoyed the wonderful world of mass brewing, travel mug and K-cup coffee since. My dad's ex-wife, a sweet woman named Carole who told me I've always been the daughter she wish she had, had a bunch of K-Cup coffee in different flavors and types that she sent home with my dad. Not just coffee but cappuccino and lattes-- mocha, peppermint and my favorite, hazelnut. The bottom shelf of one cabinet is now completely my teas, drink mixes, and coffees and that also makes this girl over the moon.

As for Halloween, that's a week away, folks! I've done two of the four planned covers and it's highly likely I'll finish the other two this week as well. They're absolutely beautiful. For the first one, I went half and half, blending a photo with digital painting, but it made me confident enough to just source a photo and paint independently. I went with a simple stock texture background that will just change colors over the series and then each front and back cover will contain half a face with a solid spine between them. There will also be an object behind the title, something in theme with the book (there's a dagger on the first and a lute on the second, but haven't decided on the other two yet). Because I scrapped the original covers that I hadn't really planned, I do plan on posting the cover drawing I'm not using for UnSung sometime prior to its release. It's done in more of a comic style whereas I used more realism for the current ones. I'm very proud of these so far so it will be difficult not to share them right away.

In any case, proceeds for The Magical Book of Wands will be donated to the American Library Association. Preorder this anthology, that I am proud to be a part of, before its Halloween release and help us fight to keep public libraries available. Libraries aren't just for readers. They also provide valuable community services like free internet and children's programs. Authors will not be taking any proceeds so if you still wish to support us, follow our links provided after our stories to find our work or find us on Patreon.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07H7T24SG

That wraps things up for now. It'll be back to digital painting, scrambling to finish what I can prior to NaNoWriMo and maybe doing some diamond painting. Holy hell, the diamond chips are tiny. I've never done this before and they're definitely smaller than even my Mini perler beads, so there will probably be a lot of swearing. Wish me luck!

Saturday, October 20, 2018

A Little More in Self-Discovery

Partway through my cover design phase prior to NaNoWriMo next month (less than two weeks!), I've realized what I thought would take a month is actually much quicker. It's very possible to have those four covers done by the end of October. As usual, I'm taking progress screen shots to tease prior to book release, but I'm beyond thrilled with how they are turning out. Blending for realism is a lot different than comic art so I thought it would take a lot longer. However, I'm getting the results I want  and I'm partway through the second cover already. Doing the third and fourth will only benefit from what I've learned already.

I've seen a lot of amazing artists on YouTube, many doing realism or comic art and even a hybrid like I aim for. I've been able to look at light and shadow differently and makes lists of things I want to try next. I didn't really have a lot of confidence I'd pull it off, so it was surprising that I have been able to find it intuitively rather than on purpose. 

There's a lot about drawing that requires me to let go, to confidence levels at all. Realism looks horrible at first. I can't immediately enjoy it like I do with line drawings. Yet once the colors start to deepen and shapes start to form, I understand why I endure it. When I start to manipulate them with unnatural, saturated colors and exaggerated proportions and forms, it's really fun. I never realized how much blending creates such subtleties in form. It's something you don't really see until you're manipulating it directly.

I never really pictures my characters quite like this before. It's not that I pictured them as cartoon characters either. I've always had a general idea of their features but visualizing them for cover art is new for this series especially. Again, I wasn't sure if I should do character art, but it's also what I enjoy doing, so it always wins. I'm not married to the idea of people thinking they should see them that way, but I do want people to see what I enjoy. Multi-talented people, this is our golden age, so always take advantage of that! Writers are not just readers-- we're also artists, crafters, pioneers for the benefits of taking control of our creative properties.

I'm grateful for every day I can pursue this. Anything can change that so I cherish it. I take every opportunity to draw and write when I can. To craft gifts and find a new problem to solve. It's made me a better person to be around. I have better relationships and bigger ideas and happier nephews. I love that I can pass on my knowledge with them, show them why it pays to pursue things you enjoy, bounce ideas off of them while we walk to and from their school. Right now, it's drawing. 

I find that big chunks of writing OR drawing tend to make either feel more profound. It's really funny how every time, I feel like I'm going to be rusty, so my confidence is an asshole. Yet, it's the time away that also creates this sense of wonder that I've actually developed some skill in the other that really shines in the transition.

Eventually my attempt at a comic book is going to rock. I'm going to sit down to do it, thinking otherwise. It's not humility or even lack of confidence because I feel like it's just practical. There's no preamble or procrastination in getting going, so it's more like underestimation for something I just haven't done in a while. The world will go away-- not because it's a bad world to be in, but the transition is about surrounding myself with a space that needs to be filled. It's not about escape but feeling as if I've been commissioned, an au-pair to a cast of characters wandering without direction, the architect of the mountains, valleys and cities to come. Like a favorite movie, I watch it in stages-- rough and new, engaged and developing, ripe and rich, burgeoning and complete. Every stage is trembling, on newborn legs to first love to frail old age. 

My eyes get a big workout. When writing, I sometimes stop looking at the keys or the screen and start rapidly looking around the world I'm in. Drawing is constantly drawing with my eyes what isn't there yet. I've laughed about how much work I do with my eyes, but I wasn't entirely joking. My eyes do tend to strain and twitch from use. Hand-eye coordination is big for crafters of all kinds. They tend to work together but it's not unusual for them to wander on their own.

Well, off to bed. I'll probably pop in with more progress updates. November will probably be more of the same. I may get more blog organized by December and think of a fun series to share. Until then, let's keep at our goals!

Monday, October 15, 2018

Nothing But Net!

If only I could always be so productive...

After one helluva crunch weekend, the first draft of UnSung is done, done, donnnnnnne. What does this mean? There are a couple places where I need to amend scenes and add some plot details, which may boost the word count (which currently sits at the 234.3K word count mark), but there's no more guesswork, only refinement to do.

Since the epilogue always leads into the next book, I've also warmed up the characters leading into UnHeard, my NaNo novel for next month.

The edit for UnSung will wait. For the rest of the month? Cover art! I've staged the foreground layers for painting, just need to get it done. I will be redoing UnNamed's cover to fit the new convention. In the future, when I start new series, I'll be planning themes in advance. I didn't do this for UnNamed because I only decided to make it an UnQuadrilogy at the last minute. One of these days, I'm sure I'll be able to do a standalone novel but fantasy is just too tempting for the serials.

Piscine, one of my many plotted projects in wait, will be a sci-fi mystery thriller. It is definitely planned as a standalone yet since it could very well become serial, even that is one I'll plan a cover for that could carry on a theme.

The Dreampunk Chronicles, a Steampunk YA project, will definitely be serialized. I use both real world places and surreal fantasy destinations there so the possibilities will extend as far as I dare. I am still planning to write one of these following NaNoWriMo, but... After I set up UnSung for publishing and UnNamed for republishing (just a new cover). 

For those that bought the first edition, I may try to get some posters printed of the new cover to you, signed and sent free of charge as thanks for early adoption. I'll have to look at expenses but I really want to look at swag, convention booth options and so on for the coming year regardless.

Yes, the webcomic is another script I play with. With the way things are planned already, that's looking at a Fall 2019 slot at the soonest. I should have the first Dreampunk and UnHeard at least drafted by then. More details on those at a later date since I'm planning too far ahead already to nail down dates.

In the foreseeable future, Virtual FantasyCon is right around the corner, November 4-10. VFC Reader's Corner is a group you can join for the details. Remember, The Magical Book of Wands is up for preorder on Amazon. It's a great mix of fantasy short stories (I had the chance to read it this past weekend) and it's worth a read! Historical, urban, dark, traditional-- whatever your fantasy tastes, there's something for everyone. 

Here's hoping 2019 is an amazing year! 2017-18 were full of great learning experience, ups and downs aplenty, so I'm going into in with the same blend of optimism and cynicism that keeps me afloat. Thanks for hitching along!

Friday, October 12, 2018

Just Stuff

Cold weather is finally here and if you know me, I'm as psyched as the people who like hot weather (and probably enjoy those same people whining about how cold it is). Right now, I kind of just want to sleep under the warm fluffy blankets I dug out to celebrate and breathe in the ice cold air pouring into my window. No fans, no heaters, just silence to enjoy or fill with purposeful noise.

Of course, there's a cutoff. Once the cold dips towards freezing, I close windows. Once it dips into the 20s, I pull out the space heater (if my fingers and nose are icy). Yet, my favorite wardrobe comes out-- giant sweaters, fleece pajama pants, crocheted hats, fluffy socks. Things that aren't comfortable to wear unless the air is genuinely chilled. Even a cranked AC can't quite create the same environment a legitimate fall/winter permeating chill can.

Sometimes it can spark health issues, but for the most part, it's ripe for crochet, reading, writing, hot drinks and wholesome food holidays. I even met my weekly writing goal towards UnSung this week so I can hibernate and huddle up and plot if I want. (Getting so close to the end, but I'm really trying to tie up plots in the draft rather than throwing it together and dealing with an editing mess.) Still have cover art to do, still have NaNo prep underway, still have holidays to squeeze in so my loved ones don't think I'm losing functioning status on the social spectrum. Kingdom Hearts 3 will steal my soul in January and maybe Dragon Quest XI which I've been meaning to play, but haven't gotten yet.

Priorities still point to writing. Aside from the daily grind of feeding little people, keeping the house clean, and maybe some tablet gaming while nodding off at the end of the day, the usual juggling became more concentrated. At the least, I want UnSung's draft done. It will get put aside after that. I won't edit it again until December and not just because of NaNo. I really want to kick some dirt over it and look at it with fresh eyes. While starting its sequel for NaNo, things might shift even. So I'm looking at a 2019 release after all. I really want to avoid rushing things even if it means pushing them around a bit. It will be worth it to be more flexible in plans to get them just right.

That being said, time to enjoy this chilly weekend, however I use it. About to make some hot tea to start. Oolong, if you want to know. Here's to a productive winter season. Buh-bye, bugs, sweat, sun rashes! Hello, wonderful smell of dying leaves, fire pits and seeing my breath when I breathe!

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Bestiaries are the Best!

Bestiary... let me copy-pasta this first...


bes·ti·ar·y
ˈbesCHēˌerē,ˈbēsCHēˌerē/
noun
noun: bestiary; plural noun: bestiaries
  1. a descriptive or anecdotal treatise on various real or mythical kinds of animals, especially a medieval work with a moralizing tone.

I do this because a friend of mine almost immediately asked me what a bestiary was when I said I was doing one for my ever-growing list of magical abominations. Can't assume this is common knowledge if even my nerds/geeks aren't all on board here.

If you told me a decade ago that I would ever care to do one, I'd have cocked an eyebrow at you and told you you couldn't pay me to do one. I'm an artist, sure, but I had this odd niche in my twenties where almost everything I drew was a female and possibly a fairy. Still, animals were not my thing. I couldn't draw them from memory, but I'm pretty decent at drawing based off a picture. When I say this, I don't mean the exact picture even; I could discern how to draw it from other angles based off of the anatomy. I just didn't have the exact form locked in without seeing it.

The first time I had to cave in was for a college project in character design. The task? Create a mythological creature based on two or more actual creatures. Source pics, an anatomical skeleton and at least three natural habitats it might reside in. I... was not happy. Like most things I was not happy about drawing, I did it anyway. Mostly as some snide decision to prove I sucked at it, even though I was always wrong and it was always pretty damn good.




Not bad, right? I'm glad nature doesn't actually make these horror combinations of alligators and pelicans, but I realized I didn't hate working with animal anatomy. Certainly knew I always loved human anatomy and I even loved the hell out of AP Science classes in high school, but I'd never really wrapped my head around enjoying the two in combination.

I didn't exactly unlock Pandora's box just because of that though. In fact, until I was making my senior portfolio years later, I didn't think to do it again. This time, it was an axolotl/hummingbird.

Again, years passed before I thought about it again. I can at least be consistent in forgetting things. This time, it's for UnQuadrilogy. I didn't start off intending it to be like this either. I love using polytheistic mythologies as a theme, so I set out looking to write a single novel about a man once more shaking away the perfection of gods by revealing their mistakes. Somewhere along the way, I woke a dragon, in the multi-layered literal sense. I also woke a four-book plan to align with the mishaps of the Four Gods in question. It didn't stop with dragons (in fact it didn't actually start there. Heh. There was a giant snake before that one, to be technical). UnSung came along and the little bastards started cropping up everywhere. And like most plans run wild, I realized that a new stage of planning was inevitable.

So along came the bestiary. I could say my years as a gamer was actually where this became a thing I was aware of. It wasn't fantasy books. I still remember my mom introducing me to my first fantasy book while we were sitting at Pizza Hut and I was clutching the Dragon Warrior manual for the Nintendo and going on and on about the story of the Dragon Lord. She told me I should read The Hobbit. Although I enjoyed the riddles between Gollum and Bilbo, it wasn't an immediate favorite. In fact, I started delving into fantasies and developed a love for Russian fairy tales. Bartek the Doctor and Finn the Keen Falcon were favorite short stories of mine. When I started expanding, it was actually Anne Rice that came into my view first. Beyond the Vampire Chronicles, I fell in love with Garth Nix's Sabriel and Sara Douglass's everything-else. I always loved dark tales with improbable romance and deep lessons.

I just wasn't into the sort of fantasy books where bestiaries were used. Tolkien was just okay for me and I still have yet to pick up a book by names I see often-- Brent Weeks, Patrick Rothfuss, Brandon Sanderson. I won't go into the fact that somehow female writers are often pushed into romance subgenres (even though men have proven to be just as sensitive/romantic/sexual as writers). I've done it to death and have nothing new to add, but needless to say, I've just never been into fantasy purely for the world-building, creature roster and sword swinging. I'm told that Sanderson heavily plans magic systems in his tomes and, after trudging through the House filler of George R. R. Martin, it sounds about as exciting as a dentistry manual. 

Don't get me wrong; I love planning the logic as much as the next geek, but I've become conscious that it makes for tedious reading. Everything needs a solid base. Houses also have impressive foundations, but their beauty doesn't lie in seeing what went into it.

Bestiaries are my new fun project, but it's not something I think anyone will actually share in the enthusiasm with. Who knows; I might have those kinds of fans that do. In that case, I'd love to share my post-publishing notes and side projects here and there. For most people, even the most devoted, nope. When I love a book, I don't even assume I'll like anything else they've done. It might be worth looking for the next in a series, but I don't wade through half a dozen 'bad' books before I give up-- I'll give it about .2-2 entire books before I'm done. I can appreciate different fans and fandoms and I don't begrudge anyone their success, but I honestly just develop the books that I would want to read.I used to love the thrill of discovery, but my level of patience started wearing thin.

Writing was largely about creating what I wanted to see. It wasn't some lofty decision that everything was crap. I was looking for an instant fix and I was getting a lot of great ideas. Like everything else, I labored to be good at it, but ultimately, I set out not just to enjoy something but to see if there's some overlooked aspect that I might enjoy more than I expected I might. Even if you think I'm really good at a lot of the things I do (and I'm not so falsely humble or lacking in self confidence as to disagree), my tastes are tricky to pin down. Nothing wrong with that-- Stephen King became more prolific over time. You can argue that success afforded that, but self-publishing has removed that as a luxury a writer has to earn. Now, we can publish what we want AND be poor... (yeah, it's not really an advantage, but I still love it.)

Maybe I should talk about what's involved in a bestiary. In short, whatever the hell you want. Does size matter? Eye color? Species names? Strengths and weaknesses? Essentially, it's just a character dossier for the creatures. In this case, there will also be humanoid creatures. Many of them can communicate intelligently with humans, so it would be a much shorter bestiary if I limited it only to the sentient, hostile, or purely animal sort. The ones that are main characters in those categories get their own profile considerations, but again-- this be on a needs basis, yo.
I might post a sample page once I have one complete. I've organized them loosely at the moment in the order they appear in the books. This might change. As a designer, flexible elements are part of the job, so I've made everything in convenient drag and drop pieces.

When it comes to my books, I'm a writer first and foremost. I don't actually have a set way of looking at my characters and creatures. Aside from the details actually pulled into the book, I have no actual 'canon' and those other details are flexible, sometimes changing. Very different from how I view floor plans in a previous post. I do floor plans to lock things in, but I do character sheets and bestiaries to play around with possibilities.

Up until NaNoWriMo, I'm throwing open my creative doors again and doing things on impulse and need. I'll put out a more detailed bestiary post later once I've fleshed that out. I'm spreading out the scheduled posts since they'll continue to be more scarce as I focus on other things. Even if they trickle to 1-3 a week, I'll still make an attempt to keep it up.

Onto the creative now!

Monday, September 24, 2018

Focusing When You Can't Pay Attention

As someone who has always dealt with central nervous system mishaps, it always makes me crack up laughing when someone says they couldn't possibly accomplish as much as I do for lack of focus, inability to pay attention, however they phrase it. I'm high-functioning at best-- whether you throw a name at it or not, the symptom of 'lack of focus' is still a daily reality. I've gone over both my health challenges and creativity 'unblocking' techniques, even how I focus, but perhaps too safely-- ultimately I've neglected to honestly depict the tug of war that occurs behind the scenes. Although I'm flattered that I look to be so hardworking and productive, the reality is that it's only because I work in solitude that I can manage some semblance of focus and also have the ability to have emotional meltdowns without risking embarrassment or causing a scene.

Some people use meds to handle a more public life. If it didn't have a choice, I probably would too. I'm going to go ahead and assume you're already taking care of those individual needs since I'm no doctor and I can't possibly address all of those here even if I researched it. If you're minding your diet, getting at least two and a half hours of quality exercise a week, taking meds for your conditions, then you're already further ahead than I was when I had to build up to my current superpowers. I suppose I can't just assume it's common knowledge, but your creative health is dependent on your physical and mental health. You can't have one without the others.

The rest? It's largely about creating more healthy habits, these pertaining specifically to your goals.

1) Eliminate distractions.

Some of the things you've sworn are inspiration are purely distraction. That music that fills you with the valor of a Valkyrie. That favorite show that's given you great ideas for what you're working on. I do often work with my TV on, but it's also not the latest episode of a show I'm actively watching or even something particularly interesting. Usually low volume creates a pleasant white noise, but I keep the remote in reach to Mute as soon as I realize my ears are pulling towards it too much.

'White noise' is actually better creative therapy for some-- I personally love the sound of my fish tank filter running, a fan blowing, and the clock ticking on the wall. For some, the clock is way too indicative of passing time, too marked, so this isn't one I'd say is universal. I'm aware that some people can study to heavy metal/thrash music as well, but I'm sound-sensitive. Even my own choice of music is something I can only enjoy at certain volume levels depending on mood.

It's perfectly fine to get distracted, but if you often find that it's not producing anything outside of procrastination and feelings, then you need to note the risk and either substitute it with something more meaningful to your goals or just get rid of it. I like to work in relative silence most of the time. I do keep playlists of music without English words or any language at all but those are mostly something I enjoy on breaks rather than ever use while writing.

2) If you can't eliminate, turn it into inspiration.

Many of the sounds and sights in life are unavoidable but they don't have to terminate creative processes. I've raised my nephews so I know kids can be a big weight on how efficient you can work. It's VERY difficult to get into a flow state when kids seem to both have the worst timing and a need for attention, no matter how independent they are. There were definitely stages where creativity had to come in stolen moments until they were older. It was an odd mix of depressing and educating. I learned to become both patient and opportunistic.

Get your 'distractions' involved, however you can. Even if you're not writing kids' books, there are universal ideas and even fresh quirks that kids can offer your stories. If your neighbors are assholes, then maybe loud music is something you adapt to in order to drown out that annoyance. No matter what distractions must be dealt with, part of the creative process often extends beyond the work itself and is tested in how you handle life. You don't have to be 'normal' to work around what challenges you. Facing fears and doubts is how we drown them out. I'm never going to be comfortable in crowds but I do it anyway because, seriously, fuck all the things that stop you from what you really want in life. My ability to take risks is directly related to the very specific goal of why I'm doing it.

3) Admiration can be your key to turning passive planning into action.

When you tell friends, like me, that you admire me and wish you could do it, I'll almost instantly reply with 'you can.' Okay, maybe you can't have my exact level of talent nor reap the rewards of that hard work, but you already have something you can build from but you probably haven't actually tested it. I can 'do it' so it's not something only the neurotypical get to enjoy. Given, I could easily do so much more without it that I'd give it up in a heartbeat. It's not supreme focus that got me here. It's not pure passion that keeps me going. It's not even goals. I trained myself over time to change damaging impulses into productivity.

In the same way you can instantly turn the urge to party into calling up your friends to see who wants to go, you can start phoning up your mental desires. By all means, admire away, but don't just stay wistful over what you wish for. Seriously ask what it would take to do it. If it's not a hobby, start there. If it is, what would it take to take the next step? Pull out a notebook and crack open the web browser on your computer and start taking those advice lists and cherry picking what appeals. When your approach fails, there are tons more to pick next. As it turns out, some of those undesirable options from previous searches might turn into the one you love. I hated vector drawing when I first tried it. Now, it's one of my favorite ways to draw when my wrists act up.

A lot of people are overwhelmed by the idea of mastery. Mastery isn't about focus, at least not entirely. It's more often about flexibility. When the best tools aren't available, do you know how to work another way? What people most often admire is results. To get results, you often have to trudge through a lot of unconventional fixes to power through. The most flawless results are the product of great effort. People often admire what they aren't doing, but they'll develop an even greater admiration and appreciation when they actually try it for themselves. Being a mentor or involved in someone else's process is magical, but don't put your own efforts on the back burner too often.

4) Don't fixate on schedules.

You know I'm not fond of 'don't's but this is a big one, especially when you're first starting out. If you're not gifted with laser focus the minute you sit down, you might find it immediately frustrating when your mind goes blank. Go ahead and unfocus your eyes. If your brain just hums, well, I count that as blessing. At one time, I might have panicked when my brain did that, but it's also an intuitive form of meditation. Don't force thoughts into the space just because you decide it's time. Inaction is not an immediate sign of failure. If that's the part that doesn't sit right, remember Jack Torrence's carelessly typed 'all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy' in The Shining. If you need to get your fingers going, do it that way. Another idea-- don't have a clock in view or even in reach (my own ticking clock is not in immediate view). If you like to use alarms to time breaks or other priorities, keep it out of reach. Getting up to get it is a marker of putting your work down. Most computers have a customization option for turning off the onboard clock too. Even if you want to try a schedule method, there's no reason you should let time bully you into thinking you're taking up precious chunks of it. Trust me; once you get going, those brain fogs are going to be easily forgotten.

5) Stop when you want to keep writing.

You're going to need to take breaks or address unavoidable distractions at times. Keep a notepad or a note app handy at all times so you can jot down what you want to tackle when moving ahead, but keep in mind that lack of focus can happen even when the getting is good; more so when you've neatly wrapped up a big idea. Engaging focus can be largely solved by just wanting to continue badly enough. Do as many of the things you've discovered to be helpful in the past as often as you can.

But you can't put it down when it gets good! Yes, that's a discipline too. No one actually wants to, but I've found that even the most vivid ideas only get better when you can't get to them right away. However, don't let desire come in the way of taking care of yourself. If you keep putting that creative place first, your mental and physical well-being will degrade. Yes, mentally too. Because physical stress and mental health are directly related, not taking those breaks, not minding your body's need will bite you on the ass. Your metabolism can take blows that are difficult if not impossible to fix easily. I once crocheted so often that I developed a condition called trigger thumb. Because I thought I could handle marathon creative sessions, I ended up unable to use that hand for six weeks.

Carpal tunnel syndrome used to be a painful re-occurrence, but after wrist braces, corrective habits and mindful use to avoid agitating it, I can mostly forget it's there (on occasion, I agitate it by playing on a tablet too long, but if you've ever been hit by a carpal tunnel flare-up, there's no mistaking it and you immediately quit what caused it).

Don't wait until you have to stop. Don't always think that pushing it makes it better. I've read that there are actually only about 3-5 hours a day in which we are optimally productive (less prone to mistakes and on point). There's not a 'go' light on when it starts and being high-energy isn't an indication. High-energy can be restless energy so it's more likely to be a zen state you're looking for. Even then, if you can quit prior to a climactic point, the chances are higher you'll hit the ground running when you come back. Even if you've only written or worked an hour before you reach it. It's worth the risk to feel this one out.

6) Don't focus.

(Again, with the 'don't'...) Counterproductive? Maybe. What's the point? Getting to it. If in the middle of creative flow, you would rather jump ship to draw the cool animal you just thought of or you've thought of what would be amazing in some other story you're not working on, embrace it. I've come to firmly believe that discipline is not restricted to the one thing you tell yourself you should be doing (something I bring up over and over, I know). Restless moments sometimes require restless solutions. I have a yoga ball that I enjoy using as a desk chair on occasion. Useless for drawing, but I type rather well while bouncing. As far as drawing goes, I never see mistakes until I walk away from it several thousand times. Sometimes I see the big picture, sometimes I'm overly fixated on the weirdest details. The creative brain is meant to benefit from that volatility. Remember that you will have an editing phase. Editing has become my holy city. However, if you don't feel that way...

7) Do puzzles.

One of the way I've learned to organize my brain is to take advantage of visual puzzles. Jigsaw, brain teasers, word games, stacking-- doesn't matter which one, but these are all repetitive disciplines that you never solve the same way twice. Wasting a good half hour on puzzles is a phenomenal way to fake focus. This does tend to work better for women, but my grandfather is a huge fan of crosswords and my dad likes quiz shows. In order to trigger intellectual structure, the visual engagement is damn near a failsafe. Some writers do image searches to create inspirational collages, but even the most abstract sorting can stimulate a solid bout of focus.

I once had a college prep course that focused on what kind of 'learner' you are. While it's been flagged as a pseudo-science since (much like the Jungian based Myers-Briggs typing), some people often insist they are more auditory, visual, haptic, etc. I'm not big on listening so I can tell you that's not a strong suit, but most people respond splendidly to a mix of hands-on and visual, which is why puzzles are so useful. Even if your hand-eye coordination is abysmal, puzzle games tend to sharpen it due to muscle memory being linked to specific tasks.

Puzzles don't immediately demand a skill level and also ease you into a sense of accomplishment. Even when you absolutely can't solve it, you tend to mull over that problem. Learning the answer is something you rarely forget either. I can tell you the words I lost with in grade-school spelling bees-- if only because I was determined never to misspell them again. (Ulcer and whetstone, for the record-- not really common use words prior to middle school, but aggravatingly simple in retrospect.)

8) Be a tourist.

You could travel in earnest here, but this is more a nod to touching base with something more important than focus: being unsure in an unfamiliar place. It's a very stressful experience but one infused with excitement and possibility. When you think of the things you'd rather do but are repeatedly not doing them until you remember it randomly at three AM... It's time to travel. Think of those excited tourists not paying attention while snapping tons of pictures with the attention span of a squirrel. Let it be an exciting state of being. I realize this very much lines up with turning distractions into inspiration, but think of this as the next half step. Don't make this sentiment about focusing on work at all, simply gathering the experiences that make it irresistible to talk about it later.

I come across this time and again, but can't stress it enough. Productivity includes wandering. If you haven't heard Tolkien's famous quote 'Not all who wander are lost.' Even if you are technically lost, perception is more important. I wandered away from home when I was 3 years old. To panicked adults, I was lost, but I remember it differently.

I felt transient twinges of fear, wonder, curiosity, a sense of independence quite striking for a 3 year old. I still remember clutching the book (titled Snow) and my favorite My Little Pony in a patchwork sundress and puffing up as I passed Scary Tree. When I walked past it with Mommy before, I cringed and hid behind her leg, but this time all I had was my word-shield and trusty steed. Somehow, it made all the difference that day.

Find some moment of childhood curiosity. Use it to help you unlearn what productivity is. At some point, the things that formed you, that fed your imagination, were idle things. As a creative, you sometimes have to tour idly through your spaces, feel around in the dark before you turn it into a moment you can share. Creatives don't really have vacations. What might appear inactive is something we have to let people criticize for lack of understanding. Enjoy your secret smiles, sudden laughter and resting bitch face while you slip in and out of those thought processes you'll use later.

9) Do everything else.

You knew we were heading here; admit it. There is nothing more irresistible than doing something else intentionally when you actually can focus. Krista, seriously; I'm focusing and NOW you're telling me to play hard to get? Yup. Sometimes you know when you can take this risk, so go for it. On occasion, this perfectly envisioned scene only goes to nth levels beyond that when you dangle the carrot. I saved this one for last because this is something I'd save for master levels of discipline. It might take a really great day, a higher than usual energy level (again, energy isn't a sole indicator), but even a half hour of circling the prey can lead to a spectacular kill in your ability to focus. Deprivation is along the lines of absence making the heart grow fonder. Just don't push that muse too far. Another risk you must be aware of is that absence also creates the opportunity the other pieces may abandon you.

It's a process needing great care. How long can you fast before you trigger starvation? You don't truly know you've gone too far sometimes until the penalty hits. Whether you neglect focus or demand it too much, creating the balance is NOT about creating the ideals. People are groomed in modern times to fear things outside of their control and for people like me, it makes you very sick to try.

Control is an illusion. If you haven't seen the movie Instinct with Sir Anthony Hopkins and Cuba Gooding Jr., do this now. There are situations where control isn't possible and ramming your head into the wall doesn't make the wall crumble. You do have SOME control and it is over how you handle and respond to things, how you react to stimuli. Before I learned to balance diet, exercise, negativity, I was hypersensitive in none of the good ways. It's not control that made me better, but flexibility. I didn't restrict my diet, enforce exercise and sleep, etc. I based even that on its availability and probability.

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As a good friend of mine said, self-publishing is the way of the future. It's one way creatives are deciding for themselves how their work is most beneficial. Traditional may be experienced for a market, but self-publishing inspires those who work differently, shows that their methods might actually be more beneficial to the work itself. We learn to become entrepreneurs and can prioritize which aspects to handle ourselves or who to give jobs to. Like any option, it can and will be abused, but we are also giving readers more freedom to choose the content they want to see, free from the bullying of literary selection. Our focus is limited only by our choices.

That's scary too, for many people. That because these are our choices, we have only ourselves to blame. Personally, that's a huge breath of fresh air for me. In almost every instance where I was quick to blame someone else, I denied myself a valuable lesson in how I could have handled it differently. When some aspect of my work is not its best, people address me directly and it is something I can improve on. I don't just guiltily sit on my hands and say I have no clue/power to fix it or learn from it.

My blog posts can often be unfocused, but natural thought is hardly a neat and pretty process. Lists are about as close as you can get to reining yourself into the subjects at hand. Nothing wrong with not having some profound point. In most stories, we all latch onto very different aspects. I've read things that have rocked my foundation apart while others reading the same thing were unmoved. That's also a point on the subject of focus. Finding the focus of your story is not a linear path. You're not playing by the same rules of any other job and you don't need to satisfy the requirements of anyone observing you. Sometimes your ally in your fight for focus is embracing your inner squirrel.

It's stolen moments. And a lot of forgotten acorns that spawn many a forest.