Manspread All Up In That Story

One thing I've always felt strongly about is this: if it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander. In no particular order. I'm a proponent of equality in that I don't think that any perceived oppression somehow means that one side receives the okay to a privilege at the loss of someone else. If there aren't enough toys for the whole class, no one gets to play. The idea that X amount of resources get rotated in time allotments always means someone is happy at another's expense. A good solution is one that works for everyone. You only need one kickball to get everyone in the game.

Writing groups can fester with us vs. them debates and what men are allowed to write about women's bodies is often nitpicked, completely ignoring the entire domination of the romance and man-meat genre by women. Not even a new genre, making a mark before self-publishing could make it explode with popularity.

I get inside the heads of all my characters, keeping in mind both the prevalence of gendered psychology and individual variety. Men can be poetic and reserved, even in their heads, where women can be aggressive and fixated on looks-- there's no dominion here but there's also a reason why those aren't the norm. Men are more prevalently visual in their affections, with a woman's curves, a thing the average man lacks, a point of attraction and mystique. This doesn't put women at a disadvantage in their norm; ladies, our bodies are built with more emotional and physical receptors, making us creatures of touch. While on average, it's easier for a man to have visual priorities satisfied, women who warm up to their desires are introduced to a lengthier and more lasting fulfillment.

Women and men can both experience physical attractions and casual satisfaction. They can both be sexual predators, taking what they feel like they deserve. Physically a man can easily overpower a woman, but women can use manipulation of a man's virility and expectation to perform to coerce their wants. It's a deeper subject than I will be able to give justice to here, but the possibilities do require some thought before assumptions are thrown around.

Where does man-spreading come in? Often, in the heads of men I write, they are engaging in the dreaded male gaze, the pure physical enjoyment of a woman, whether they entertain courtship or something more temporary. I realize the reader on first impression may jump to fast assumptions: he's a pig, he's shallow, he's typical. However, if all it ever amounted to was a first impression, I'm a poor writer. With first impressions, it is often about core traits, something either formed by society's expectations of them or even something that embarrasses them and are glad it's safely in their heads-- at least unless it tumbles out, then it's another issue for the telling.

Well, women are not exempt, as I've said before. Their thought processes and experience are sometimes different beasts as well and on the other side of the coin, they may blurt out their empowered come-on proudly as well. And there's something that bothers me about the modern attitudes that frame that wording too. Is it really an empowered come-on or is she just a pig too? My fantasy worlds may not carry any of our standards, so what remains is to give you the weight of it in the cues of reactions and internal dialogue. You could launch into a preachy monologue about 'society's weight means this and that to men and women.' Wait, maybe not. Boring, boring, boring and you just abandoned your fantasy into the realm of non-fiction. 

What remains is finding the lead without dragging the reader by their nostrils. It's possible that their aggression is still frowned upon, but it's also possible they don't care and are prepared to brush off anything that stands to shame them. Without any more details, you don't know the weight their gender places nor can you clearly say they are looking for consent or predatory. They might not even know the lines, a conflict of self-perception or a lack of a measure to compare their actions. However, give it a gender and the reader is more prepared to impose their own experiences first, at least until the writer can shed some light on the way the character works.

This is why I encourage writers to focus on the character, not about the sensitivity of potential readers. When you are focusing your craft at the mastery of your story, I trust that most writers are addressing how to present the conditions with deeper thought than I've grazed over here. Most of us are not fond of the things our protags/antags do to maneuver through, but if everything is fade to black, it looks lazy, generic and scared of itself without letting the reader in on why. Sometimes your fear is preempting the point before it even gets made. It happens too often that a writer asks if an idea is okay before it's even written. The thing is, your description shows nothing of the effort it takes to accurately decide if it works or not. What if I rewrote Harry Potter with a female lead? I don't know-- are you writing it as Hermione, Harriet Potter or Voldemorticia? Without the actual act of using your voice and storytelling ability, it's a two cent idea.

Whatever you do to tell your story, it must be written first. Don't be afraid to write women as a male. You will have opportunities to find out what is working for people as you go. As a woman, I don't try to make a man 'me plus a penis.' I don't know what men face, I don't assume they can operate with my advantages or disadvantages. I don't discount that they can be sensitive but I'm not going to force it either.

When I say I manspread over a story, it's tongue in cheek. Just like I can enjoy a nice female ass, they can too. I've got big old writing balls that I can't bear to crush between crossed legs.

As always, I may not have covered all of the bases, but UnSung is getting damned good and the bulk of my brainpower goes there first and foremost. Argue it or take it in stride, but as always, I strive to let people know that trends bloom and die-- give your story a limited forum at your own risk. Own it, grow it, release it.