The numbness wore off, confirming that the crunching sounds and near unhinging of my jawbone were very real. I'm not sure why but my brain is convinced it's because a man wearing a bunny suit hit my face with a combine. Of course, those nut job vegans are somehow to blame.
I'm now debating on whether my blog rants on vegans will somehow come back to haunt me in ten years. Unless you fart sunshine and douche with rainbows, someone will find a way to twist it. No, that person is probably getting nailed on every cross too.
Scrambled eggs should be safe. They should be but they are NOT. I'm not yet allowed to rinse my mouth so I spent a good fifteen minutes debating whether I was going to risk dry socket if that weird sensation was supposed to be there and not just some asshole piece of chicken embryo.
Yeah, we get it, vegans-- these things don't EVER happen to you. Have your big sad trophy...
I have exactly zero other soft foods to choose from at the moment, but I'm seriously considering Jello and Greek yogurt. That's right; seriously considering. I can't remember giving this much headspace to food, but I also stared at a paper bag for ten minutes and ended up walking away, not sure of what decision I was supposed to be making about it. I shrugged and barked out an awkward laugh to look cool for the zero other people judging me then decided that big decisions were a really bad idea right now and I should probably hide my credit card from myself.
I won't remember where I put it last because it won't be where I usually put it.
More sleep for now. I go get my nephews from school soon and sleep will probably make me less embarrassing. However, since I've never disguised my weirdness, it would take a lot to shock these kids.
Somehow I bet that achievement is within easy reach nonetheless.
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