Containers and Voids

One thing creatives all have in common is the need to feed their soul. Okay, that's more of a human condition in general, but what makes a creative type more capable of pumping out work and staying busy is largely dependent on filling an endless void.

Everyone has a container, a capacity for satisfaction to overflow. However, a creative often doesn't have that. Ha, I guess that probably sounds ridiculously sad, to say that the capacity for satisfaction is somehow slimmer, but it's not quite that pathetic. No, inside that void, where ideas are endlessly poured and just as quickly syphoned away, the creative just has to make waves, to catch those juicy streams and shoot them over the brim. So rather than dribble down the glass, as a full container might, a creative becomes a sort of tamer of dreams. 

Of course, forcing those pieces to become something means it takes a lot more control to gather them to fill the audience's containers. Much like working as a waitress, I have 50 ideas in play (or 50 drinks to refill) and it's become more than just filling glasses, but finding the ones who wanted them to begin with.

Nothing is worse for a creative than a void that is simply a vacuum. Which is why it's just as important to find enough outside of our heads to throw into it. Turn it into a blender and find more to gather from. It doesn't mean you HAVE to travel or party every night. Sometimes it means just laying on the floor and playing with cats or watching the rain slap and slither along your windows.

Spending too much time unloading into a word processor or sketching lines... Sometimes, those things just stop flowing and, as a creative, it could cause a panic. Shouldn't the thing you love come, good or bad, as easily as breathing? Of course, no one actually thinks it's easy, but productivity often suffers for lack of those inspirational connections.

As I've said before, writing and drawing are my primary focal points, but I have a lot of hobbies, things I simply enjoy to keep things going. Sure, some people have that one thing they tend to stick to, but the most prolific creators I know are the ones that don't hit full panic mode when that one thing isn't what they want to do. They tend to immediately realize that they have other aspects of their life to work on: a 5 mile jog they wanted to do, a book to read, animals to pet. Some even have sporadic hobbies, things they might also be great at, but definitely just enjoy, if not. Maybe they only connect with it a few times a year, but even if it's work, it refreshes them like a vacation might.

So I guess this is the best time to segue into what made me want to build up with that: doll making. I'm not particularly amazing at it, if only because I'm not a terrific traditional painter or fashion designer. It falls under the category of something I sometimes enjoy. I get a lot of compliments on my second book cover:

Yep, this one...

And I've always wanted to start doing a custom build on a 1/3 scale doll. I've done customs on Barbie sized dolls (which are 1/6 scale) and it's pretty tough working with a model that small. I saved up some money and finally bought the doll parts I liked. Although I had the face pre-painted and the fishnets will be pre-made, I decided I'd craft and sew the other elements myself. And that includes wefting the wig and molding armor this time around.

I'm really excited to attempt to recreate her. It's a project very likely to get me back into my own blender state that inspires writing and drawing more again.

Not that I ever go cold turkey with writing and drawing. I'd just like it to fill more of my day again, but I just haven't been hyperfocused on it. Reconnecting is often about the very intricate nature of inspiration.

So I'm never really trying to fill the void nor trying to attain overflowing satisfaction, just keep the muse twisting around in ecstasy, wherever we meet.

Am Reading Or Some Shit

While I don't write much about what I'm actually reading about, it's about time I do that. 

I'm holding my breath, waiting for The Witcher to come out on Netflix this year.

For those who don't know anything, this was originally a book series written by Andrzej Sapkowski, a Polish author in the early 90s. Despite this author's disdain for video games, it's the Witcher games that skyrocketed his recognition at all. I've mentioned in the past that he took a lump sum agreement rather than contract any royalties. So he made a whole lot less in selling permission than he could have if he had any foresight of how amazing the games would be. Honestly, serves him right, but nonetheless, I'm enjoying currently reading the translations of his books.

I didn't know shit about Witcher until I bought the third game for PS4. GOTY (game of the year) edition too, all beefy with the expansions (which are even better than the core game, but I've already written that review so I won't rehash it). It's dark, it's emotional, it's everything that made me burn to write fantasy myself. It takes old themes and breathes new life into them. Mythical monsters, the gritty realities of human life, the tortured main character who feels like an impostor of humanity meanwhile displaying it more often than most, through his grey veil of morality. He lives by a code, which he claims is the code of all witchers but is more a personal set of rules that we see both the wisdom and folly in.

But the stars that shine brightest in this loner's path are the women who pass through his life. Not the endless stream of prostitutes he patronizes (though these are never insignificant women either) but the little girl he is destined to protect and the terrifying sorceresses who reveal his heart. How efficiently they puncture and expose it yet never make that heart seem weak or unguarded. I am drawn most to this series because it appeals to what I aim for; an unbiased and unforced look at what moves living being and the world around them. It is not just sentient beings that shape a world. From the sudden burst of kingdoms at war to the last twitch of a dying insect, each detail is not insignificant or wasted. This isn't idle, self-congratulating prose. It's an organism in and of itself.

What captivated me most about the games is that you were given moral choices. There are hard consequences for making an essentially good or bad decision... And consequences for walking away. In one of my favorite storylines, you are given the choice to release a demon who tugs at your heartstrings with its take of being trapped inside a tree pulsing with pain for centuries. The reward seems satisfying... But if you choose this, the demon possesses a horse, which sets off a startling chain of events that leads to a prominent man losing his wife to their dead demonic stillborn child and hanging himself. Meanwhile, if you coldly destroy the demon, this man lives, as does his wife. His living child, him and his wife all surviving means a chain of far more rewarding events. You start to learn that Geralt's apparent coldness, playing him more as the code-bound monster from the books, actually exhibits his wisdom and greater good far more in the long run. While it doesn't endear him to most people, you start to see that the few who do trust his judgement tend to live longer and be more beneficial.

Like the Mary Shelley Frankenstein book, the lines between monster and man cannot be assumed. No one sees Geralt as more of a monster than himself, a fact which annoys those who know him. While his plans and actions aren't without flaw, they do not trust him lightly. Despite his refusal to see himself as more than a mutant, he doesn't distrust or reject his inner circle in any other way. He instantly passes off the reins to someone better suited to solve a problem, ready to step in when it is time.

What appeals most is how much he reminds me of one of my own characters. Oddly, a white haired assassin that looks younger than his years. He is unafraid of death, even seems keenly aware of it snapping at his heels. He doesn't stare death in the face or turn to catch a glimpse because he knows the hesitation means he meets death. There is simply a resignation and acceptance that death will walk with him one day. He will hasten it nor avoid it. He is no stranger to fear, but death, next to all of the evils in life, is just a last breath in the wind.

It's not exactly original. It's something many of us ponder and it's a resolution that many fantasy writers come to. Yet, well done, it has quite the impact on our most visceral fears and hopes.

If you've made it this far, then I hope I've inspired you to look more closely at this series too.

The details I know so far is that the Netflix series is coming sometime this year. It launches eight episodes for the first season and will see more if it's as popular as it's projected to be. I hope to all hell it is that and more. I was pretty psyched to hear Henry Cavill is playing Geralt. I've seen him act in many things and he's certainly got the unwavering eyes and strong masculine features Geralt is always accused of. The series is very adult and sexually charged and Cavill isn't afraid to get naked. I hope that we can see more series that steer away the prudish taboos that oddly plague fantasy purists. Deep and sexy aren't mutually exclusive.

So I'm more than ready to see it in live action. The books are entertaining, the games are absolutely stunning (the facial animation in Witcher 3 is some of the most expressive and engaging) but I can't wait to see where The Witcher show will meet between the books and games.

And fuck, Andrzej; hopefully, you bargained more wisely this time around. That writer's ego will take the piss out of you if you get too cocksure.

I Still Have No Clue How to Talk about My Books

What do you write? It's a fair question, but one that's not that easy to answer. The genre 'fantasy' has a lot of interpretations and there's also a pretty strong gender bias when a woman says it to where I almost always have to throw in the 'epic fantasy.'

Oh, you mean like Lord of the Rings? Hmm, close but not so much with elves and dwarves as it involves humans, animal human hybrids, ogres, gods, magic but the distance of advanced technology, elementals, and mythologies. 

I like to add that I write psychological explorations and lore, that I sometimes wrote purposely awkward because you're supposed to feel uncomfortable yet the narration becomes more concise with the growing confidence in their journey. Sometimes I want people to know that I like to draw my characters or write alternate universe scenarios or even side stories that weren't told in the progression of the main story.

Who is the main character? Good question but also not easy to answer. There usually isn't one in particular. The way I tell stories are through the many characters that converge on the main plot. While they are important in their own way, there is no central character in my series. Either one of them. You'll see some more than others but I don't linger on them or play favorites at the expense of the story. I often develop personal favorites once I've finished but I'm very cautious about creating a bond that destroys their role while forming the story.

They cover war, love, desire, secrets, lies, dragons, mermaids, technology, but I never set out to force anyone to care about which is more important. Worlds and characters are about cohesion, how they move for and against the other. My books are about discovering the truth, being wary of the meaning of good intentions, how people develop priorities, all mixed in with fun and seriousness, light breaths of fresh air and the heavy weight of darker parts of ourselves. It's laughter at inappropriate times, not always having the perfect one-liner, underestimating yourself when your weaknesses are your strengths.

It's hard to describe books beyond the superficial. I joke that they're soap operas for geeks, but I don't know how to really simplify it. While plotting everything seamlessly is a complex process, I also want people to know it's simpler to read it than it was for me to write it. I didn't set out to impress anyone with my intellect or alienate simplicity either. I know context is a great teacher, that using big words isn't intimidating if you use them well. I want people to learn in a way that's fun. I want to teach, but not preach.

I write to entertain myself but it's work too. I work hard to make sure my readers don't have to. I do like to add elements that keep you guessing, give you a puzzle, but don't require you to solve it to understand. I want you to decide which characters are worthwhile or silly or annoying or scary. 

I can absolutely talk about my books if you're not looking for a quick pitch. Just know that not all authors can easily answer the who-what-why-when-where-how model. It's not because it's too complex but because some stories are just broader in some areas and vague in others. Even if I start with one or two particular characters, they may not stick as main characters. Fantasy is a tapestry woven by the dynamics of many. 

So yes, a little like Lord of the Rings. Yet drawing comparisons is something I strictly avoid. I would rather not assume to know how anyone feels about certain stories or that it is something I can piggyback. It is what it is. An adventure with many twists, obstacles, and plots that lead to a hanging yet complete conclusion.

No matter how difficult or easy it is to talk about your work, it helps to know why. Confidence, focus, hesitance or determination--we are all different in regards to what we are willing to say, how honest we are willing to be, and it's not a discredit to you if your stories aren't easy to talk about. It's more a sign that they are not static things to you, that they are ever-evolving in your mind. You may not have a ready spiel so it's okay to adjust according to audience and situation.

New to Me

While it's almost impossible to make an idea wholly original, most of us actually aren't looking for that anyway. In the many books I've read, the many words I've filtered through me, there are a lot fewer moments of profound change in my thinking or mood by comparison. I pore through entertainment of all types rarely expecting a revelation anymore--sometimes I'm just banking on a nostalgic high.

I didn't get into Game of Thrones for being original. For all of its taboo topics, it wasn't even shocking. If anything, it took all the parts that people were already writing about throughout human history and stopped letting powerful prudes cut them out. It's not some morally depraved trickery on the part of modern times but at some point, we stopped seeing sense in protecting grown-ass adults from controversial topics. They are still rated and able to be kept from children with the ease of technology but they aren't stricken from consumption by people who have every right to make that decision for themselves. 

GoT, however, was still original in a sense that today's trends are not. It's not a remake of a story already done, sometimes in the exact same media as before, ten or more years later. The characters and names and specific plots are not suspiciously or even blatantly mimicking something else.

My own stories? After not looking at them for a few years, those are new to me too. I rarely ever replay a game, reread a book, or rewatch a movie... Or rather, I don't ever plan to. The tendency I have is to think of something I once consumed and, if I can't think of it right away, it only builds this insane need to re-experience it when I can remember.

This can go badly. While I haven't yet cringed at my published stories, I've certainly murdered the magic of nostalgia by attempting to revive it. Instead of always insisting I relive it, sometimes I do look for something similar.

With a caveat. I will almost always ignore any attempt by authors, reviewers, etc. to compare it to a popular title. It's one thing to list inspirations in a bio but I am naturally suspicious of anyone who uses the popularity of something else to sell a story. In my experience, the ways it is 'like' something are not at all the ways I have hoped it was. The problem with telling me your work is like Stephen King is that the man is prolific and his own work isn't like the rest of his work. J.K. Rowling? If you mean it's set in a magic school, I've already read (and not finished) about 50 stinkers with that theme. I'm interested in knowing if it's a light or heavy read and, as for the nostalgia? 

Marketing doesn't nail that. It's kind of a weird set of feelings. It could be some element of a book cover, a font, a description or it could be the first book we dig out of a church sale crate. I'm not looking for a shiny bestseller, but a secret treasure. Not new, but new to me. 

And here's the thing: the next Tolkien will always be a man. We're a long way from a world that stops passing a gendered torch. That's not to say it wouldn't be flattering to be called the next Ursula Le Guin or Anne McCaffrey but those aren't household names. J.K. Rowling? (Again, she's a question; sorry, Joanne.) Go into purist fantasy circles and while, she's a token name to say 'see, a woman's successful in fantasy', she's also more deeply excluded on a list of 'serious' fantasy contenders. 

So I'm not going to navigate any genre by its bestsellers. While Netflix and Hulu are making bolder, sexier, more diverse choices (not always successfully, but gotta love them for going for it), there are many creatives struggling for a fair chance. While I'm not a fan of identity politics putting the squeeze on entertainment, it's just as true that perspectives of all kinds (and not at the expense of the white male) need to be observed.

However, some attempts are laughable. The insurgence of corny 80s style family comedies featuring people of color are terrible. They weren't good when it was white people and it's not less disturbing that these are all-black, all-Asian or all-Latin casts. It's too on-the-nose segregated in a way that backpedals on being 'woke' (and fuck that stupid term). There was a show on Hulu, I think it was called Here and Now, with a hippie white couple that adopted kids from all races and despite my initial wariness that it was going to be another on-the-nose heavy-handed toddler-lecturing hot mess, I was surprised to find a lot of cultural honesty, human fallibility and even a suspenseful fantasy element. Look it up and watch it. I'm disappointed it didn't get at least one more season.

Not every trip into diversity will be amazing. It's going to have a lot of clumsiness to start. It's not proof it's all terrible. However, diversity for the sake of diversity shouldn't be the rule either. Not all same race or same gender casts will be glaringly awkward. Some do work without a forced element of biased education or flatness. I don't care for Lena Dunham but I did enjoy what I've seen of Girls. It's not even a requirement to like the actors or anything else they've done. When I'm looking to bond with an idea, I'm not the sort to let hangups lead me. Perhaps this is why marketing is so lost on me. Not only does it not influence me, I can't commit to anything that assumes other people are that easy.

I just want people to know I'm an option. You may or may not like my work. It may remind you of something you've read. Whatever the case is, it will be new to you and original in its own way.

Bonus points if it resonates with you.

Poems to Epic Stories

I still think in short thematic prose, the sort of thing you sometimes see in spoken word poetry. So often these little pieces just grow and grow.

Most of us are born poets, artists. We start to develop singular fascinations as part of learning. Words interest us with rhythm, then we hear the appeal of rhymes. Alliteration, onomatopoeia, those letterful words for simple concepts. We start to realize that we can replicate what we see or add to the noise, interpret and create anew. It's not insanity that makes us reach for what isn't there-- it's hope, imagination, interest. Artists are some of the most practical and grounded people I know once they really start to find themselves. They look critically at the world, but not necessarily to pass judgement, since most creatives are harshest on themselves. 

Poetry is still in me but it's become more abstract over time. In fact, it's often a very poetic idea that becomes a short story and the short stories become novels then series. It's actually really common to hear novelists claim they never meant the idea to grow so big. Some even start with a non-fiction head in research or are just playing with a simple idea before it grows like wildfire.

Until I read The Darkest Evening of the Year by Dean Koontz, I didn't think anyone wrote like that but me. Chains of short stories, seemingly unrelated, that come together. Mood heavy romps rife with symbolism. Hell, I might have actually happened on it many times before, but for some reason, this book was the one that made me believe my stories could be told. I wouldn't say that I was waiting for permission but when you tend to stand out even when you don't want to, sometimes you wonder if you will stand out for the right reasons.

Of course, Koontz writes real-world based fiction so that was about where the similarities ended but, ya know... Many of my favorite books and authors inspired me in very pinprick ways. A dash of Nix, a splash of Rice, throw in some Douglass. I was never out to emulate, but I found some affirmation in  all the right ways.

Anyways, poetry was where I was supposed to be going. I have a poem for you. A lot of my early poetry was heavy-handed, trying way too hard to lead, using a lot of forced imagery and over saturated words. This is more where I am now, on the rare occasion I throw one down.

Where I Lay

I'm not going to lay here

Not on this old mattress where the springs sag just right

Not on this new mattress made of space age foam

Not on the porch swing with weather proof cushions

Not on the carpets of flowers baking sweet in the sun

Not in the dark with his breath like stale beer

Not where those familiar hands can disappear

Not where mom said she'd be but never showed up

Not where my needs were for another family

Another family

Another family

But where was mine?

I'm not going to lay here

Where my hands are not idle

My mind is not quiet

My heart is not still

Yet my words must be silent

I'm going to lay there

Where there might be a lake

Or another mistake

But on the river is a bed

And in my mind there is a story

From my hands there will be magic

Behind my eyelids, more than dreams

I'm going to lay here

Until the whole world sees

--------------

I'm less concerned about rhyming and rhythm. Poetry is often just chains of thought. Chains of thought sometimes find patterns and break them, find rhyme then find alliteration. I've always liked the freedom of 'prose' where poetic structure is broken in favor of the message.

As I've said, poems can inspire stories. I believe Stephen King's inspiration for the Dark Tower series came from a poem. I remember I used to daydream about the adventures of Annabelle Lee. Poems always held the potential to become the bite-sized portals of epic stories.

Need another writing exercise? There you go! How would you take a favorite poem and turn it into a story. Flash fiction, short story, novella, novel, series, however far it takes you! Try to go into it without expectations and you may be surprised where it goes.