Dolly Days

So I wrote a bit on the Coronavirus, but I also wanted to post a little update on some of my projects.

UnHeard editing is at a go again. The word count is at about 100K and I'm sweeping through to look for factual and grammatical errors before I continue writing. There is still much original writing and plotting to be done, but I wanted to get my ducks in order before I went ahead with it. There are a few parts nagging me to rearrange and rewrite before proceeding.

Dolls! Dolls, dolls, dolls. I rearranged myself because not one, but two dolls are going to be getting here in the next month. The Hyperon sculpt that will become Maxim from UnHeard, for one, but I also found the perfect sculpt (which I sadly don't know the name for) for his stubborn counterpart, Princess Endramena ir Hyaren. Although I had been debating getting the Iplehouse Aria sculpt for her, I stumbled on her in a wider search and she more resembled my drawings. Although I do think Aria needs to be in my collection someday, I haven't yet found a project for her, so that will wait. It's most important for me to work on the projects that align with the materials I already have. My craft bins are quite full to near overflowing, so I'm working on making rooms and completion rather than collection of more materials!

My dolls do all have faceups now. The Hyperon sculpt will come with one, but I ordered Mena's sculpt without one, really wanting to do a resin face-up for a change and the different challenges that come with it. I'll get to break out my airbrush and sealant I bought for that purpose as well as play with gouache and acrylics for her eyes and lips. I've done most of my previous faceups with watercolor pencils and chalk pastels (which will still be used for blushing and lashes), so paints are both bane and curiosity.

Now, I don't expect mine to look exactly like the wonderful pictures, but I'll share Maxim and Mena's sculpts here:

Maxim

Endramena

So Maxim will actually have dark hair and lighter eyes and I've gotten the tan skin option for both of them, since they come from an island nation (doesn't make much sense to be pale there). His look will feature a lot of black and gold, leather and embroidery and armor. The sculpt here is a bit softer a look than I'm going for. Maxim is a bit of a hardened character.

As for Mena/Endramena, her very turquoise eyes will be the change since the tan skin option is shown here. I may do her lips in more of a red color, but I do like the coral/peach look here too. Again, she'll have dark hair like Maxim and she's getting an impressively long black wig that will be a blast to style. I see a lot of turquoise and golds for her, though I'm trying to steer clear of the whole Princess Jasmine look... It's probably still going to resemble her anyway.

So, I have plans, but things might turn out vastly different, depending on where my whims take me.

Although Rienna is mostly finished, I removed the teardrop from her belt and replaced it with a shell button that looks more like the source material. I put her wild hair back to try to train the curls not to take over her face. Eventually I'll style the wig or make a new one, but I'm moving on.

Talia, my fire dancer, also mostly done, still needs scarves and a headdress, but I've since bought some large beads and jump-rings that I need to complete those. Ordered by mail so when they get here is integral to when they'll be finished. I have specific plans for how those will be finished.

So, without further ado, I'm hopping back over to editing. Again, be safe with all the crazy going on out there, and I hope you're inspired to do some projects of your own!

New to Me

While it's almost impossible to make an idea wholly original, most of us actually aren't looking for that anyway. In the many books I've read, the many words I've filtered through me, there are a lot fewer moments of profound change in my thinking or mood by comparison. I pore through entertainment of all types rarely expecting a revelation anymore--sometimes I'm just banking on a nostalgic high.

I didn't get into Game of Thrones for being original. For all of its taboo topics, it wasn't even shocking. If anything, it took all the parts that people were already writing about throughout human history and stopped letting powerful prudes cut them out. It's not some morally depraved trickery on the part of modern times but at some point, we stopped seeing sense in protecting grown-ass adults from controversial topics. They are still rated and able to be kept from children with the ease of technology but they aren't stricken from consumption by people who have every right to make that decision for themselves. 

GoT, however, was still original in a sense that today's trends are not. It's not a remake of a story already done, sometimes in the exact same media as before, ten or more years later. The characters and names and specific plots are not suspiciously or even blatantly mimicking something else.

My own stories? After not looking at them for a few years, those are new to me too. I rarely ever replay a game, reread a book, or rewatch a movie... Or rather, I don't ever plan to. The tendency I have is to think of something I once consumed and, if I can't think of it right away, it only builds this insane need to re-experience it when I can remember.

This can go badly. While I haven't yet cringed at my published stories, I've certainly murdered the magic of nostalgia by attempting to revive it. Instead of always insisting I relive it, sometimes I do look for something similar.

With a caveat. I will almost always ignore any attempt by authors, reviewers, etc. to compare it to a popular title. It's one thing to list inspirations in a bio but I am naturally suspicious of anyone who uses the popularity of something else to sell a story. In my experience, the ways it is 'like' something are not at all the ways I have hoped it was. The problem with telling me your work is like Stephen King is that the man is prolific and his own work isn't like the rest of his work. J.K. Rowling? If you mean it's set in a magic school, I've already read (and not finished) about 50 stinkers with that theme. I'm interested in knowing if it's a light or heavy read and, as for the nostalgia? 

Marketing doesn't nail that. It's kind of a weird set of feelings. It could be some element of a book cover, a font, a description or it could be the first book we dig out of a church sale crate. I'm not looking for a shiny bestseller, but a secret treasure. Not new, but new to me. 

And here's the thing: the next Tolkien will always be a man. We're a long way from a world that stops passing a gendered torch. That's not to say it wouldn't be flattering to be called the next Ursula Le Guin or Anne McCaffrey but those aren't household names. J.K. Rowling? (Again, she's a question; sorry, Joanne.) Go into purist fantasy circles and while, she's a token name to say 'see, a woman's successful in fantasy', she's also more deeply excluded on a list of 'serious' fantasy contenders. 

So I'm not going to navigate any genre by its bestsellers. While Netflix and Hulu are making bolder, sexier, more diverse choices (not always successfully, but gotta love them for going for it), there are many creatives struggling for a fair chance. While I'm not a fan of identity politics putting the squeeze on entertainment, it's just as true that perspectives of all kinds (and not at the expense of the white male) need to be observed.

However, some attempts are laughable. The insurgence of corny 80s style family comedies featuring people of color are terrible. They weren't good when it was white people and it's not less disturbing that these are all-black, all-Asian or all-Latin casts. It's too on-the-nose segregated in a way that backpedals on being 'woke' (and fuck that stupid term). There was a show on Hulu, I think it was called Here and Now, with a hippie white couple that adopted kids from all races and despite my initial wariness that it was going to be another on-the-nose heavy-handed toddler-lecturing hot mess, I was surprised to find a lot of cultural honesty, human fallibility and even a suspenseful fantasy element. Look it up and watch it. I'm disappointed it didn't get at least one more season.

Not every trip into diversity will be amazing. It's going to have a lot of clumsiness to start. It's not proof it's all terrible. However, diversity for the sake of diversity shouldn't be the rule either. Not all same race or same gender casts will be glaringly awkward. Some do work without a forced element of biased education or flatness. I don't care for Lena Dunham but I did enjoy what I've seen of Girls. It's not even a requirement to like the actors or anything else they've done. When I'm looking to bond with an idea, I'm not the sort to let hangups lead me. Perhaps this is why marketing is so lost on me. Not only does it not influence me, I can't commit to anything that assumes other people are that easy.

I just want people to know I'm an option. You may or may not like my work. It may remind you of something you've read. Whatever the case is, it will be new to you and original in its own way.

Bonus points if it resonates with you.

Building a Mystery

While deciding to jot down an idea that's really insistent on becoming 'a thing' someday, I became more aware of a tendency I've developed in my focus during the idea stages.

I flesh out the beginning. I detail the build of the character, the weather, the time of day, their clipped breaths, their urgency, what they're doing with their clothes. I build the environment since beginnings can be a really tough place while arranging them in the many editing phases. It's a place that starts off mentally like the holographic cubes and grids in a sci-fi simulation, where the computer has yet to build the scene that immerses the occupant into the virtual reality. Because I'm not yet sure of what it will become, I set about painting the first few frames with details meant to initiate me, that I am the newcomer, that this place and person existed long before and I am the one who has to be initiated into the reality, not them.

The middle of the idea usually falls along these lines 'supporting subplots to explain these psychological results of this character that causes them to do these actions.' The bold parts are variant, but let's fill in the blanks mad-lib style for the sake of an example: Supporting subplots to explain the growing obsession of a schoolteacher that causes them to repeatedly fail their students.

That's right; I don't humor the meat of the story at all.

Cutting to the end (because it's otherwise not significant to this post but still useful), I go in-between. I write a specific resolution or two. In the case of the example, perhaps I decide that 1) the school teacher resents their job but doesn't know what else they want to do with their life or 2) that they want to challenge their students to defend their work by putting their feet to the fire. It's not a coincidence that I choose two very opposing extremes that gives the chosen conclusion permission to fall somewhere in the middle. While it's important to have an overall point, this is one area where you don't exactly have to be married to, especially as the story evolves. You just need a pretty good idea to anchor the subplots to an end.

Now back to why I believe this is most effective.

Typically, when I draft I like to nail down the beginning and at least the first supporting subplot that it merges into. I'm not from the camp that believes the beginning has to be instantly spectacular, just get on the damn road. You do want to initiate the reader into your voice, your style, your storytelling, but there's no magic formula for every reader, so this is where you have to make a personal call as to what your story needs to work. As I said before, your beginning is likely to change completely, so if beginnings aren't your strong suit, this is a place to play until you submerge into the story more confidently. This is your kiddie pool before you are ready for the high dive.

The middle parts always seem to either come as you get there or you might find you want to stop the free-writing to begin a planning phase. This can often benefit from a sort of mad-lib of the initial mad-lib, only it's more rooted in the logic of your loose mission statement. Where would a teacher be that makes sense? Where could they be that doesn't make much sense until your plot development sheds light on it? Does your teacher meet a wise old librarian that enlightens them on teaching methods or are they drinking in a strip club when an aging hooker startles them with some sound life advice?

Set some markers where the seeds of your story will grow. Go with the classic Who, What, Where, When, Why, How and fill them in with possibilities. At first, it might seem shallow and silly, but in my experience, once you get past the shallow end of it, you'll start to home in on certain words and it will paint pictures that start making genuine connections with your intent.

Regardless of how solid your intent is, at that. A story evolves in the motion of ideas and inspiration. You can't always be actively looking for it. Sometimes it comes in the free-writing, sometimes it comes in the deliberate act of brain-storming. Many writers try to guide you on how to utilize these things most effectively, but I believe this is down to how well you trust your intuition. You can be flighty and unanchored in the free-write because you're going to edit later, right?

Oh please, tell me you don't think that first draft is going to be instant magic. Even if you're right, you're wrong. Everyone can do MUCH better than the first draft.

From personal experience, I can say that in building an effective mystery, there's some magic in going in blind, but don't expect an entire novel to operate on that. You may need many different methods to arrive at the richest transitions in your adventure. I know many a writer who, even if I'm instantly captivated by their work, I am also able to be surprised and more enchanted by their certainty that, on further edits, they can top it. More often than not, the ones most confident that it's not perfect are the storytellers that make the best magic once they decide they've satisfied the story (even though they'll still insist it's not perfect, at some point, they are wise to set it free).

The key to a good mystery in storytelling, no matter the genre, is to leave a little mystery for yourself. You can work out the kinks in logic and presentation later, but don't be so obsessed with control over the story before it's even been written. I've seen more than my share of carefully planned stories that bog the writer down before it ever becomes a coherent story. This sort of planning is more effective for a project manager or story planner, but this is because you're passing it off to someone who will look at it fresh. Don't kill the mystery for yourself by keeping the planning too tight. Leave some for the drafting.

A solid beginning and ending are great motivators for me, although on occasion, I like to leave the ending loose as well, as a sort of finish line, the icing on the cake, but that's the exception rather than the rule. I've found I like to have a good base for where things start and where things end up, but leave the playground open. Yes, the end and the beginning may change drastically while the middle becomes richer, but as I continue my journey as a writer, I'm less married to anything I write that just doesn't ultimately benefit the story. Cutting and rearranging and starting from scratch will happen. What I need to love is the result, so what is sacrificed to get there is what I endeavor to accept more gracefully.

Shut. Up. Already.

No, not you; my brain needed some public shaming to process my overall frustration. My muscles ache down to my very fingertips and this blob of grey matter is full speed ahead insisting on some really amazing story ideas. Not the ideas that will push my current projects past their hurdles, noooo. New. Better, even, it insists, although we've had this argument before and supposedly we agreed that comparisons, for better or worse, are creative death.

Look, I know this brain is the very same singular one I own and not actually a separate entity, but there's such a thing as duality (and more) in a single house and sometimes it's a whole damn deck of cards. It takes one over-excited toddler thought screaming '52 pickup!' to send the whole deck flying. So, however you describe it, this is one brain warring with me on what use my body can actually be to my aspirations. Even when I surrender to prove I am physically incapable, it will wait all of a minute before sending a 'how about now?'

Logic and impulse might as well be two ever-present entities. Because ultimately I know they're both pricks, too blunt to be trusted to control my mouth, I let them do battle in the cranium. They knock against my teeth and make my eyes g fuzzy, but more often than not, if impulse doesn't tumble out prematurely, logic will prevail through sheer stamina. Impulse likes naps and ice cream far more than fighting with logic.

Logic, on the other hand, is on vacation when I'm not feeling well. So here I be, tapping away at a tablet to humor impulse until it scurries off for naps. Logic makes a story work. Yes. I wholly agree. But you need not a lot of anything to entertain rough ideas.

Are my notes coherent? Only by the grace of autocorrect could that be possible. I'm not even sure I'm hitting the keys that make words. I'm reading every sentence three times just to make sure they're not abusing the English language too unforgivably.

What I'd really like to do is write in earnest. However, logic sent a postcard and informs me it'll be back once I get my shit together. 

Psh. Logic, you're an abused lover that thinks it can't do better. We both know I'll never get my shit together.

Living a Life of Non-Excitement (So My Characters Don't Have To)

Third day of no school for the kids and I could no longer wait to clean when there was no audience to trip over. So I started by throwing laundry at the washer then waiting for my sister to get out of the shower so I could do the fish tank. Somehow, I got roped into playing Cuphead on my nephew's Xbox One X while waiting and realizing I'm quite used to having things thrown at me in different directions so, while I wasn't actually good at dodging things, I took it with the stoicism only parenting could instill. Glutton for punishment, check.

Back to the fish tank, blah blah blah, then I preceded to dump bleach powder on my head and poorly lighten my non-color hair to some other lighter non-color.

I blew out the top floor electricity by turning on the vacuum with too many things on and then proceeded to lie on my unmade bed (laundry still in progress) and only mentally tackle how I'm going to format this finished book I'm saddled with. Because I've never actually done it from Scrivener before and I'm determined to alienate Microsoft Word forever more.

And this is a busy day because most days are spent poking at computers and video games, work, research, on my ass.

So yeah, it's not my life wholly inspiring these books. Yet there are tools like patience, fortitude, adaptability and a whole shitload of psychological knowledge that get to play in here. Conversations come from curiosity, sarcasm, what I would and wouldn't do. Places come from, well, memories. Fantasy scapes I've seen, combining in odd ways in my head. On edge of sleep or just waking up, at the wrong and right times where they fit into my day.

So as I dive into the uninspirational process of formatting, I'll probably be daydreaming of the next draft, or putting on some music to add a little rhythm to the task. It's definitely not exciting, all the writier things, but anything I can do to fake it and make it happen? Worth it. The chances of me becoming wildly successful as a writer are slim, but the chances of housework needing done will at least be certain. 

Those certain things are where you draw those ideas, not necessarily of where you'd rather be, but damn sure where your characters can play.

Even in a not-so-great temp gig, those minutes mean money, that money means a little more pizzazz to that ComicCon booth. Another goal without guarantees, but I can't say I'll regret the effort. Weighing milestones by expectations is a great way to destroy their value, for good or bad.

Next Short Story: All-Seeing Eye

It's never a bad idea to use the momentum of an idea to propel you where your writing wants to be. After the last post's musings about the short stories built to enhance my published series, my muse played along and I started the next draft of a story that goes into my nameless mercenary's recovery after he'd nearly died as a teenager.

I've always felt that I might have omitted too many of the events that shaped his character yet it's also possible that I'm doing the thing I don't want to do: begging people to like a character. Even if that were the case, I shifted from his adult traits of dry humor and flatline deliveries to the rebooted amnesiac teenager who doesn't really know what to draw from. He's still a little shit and an inappropriate smart-ass but I'm hoping to display more of how his personality coincides with that ridiculous mix of resourcefulness and dumb luck.

I'd purposely made him a character a little hard for most people to relate to, but I found something charming about even his worst moments, reflexes that made him human, drawn from personal tragedy that even fewer people would want to survive. I didn't beg the reader to like him then, but in my doubting writer's mind, I may have avoided some important subtleties that I've later felt could be expanded on, bits that might have made him too unlikable at times. Yet setting out to make him neutral would be an impossible task.

It's not the sort of thing I believe even a content editor would catch. I always make sure plots tie up and I've said before that the story never finishes just because the book ends. Although I like to leave that option up to the reader, sometimes I feel like the ultimate textbook, the canon, since they're ultimately mine, are fine game to dabble with some short scenes that expand.

Perhaps that was another page I took from Stephen King. My first foray into the Dark Tower series actually began with The Sisters of Eluria and I still remember the thrill of knowing that a story was never just confined to novels or anthologies, never more the truth with the internet giving writers every opportunity to share formats they're passionate about.

This is also why I'm not beating myself up about UnNamed. It's a solid story, still using my unique voice and with so much potential to grow, but I'm going to boost their adventures when the whim strikes.

By way of confession, I'll admit now that the Rain Maidens are the most challenging for me. It's not easy to maneuver them when they all occupy same space in a way that doesn't make them improvisational puppets, so I'd like to do more personal windows for them. Brute has a little hook between the first three books. Dolly isn't just that dumb, pretty, naive arm-candy/yokel she lets on to be. I never intended them to be placeholders for a plot device. Even as a woman, I have to admit I have difficulty writing them. Centuries of male-centered literature make it easier to get into the mind of a man but when I must write women, my personal experiences don't cover the more feminine spectrum so I do have to really mull over the creation of a believable woman that isn't me.

That's something I discussed with another writer friend of mine, Matt Roberts. He admitted that he felt lost when it came to writing women, a sentiment that I admitted I shared. One of the reasons why it's tough isn't because women are needlessly complex but because most women are really flexible by nature. We play the what-if game just like men, yet you still often get meek woman in reality that lift cars off of their children and strong women who crumble with the most confusing of triggers. Complex isn't true so much as we're often reactionary to the point that nothing is ever really out-of-character, part of the reason we're sometimes marked as hysterical or irrational when the true word is more along the lines of unpredictable-- the same you'd explain it in reactionary men, for that matter. Yet from an outside perspective, what is seen as 'uncharacteristic' for a man's reckless behavior is often labeled as 'hormonal' in women.

This isn't something just men erroneously do either. I've had plenty of female bosses that have sabotaged my reputation over one missed day of work. In fact, at my last job, I only missed one day, which I called into the general manager herself one hour before the shift. There was a freak snowstorm and my dad's car was buried. There was a foot of snow and it took me an hour and a half to walk there on a good day. It was also dark and still snowing so the roads, which included crossing a highway, were dangerous for pedestrians. Even though I never missed another day, covered people's shifts whenever asked and did all of my work, I was not only constantly reminded of the day I missed but she also intentionally shortened my hours so that I couldn't qualify for paid time off the following year.

Women can hold each other back. A lot. This certainly wasn't my only retail experience where I was belittled by a woman and the times women did it far outweigh the couple of times that men were the culprit. And yes, retail often just sucks by proxy anyway, but it was often prolonged and subtle harassment from women that also led to leaving a job. It's hardly just in retail. Even as a writer, I've experienced other women who are willing to trash a woman who writes about consensual sex or sexuality in any vein. They are the ones quickest to claim that men write more books that they like and that there's something 'off' about women's voices in literature. Women are more likely to defame new women writers or tell a woman what she needs to write to be taken seriously.

I'm not out to bash women, but this is often why it is tough for men who want to write believable women. There aren't many bold examples of honest women in literature. If men use female stereotypes (despite the fact that stereotypes exist because of an overwhelming majority of said group displaying them), then they are accused of molding a woman to some hive mind selection and not delving deep enough. However, women also tend to prioritize the feminine need to know what a character is thinking, which might not be a male writer's interest in how she fits into the story. This isn't to say he's trying to make her a token and perhaps he carefully considered what the minority of women portray in trying to fit in with males: keeping her feminine side and thoughts secretive and displaying more masculine traits.

This is often why women will be weirdly proud of being like 'one of the guys' or why male voices speak to them more. To dismiss traits considered weaker in favor of whatever elitist ideas they are groomed into, where their hobbies and careers are concerned, keeps them from ever being dismissed for having a weaker or, in reality, unique but unpopular opinion. They are more likely to support the sort of gatekeeper opinions that keep women from succeeding, with the excuse that strong women will find a way. Yet articles concerning the practices of male agents, producers, gatekeepers, often show that women who do not perform sometimes degrading acts are not giving a voice, even blacklisted against seeking representation or work elsewhere.

Not just for women, but this is yet another reason I'm for self-publishing. Taking the maneuvering of corrupt gatekeepers out of the equation so creators can get their work through could be the thing to revive integrity in art. I watched an interview with Frank Zappa where he was asked why the music industry was starting to die and, surprisingly, he argued that it had nothing to do with the old guys and their cigars that were putting up all the red tape. He said that those guys, even though they knew little about the industry, were more likely to throw out wads of cash on a whim to give something a try, whereas the hip, young sorts that were coming in were actually damaging the industry. Why? Because they were more likely to decide which audiences to target and what the in-crowd wanted. They were the ones creating elitist ideas that damaged more work from even being given a chance, creating a gateway where they could even shelter perversion and sexual favors from hopeful artists, not just threatening their current work but any future work as well if they thought to refuse.

I've admitted before that low-quality work will also trickle in. So be it. People are also able to post honest reviews concerning scams and cash grabs and vendors also reserve the rights to remove these from their marketplace, often because too many of these hurt their reputation as well.

lol Well, I've clearly rattled off the rails of that post header up there, but I do feel it's important for writers to have honest discussions about practices in the industry. There's also a reason that, even though I've made general statements, I haven't linked articles. I may be exercising a bias, but I've gathered my impressions not just from articles but from actual experiences in popular writing groups and life in general. Before I bring things up, I often think over whether there is a pattern, a frequent recurrence or whether I'm inserting a bias. Even if bringing it up initially was an impulse, the thought I've put into it over time is certainly not just an emotional reaction.

Back to the header topic though, I'm actually writing a great deal of these stories in the first person narrative, which isn't common for me. However, I do think short stories are better for this-- an entire book in first person, no, not for my stories, but I do find that the third person isn't what these stories need. For Drawn to Perfection, I even did a hers/his story so you can see where their experiences intersect yet the very different impressions they've gathered from them.

For All-Seeing Eye, I drop an f-bomb as the first word again. I decided that I like this way of warning people my guy is coming. Whereas I used third person for UnNamed, the first line is from his thoughts. Since the side story is entirely from his perspective, it only seemed like the perfect opportunity to jump right in.

I love being a writer. It's not more or less than anything else I do, but I really enjoy how these ideas form into what they become. I can't say I'm becoming more disciplined where time is concerned but my average typing speed is soaring and my prose comes much easier these days. I find that I'm more able to insert my voice without being too cheesy. I've never been a huge fan of dated pop-culture references to begin with, but that's also something I love my otherworldly fantasies for. When the same cliches and references don't exist, I have to try harder to create those styles and expand on them. No shortcuts, but I can draw some contextual parallels that are more fun anyway.

Now I'm off! Plenty to do still!

Writing Is A Word Game

Well, derp; of course it is. Yet, with the same sort of irony that infects the concept of any game, some people take it way too seriously and forget how to enjoy it. A competitive nature can help a game, but it can just as easily ruin it for yourself or others when you can't be bothered to look like you're having fun or pitch a fit and place blame... All that not-good stuff.

It's trying enough for creatives to always put their best foot forward, to save their personal grievances for inspiration or private conversations, but there are aspects of writing that we often feel is a requirement to be a successful writer. We try to emulate famous writers, only the reason for the way they live comes down to the fact that their popularity is a necessity for their protection. For the new writers, the little guys, people whose every word isn't mainstream, we need to put more blood in the water. Emulating success without having it does not fool people into giving it to us. We more often have to earn it through displays of humility, confidence, honesty rather than ego, arrogance and overexposure...  It's no exact measure but it still has to be an organic process unique to our own journey. As I've addressed before, one of the worst things you can do is turn against people on your platforms, trying to shame them into supporting you. You're more likely to get unfollowed for that. I'm straying just a bit but ultimately, we put undue pressure on ourselves and forget to integrate the game, the joy, of writing.

No, it's not the Game of Thrones or some other be-all-end-all idea. I really want you, as a writer, to stop being so serious for a moment. It doesn't matter how serious you take your story. For now, consider it a comedy. One thing I find odd is that, despite how easy technology makes it to pop open documents and type and delete at the near-speed of your thoughts, that people get so married to their one big project. They'll insist they can't possibly focus on more than one story at a time.

Guess what? I'm not asking you to start anew. You can just as well take your current project for any exercise. In fact, I learned that the Young Writers prompts, while not a fit for my story, were unexpectedly inspirational. In fact, my stubborn ass went in, fully expecting to decide it was a lame way to procrastinate, but instead, I often found myself more intimately in a character's head, more aware of their nature and their motivation, even their fears over what could happen to knock those dearly held beliefs off axis. 

Don't throw away opportunities to procrastinate, play, or simply enjoy your work. As a writer, I know you very likely have an impressive work ethic and you've got your head in making it the best damn story you can. Of all the people who might ask you to prove that, I'm one less because I know you're likely very serious—sometimes to the detriment of all that impressive effort. I also know that you're going to be sure of a lot of things as an excuse not to try them, possibly because you have better things to do. While you're not wrong, you also know what the onset of a writer's block feels and tastes like and these are the moments where what you need to do is feed the muse, not force them into grueling labor.

I won't pretend to know your muse, but where mine is concerned, there's not a damn thing you can force her to do. Since, like the mythological counterpart, gods and muses and magical beings of all sorts tend to be fans of trickery and deception and too flawed to trust, the same could be said of our own inclinations and inspirations. We sometimes need to trick ourselves with treats and incentives. In fact, you've probably long ago made the connection that mythologies are largely just colorful representations of more modern psychological concepts like our own ego, id and superego, analogies for the intricacies of human nature. No, I don't REALLY entertain an actual muse, but she is a good analogy for what occurs in the throes of inspiration. Stephen King insists his muse is male (mythological muses are always female) but of course it is. The muse is an intimate reflection of your identity. If a woman told me her muse is male, I'd just as well think she is trying to tell me she is more comfortable with ideas largely considered masculine. Oh dear god, don't let this lead to some fucking off-the-wall transmusism... Gendered muses aren't really an important concept, any more than your family would be okay with you sending a cutout of yourself instead of showing up for a holiday dinner. Your muse is yours and not a substitute for showing up in life.

This is what I get for late night blogging. I'm playing games with my own topics again. Nevertheless, rather than go off the rails over and over, I'll just assert once more—if your discipline is a roadblock in your goals, you need to ease up on the way you're looking at it. I might think of some prompts to add to a later post, but for now, at least take away the possibility that whatever doubts attract you to posts like this are sign enough that you're likely looking for a break or different approach.

Treating writing like it's fun is a very short stage. There will be plenty about it where you do crack down to get it right. Don't think every part of it has to be hard edges. Writers are often people with lots of fun unfinished drafts, but that's where the writer differs from the author. The author does trudge through what it takes to publish, to take risks, to finish. But don't forget that your stories could really start to lack character if you're unable to give a shit about them.

Why not apply that to any job? I can't recall ever enjoying a job less through refinement, skill and promotion. Sure, some people get bitter, jaded and hateful, but in truth, it doesn't make you a better person to stick with jobs you hate. It rather denotes a lack of courage when you don't make time to find something else. Even in a shitty economy, there are actually sacrifices you can make for what you really want. Yes, it may mean that life will suck for a while, but if you're really determined to reach for a life that will make you happy, then it's certainly better than being endlessly uncomfortable in your bubble of fear.

We live in a time where you can hate your job but sneak onto your phone and look for other jobs. The only thing stopping you from looking is your own doubts.

Games may not all be fun, but the games worth playing always have higher stakes.They also yield better rewards if you break through.

Or as in the Game of Thrones, you either win or you die. Lucky for you, writing isn't quite that high stake.

To Niche or Not to Niche

It may have crossed my mind that self-publishing just doesn't favor popular genres. At least for a new author. I don't necessarily mean that Sci-Fi/Fantasy itself is more likely to fail, but I have noticed that the niche subgenres do much better than those who opt for general subgenres. For instance, LGBT fantasy is one of those that thrive in self-pub; romance as a whole is also one of those quick and dirty self-pub treasure troves.

That isn't to say I'm going to hop on the temptation to opt for straight smut-- I'm happy writing along where the tide takes me, but it does mean that it might be a route to consider down the line. There are some really odd and interesting combinations that actually make me relieved that I'll never have the most ratchet combinations ever. Sure, I guess self-pub is the reason behind the blown up entry of kooky subgenres, but if you say that bitterly, then you're missing the point for why self-pubbing is a wonderful beast of many heads (and butts! Double butts with heads of their own! This is probably a joke with a niche but it would be comedy gold, or at least silver, with my nephews.).

I'm not beating a dead horse by repeating all the asinine gripes attempting to vilify self-pub and return to the gatekeeping days of creative slavery. Why the hell do critics against change always sound like redneck racists? We don' wunt yer kind aroun' here... All the same, while it's a bit of a gamble, the choices are really exciting to me as a reader and a writer alike. Iffy topics are no longer filtered by prudish editors and publishers, for one. I'm not rubbing my hands together and laughing like a pervert here. I don't immediately mean sexual subjects here, which aren't off-limits anyway, but sometimes you just want to be a dragonkin crazy cat lady who drives a school bus and, while it might be a niche that is a hard sell, no one gets to deprive you of the joy in developing it and owning a copy of it and making it easily available to anyone who does.

Let's be honest, speed has no bearing on quality. Process doesn't assure that either. And no, your writing won't speak for itself because it IS a competitive market that we're virtually invisible in. This is why a lot of people are turning to niche genres to look more popular than they are. Even if you're first in Nonfiction>Insects>Ants>Ant Farms that #1 still looks impressive and makes the algorithm take notice. (Take note: vendors are well aware of the potential for abuse so lying about the genre of your book is a good way to be banned from every using self publishing platforms. If you're going to snatch up an odd subgenre, you'd better be able to defend how it fits.)

So yeah, I'm considering some off-kilter ideas ahead. Right now, I love my complex fantasies. I love the many twists and turns and planned madness of my ambitious passion projects. I'm going to love my most frustrating characters (until I can't stand them!) and I'm going to build worlds like I've done since I was a child. I'm going to draw passable maps and sometimes scribble down some rough idea of what they look like that I'm never that settled on. There will be cover art that doesn't consider trends and quick erotic scenes sandwiched by violent suspense. I'll put characters through hell but give them seven minutes in heaven. 

I think niches will be a fun thing to explore for marketing. There's real potential to draw curious eyes with a little inventive thought. Fantasy, being so naturally flexible, may never be a playground I fully leave. Yet the idea that I just haven't been standing outside the right clubhouses is out there. 

They say you have to write to market to sell. However, I like to think that even the kooks are out there in bigger numbers than we think, loving that markets give them anonymous ways to let those freak flags fly. In this golden age of publishing, readers and writers can have their cake and eat it too.

Make Your Story an Onion

No, not indecipherable satire or a tearjerker, although your story might benefit from those too. This time, I'm talking layers. Layers and layers and layers of delicious plot building.

Building those Easter eggs isn't something most people can do effortlessly. Sometimes you have a juicy joke, an unfolding revelation, but the actual art of tucking away those gems of continuing stories can be a tough feat to pull off.

It can also be a clever way to act like you meant to do something that you originally kind of just threw in there. 

Here goes my attempt to help you find those hidden gems and run with it!

The Recurring Minor Character (The Minor Resolution)

Let's make this a comedic example. You've got your main characters in some multilevel hideout and they hear the noise of some guards coming along so they wait it out and end up picking up the end of a really lame conversation.

"It wasn't a dragon, you moron, it was a horse."

"You think I don't know the difference between a dragon and a horse?"

"I think you wouldn't know your mother's mouth from a dog's anus."

"And I'm telling you it was a dragon!"

And you never see them again. Right? While at the time, that moment might have been comedic relief or even a hostage situation for the unfortunate MCs, it may be worth filing for later.

There are many ways you can go with this, but maybe a dragon bursts into the sky and the guy is elbowing his agape friend and proudly confirming he saw a dragon... Or he's just a drunk trying to steal an MC's horse while calling it a dragon (and talking to its hind end at that).

It's a silly example, but if you find that the world starts to feel too sparse, introducing a crowd element through minor facts can be a great way to reward the reader for paying attention.

The Insignificant Object

I believe I actually used an apple as an example in a previous post, but I'll go ahead and play that out again. At one point, you might have a character who seems fixated on a piece of fruit. It probably seems like a frivolous detail and when asked, they might even make an offhand remark that they didn't know apples grew here.

Even if that detail seemed annoying at the time, somewhere down the line, there comes an emotional moment. At first, it starts off a light flashback, maybe that the MC hates apples, but they're there with their sibling, who we know little about but know died young. The MC is annoyed that their sibling loves apples and glares at them. The sibling pretends not to notice and begins to tell a story about how apple trees mourn the people that love them. Some soldiers come and try to take the MC but the sibling throws an apple and the MC gets free. The sibling dies but the MC gets away.

This can go on as long as you like. Apples may take on a significance where they never had one in any of the first instances they are mentioned. After the flashback, the MC may be traveling a familiar road, realizing it is the one where their sibling died. The apple tree is there but it's dead-- well, all except for one oddly ripe apple. Do they eat it and die? Who knows, but you also don't need to confine it to main characters. Maybe one time the apple foreshadows a pivotal scene. Maybe it's a comedic break.

The only important thing to remember is that giving something increasing significance also means you have to close that subplot. If you only have two instances, it usually doesn't create an anticipation plot. Yet if you create a build, you better damn well finish it.

The Clue

I've used this one quite a bit and it can be tricky to pull off without immediately tipping off the reader. After a while, even the most oblivious reader will start to smell it right away. It's important that when you introduce some hint as to a character or object's true nature that you also plant a seed of doubt and even lead a reader's suspicions towards the occasional red herring. You don't want everything to fall so neatly that they immediately anticipate it. Yet there is a sense of reward when they are able to guess something correctly. Not everything has to be a twist.

Sometimes it's what you aren't showing that later becomes the clue. I believe, in The Game of Thrones books, GRRM purposely omits the color of some characters' eyes because it would be a dead giveaway. (The Targaryens, for one, are known for their stunning violet eyes.) Yet the clues you drop are sometimes cryptic and sometimes the characters will even suspect something alongside you. However, it could be narration purposely meant to mislead you.

Certain smells, sounds or even moods can sometimes herald the presence of something familiar, a sort of hidden flag to tell you to look closely, but not be too trusting. I've found more often than not, that observations aren't usually set because the narrator thinks you're too stupid to figure it out. They set them up to weave in some threads that may tangle later.

-----

I kind of built up from simple to complex but an Easter egg can be light and fluffy or deep and murky, popping up to draw your interest or exploding with a revelation. Fitting them into your story is often something you'll probably feel better than you can ever plan. Like candy-filled eggs, they can suddenly stimulate a lull or force the reader to focus more closely.

Creating layers in your story is largely guided by the little details. More often than not, no matter how much you plan, you'll probably find the meatiest bits by grabbing the best opportunities for change. Don't be so married to any idea that it kills your story. So often, people never finish that novel they keep bringing up because they keep cutting straight through the plots. You don't want to maul your layers to dust with too much exposition or purple prose, but when you fixate too much on reaching the plot points, you'll often overlook those little pockets that keep your ideas worth peeling back.

Try a 20 step story of a classic. Rewrite a simple fable like the tortoise and the hare but make sure at least 20 things happen from start to finish. Don't be married to the idea of a race or that they have to be animals at all. Make it a lazy overconfident assassin and a man racing home through a storm to save his wife. See if you can tie in any of those ideas to create hints or Easter eggs. You don't even need to write a formal story for this exercise. The main idea is just to absorb yourself in a mental chain where changes start to take on organic or exciting turns.

As always, your best teacher is trial and error. You don't have to write a certain word count each day to be prolific. I've had great writing days where I simply fixated on how I would relate a conversation I overheard to make the details most interesting or chained together ideas for my books. You don't need to formally commit words to your drafts to develop skills beneficial to writing.

Some writers do benefit from certain disciplines. NaNoWriMo is one of those events where you can use the momentum to push yourself further into habits. You might have tried something before but gave up easily then. In an atmosphere where people are feeding each other's goals, it may take you further.

As an artist, I absolutely loathed having to learn vector drawing but it was a requirement in college. Outside of that environment, I might never have embraced and even enjoyed it.

Story building, especially of a complex nature, isn't only something you should try once you feel you can succeed. It's often this odd perception of skill levels that keeps a writer from valuable learning opportunities. Yes, effective writing is difficult. But why throw red tape at a challenge as if you're not good enough to try it at any time? Aim high, fuck it up, put it away for later. Those fearless attempts make a difference and someday you might find where they fit.

Idea Factory

There are times where I wish I could just pound out lists and lists of my ideas, that I could just be content to know I'm an influencer and let them roam free. Yet, alas, I cannot trust it and I hoard it like filthy, dirty treasure.

MY treasure

Influencers often monetize their ability to collect followers (and thereby justifying the ridiculous amount of time they spend on social media). Nothing wrong with that, but it is more like aggressive and often insincere consumerism. I wouldn't say that influencers are below integrity either-- I'm sure many will only influence something they believe in, yet with all rises in success, the temptation would also exist to lower their standards to collect on things they don't really care about. The creator in me just can't be satisfied with this passivity towards the production either way.

It's important to me that my ideas do go through some creative control. Maybe it's the obsession with being first. I don't want to be the sharing type only to decide I want to do it, yet they beat me to it. Then suddenly I look like the copycat, the fanfic hack, and the idea slams my heart into my feet. Perhaps it's possible to be an influencer and an author, but no matter how I think about it, it seems like a cycle too open to paranoia, wondering which idea I should have kept or released to the sharks.

MY tail

Having already touched on the writers that seem to want their book written for them and people who pretend to have an idea but are really farming, I won't do that again, but ideas are still, at least in the sense of the creative process, somewhat precious. (No. No Gollum picture here!) While some people get excited by an idea they can borrow or steal to carry their scene, more often than not, I find it too influential, too tragic a miss in working out the problem in a unique way (if not unique, at least organic to my own critical thought process).

In a previous post, I brought up impostor syndrome. If you're not hip to this, it's a condition that gives you the sense that your accomplishments are fraudulent, even when they are valid. Because I run into this feeling more than I'd like to admit, I try to avoid any practice that might give the negative loop grounds for feeling like a thief, a hack, a fraud. I do have an ample history with fantasy as is and often I can pinpoint some of my plots as being derivative, but I keep those influences as far from vivid as possible. I know those sorts of people who almost exclusively copy-paste or take credit for other people's work and have no shame for it. To me, it's disgusting. You won't often see a heavy bias from me, but this is one I'm unbending on.

It's not lost on me, the irony being these people almost never get a taste of impostor syndrome.

Maybe there will be a lot of my ideas lost when my life comes to a close. It's a shame, but I've never asked much from this life and ideas are one place where I tread carefully. I love to share methods, techniques, slices of life, mood management practices, fitness updates, patterns, but the times when I hoard ideas or put a price on them-- please believe that this is where artists need to assert the value of their contribution. We do give a lot away for free. I've shared crochet patterns I've made from scratch, short stories, pictures-- many of them even of quality I should be charging for. It doesn't always make perfect sense what I choose to make free and what I insist contributes to my wallet. Because so many artists do make stunning works available free, there's almost an expectation, an entitlement that something comparably better is free so yours should be too.

Ideas are a dime a dozen. Look at all the free books!

Also, MY books.

The idea that only the best should be allowed to have value is a falsehood. A free market doesn't mean nothing has value. It gives the consumer the ability to discern what to consume and the producer to decide what its worth. They often do put things out there, simply out of the need to share, their own measure of what might give them exposure and sell more of their work, but it doesn't exist to give consumers permission to undercut the value of all art. You are perfectly within your right to decide it's not worth your hard-earned money, but you are not within your right to decide its value. And yes, piracy will murder some dreams, and it will always be a problem. Your ideas exist in some form already. Your sense of humor is even dependent on someone else's ability to enjoy it (and you can just as well be the only one to enjoy it-- go, you!).

Everything is trash, everything is treasure, and you don't have to be right about which way that leans for you.

FYI: Treasure. You don't have to agree. You don't have to understand why I spent months bingeing on Homestar Runner games and toons. Strongbad, King of Town... Still my spiritual BFFs. Also, where I learned the word 'chiaroscuro'.

You've probably noticed, but I find popular authors game for examples, both positive and negative. The main reason for this is that is that their success no longer hinges on anything short of massive boycotting. Which never happens. You can hate Seeetepheeniee Meyeeer and E.L. Fudge all you want, but lack of taste will sustain them forever. Authors like Anne Rice, Stephen King, JK Rowling-- they're safely out of reach. It's much trickier either being positive or negative about the rest of us peons because I neither want to seem suspiciously undercritical nor do I have a desire to be the weed in their garden (or the wildfire-- some analogy for killing their career). When I do find time to read their work, sometimes I don't want to immediately be the critic. Sometimes I do enjoy being the consumer.

And sure, writers are SUPPOSED to look at everything with a writer's eye. We're supposed to do a lot of things, but I find most of them to be pretentious and counterproductive if you take them as gospel. Yes, take a little advice concerning the growth and cultivation of ideas, but you're doing yourself a favor sometimes just by not taking every aspect of it and turning it into work. Look, you're in a creative career. It's still about conveying emotion and passion. It's not all or nothing and your work benefits most from the balance-- be a passionate emotional person with a sharp rational brain.

I know creatives get a bad rap for being flighty and irrational. I can't tell you how relieved I am that this is totally wannabe bullshit. I ran into so many try-hard hipsters that talked a big game and produced jackshit. The productive artists, digital artists especially, are people who work with computers, technology, numbers and logic too. Some of us are ridiculously literal, critical, intolerant, stubborn. There's no political barrier either-- a mix of liberal, moderate and conservatives in many degrees. Because of this, creatives also don't have a 'type'. It's sort of just human nature to notice the loudest try-hards of any stereotype.

Kicking my ass back onto the main track though...

He's going to kick my butt.

No matter how you feel about ideas, I can always recommend plastering your existence with them. I have several apps on my tablets and computers, emails to myself, notebooks, post-its, scribbled and typed remnants of the big and small processes of ideas. Get them out. You may have a project in mind, or just want to put out the pieces that may lead to one. It doesn't really matter. Catharsis comes from release. Even when you're blocked, sometimes you're still feeding some beast that probably needs attention. Some people fear that they'll just end up starting and not finishing too much so they do nothing if not the big project. This is why I designate specific programs, ones I give myself permission to treat as generic. Sometimes, it does lead to ideas for the main project(s), but the point of an idea phase is to free it into being. Not to completion, but to some visual or tangible medium.

Which is why many idea-makers are still traditional. Pen and paper is still a good way to cheat yourself into a sense of making something, a boost in the right direction. It turns a secret into a promise, a promise into a project.

I've said this before too, but word count is trivial. While I've had spells where word count was the goal, it was only something I allowed myself if I was certain that the story was planned well enough or simple enough to be pantsed. Produce ideas first, worry about categorizing them when the need presents. Preparation is a good thing, but sometimes you do need to throw a few logs on the fire to shed some light on what comes next.

I'm going to wander off a bit since I've finished covering the branches of this topic for now. I do want to say that, despite the amount of time I spend blogging, I also spend gobs of time writing and planning and editing. I try to put update posts up so you can see accurate progression towards my projects. There are some slower spells where... well, ideas. Outlines. Planning. The word count is a nice little package, but it hardly delves into the process of accumulating it. It's not a mark of confidence. People do attach bragging rights to it and it IS exciting, but it's not the greatest measure of your effort. Connecting your ideas will be the silent victor and one that you work to share eventually.

Happy manufacturing, my word engineers!

Why Write Fantasy?

For some people, this is probably an easier answer. Maybe it's always been your favorite genre or it's how you think. In my case, most of the entertainment I consume isn't fantasy. Video games, yes, but aside from my love of superheroes, I'm not someone that looks for fantasy shows or movies first. My tastes tend to lead me to comedy, dramas, medical and crime, even documentaries. So when I ask myself 'why write fantasy?', I had to do some digging. I'll have to jump around a bit, but there are a lot of layers to this.

I've come into adult concepts since childhood that I've struggled to understand even as an adult. When we struggle to understand, sometimes we give up and end up either accepting it unexplained or developing a stance of ignorance. There's even a lot of ego in our youth that tells us it's tolerance that makes it acceptable to just let our emotions lead, but as we grow up, we look for logical ways to be at peace with the unknown. We start to accept that the good and bad in people is subjective and variable and that we often say things that don't match our actions. For example, while people might generally see as tolerant, we often say something before we've thought it out that twists that. I watched an old video where Kelly Osbourne slipped up and said "If you kick Latinos out of your country, who will be cleaning your toilets, Donald Trump?" And most of us winced but at the same time, we knew what she bungled at trying to simplify too quickly. In this country, immigrants, legal or no, have a reputation for a work ethic that most entitled citizens, including Trump himself, would never touch. Kick out the people who are grateful to do thankless jobs and what good is it for any of us?

Because I'm not gifted with impeccable selections of speech on the fly, I tend to be more sympathetic when people, who normally do harmonize with their favorable character, stick their foot in their mouth and realized their attempts to simplify have to be explained with a lot more complexity once they've smeared it. I replay a lot of bungled conversations in my head. Sometimes even when I do well, I'll think of ten better ways to say it later. Words can have a powerful effect on our reactions and emotions, but I agree when free speech, hate speech or not, is protected. Words themselves might incite a lot of strong things, but I believe that the listener, the consumer, is ultimately responsible for their actions, that words are not actions unless they directly threaten to escalate (I'm going to kill you) or incite violence (we will meet here to kill you). I don't know about you, but I want to know who hates me. I don't want these people, disgruntled, silenced, sitting in basements, stirring a bitter stew that will hit me without warning. I think oppressing speech is doing more towards encouraging violence than just being disturbed by vitriol. 

That being said, communication of my ideas is very important to me, not that everyone fall in love with everything I say and do. When we speak out, we must accept that people will react, but the consequences of reacting violently are illegal and a crime and you can't blame words alone-- only your own immaturity towards the manifestation of your reactions. I certainly encourage people to counter hate speech with rebuttals and logic whenever possible-- I envy speakers like Jordan Peterson, Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, and even comedians like Joe Rogan. Even if you don't like their message or what I'm about to say, it's hard to deny that they deliver their messages brilliantly and with a practiced ease I envy. I struggle to get better at public speaking, but I think I would love to say things that such talented people could deliver with their focus and force of reason. I suppose as a woman, it's taboo to say that I would want a man to speak my words for me. I might also pick Christina Hoff Summers, a choice feminist whose levelheadedness I also envy, would work too. What these people have in common-- they claim responsibility for their words, grow with new information, and don't really lose their cool even when they raise their voice. They survive Q&As without dissolving into incoherent frustration.

Even explaining that, it still seems lacking to sufficiently encompass my choices as a writer. It is difficult to summarize, but words are a responsibility with consequences that can be justified, right or wrong, but how do we choose a medium to explore them?

Again, why fantasy, when I clearly have a love for understanding reality and have a solid basis in it? Well, the whimsical outlet of fantasy allows me to explore the deeper concepts of light and dark through metaphor. Not good and bad, mind you, since moral concepts also have levels of societal acceptability and individual experience. Often, there's a general consensus of what we know we can or can't be punished for, but individual mentality or even mob mentality often kicks against where 'morals' attempt to oppress people concerning even the use of their own bodies. And yes, personally, even when it's widely accepted to be moral or immoral, we come up with logical exceptions that bear consideration. It's extremely difficult for people to voice unpopular opinions, so we all need to find a playing field where we can test those doubts, fears, and curiosities. Non-fiction, where my life is concerned, has too many consequences for being tactlessly earnest.

It would be nice if adulthood was a magical escape from childhood dilemmas, but as an adult, I'm often pulled back into the lessons of my immediate past. I know both what it is like to be a child that had been through hell that some adults have not and to be an adult who is often disregarded as childish (I laugh freely, often and girlishly even at 37). I write adult fiction right now because my childhood just isn't kid friendly. I do use whimsical themes to bridge the gap but these adult themes do resonate with my real battles from adolescence.

Some people could make the argument that it is inappropriate for characters of a certain age to run into certain situations. Unfortunately, it's an uncomfortable truth for some of us. It's not a mark of how little your parents care or love you because it IS a sign of love and trust for them to let you explore the big bad world and hope you come back, alive, when you need a respite. The world does not and cannot protect us from the curiosities of reality. Nor should it. It should definitely have laws to protect against harm and it does, ones that at best will change as the world needs it to. What stands is that a child can and does get beat down by adult things. Telling a child that they can't possibly understand insults, abuses and raises their vitriol when they are certain they are not just living in it, but are one of the new demons who come to poke and ridicule them. Disbelief only reinforces it.

And yes, there are also attention-seeking predators, even children, who see that a tortured soul draws the sort of attention they want and mimics it insincerely. One thing I love about a Jordan Peterson video I watched is that he doesn't believe in 'erring on the side of caution'. (video here -- I encourage you to watch it and form your own impressions. Just taking what I say on faith is like playing a game of telephone. Always go from the source in case my interpretations carry a bias.)When he suspects that a patient is asking him to cater some demand of uniqueness with a privilege that they simply feel entitled to but doesn't stand to help them to pretend, he calls them out on it. He admits that sometimes he is wrong, but shows that it is imperative that we test the resolve of people's demands, to see if they are simply trying to mold others or truly find themselves. As a psychologist, he has seen that entertaining people's delusions does not help them learn how to grow as themselves. It's a very tough topic to discuss and he manages to find the words very eloquently. I even appreciate that he shows his thoughtfulness and consideration as he attempts to arrive at his answer. He's not just reading off of a script or parroting a false ego.

Diverting from the technical sides of my choice, I feel a kinship with harsh realities and the possibilities of fantasy. Life isn't just receiving our scars, but bearing them, even showing them in the sunshine. We can assemble armies or meet magical creatures, attune to our inner child or come to terms with being an adult. Even when we explore ourselves through our work, it doesn't assure hidden agendas, at least not intentionally. I've heard people make rather nefarious leaps of accusation-- underage sexuality? Pedophilia! Women writers detailing sex? Turns men gay (and I'm talking heterosexual sex even; apparently we force male readers to resume the stance of a woman to trick them into lusting for the male body. I couldn't even make this shit up)! Graphic calculated violence? Serial killer in the making!

I've always been a firm believer that saying it/playing it is often enough. Playing the games, watching the movies, reading the books, is often the satisfaction of the curiosity not the catalyst to demand more. When I write controversial topics, it is not done in secret delight, always the representative of my desires. I write things that make me downright uncomfortable. I can write something that titillates me and something that disgusts me in the same day even. Of course, those attention-seeking predators I mentioned before often look to call these the catalysts of their murder sprees, rapes, etc. Why? Because we create excuses for addictions, heinous acts, absolve people as brave for doing bad things and 'redeeming themselves', a culture that CREATES visibility for monstrous acts, encouraging people to abuse themselves and others so they can earn relevance for just doing what decent people do invisibly. Writers see this and make them into believable villains. Whether it humanizes or dehumanizes them, whether it's right or wrong is moot. We should continue to piss each other off, entertain each other, release words in ways that make people become curious, challenged. Do you back people up into a wall and tell them they're not cornered if they climb? Is there a rope, a ladder, a trampoline? Is the wall tall or short? Do you stop your pursuit or do they have to worry you're concealing a knife to drive into their back when they turn away? Presentation is everything.

Fantasy just aligns with the way I want to present my ideas. I'm not writing a book on psychology because it can't always be clinically accurate or documented in studies. There's a lot we don't understand about the brain and how it works. What other place could I bring to life the monsters under the bed, the monsters you mistake for friends, the smiles that hide the villains? It's not the only genre I will use, but right now, I'm in love with the way I can build characters and plots and puzzles and worlds and creatures, to lay color to the concepts and ideas around me? How else can I bridge the muddy transitions of childhood and adulthood with any clarity or understanding? How else can I mystify romance and horrify violence, overblowing it but making it logical to the landscape?

Fantasy is whimsy, fantasy is darkness, fantasy is triumph and tragedy.

On that note, I really can't wait to see this Welcome to Marwen movie. I'm not a very emotional consumer, but I teared up a bit just on the trailer. It does align with themes I work with and even inspired this post. One day, I hope to build up the scale of ways to present my own ideas. It's not unusual for writers to see movies in their head while creating, but I'm also well aware that a screenplay is a different creature than a novel (hey, did I mention I'm a screenplay editor? So it seems like a logical course to try it out someday). You can't dream too big.

Get Rid of the Entitlement: Your Unique Opportunity for Growth

As I've said before, crocheting happens to be something I excel at, but it was a hard won path that took years of patient dedication, like any craft. Sometimes, there are points where crafts cross over with philosophies that boost another of your outlets.

Comments I see time and again in crochet groups. "How do I make this? There's no pattern!" It is then followed by more increasingly entitled lamenting "I found a pattern in Russian. Can I have it in English?" "I've only found a diagram and can't read that kind of pattern?" "Ugh, I hate when there's no pattern, but I REALLY want to make it!"

People tend to get passionate only as far as the comments go, but most of them give up when the conditions aren't completely ideal. There's rarely any spirited chirps of 'well, guess it's a good time to learn Russian/read diagrams' or 'maybe I could look at the stitches and attempt to make it from the picture!' but damn it, there should be! Age or patience or sheer laziness and entitlement shouldn't ever be an excuse to cut yourself off from attempting a new learning experience.

And yes, this absolutely applies to writing.

I get it. One thing crochet has over writing is that the mistakes can often become a part of the design, unknown to all but the proficient crafter themselves and even another master would have difficult spotting it without being told. However, writing also has an edge over crochet in that the mistakes are easier to correct, that a story doesn't have to be unraveled to be fixed. However, it does require you to shed entitlement, to welcome humility in the process and take the bad with the good (and realize bad and good are subjective).

See the failings of a perfect scenario as your place to make it better. Take the time to write the non-existent pattern and you can turn around and charge for that coveted design. Take the time to write that non-existent book! Or shrink it down-- novella, short story, poem. A lot of short pieces grow with inspiration into something much bigger than you imagined. Even a proficient crafter can float as run-of-the-mill, always passing up challenges beyond the comfort level for any number of excuses.

We're modern creatures, often spoiled by its conveniences, so many of us resorting to whining, looking for the bleeding hearts to do the hard work for us. It's one of the reasons I started plugging up the holes on my own bleeding heart tendencies. There's only so much you can do, only so much you can let yourself be sidetracked by the monumental amount of pleas begging you to their cause. I can't say I never cave. Sometimes I'll translate patterns or make my own when I see the whining, not because of some genuine urge to please the masses, but because the challenge DOES appeal to me and I DO see the sense in appealing to a profitable demand. Yet sometimes I withhold that urge, wondering how desperate or passionate that 'need' will be, whether it will encourage just one of those entitled commenters to take matters into their own hands.

It's okay to be an enabler sometimes, to be selfless in your work or selfish too. I don't push back and try to shame those commenters because who really cares about the opinion of some internet stranger? It's not going to reduce their number and could even do quite the opposite. I do want to see people reach their full potential, but coddling is NOT the same as nurturing. When someone feels the edges of confidence, you have to push them ahead of that sense of instant gratification, to let them know that it's just going to get scary sometimes. Ultimately, that's where the greatest sense of accomplishment always seems to reside. Not in who you can look to for help every time, but where you can go inside yourself to try and help yourself first.

No shame in looking for some help sometimes, but the temptation to treat it like a crutch is where people fall astray so much. Don't be 'too old' or 'too impatient' or have 'too many other easier options' to reach for goals that might require both some help or some scary alone time.

Think of it like learning a language. You can either trust the interpreter to speak for you or you can speak for yourself. Even the most well-meaning interpreter can fall short of what you mean to convey. There's a lot of benefit to shedding ignorance in your craft, even if it's just a little at a time. Can you spot a misspelled word? Can you proofread your own work? Can you shed more excuses and say exactly what you're trying to say? Sure, you can pay someone to do it and that's a great way to encourage people to develop such skills. But don't always shuck a learning experience to take the easy way out either. You might surprise yourself and spread that proficiency across the board.

I became a better artist over a 5-year dry spell with drawing. This doesn't mean you can piss away the importance of practice because, honestly, it was torture and the longer I went, the more I thought I'd lose it altogether. It doesn't quite work like that-- you do lose some things but some things are innate, locked into you. Writing was the same way. I can't say for certain it was confidence or 'the right time' but I do know that much had changed and I saw too much entitlement in myself with nothing MORE to back it up. Why can't people see what I've done and snatch me up? You'll notice that no matter how wonderful it feels to get a big response, people will just as quickly forget if you're not DOING, producing and working on something else. People will hesitate to invest in you if you tuck it all in after a victory. What makes writers like King so successful is he keeps popping another title in his library. It doesn't have to be solid gold-- people can hate it, but it keeps his name reappearing on those New Books lists before it ever fades out. Of course, there's no lack of talent and hard work in his case, but one thing that keeps creatives afloat is visibility. Stay relevant and it's not just your new work that flies off the shelves, it's the curiosity for the old work too.

I say this time and again, but you ultimately decide how far is far enough. But you're totally a dick if you're whining about something out of reach and have no intention of contributing towards getting it. "Oh, the pattern exists, but it's soooo expensive. Can I get it for free?"

Get out. Just... get out with that. It's just as nauseous when you're an 'idea person' wanting other people to write your damn book for you, but 'you'll pay them with royalties'. Or worse. Exposure. *shudders* If you want to gamble with your time and money to see your vision, fine and dandy. Don't undercut or undervalue the skills of others with entitlement. Entitlement never looks cute or even acceptable. Even if people are too polite to say it, they're disgusted with you.

Go ahead and pass it up if it's not that appealing to pursue. A parting shot is not a mic drop-- ride off into the sunset, quietly, and take your highest horse with you.