Fun with Internet Hypocrisy

"Don't silence me!"

Says the person disabling comments.

It's a trend I see, where you see people venting on a thread and would love to comment... Only to see the OP (original poster) or admin disabled the comments. Aw, boo. This just screams rampant egos when someone won't just delete the post. Was it not the hug box they were expecting? Did they determine everything worthwhile had already been said? Either way, it always denotes a lack of courage.

It's worth a mention or two or a million. I don't crawl all over social media with any high frequency but I see it several times in short spans of time, usually accompanied by the words "I'm not going to be silenced", almost like a warning that they intend to do just that.

I can't say I've never been tempted to do this in the past. I've blocked aggressive types that won't drop something. I am openly disgusted when I catch someone aggressively bullying someone else, especially when they post someone's personal information or opinions in a group in an attempt to alienate them. More often than not, I unfollow biased or predatory groups if I don't leave them altogether. I have never disabled comments. Perhaps because I am diplomatic and only delve into lukewarm controversies-- in any case, I never shut down discussions. I don't expect people to agree with me. As long as people observe respect and understand personal boundaries. I have plenty of recourse to take that doesn't subject everyone to reading with no ability to interact; only the actual offenders will go.

No one should have to deal with harassment but there is a frustrating amount of knee-jerk reactions at the slightest opposition. Toddler-level crap at that. People that don't like hearing no and of course, people that insist on being heard without reciprocation. You could even compare it to Bridezilla type platforming. It's MY platform so hands off!

I have platforms for my thoughts. This blog, for one. However, all of my platforms ARE public and I understand that ideas evoke responses. Whether you hate what I do or fall into some shade between that and loving what I do, my platforms remain open to opinion. I don't peddle my perceptions as fact and I don't mind a reasonable challenge to my experience. I won't disable comments but I will weed out spam and agitators who abuse the privilege.

Everyone falls victim to the 'good intentions' trap. Some of the most heinous bullying can indeed be disguised as knowing what's best for someone else. Sometimes family can be the culprit, just as keenly as strangers. Whether someone actually knows you well or not, there are always parts of us that can surprise even ourselves. You should not feel the need to limit those things because some well-meaning person believes they know how miserably you will fail and wants to save you from yourself. There's a balance there. You don't need to ignore people outright. There's often some good advice tailored to you where you least expect it. There is often temptation to take advice you know won't work so that when it doesn't, you can place the blame there. Don't do that. Make choices for yourself and be accountable for them. Whether it's personal or for all of social media to pick at, direct the course of your interactions with the knowledge that YOU decide ultimately how you will handle things.

I have stopped even bothering to read anything where comments are disabled. All opportunity for growth and even questions are blocked. It's worse than an echo chamber. If you want me to be curious about what you have to say, keep the floor open. If you are overwhelmed and need to bow out, there's no shame in deleting it.

Yes, I used to stay in groups that always put me in a bad mood under the misconception that it was cowardly to back out. Stupid me. Really, anything that is stifling your priorities or curiosity is far more foolish to entertain. Find your people and take control of what makes you grow strong. There are plenty of people who let it get so out of control that they have to bow out of social media altogether. I can't say I blame them, but if you make it a point to weed out the stagnant interactions, you'll be surprised how you can avoid needing to back out of everything just to avoid the mess.

I'm going to leave you with another tip if you do want to boost your friends list but are afraid of the creeps that inevitably come along. I've had a few instances, strong enough to show a pattern, that revealed another trend I don't like. There were quite a few non-American men that swarmed to be added with suspiciously bare profiles. They will almost immediately hit you with a 'hi, how are you?' Keep in mind, these are always men from countries where women's rights aren't a thing but I have no desire to vilify all men from these countries so I won't list them. I've seen this problem crop up for many female authors and artists. I generally do allow an initial 'hi, how are you?' but the minute I am complimented on my looks or assaulted with a bevy of personal questions, I ditch them. Sorry, but it always goes downhill from there. I'm a big girl-- I can handle myself against the possibility of creeps, but if you aren't aware of this, comb through your profile before setting it to public and be sure that you are protecting your information. I do open my personal page to writers I've vetted in groups, but if complete strangers want to follow my work, they can do so via my professional pages. I'd love to add everyone but there are always people that like to ruin it for everyone.

I know there are plenty of people that don't put their work out there because of these fears. They're not prepared for trolls or negativity or criticism. No shame in that. I was there for a long time. Build a thicker skin over time and above all, enjoy what you do. You probably do research for your stories; just take the time to do the same research for what you might encounter on your career path.

Its cool to step away from social media to clear your head or binge on work. Still, don't disable comments. Set your privacy settings, weed out actual trolls, expect adversity, but don't be a lazy egomaniacal douche.