Winter Break? Not Really But Woo Woo!

I did slow down on writing and drawing with the boys home for winter break. Still, I did a little of both. Very little of both, but it was something. Almost have the color bases down and I got over a little hump in my trek through the mysterious deserts of the Melikai province. All is well.

In truth, I don't know what the hell a break is. Every time I try it, I'm lucky if it lasts 24 hours. There is always some siren song in work that makes it difficult to stay away no matter how much I need to. That's not to say it's easy or fun all the time, I just want it. More than anything, I start to taste the day when the words and pictures manifest into something sharable. I want to publish and to realize the next idea. I can't lie and say I don't enjoy a lot of it but it can make 7 AM become 7 PM magically and make the day after a Monday into yet another Monday before I realize what day it is again. I tend to do all other things on autopilot-- getting the boys from school, even socializing can have me fading off mid-sentence as those unfinished projects have their 'eureka' moments.

So I'm managing to do something I haven't been able to do for most of 2017-- spending gobs of time with my nephews.  They're home all day, it's colder than reverse hell and there's very little I can do without a bit of crankiness from their cabin fever or their enthusiasm to spend time with me. I can't and don't want to turn it down. They're busy growing and forming their minds most of the year just like I am and we all need to touch base.

So even though I've done all of maybe 2K words in the past week and I still haven't gotten around to getting past the coloring book stages of my illustrations, it's still been quality time. We play games together, of the board and electronic varieties. We enjoy each other's quick-witted and sometimes corny/lazy humor. When I do get to sate all this built-up creative energy, I'll welcome it with open arms.  For now, it's enough to jot a few things down in between and get back to getting to know each other again.

I'm an introvert. I don't have this insatiable need to entertain or have company. However, I am a firm believer that quality time is about unplugging. I don't take a ton of pictures and videos (no offense to my camera-loving friends here-- I see the appeal of capturing it all, but for me, it takes me out of the moment and stifles my observational skills. All the megapixels in the world don't beat my panoramic view or unhindered eyesight). When I spend time with you or anyone, I like to be 100% present and I promise even if my mind wanders, I send it back on track.

So my blogs are fewer these days, but I'm keeping that promise to unplug here and there...

What else? Well, consider this post as some subtle advice. Don't beat yourself up for not being a constant overachiever in your work. Fall behind sometimes to get ahead somewhere else. I never consider any piece of my life a waste. I always labor to reprioritize where needed. I'm not a creature of guilt and regret and no one should be. I often have people tell me they wish they could put forth as much effort as I do. I'm sure it seems glorious in many ways because I can get pretty impassioned talking about it. All the same, I wonder if I should be taking my cue from your lives sometimes too. Everything done too much can be habit-forming and it's much easier to fall back into bad habits than keeping up with good ones. Often your lives do not have the same advantages and disadvantages as someone else's. There is plenty else in life competing for your dreams and sometimes you have a precious couple of hours to work with and it's far better served taking a nap or watching a movie. The number one cause of burn-out for me is not sleeping. The only people who rival me in fighting sleep are toddlers. Even when I know it will make me more productive, sometimes it just ain't happening. I'll end up taking twice the time redoing my sleep-fuddled mistakes.

The harsh reality of creativity is this: no matter how hard I work, no one owes me the precious handling of my motivation. There will be trolls and critics and douchebags who would delight in seeing an artist cave under criticism, to see me give up when the frustration hits me. Good luck. Even if I lost the courage to publish for a while, I do get it back. Sometimes your moods and feedback leave you too vulnerable. Unplug. Step away. Come back when you build a backbone for it. As supportive as I want to be for other writers, nothing will make me ignore you more than a whining binge about how nobody likes you. And? I don't know about you, but nothing gives me more freedom to write than being ignored. Nothing gives me more will to be heard than being shut down. Hug boxes are shit to me. They are insincere and useless for growth. As much as I love fans, I need adversity. I need people to not be afraid to point out my errors (or if my final published MS... turns out to be an early unedited draft. Oops... Keep the collector's edition that you own and laugh at my mistakes).

I do keep this blog to air out some grievances, but I will never ask anyone to pity or console me. If you really want to irritate me, do one of those two things. Pitying someone, no matter how good the intention, is patronizing. You saint, me helpless peasant. No thanks. It shows that you think I am weak to my situation not just struggling to arrive at the solution. Consolation? Again, good intentions and often without action. I know I will get through this. Listen or make me laugh-- those are good enough. I don't need grand gestures or trite placations. It will make both of us awkward. Unless there's pizza involved. That does tend to heal all wounds.

Just don't use pizza to actually bandage wounds. Unless you're trying to make me laugh. I won't stifle your creativity on this one.

Time Travel, Maybe

It's been more than a week since my last blog post, but rather than being swallowed by writing binges, I've been doing my best to try and color base the sketches for my third book, The Truth about Heroes: Menage a Trois. It's a deceptively sexy title considering that this is probably one of the least sexy books in the series. I do have more provocative sketches regardless.

As for the count, I have ten full size sketches to base, the twelve partial inserts and the panorama that I hope to get set up in the next three days. Once I do that, I'd love to juggle it with writing more of UnSung. I'm struggling a bit with Part One, to be honest. I know what I want from Part Two but it's a little tricky figuring out how to get the players in position. I only had four definite continuing characters from the first book, but who else would help move this one? I felt a little blind, but I've built on it a bit. I think I'm due for a long walk to try to hash that out better.

So a bit of time traveling happened. Blinked and I'm a week in the future.

Before I disappear into my work again, I'd like to point out something really interesting in the difference between reader and writer groups. Readers are pretty unanimous on wanting to visualize the characters for themselves. Writers in the groups I'm in are almost constantly telling and showing you what they think their characters should look like. I'm going to have to agree with the readers, even as a writer. I do love to visualize the characters and even draw them. It's been the theme of my vanity project after all. However, I've also found more joy in not laboring to NEED a visualization for depth of character. In fact, I found that ditching all but necessary details has been liberating for the growth of a character.

Plus there's an annoying amount of humble bragging becoming popular. I might criticize what I would like to do differently, but I will make it clear that I am damn proud of my work. I'm not going to solicit people for compliments by pretending it's not that good. No one shares something they think is complete garbage. If someone is going to post their work, I won't bother commenting if the language is wishy-washy. Although coming right out to say you want people to make you feel better is pretty pathetic too. I think we all have conditions for a response-- mine is pretty simple. Say what you like, say what you don't like, invite people to critique or comment on their tastes.

I've also started avoiding the 'I put on my pants today' crowd that wants congratulations for every mundane step they take. They are so frequently treating their groups like personal blogs that I skip reading their 'I wrote words, I posted pictures I took on a walk' posts simply because of the sheer frequency. Once, maybe twice a day for a main post is pushing it, but some of these people go for the gusto in their need for constant validation with half a dozen or more trite posts you can find in any WikiHow self-help page. It's hard to maintain the discipline when you want to share, believe me I know, but you're more likely to be silently unfollowed than make fans/friends. I also know because I'm likely to unfollow that sort. People are far more encouraged by results.

I'm not saying by any measure of 'success'. I have received a lot of kind words about my writing style and insight, my unique drawing style, my immensely positive outlook. My success is pretty humble, but it doesn't dictate my reason for doing it. I doubt I could possibly be more motivated than I am now for sheer love of what I'm doing.

Yes, I know, I get a little snippy and annoyed, but only because I cringe at mistakes I've made. Really, no one could have told me differently but I'm admittedly a curmudgeon sometimes when I see those things I didn't like about myself. So of course, I typically ignore those posts but enjoy a bit of venting on it. Really, social media is very rare on the warm fuzzy moments. Emailing or messaging my close knit friends or talking to them in person beats all. I do remember a time where I thought if not for social media, I'd be completely disconnected. Can't be further from the truth. I do disconnect because, hell, I'm a busy chick. I draw, I write, I plan big and work hard. I can be isolated for months if no one reaches through and wants to hang out. 

Because I'm a time traveler. Months can pass before I realize where time has gone. I don't regret it, but believe me, I love when people reach through the haze and want to bail me out for a bit. I'm not likely to reach out to anyone but I'll drop some time for a valuable friend.

I'll leave you with that. More to do! I have a body of work to create...

Winter Plans are Changing

It's been a bit difficult for me to physically function with the cold weather kicking in.  I have been able to do some writing, editing and drafting but illustrating has gone down to a trickle.  Because of that, I regret to say that I am postponing the third book of the Heroes Trilogy so that I can release them with quality illustrations. If I attempt to make the end of January release, I'll be rushing them at this point. I do still hope for an early quarter release in 2018 (and the omnibus/box sets shortly after) but quality is always going to be important than a deadline.

That being said, I hit the 20K mark on Book 2 (UnSung) of the UnQuadrilogy (I know it needs a new name, but that tickles me). I'm hoping to exceed my usual 100K limit and aim for 120K. For all I want this book to accomplish, that shouldn't be a stretch. Again, I'm aiming for the three-part format and the end will feature another epilogue leading into the third book.  I like the little teasers at the end letting the reader decide if it will be worth continuing for them.

Welp, I have a few things to update this morning.  Patreon needs updates, transferring from Pronoun to Smashwords and KDP for ebook distribution, nap... Oh boy, do I need a nap... I'll slip some writing in tonight, but my muscles are so not cooperating in this cold...

The Good, The Great, The Rest

I don't think anyone that enjoys doing something ever wants to wander down the dark road of whether they are actually good at it. In art school (and I'll willingly admit I went to one of those school where there was no admission test), it was never more apparent that some people just weren't up to muster. Even though anyone could get in, the class list dwindled rather noticeably over the years-- so much so that I felt like I was playing the Nintendo classic Friday the 13th, watching that survivor count drop into the single digits.

This generation will never know the horror that these graphics once caused.

I started with about 50 new students. My virtual graduation consisted of 4. Now I know that a lot of things could account for graduation not synchronizing.  Classes that were failed and had to be retaken (ffs, you have to pay to retake so failing was too rich for my blood), frequency of classes by semester. I had opted to take 2 or 3 classes per semester rather than the minimum of 1. It was usually two academic requirements or 1 academic requirement and 1 demanding art concentration. Never 2 art intensive classes unless I approved of the workload. Nevertheless, I watched my fellow Dean's/President's listers, always looked at the roster for familiar names and I would notice that people tapered off over time, falling off of all lists with regretful finality.

I hate to say it, but sometimes I could see why. Some of these hopeful artists should have been informed of their chances to actually make it in their chosen field.  Private schools really don't give a shit though, they just see dollar signs. During class projects where we would have to draw concepts for digital work? They were subpar even for six year olds let alone adults. I'm being unfair because it wasn't the skill level of their art that tanked them-- it was the failure to communicate their ideas that made them unpassable. You can be plenty creative, but your chosen outlet has to make sense. You are an interpreter in that medium so you must chose that aptitude wisely.

Most people can improve with practice, but practically, you need more than passion to compete. Plenty of artists end up not publishing because of that fear that they are blindsided to any lack of skill for it but can still enjoy it. There are also those delusional ones that have ego far exceeding their talent and through some miracle of mediocrity, even manage to become filthy rich for sucking at any actual skill in that area.

So it's confusing. What makes something good or great is hard to pinpoint or gauge when things that suck can clearly enjoy success as well.

I like to take quotes and put my own addendum to their truth in my experience...

 

My last post was about putting aside doubts because all of us have them. It's a sad truth that in a market overrun with mediocrity, there are also just as many people who don't know they have something great and never taken the plunge. People like me have no clue which side of the line they fall on. I will gladly admit that my first book needs a little TLC, but at the same time, I know it's a solid piece of storytelling even with the novice beginning I put to it over a decade ago. Why did I not rewrite it if I had my doubts? I spent a decade on it, so why wouldn't I want it to be the best?

At some point, we have to decide whether something is ready to go out into the world or if we should just scrap it because it's far too imperfect to represent our egos. In my case, it was time to release it for all its flaws and move on.  It's not for fear of wasting it into obscurity.  Whether or not it's to the market's taste, I gave zero fucks. It's not because it's nine books of wasted time. It's because I read the thing time and time again and despite any doubts telling me it wasn't ready... I read the damn things multiple times. 

I don't know about you, but my favorite stories by other authors rarely get read more than three times. I read my stories more times than I could count, sometimes critically hating them, other times unable to get that I actually wrote that amazing shit. Somewhere in the middle was the truth of it. I'm not terrible! I tell stories that I want to revisit and I had to share.

I'm not worried about tainting my 'brand'. Maybe at first I worried over that far more than I should have. If you read one thing I've done and hated it, it's not an indication that you should avoid all I do. I'm not going to keep milking one idea or concept unless I attain a fanbase that demands work that I've done and loved. Look at the top prolific authors, the consistent best sellers and their body of work. The most successful were also plenty adventurous, writing just as many hated stories for all of the beloved entries. Most of them aren't one-trick ponies. They're as curious as they are eclectic. 

Most of us observe and think that we have to pound out market-pleasers to establish the privilege of writing whatever we want, but please see the folly of that thinking. Your niche could very well plop you into the popularity of a genre you actually despise. How much money could keep you persisting in that misery?  I don't know about you, but it wouldn't last for me. I'd plunge into a state of infamy for turning my back on that faster than a fanbase could actually benefit me. Experts in marketing might have a slightly better chance of it, but I wouldn't waste too much on whatever they think they can guarantee with a persuasive vocabulary. For every leap on trends to make a buck, you get a mysterious silence where I see zero claims to any happiness or real success from thinking they can ride those coattails to a winning formula.  Or we would all do it, naturally. It has little to do with talent, little to do with quality. If making a living at writing were really so easy, wouldn't we all cough up a little integrity on that cheesy bestseller and then coast on the proceeds to write what we really want?

Even those prolific bestsellers, once again, haven't been able to attain comfortability without cranking out consistent best sellers.  The truth of most success stories comes with one big thing in common.  Most books only see a heyday within the year of their release. Even the largely successful stories end up collecting pennies in royalties over time because even if they stay on the market, they go the way of cheap mass-market paperbacks, not selling predictably enough to be pre-printed and relegated to dusty warehouses...

But wait... there's self-publishing... For all of its ill-repute (which is also dying off), authors taking matters into their own hands can keep reviving their stories and print-on-demand means that booksellers and libraries aren't afraid to take a risk on the little guys anymore. 

Really, it takes some serious guts to decide your work is worth paying for. Always strive to put out the best possible work, but seriously don't beat yourself up about perfection. Good work can have typos, great work can still have fucking typos.

Focus your efforts on a little bit of everything, but do not lose sight of your creative goals by trying to do a bang-up job at marketing or fiddling too much over the details. People will gush about the importance of quality and in a perfect world, of course that's top priority. However, since no one can agree on what the fuck quality actually amounts to, just work on self-improvement-- strive to do what you can do best.

Shit drawers can become overnight web comic superstars with cheesy relatable short comics and mediocre word dumpsters can become Stephenie Meyer and E.L. Fudge (sorry, James), bestselling authors enjoying undeserved success for having the uncanny ability to make not-thinking an American pastime.

Ravenous superfans: I'll save you the trouble.  I am extremely jealous of success, as evidenced by me sitting over here living one of those terrible, horrible, happy and comfortable lives of a creative with integrity. I don't want fame and I sure as shit don't want the infamy that makes people wonder how much lip service was performed on what genitalia to make such a phenomenon possible. 

For all other types of fans that understand how opinions work: enjoy your bad literature without any judgement on your character from me. Your tastes do not indicate your intelligence or your personality and chances are I can get along with you just fine. We all have guilty pleasures and I might make fun of you sometimes, but let's mostly just agree to disagree and not talk about it. Like religion and politics.  We can probably be friends as long as we keep those skeletons in their respective closets. Really, the only absolute I have found is that people have to have compatible senses of humor.  That's about it.  You pretty much never have to agree on anything else.

In any case, let's end this on a positive note. Be practical about the crazy, crazy world of creativity but don't let other people dictate whether or not you will succeed with your plans. Strange things can happen and regret is far worse to live with than taking a risk that weighs on you to be done. Don't let anything keep you from enjoying your ideas.

Be good, be great, be something else-- just keep at it!

You're Not Alone

I try to keep most of my posts as much as possible focused on the positive-- how to push past blocks, overcoming battles with poor health, my own twisted sense of humor and the wonderful power of swearing. It's really important to project that positive persona, but the reality is there are some rather gaping chinks in the armor underneath it all. I'm human, I'm flawed, and I have doubts.  If I have given anyone reason to doubt that, I apologize for the deception.

It would be easy to get a big head about what I do. There are plenty of people who fill me with elation when they extol my virtues. I am plenty proud that I choose to use my talents and build my skills rather than squander it. Trends can be brutal towards how you feel about your own talents, nonetheless. There is a call for intricate realism and while I thoroughly enjoy that talent, I don't feel the call to achieve that in my work. I'm still the sort who is charmed by the beauty of simpler styles. I am always trying to improve, but I read something a while back that really resonated with the choice I made. The masters of painting were all trained in realism, but what separated them from the others was exploring 'style', not what they trained themselves to duplicate from reality but what they found in the freedom of impression. I often see things in reality that I want to incorporate into my fantasy style, but to say that I ever feel inferior because I 'can't' duplicate artists who are 'better' wouldn't be correct either. I thoroughly enjoy what I do, but there is a self-criticism that always nags at me that I can do better.  Not that I can do better than you or them or Van Gogh, but that I can surpass myself.

When I say you're not alone, it's because I do get caught in comparison traps where I mistakenly say 'I wish I could do that'. It's stupid, but it's not. When you strive for something, at best it can push you to work harder. At its worst, you end up sulking in inaction, telling yourself to quit. Don't do that one. And that goes for me too.

Look at what you can do in the present. What specifically are you seeing that you want for yourself? You look at the big picture and overwhelm yourself by saying you want all of it, but you don't give yourself a place to begin. Ask yourself what about a piece is something you covet for your own skills. Are you drawn to the fluid lines of the line drawing? Are you drawn to the clever prose in a book? When you're making those assessments make sure those thoughts end positive.  It can turn into a self-bashing session where you say 'I'm drawn to the fluidity of the lines because mine are so wobbly and awful' or 'I like the clever prose because my prose looks like a first-grade primer in comparison.' Eek, no.  Don't. Just don't. There's one trend in modern culture that needs to die right now and it's shooting down one party to lift up another. Admire something, but don't fall into the trap of downing yourself to do it. I'll listen to a feminist talk about female empowerment, but I'm gone the minute she blames men for all of her problems.  There's nothing productive about blotting out any progression with negativity.

My friend Joe and I were discussing something worth repeating too. I do beat myself up on my skill level a lot more than I should. I give you advice but can't take it, right? Hypocrite. However, despite the harsh criticism, I also don't stop. Anyways, I do a bit of creative self-abuse to where I can get terrified that I WILL stop. Joe always has good examples and this time he offered up this advice: Axl Rose has often said that he refuses to listen to Appetite for Destruction because he picks it apart every time he hears it. My first instinct wasn't to be relieved. Celebrities are constantly expressing doubts to make us all remember they're human. I get that little shoulder devil reminding me, well, how can I compare to someone that has 'made it'. Ouch, Krista, you're taking the wrong thing out of that message and you know it. Then I gathered the mess I made of that and remembered this-- creatives are the most self-critical people on the planet. We're not whipping out successful pieces with the confidence that maybe people think we should be feeling. In fact, I have to wonder how good something can actually be when the creator has not admitted to any doubt along the way. Discomfort in the work shows that the author has confronted the honesty that makes for some riveting work. Sorry, but this doesn't go for 'crying with your character'. Dog shows move me to tears when I'm on my period, but I can assure you that no amount of skill is going to make that a riveting piece of writing.

And oy, the young ones are full of confidence... Not that I'm not young, but I can't say I envy that. I look back on what I've kept from my earlier journeys and I cringe at a good deal of it. Unfailing confidence was harmful to the quality but it did keep me going too. I had to go through a grueling creative phase to actually begin to complete anything worthwhile. Even so, the doubt is still real. Maybe more so.  No amount of 'mastery' has removed doubt.  I've made some cringy mistakes. You might want to buy my first book with all of its glorious errors because when I release it as a trilogy, I plan to bury the evidence as soon as possible. I somehow lost my final edit or saved over it in the name of organization, either way I know what became the final publication was not my final edit and I intend to fix it for later editions. However, you do get to see my charmingly clumsy beginning from over a decade ago.

Look, nothing is perfect is all I'm saying. If I'm annoying you by being positive or preachy, remember that. I need to focus on the positive to press on.  I don't have these ridiculous stores of confidence, but I'll fake it to all hell and back. I don't have the ability to lie and tell everyone they'll love my work.  I have no fucking clue what you'll like, virtual stranger, but I can at least guarantee that my approach is unique and the story is deep and involving. My first series is its own entity, by the way. I take a very different approach to my newest series and the same will be said of others. I don't always explore sexuality, I don't always write adult, I don't even plan to stick to one genre. Maybe plans will change with a fanbase but as a newbie, I just have a lot of ideas. 

You're not alone in your doubts. You're not alone if you're not overflowing with confidence. You're not alone if you don't give a shit and continue to do your thing anyway. Okay, I give a shit, clearly I do, but I won't let it paralyze me. You shouldn't either. We all have at least one good story in us. I'm aiming for a dozen or two anyway.  Because why not? Maybe on my own paths riddled with doubt, I'll inspire someone who might have given up. Maybe that person will grow to inspire me as well when I need it most. In light of that, how can you let comparison paralyze you? The mirror isn't showing you a different you on the days you don't like yourself-- it's your attitude that decides whether there is something to like. Learn to look at your journey honestly and enjoy it for what it is.

Invisible Woman

I'm not the sort of person that wears their heart on their sleeve and I'm not particularly good at 'selling myself'. I have this monumental enthusiasm to tell stories and it's a love that holds no genres. More often than not, it takes place in fantasy worlds because my knowledge of the real world is limited, to say the least. To me, writing in real world places is akin to fanfiction where you're borrowing established canon and either following it or bending it or altogether breaking it. Regardless, it's still difficult for me to talk with complete confidence.  I don't write for trends, I don't stop and remove the uncomfortable parts.  Often it's a very integral part of the human experience. It's awkward and fantastic.  Kinda like me.

Nevertheless, there is very little that surprises me.  There is very little I have ever seen that is even original. A lot of my stories go to the trouble of exploring both character intricacies and the reason why so many worlds are both structured and broken, often in a world that is both relatable and absurd. And what are heroes if not relatable and absurd? If you follow the news, how long are people actually revered before they are yesterday's news?  How many of your idols become people when you meet them?

When I wrote my first nine book series (of which I am already playing with the idea of a prequel), I started that journey with one thing in mind-- I wanted to explore heroes as people despite their larger than life status, to explore why societies turn to tyrants and flawed beings to uphold their way of life. It's tough to change your mind on long held beliefs, but it's something I have done time and again. Grieving for things lost isn't always something we have the luxury to do, and in my case, I dare not let my thoughts go that path. Some people need to feel every bit of it.  For me, that is a dark road I might not return from. 

Ugh, I'm still kind of sick from the weekend, so I'm not sure if I'm making a damn bit of sense. looool

In any case, I still have a campaign going but I have absolutely no clue how to encourage people to preorder.  So read the very short excerpt that REALLY doesn't cover all that's going on and if you know someone that might like it, encourage a preorder. Other than that, I got nothing.  I have things to write and if trad-pub goes splat, I'm self-publishing anyway.  I have kids to raise and stories to write so I can't stay in one place too long with anything. Here's to hoping all of this hard work doesn't go to shit!  lol  I absolutely love my little group of loyal fans, but being new is excruciating. So much doubt, so much stress. I write to counter the stress, so at least it's productive. 

Stay visible and keep writing!

I'm going to mainline this coffee...

Wade in the Water

Not all steps in a creative journey are ones that aren't gonna have you splat ass-first trying to charge out of the gate. Some steps have to be done carefully, preferably while scooting your feet along the bottom of the kiddie pool. Bonus points for that foot of water acting as a safety net. Dress accordingly.  You don't wear your prom dress to this party. You wear your pajamas.

It made a lot more sense in my head and mostly because I do my best writing in bed.

Regardless, there's always a thought train to push these posts and today's is this: I started to do an outline for my web-comic (WebToon) idea. I'm not sure if I hashed it out in previous posts so if not, here is a quick synopsis. I'm planning a sci-fi romantic comedy involving a child psychologist named Kyra Blake and her run-in with a stranded alien (Zeron) when he shows up on Halloween. Naturally, lost-in-translation hilarity ensues. Working title is Rock My World.

In any case, I spend a couple hours of the morning, writing out the first comic in word form (using a format very similar to my old roots at radio play style writing). Thinking about it was making it seem unattainable so I needed to do something tangible that will stare at me from a little file on the desktop screen of my MacBook Pro (ahhhh yeeeaaah, name-dropping the tech, son!).

So now you know the path of the topic. Ideas are a dime a dozen. Synopses are rarely ever going to offer some jaw-dropping revelation you've never seen before. I wasn't trying to be impressive there, but the point is, I've gone a step further.  Only a teensy bit.  What's two hours to a creator? If I'm working fast I can lay out a color base in that little chunk of time annnnnd, that's about it. Wanna know what a color base is?  This:

It's the blobby color blocks I put behind the line work that I eventually lay texture over. Okay, two hours might be optimistic. Some color bases are far more paint-by-number little chunks of horror.

In any case, not all steps are impressive.  Some are painful or even boring. An artist wants to tell you that the journey is always the important part, but sometimes I do have to tell myself that even though this part sucks, it is going to be SO awesome.

I think many people freeze up because they start obsessing on details like the time it will take or how much beginnings suck. Sometimes I know it is quicker to dive in, but I'm just not motivated or confident enough to trust it. When that happens, I go for the baby steps. A lot of writers will send themselves goofy one word emails to capture those errant thoughts for inspiration later. I work from home so obviously I just grab a notebook or pop open the laptop. Nevertheless I had a couple thoughts warring for later use.

Planter- lost

Pigment on earth - albinoism

Those won't mean anything to you, but because they come with a whole scene attached in my mind, I chuckle like an idiot. Pat myself on the back a little.  Good job, Krista, you self-amused crackpot.

And really when you look at those odd clusters of words, your big ideas seem a little bit smaller. Those two idea clusters there are a couple of comic shorts all on their own. You don't have to bust out a masterpiece, just lay some groundwork and build around it.  How do I create the conditions required for these scenes? Well, who needs to be there? Who doesn't really need to be there but might be there anyway? Where are they? What 'props' need to exist to make it work?

While each kind of writing-- screenplay, comic, novel, poem, etc.-- is refined differently, each one needs to set the stage. If you ever played with a dollhouse, you've done this hands-on. Another good example is a war table where pieces representing troops and weapons are placed to plan out an attack. You aren't just playing with the characters, you are also manipulating the world around them, whether it be fictional or one based in reality.

Whoa, whoa, whoa... I'm going big again. The point is you're not just throwing the furniture into the dollhouse living room and plunging into the chaos. You're setting the lamp in the corner by the stairs because it's the easiest place for anyone coming in the room to turn it on. The couch is going against the wall because it's too big to go anywhere else. The coffee table goes in front of the couch, but it's not exactly the best place because the long-legged dad will almost always bump his leg on it when he's going into the kitchen. 

You don't have to think that far ahead to make it work.  Sometimes you just start with an aesthetic. The chair goes there because it's pretty in the sunlight next to the window. You can apply that logic to a character. You probably want to feature them because you are drawn to the idea of them. Eventually you might get a new piece of furniture (character) that would work better there.  What makes writing so captivating is possibility.  Don't overwhelm yourself with possibilities.  Start with those budding ideas of impulse, then work out some of the kinks as you go. 

I like to encourage all people to write and am ambitious enough to want to reach all people, from those who have only thought about it to those who are experienced but always on a never-ending quest for new perspectives.

There's no right way to do this, but think about what approach might be blocking you.  Sometimes you need to dive, sometimes you have to get those toes in one at a time. The more I test different mediums the more I find what works best and, hey, some things that might work best I can be bad at so it becomes something I need to work on.

Try not to think much of your skill level. If you want to make a career of it, then yes, eventually you do need to refine your process more. However, if you're writing for fun, then reach for what makes you enjoy it most. No matter if it's work or play, always be prepared to adjust your thinking. In order to give your ideas the justice they deserve, you have to get into the pool somehow.

Keep those things in mind and keep writing!

What Do I Want Out of My Story?

This is something I ask myself every time I first sit down.  Doesn't matter if I'm starting fresh or geared up to write an ending.  All along the way, I want to know why I'm doing this. Where is my mindset? How do I feel about these characters?  What the hell am I trying to say?

Last night, I stepped outside to smoke a cigarette.  I don't do it often.  Those fuckers are expensive and I don't like the dependency. Last night, I wanted to commune with the night and enjoy the smell of tobacco. As I sat there, I had this odd insight about the difference in light and shadow.  It was something I had learned in art school years ago when I had been asked to draw the refracted light and shadow in a glass. There is very little pure white light and when shadows layer with light, there is beauty in the abstract.  Last night, the small wonder of it involved the curl of the smoke, the waxing gibbous moon in the sky behind me and my dad's car parked in the driveway. 

The insight depended on the exact condition of all three things.  If I didn't feel the urge to smoke, if dad parked his car on the street like he usually does, if the moon had been in any other phase, that moment may never have come. This time, it leaked into a scene in my story, one that started out as profound then blended with my own inability to write without throwing my own brand of humor in.

That is what I want out of my story. Not only in the stories themselves, but I want each piece to grow into something complete, to satisfy my constant curiosity.  I want my doubts and frustrations to lead me to seek new things. I am not the sort to beat myself up over not having the exact tool I need.  Nearly everything I'm seeking creatively comes in its own time. If I can't visualize a fantasy world, it's usually because it's time to focus on a character. If I'm not psyched about writing, there's usually something begging to be drawn.

People often seek to wield or control every aspect, but I'm learning that some things need to be fed gently to grow. Yes, an artist of any kind does wield the power, but I find power in relinquishing control sometimes, in letting the world around me give a nod.  When I pick up the tools to translate the secrets whispered to me, that is my gift to give. 

Worlds are not always weaved from climactic battles and fantastic creatures.  Some worlds are weaved in the quiet hours of morning when a writer asks 'what am I here for?'.

Try Something New

For me, that means agreeing to critique and proof a screenplay.  I have to admit, I was leery of doing it at first. It's not a genre or a format I am current with. I used to write 'radio plays' when I was younger, which is very similar. However, the writer said it was a dark, contemporary tale and instead of saying 'not my genre', I said 'why not'?

I believe in protecting a writer's work so I won't go into details, but I was blown away. He didn't dumb down his vocabulary and, despite his apologies of English not being his first language, he wields it with far more finesse than most native speakers I have ever met. He shows a deep understanding for the subjects, some of whom are well-known celebrities.  It was the sort of piece that I only put down because other things had to be done, but I couldn't wait to get back to it.  Perhaps someday I can be more forthright with the details-- I want bragging rights should it ever make it to the screen. We all know how precarious the zeitgeist is about what wheedles its way to popularity, but boy, would I ever love to see this one make it.

Do the things you're unsure about sometimes.  There are some valuable lessons in stepping into new terrain. This is coming from someone who is usually ridiculously cautious. Besides that, I am in the throes of chasing my own ambitions so there is some anxiety in being away from my work too long.  However, I feel like just reading that piece enhanced my view of scene descriptions. I had to comment to him that it was a shame that his scene descriptions weren't in book form because they need to be read, not just translated to film.

So, incredible work, Antonio Maccagnan. I'm really pulling for you... I'm going to read through it once more to pick up whatever I might have missed on the first sweep.

That being said, I will go back to drafting UnSung with renewed vigor.  Don't get me wrong-- I'm still struggling on this.  Unless I have thoroughly loved and hated everything I have written, I haven't considered it enough. However, forcing myself to read when I would rather write was a good exercise, even though I intend to keep that rare. When I'm in the midst of juggling a huge amount of information, taking too many breaks into other worlds can set me back a lot. I usually juggle at least three different stories at a time already, so there's very little room for distraction.

Nonetheless, if you feel your muse is getting sick of you or you need a break, I definitely recommend offering your unique skills as a proofreader or editor. All writers have a little bit of that in them if they've been making any attempt at improving their craft. I happen to love when people defend my suggestions with rebuttals and I get to learn something from the defense of their choices. It's feedback on my perception of their work-- a very nuanced way to grow. I eat it up, it sustains me.

Imagination seems like an infinite thing, like we can't possibly utilize all of the ideas bursting from our colorful brains, but I hate to say, that's ego talking. Imagination is also not terribly picky or even decipherable at times and it pumps out trash as well as treasure.  Just as you are a vessel of experiences and knowledge, your imagination will always depend on more than just research and stepping away from even the vast resource of the internet.  It's odd how many times a short walk will hit me with a smell, a sound, a color that triggers something, shows me something new or hits me with something familiar. You have to constantly feed your senses, live your life, while hunkering down in front of that screen to spill it out. You need to find the things that move you, not just what gives you the feels in that character. I know I'm coming dangerously close to sounding like I am setting rules, but you already know imagination is no straight line.  What you find outside of it is the logic you need to translate it into something you can share, something others can understand.

Yes, you will benefit from honing your technical skills.

Yes, you will want to be passionate about your ideas.

Most frustration comes from the perception of what there is not enough of. Writing is not a vessel of determinate size and you should not scare yourself with what is 'enough'. Just keep pouring parts into it.  There is no magical recipe, no wrong order for combination. I take the same walk every day and it is never the same. Don't treat your journey the same either.

Quickies: Everybody Loves 'Em

So, this is one of those posts where I just got an insightful daily email from x source (this time from BookDaily) that is just so applicable to my own journey or so helpful to my other writer friends in the same boat that I just had to share.

Rejections... Nobody loves 'em, but for those of us who want to take the courageous step of putting our babies to the agents and publishers of the world, it's a necessary evil.  I didn't start there.  I've mentioned before that for my first baby, I wanted the horns on it, good or bad, and I'm riding it where it goes. For my second series, I decided on a different kind of abuse-- putting it to the 'experts'.

Here's the rub though: agents are people too.  Rejections are going to happen, so this is a good article for putting perspective on that process.

BookDaily Rejection post

Enjoy! Share your frustrations! Above all, keep writing!

Building a World From Scratch: Maps and Crap

You've seen worlds before.  We're in one shared reality with a whole lot of different views on what the hell it is we're seeing.  

Newbie world builders (and we've all been there) tend to fall back on their perception of the real world as a model then plus-one it. Often times, there is an obsession to correct some of the glaring flaws (again, completely subjective) of this world then add elves and kick the shit out of tropes.

Well, that's one way to do it...

After a few insightful posts in a writer support group, I've noticed a couple of things people were consistently overlooking: creative license.  We all love to run parallels with research and learn more about the world we live in.  By way of example, a few of the topics that came up were: masculine and feminine roles, the accuracy of maps, societal norms.  Some of the comments had come up as problem-solving you would apply in the real world and nothing wrong with that.  If you're writing urban fiction or want to accurately depict a mental illness, it makes sense to adhere to some research. However, let's not forget: it's YOUR story. While fantasy should follow some system of logic, it doesn't need to play by the same rules.

What is the logic of society?  Society is created so that ever-increasing numbers of people can work together. Small societies depend on roles even when they are small and isolated though-- people better at one job create better odds for survival.  Have you see the tribal societies where one woman is wet nurse for the whole village? Not only does she excel at milk production, but her job makes it so that women in the tribe better at farming or some other trade can recover quicker and do jobs they are better at. What keeps society going is necessity. In a seemingly perfect society, there might be a horrifying reality-- black market slave trade or a bloodthirsty god demanding sacrifice.  Similarly, a really flawed society might be on tenterhooks with only one powerful force keeping it from dissolving. Your society does not have to be matriarchal or patriarchal to make sense. I may have touched on this before, but my friend Liz has one alien race where the males and females have no societal advantage over the other and don't even use gender pronouns.  This has shit to do with punching you in the face with how society should be.  That society has PLENTY of problems.  The point is you CAN take other routes not modeled after the supposed patriarchal society first-world countries bitch about. There are supremely patriarchal societies in our world.  Supremely matriarchal ones too. However, there is nothing wrong with that in and of itself...

But I digress. We all know that men and women invent a lot of issues between them. Personally, I'm done humoring those arguments because they become accusatory and you're both right and wrong. I'm one of those people that despises small talk but I will take it any day over the shit-slinging war of the sexes. However, that makes a great lead-in for another bullet point-- masculine and feminine characters.

In my eyes, you need a societal structure first which is why that took top spot.  When I start to visualize the world my characters will inhabit, I like to have a good idea of whether they go with the flow, swim up stream, or fly into the sun. First off, does being male or female give them an advantage/disadvantage right away? If so, which do I need them to have? If I really want to skip over the details of society's influence, I pick the 'easy' way out or the road of least resistance.  Not all of us want to make every story an elaborate political construction.  By way of example, Dragon Age:Inquisition handles this beautifully.  Depending on your class and race, several instances in your interactions are immensely different. A human warrior might float through that section unscathed, but your elven mage is gonna have a bad time. 

Ah, so before I nudge too far off the tracks, this can be your concern to address from the get-go with gender roles. Some people worry about whether they are writing a male or female to be... male or female enough. My experience is that you are the one directing the narration, so that is something you have the burden of.  Don't make excuses for your characters!  If your he-man likes flouncing around in a tutu and your society doesn't give a crap, make that authentic to the reader. 

{Bystander:Uh, hey, Taco is bouncing around in a tutu again...

Other Bystander: Yeah, and?

Bystander: I think he's wearing it backwards.

Other Bystander: How can you tell?

Bystander: My daughter has one and the bow goes in the back.}

I'm not going to wax poetic about the virtues of defying gender roles.  That is missing the point of creative license.  Look, some people embrace the feminine and masculine gender roles in their society.  They are also perfectly capable of not giving a shit if someone else does or not. The assholes that make it their duty to oppose it? That's where you get your opposing forces and antagonistic scenes. Because any logical society has those people. Usually, they're also a gripey minority with no actual power, just bitching on the sidelines. I have in equal parts told to be more feminine, accepted for not being particularly feminine, embracing what is feminine about me, and not giving a shit if it's feminine or not. I've never needed permission. Bonus points for being that bitch.

The other one I had brought up is map accuracy. This is actually a subtopic that fits under 'things fantasy writers add to breathe more life into their work.' Other good examples I have seen include character art, music soundtracks (either a kind of assortment of chapter or character theme songs or just what people like to listen to while they write), side stories...  Some writers like to do a little or a lot of all of the above.

(Side note: Where I currently stand on this! Maps are a sometimes thing. I do have maps for my first series and my current work in progress. They need them or I get lost.  Yes, ME. A YA story I'm doing doesn't need them. It juggles between places on Earth and pockets with no actual physical location. Character art?  I love doing it, but I make it clear that even I am not locked in on what they actually look like.  I consider it fan art for my own stories. Music? Not a chance. I have music in my head.  Constantly. I can listen to songs with no words when I write, but no writing gets done when there are words being sung.  I am guaranteed to stop and karaoke. Side stories? Ehhhhh, it's probably going to end up being a full novel though. In fact, some of my early books were a collection of short stories.  This is why they started out... clunky and telling before I relaxed that tendency.)

MAP ACCURACY!  Damn it, girl, focus! One commenter had asked if people bothered with tectonic plates or natural formation of mountains. Phew.  Gotta say if this is important for your world or even for your knowledge hunt, more power to you, but ZRMGRFLFUCK (zer-mah-gurr-full-fuck for the phonetically inclined), that would give me a brain aneurysm. For one thing, I do often plot things like underground springs or caves or tunnels in the story itself but I form maps purely for directional navigation-- I don't even consider scale. You only need to look at Game of Thrones for a hilarious contradiction in its praise for 'historical' accuracy and... glaring inaccuracy at the speed of travel. Someone might care but it definitely isn't a deal breaker. My take on maps is that they serve a purpose. Do they enhance your experience, help your plot, motivate you? I'd say skip it altogether if there is nothing in it for you. 

I'm sure by comparison sometimes you might feel like the underachiever.  Personally, I don't operate on comparison.  Too many pitfalls there and none of it is something I gain productivity from. My dedication levels work for me.  Some writers are fully immersing themselves into a single world so of course their passion means a HUGE amount of companion media attached to the writing alone. For me, I tend to carefully plan which things are feasible because other ideas are at war for my time. Often my artwork is not my absolute best effort.  My absolute best can take days for one picture.  I pick and pick and pick if I have a mind to. But no, right now, it's a lot about letting my muse get some say.  Insofar, the productivity has been massive where it had been a trickle for a while there. This means world hopping and quick sketches and experimenting. Other than reading my friend's story, I've also offered to proofread a screenplay written by a native Italian in English. Yeah, curiosity piqued on that one.  I haven't proofread a screenplay before, but I used to write radio plays and I've done some stage acting, so it's not completely unknown.

So!  This week, back to the coloring process for the final book for The Truth about Heroes before a new tale begins in that world with the A World Reborn series. I know all three trilogies should probably get one big fancy name-- I've called them the Heroes, World and Universe trilogies, but they need an epic compilation name. Nothing seems to come to mind though. Right now, it's the only thing I'm publishing so until I need people to know they tie-in, it's not immediately important.

In closing, UnSung is in motion and I've poked at Dreampunk Chronicles a bit. Piscine hasn't gotten any love, but I'm thinking that one is getting shoved into next year.  Just so much to do for a while that I want that one to get more of a solitary focus.

And that's it for... my musings and updates.  Love my little writing group for all of its diplomacy and inspiring posts to talk about. I haven't seen anything I would call false, but some assumptions deserved a bit of careful insight.

Fantasy is only as restrictive as you need or want it to be. I think all writers tend to be swept away on currents of characters and plot but, ultimately, defend your creative license and flex that creative muscle! 

Keep writing and reading, daydreaming, taking long walks and avoiding housework...

My Voice is an Asshole

Today's shamelessly announced trend in what agents are looking for from a voice: calling all Mary Sues especially of 'color'.  Sigh. I'm a colorless woman whose latest MC is a shameless loner asshole with a foul mouth.  He's getting me into some shit. He doesn't grow on you in five pages. Even for me, there was a detachment. I didn't want him to be likable.  I don't want to spoil anything but I like to start with a 'first impression' kind of approach.  My MCs will never beg you to like them.  While I've done so in the past, I don't regale you with how much you should like them by virtue of beauty or morality or bad-assery. Hell, sometimes it's very clear they don't want anyone getting close, to the point of flattening out, blending in or wanting to be invisible.

I'm going to admit it right out of the gate; it's not just my voice that is an asshole.  It's me. My MCs tend to inherit that from me. People who have known me for a long time will tell you I'm sweet. Their most negative word for me might be bossy. I won't deny this. I do tend to have a set way of doing things and I can steamroll people.  I don't even realize I'm doing it. Okay, I lose asshole points for this but if you say something, I'll apologize because in retrospect, I often see what I missed on impulse. Anyways, I don't give a great first impression mostly. I won't help you like me. I won't carry the conversation most of the time. Sometimes I struggle to look at you even once you get me talking. My characters are not the people I want to be, they often reflect my own flaws and lapse into flaws even when they evolve. They are often not shiny first impression people.  Those kind of people are often people I distrust like a dog showing you their teeth. 

That's not to say I don't aim for purer souls.  A YA piece I'm doing has a relatively younger cast of MCs so they're a bit more naive, still in that mentally rebellious phase where you hear good advice and swear you won't make the same mistakes if you go against it.  Even then, these aren't characters whose biggest trauma is their parents telling them no when they want a new iPhone. I'm inserting this because I'm not attached to the same voice, I just... Have a preference when it comes to character growth. Sue me.

That being said, two of the agents haven't connected with 'the voice.' heh. The poor asshole...  Either way, I've been debating setting up people with ARCs to get some more insight, but I need to do research there too.  I'm leery of people leaking it or believing they have some right to redistribute. Like the handful of hours they so graciously impart on a book they never paid for entitles them to sell an author's work. This is why so many do disclosure agreements. Smh...

Anyways, I've only queried maybe 20 agents, 4 passes. There are more to do and I could go straight to publishers even. If that doesn't work out, I'll self-publish and move on. I'll have more stories to write.  Chances are most won't get the shiny seal of approval from current markets, but I'll try and move along if not.  I'm not going to water down unpopular ideas just to ride trends. I'm doing this to fulfill a dream.

In any case, yay for joining new writers groups.  I've tried to join readers groups, but those have some serious sticks up their asses about promos.  A circle jerk for anyone they deem popular but a real fuck-you to the smaller authors.  There's only so much I can handle ten posts a day that are nothing but 'what should I read?'. Writers groups, well... Sometimes you get the 'what should I write?' that can irk me (and I mean give me my plot, not I'm thinking of doing this and this, what is your suggestion-- the latter is good discourse, the former is 'no, I'm not going to write your story.') but for the most part you'll get people sharing their inspiration and maps and excerpts, ask questions that you can't just Google or wonder if an idea makes sense. My latest group has been good discourse, I'll say that much. I hope that holds up.  I've liked a lot of the authors pages and hope to keep up with them when possible.

Okay, straying but I'm aching to get past the vagaries.  I want to know what about the 'voice' isn't jiving. Then again, these aren't agents that asked for more than 5-10 pages.  Ouch. There may be more promise in the ones that wanted the first 50. There's a lot in my novels and the beginning is not the entire mood of the novel. Not even a little. In any case, if you're a fan of my blog and want to sign a non-disclosure for a digital ARC to offer a critique, let me know. I'd be interested in hearing some valuable criticism. 

Got a cold creeping in, so I'll try not to blog whatever nonsense cough syrup possesses me to write. If there's anything you want me to blog about, personal or professional, let me know!  I'm mostly just going on a tangent.  I plan the shit out of my stories, but my blogs have been open season on ranting.  Lol

Anyways, keep writing. And reading! 

Query Chameleon, Part I

Last night, I started into the wonderful world of querying via the database on AgentQuery.com as part of the newbie author experience. Because the waters are newly tread, I might be waiting a while for some of the 'experience' to culminate.  I don't intend to put any agents on the spot or name them in the process, worry not.  I don't think it's productive to dwell on tastes or quick 'rejection' responses.  In fact, I appreciated the ones that have already gotten back right away saying it's not what they are looking for.  Sometimes, the genres they are currently after are not updated, so no hard feelings.

Right out of the gate, I'm starting with the main query process. One of my favorite blogs to turn to for advice on your basic query letter is Jane Friedman's blog. She has a lot of insightful tips for authors and writers alike and sometimes inspires my own experiences. The gist of her advice is to keep that main query under 300 words.  Because I'm doing fiction, it will split off into that requirement (keep in mind non-fiction had very different requirements). Start with how you know the agent (if applicable), then your hook (main characters, problem, sizzle), the name and word count (if it's a series, mention that), short bio, closing with contact info.  You'll find excellent online templates if you're not sure.

From there, it tends to get agent/agency specific, so I prepped a couple of other things. 

• My synopsis was a break down of the main points of each part or chapter. This is where you will want to lay down spoilers-- the agents want to know at a glance what all is there.  Not all will ask for this, so I kept it separate from the query.
• Sample pages of your actual manuscript!  This was a trickier one.  Most agents want between 5 and 50 pages, but some specifically want x amount of chapters or even words, some... don't want any at all, just a query to even consider if it's up their alley.

Once you have those things accessible, there's good news for a lot of authors here in that email queries are actually preferred in most cases. This saves you from the cost of printing and return envelopes and expedites the process (as well as turn-around time).  Many will leave the 'snail mail' option requirements available nonetheless.

For my search, I narrowed it down to the genre 'fantasy' and agents actively seeking submissions as well as email queries. I did not require they be a part of the AAR, under the advice that it doesn't separate the 'good' from the 'bad'. I will loosen my query as I look for different agents, but I thought I'd try for the most fitting out of the gate.

If you've read previous blogs, you know that the 'fantasy' genre is a beast. It covers pretty much everything from your he-man warriors of high fantasy to grimdark to light and fluffy romance and the paranormal/urban set popular in women's fiction.  Tricky, tricky, tricky. Add to that with my current entry having a foul-mouthed abrasive asshole male as a main character and I'm not disguising that I am a woman with few scruples about getting into his shoes.

The database doesn't really help you distinguish which fantasy is your jive. The database is very general and sometimes even the agent bios on their full profile only kind of hint which one they are after. A lot of the female agents were clearly into the chicklit subsets, which I knew was probably a guaranteed pass. A lot of the males that did get jive with high and epic fantasy also tended to have an author list populated with men, but again, that did not deter me from putting in a query.  One thing I did see a lot of in bios was a clear search for strong female leads, which this story does not indicate.

This is where I feel the short samples present a problem for me. The main characters outside of the beginning pages are almost predominantly strong females and mostly because it was a requirement of the story and plot.  You don't see them right out of the gate, but they are central into the evolution of the male character's usual ways. When there is actually a 60 page 'rule' of literature (it can take 60 pages into any book to set up the full picture of the book or series), then the short samples I lead with are only going to tell agents, well, this is dark, the guy's an asshole, and why the hell should we care? Keep in mind, the first word I drop is the f-bomb and I'm knocking out some of the conservative sorts right out of the gate.  Oops, but it's adult fantasy so serious contenders only.

So personal examples aside, submission guidelines are all over the map and finding your agent by genre might be a similar challenge.  Try to target an agent that jives with you, but don't be terribly picky right out of the gate. Definitely don't judge by how conservative they may look in their bio pics. If life has taught me anything, it's often the most straight-laced that have the wild side. If you're unabashedly a chick lit writer, there are a bunch of female agents looking for the empowered women of color main characters at the moment. Remember that these trends come in waves too.  Sometimes your topic is hot, sometimes you have to wait for the tides to shift towards your genre. You may end up later querying an agent that wasn't looking for you the first time around.

Even though it hasn't been 24 hours, I've gotten back three short replies, which I knew wouldn't be favorable. Two just said that my genre wasn't actually a fit for their list (which I expect might be the case in a few queries I made) and one just didn't mesh with the voice. This accounts for their taste and that can't be helped. I really can't fault them for the honesty and it doesn't reflect my talent as a writer. I would love to get some more constructive feedback, but most agents have their time frames. 6-8 weeks was the max turn-around time with most saying if you didn't hear back, it's a no. Some went so far as to say they would reply within the time frame, which I think is amazingly generous that they would take the time to put in the effort to do so. Considering some agents get around 100 queries a day, that seems unreal.

Let me add that I'm also kind of jumping the gun here. Most blogs advise you to wait until spring to query since a lot of agents disappear over the winter holiday season. I would love to see UnNamed trad-pubbed, but I won't let it slip through the cracks either.  It will get out there somehow or another, but it may take months to find that agent. I know that writing the stories that I want to read rather than market-whoring will make it difficult. 

 

I know a lot of writers have heard this bit, but JK Rowling herself faced over 40 rejections before someone latched onto Harry Potter. She was also strongly encouraged to write as JK Rowling because that market thought she'd have a better chance not disclosing her gender, that it would deter readers.  Oy, we have a long way to go, people. It's not just women though. There are also some female-heavy markets that don't easily welcome male writers.  It's a problem. I would love to say that I want to keep my name *fist pump* but when you put all of the work into something, sometimes you lose that battle just to get people reading. And yes, I do self-publish my novice works under my name, so I may lose out on using my name for traditional.  Boo to that too. Many writers assume pen names.  It's not exactly secret, but an author name is treated like a brand.  We can't all be Stephen King and write whatever crap we want and expect it to sell regardless of where it strays. In a perfect world, maybe, but in a perfect world, escapism wouldn't have quite the appeal either.

I'd like to continue to add parts to this topic here and there as I pick up more news. Somewhere out there, my soul agent is waiting for me. Even if it takes 80 rejections to find them, I know my quirky cat is on the fence. I've had people suggest that rather than do the footwork, ask other authors or read mores blogs, but here's the thing: no two experiences will ever be alike. We're all products of the times, our work, the zeitgeist and we need more personal experience to share rather than simply parroting what we're told. I blog to motivate people into taking their own journey. As frustrating and maddening as it can be, I really feel alive with the struggle as opposed to the dark places I'd wallowed in in the past.

Maybe someday I can write a memoir that will scare the hell out of people.  Chances are I'll take the easy way out and make it a literary fiction with the names changed. For now, I do like to inject the flaws and fears and triumphs into fiction.  

 

Is there a character in my books that is me so far? Not really, but they all are me in parts. Characters can be like children, but take that statement very loosely. Some of the parts of me that they 'inherit' are parts that I want to kill, so it does not endear me to them in that way. I'm never in a hurry to kill off characters. The less you build a character, the lesser the impact of their death.  Think about how many people you actually cared about dying if you followed Game of Thrones.  It was a short list for most of us. GRRM had to write tomes to get us to care about the characters before killing them off. Most of us were damn glad to see a few of them go. 

 

This is why epic fantasies are a tough sell, especially trying to build that momentum in a first book at 80-100K. I hope I can find a publisher that says word count be damned, just keep selling the story. It was difficult to trim down UnNamed to isolate the tale. Each book set in this world is intended to follow a new main plot with a new central focus on different characters, so I had to make you care about a lot of things in a relatively short span.  Keep in mind that this word count limits the new author to a page approximation of between 300-400 pages. The big fantasy writers are easily getting to write tomes spanning 1000 pages or more. In many ways, my first entry into the series is more like a sample for the genre, but agents are not going to touch your tomes until you're creating a demand.

Once again, I hope some of my research is helpful, even if the general advice might run vague for someone with a journey not so parallel to mine. Nonfiction writers and different genres are going to present different hurdles. 

I would love to hear more people's stories. If I'm a bit off on any of my facts, feel free to comment. I am happy to edit to reflect changes. Keep in mind that older posts/statistics might only reflect that time period, not a lack of information.

As always, keep writing.  Don't wait for your muse.  Sometimes you have to work without them and wrangle them up for later drafts.

Campaign is Ready!

https://publishizer.com/unnamed/

There's the link.  I'm not sure how this will work.  Let's face it; I'm new and I don't know many people at all.  I'm deep in my craft so I don't network much. Still, I decided to try a campaign to see if I can actually interest people in my latest series.

Until Christmas, the campaign will take preorders.  Once it's over, I can either choose from the interested publishers or I can dissolve the campaign (preorders won't gets charged) and petition publishers\agents myself. Whatever happens, I'm determined to make it happen.

Okay, I'm determined to make a lot of things happen. I know that. Comic books are still one of those things. I love drawing and I don't suck at it.  I have stories to tell and I don't suck at it. I do intend to at least finish the stories and series I've started before throwing my weight into comics.  It would be stupid of me to not use the talents I have to find my niche.

It's hard for artists to ever "make it." I know a couple of successful artists even though I know a ton of talented ones. They all work hard and they all work smart, but it's largely about luck. And who you know.  Which is a big ouch for me. I'm a small circle kind of gal and not an elbow rubber at that. 

I can only hope that somewhere along the way, I can make a decent living at it. We'll see. Like I said, I'm new and luck is fickle.

If you want to help, be sure to share the link on social media. I share everywhere I can, but of course I love what I do. Secondhand support is always valuable!

Dear Gawd, What Have I Done?

Look, there is nothing magical about me attempting to make a video of myself.  I really had to tear off the bandaid for this one.  And from the looks of it, I was probably chewing it.  Seriously, if Jabba the Hut had beautiful copper colored hair and was eating a bowl of 100 year old pig's feet, it would look something like this video.

There is something about a camera that makes my brain cells degenerate and words turn into mush.  I actually had to do several retakes just trying to say my own damn name right. And I called my book UnTamed when I got my name right.  You read that right; all of this just trying to get out the first sentence. "Hey, everyone, my name is Krista Gossett and I've written a fantasy book titled UnNamed."

And what the every loving fuck is my mouth attempting to do?  I've been compared to Drew Barrymore for one glaringly embarrassing reason-- my lips fly off the tracks and try to wander off of my face when I'm nervous. I cringe because I absolutely can't stop it.  It's my tell and I've never been able to get rid of it.  It's not cute.  It's not quirky. It's not even fun like melting a Barbie doll's face with a lighter.

I don't mean to down on myself.  It could be worse.  Much worse.  You can hear what I'm saying at least.  Always a bonus.  However, I'm not terribly sure this kind of campaign works in my favor.  I'm high-functioning and most things are outside of my comfort level, but this is something like my personal Kryptonite.  There's a reason I blog-- I do not have the camera charisma to be a video blogger.  One on one or answering questions, I'm not terrible at speaking, but public speaking with a script is a nightmare.  That's not even unique to me-- most people dread that.  However, there is nothing further from how I really am than when I'm trying to talk to a camera.  I know it's not trying to steal my soul, but you'd think it was.

My friend Joe is terrific at it.  He had some great pointers, which all went out the window the minute I hit 'record'.  It's just not something I see changing.  I've been attempting to do it since I was 19 and there is no evidence for a reason. It is not 'my art' and that's fine.  If you know me, you know I'm also unfairly good at a lot of things.  No one should be good at everything and I'm fine with that.  I'm a writer, I crochet, I'm a comic book artist and illustrator.  I play flute and memorize songs. I'm even decent at singing. I've made doll clothes and miniatures to customize dolls. Really, I tend to be great at things I'm just stubbornly in love with. It can be agonizing because nearly everything I can do is subjective.  Whether people think I'm bad or great has very little to do with my actual talent, but how it makes them feel. People might find me technically lacking in comparison even if I'm better than average in actuality. They say you are a master after 10,000 hours of practice.  I'm of the mind that even a master is never perfect.  Complacency is death to art. Even the most popular artists will never be perfect. Without striving for it, can you really enjoy it anymore?  I don't know. I can't imagine ever thinking I have nothing more to improve.  That's just sounds ridiculously boring to me.

So that's that.  The video is done and I'll be sharing my shame for the world to see once the campaign is in progress. I hope I can get people excited for this series.  

Honestly, I have no concept of what people like which is why I typically write what I want to see. I read a lot, aim not to borrow too heavily from anything but accept my inspirations. I show and tell because trying too hard not to do either is clunky. I'm not afraid of adverbs, but I do use them sparingly. Technically, I've improved a lot. Novels are still, well, novel to me (it's a pun--burn it before it breeds...).  I've finished ten novels at this point, with two being published and largely ignored, but they are also not traditional or marketed to be safe. I am attempting to do something different for UnNamed, but I do plan on publishing my edgier titles myself. 

I'm probably going to have to use a ton of pen names because markets are weird and people are really weird about tying in image to name, etc.  Don't ask me to really understand that. I went to graphic design school and I've always found market branding to be hilarious.  To me, it's a story, sometimes with pictures, but those pictures are an insight to what the artist sees, not what you are required to see.  Unless it's a graphic novel, consider it fan art.  You can't unsee it? ... Sucks to be you?  Part of the reason I try new things is because I'm both socially inept and socially curious. I'm probably going to do unpopular things when I self-publish because somewhere out there is a kindred spirit that will connect with that risk. I'm not trying to muddy the waters, I just think everyone should get to swim. Everyone should have an outlet and be able to find something they connect with.  I create in the hopes I can reach people who might feel neglected by the market. And I don't suck. No matter if people are willing to give me a try or not, I'm not delusional about my talents.  I just may not always be to everyone's tastes.  If you think that's not a good way to think, keep in mind that while I love some of Stephen King's work, I equally loathe some of it too. I like that he takes chances and it resonates with me.  I hope I can do the same for someone else.

I'm just adding a few things on my personal journey, so if you're here for the writer's blog, it ends here.  I'm going to talk a bit about how my health is at the moment.

I'm continuing to work on my health.  I've dropped 50 pounds in 20 months and I'd like to say goodbye to another 40.  It's difficult for me since I do deal with chronic pain and it can cause monumental setbacks.  I'm mostly sedentary and I love food so there's some misery involved.  Alexis de Anda's Mea Culpa comedy special said it best (English translation though):"You want to be at your ideal weight? You're going to be sad, bitch!" I've talked about this in a weight loss blog, but neither I nor the comedian are downing on fitness, but the fact is, if you're a foodie, then you either have to work out a whole fucking lot or you're going to have to exercise some serious food moderation.  And it sucks.  Whether you're depressed or not, it can feel like depression.  You're hungry or you're craving or you're full but dissatisfied.  And my number one problem other than food?  Sleep.  My brain doesn't tolerate a normal schedule and getting more than a small handful of hours of sleep at a time is a pipe dream.  

People who can discipline their bodies that much are more likely to see that ideal weight.  My wrists are something I'm particularly wary of and my core too.  Injuring those muscles may mean I'm stranded from creative work too. If I can't sit up and I can't use my hands, I'm fucked.  Walking presents problems too.  Even with orthotics, I can't walk more than a few miles a day, 5 at best.  Jogging is out of the question.  I tend to roll off of my foot if I'm not careful and I feel a warning twinge, I may only have a few seconds or a few minutes to find a place to sit until the twinge passes.  Keep in mind, I'm in incredible shape right now, even if I don't look it.  Because of that, I've learned a lot about my body and how stubborn it is.  I went on an extremely low calorie diet for a month or two (1200 a day-- in case you didn't know, you are NEVER to go lower than that.  A doctor might supervise an emergency diet of 800 a day if you're severely overweight, but it is short-term, a week or two at most, and can still cause bad health complications like gallstones even in that case). Even on a low budget, sometimes I lost no weight.  And this is over the course of the 20 months since I began. Regardless of my weight, my diet and the vigor of exercise, I was super prone to plateauing when I was strictest. I would have carb loading weeks where most weight loss happened, but those weeks also made it more difficult to discipline myself for healthier eating.

My muscles are where you see the ridiculous improvement.  My flexibility is better than it has been since my early twenties. I have great balancing skills.  I can lift and bend easily (although I do have carpal tunnel issues so heavy-lifting is still a big no-- I can carry 30-50 pounds well enough, but it's tricky). I can do push-ups. Quite a lot.  I have powerful leg muscles (which accounts for part of the reason my legs just do not slim down-- when I flex the muscle, my leg is pretty damn solid). You can tell from my pelvic and shoulder bones than I am broad frames.  I will never be petite and my muscles wouldn't allow it even if my bones did.  The excess skin and padding, they are the bane.  They are thing standing between me and people actually fucking seeing just how far I've come.  I want people to see the sculpt I worked so hard on.

Anyways, if you stayed for that part, I commend you.  It's not easy to read someone's health rants. To sum it up, I bust my ass for invisible results.  It sucks. Creatively, I struggle the same. I labor to change that, knowing it can't happen overnight.  I'm a newbie, both with improving health and getting out of my creative shell and sharing it. It takes time and it can be frustrating.  Sometimes it is simply trading one sadness for another.  I can't tell you that reaching my ideal weight will be worth it.  Or that being a successful artist will be exactly what I've always wanted.  I don't live with guarantees; I just hope it won't suck. It may not be a priority to maintain that weight.  My body like to hang out at 170-180, so 140 might be destructive to my overall happiness. I'd like to get there and fucking find out though.

Wherever you go in life, it's good to have a plan.  Don't be so hung up on numbers or time limits.  Those will fuck you up. Build your towers with the intention of enjoying actually building them. Be okay with being the only one who gives a shit, maybe being lonely at the top even, or accepting that you might not have planned for so many guests. Plan for everything, but don't hitch your wagon to expectations. I hate being unprepared, but sometimes I can get a little carried away hoping for one scenario more than the others. It happens, but I'm not impractical.  I understood from the beginning that there is a lot of fuckery in pursuing this calling. As long as I enjoy it, I'll keep at it. Sometimes I push well beyond where I enjoy something anymore, but at some point, you have to change it up.

I'm still thinking about doing a WebToon in the future. My heart keeps wandering back to doing comics.  It's a lot of slooooow work rolling out stories through comics, but I miss the visual medium. Maybe too much.  I get shit for describing characters too much and sometimes I feel like my vision has to be made verbose where drawing it is far more expressive. It's not that I struggle with words.  Words have always been my friend.  However, I feel like I am learning every day which stories may be better told with different media. I'd love to go back to the tell side of writing because I'm SHOWING with pictures. That doesn't mean I feel I am done with writing books.  Far from it. You may have read already that I have a lot of WIPs that are still warring for attention. I just have a strong curiosity for a part of me I put aside long ago that may also need some TLC in my future plans. I began as a comic book artist.  It's always going to be a strong part of me.  I would also love to write for video games somewhere in the future.  I've been told my longer works would make incredible back stories for the gaming medium. I'd love to see how that holds up.

Sorry for the long posts though; some people love them, some people loathe them. I'm not procrastinating on my big projects, but I'd hate to neglect my blog. A lot of my personal struggles tend to right themselves when I write them out, so it might be selfish.  Which is why I load it up with things I learn through experience.  If I'm going to talk about myself, how the hell does it help you? I work on that too.  Self-improvement is important for writing, but sharing knowledge is essential too.  Novels are a big ole echo chamber while I work.  I do gobs of research, but I otherwise lock it up like a sacred temple. I might ask for feedback once I commit the words to paper, but keep this in mind: 5K can take a solid 8 hours to accomplish.  I tend to not share until I've neared the halfway point of 40-50K.  This is a week or two of being buried in typing only for the story alone. We're talking drafting here, at that, not a solid attempt at editing...

So yes, if I'm long-winded with racing thoughts, I'm breaking out of the discipline of a structured writing binge.  Free-writing, whether with planning or winging it on the fly, can leave me needing a bit of unstructured rambling to share. I honestly don't know who is reading or WHEN they are. But for those who do care, thank you for that. I can't see who is viewing but the numbers are higher than I expected and you keep me going. I can be insufferable and in-your-face, but this is my platform.  I need it. I don't have a colorful social life, but I am grateful that I find inspiration in the small, wonderful circle I have. No matter what changes in the days ahead, I am ever grateful for the ones that share what I offer.

Even if sometimes they do wish I would shut the fuck up. *winky faaaaace*