Eagerly Awaiting

So, my proof copy of UnSung is on its way. It's that copy I can look at and see if this is a copy worthy of that price tag I'm putting on it. $20, for those who are curious, but it costs $10-something to print, then the minimum charge of $16-something means charging $20 will net me a not-even-$2 profit. My profit per ebook is close to $4-something so I'd actually encourage ebook sales this time around.

So no, more book does not mean more money for me. Just putting that out there for the prospective authors. You probably shouldn't be doing this for the money...

So what can you expect from this one? I don't think it gets easier to explain a new book, no matter how many times I've done it. My novels all tend to feature simple subplots that weave into a bigger picture and this one is no exception. If you did read the epilogue of UnNamed, then you were introduced to Talia, a fire dancer who is nervous about school and boys and her faltering self-confidence. After meeting Aiden, a bard who can't speak, she is thrust into a series of events that remove her from her once-carefully selected plans.

UnSung starts from the bard's perspective (not first person, mind you; third-person limited). Even with a sea between Aiden and his old life, he feels the paranoia of it catching up to him. Neither Talia nor Aiden are able to easily assimilate into a life where their own decisions matter. However, who they are and what they want to be are a distant third to what the world has in store for them. A dangerous mage that almost shattered the world is at large, murders of a very calculated and macabre nature crop up, and an abandoned city begins to seem as good a refuge as any in this world.

This is a slow-burner series with enthralling subplots uncovering the secrets of the four Gods, the rebirth of magic, the fall and rise of new civilizations. There is capricious romance, fickle magic, mystery, and dark suspense involved, but it's largely a playground for exploring the big picture through the little details.

Don't worry about needing a glossary; I don't dump exposition on you and new vocabulary and names are not heavy in this series. The complexity is woven into the psychology and themes rather than the terminology.

UnHeard... is another story. Literally and figuratively. This one takes on a more political (but fictitious--I'm not making a current statement through fiction) angle so I may be providing a list in the back matter of all of the Houses. For some people, the details will be interesting, but I don't want it to be a requirement (and an info dump) that weighs down the story. However, it takes place in a nation of islands that still cling to a very strict monarchy tethered to its geography. Again, while these details do maneuver into the plot, I still find my writing is more driven by the movements of the characters. They are the ripples that create the tidal waves.

I'm heartened to see that the struggle for women writers who write romance/erotica themes into epic fantasy aren't being tamped down by literary prudes. It is certainly their preference to make wrongful assumptions concerning our depth. Much like how detractors of blue language make blanket assumptions about the intelligence of people who use it, there are still self-proclaimed literary experts who reduce women writing any 'soft' themes into complex stories as crude, crass, undisciplined, shallow, basic, awwww, just pick your old-timey derogatory synonym for 'female'. Even if women do tend to be the majority of our audience, the idea that men should be the majority of a readership for it to be valid or worthy is perplexing. Are we still assuming that gender really has that kind of power these days? Or that women should just scamper into the romance section and quit striving for literary diversity? Bitch, please.

As a writer, I'm not going to work too hard to avoid or adopt ANY trends just to rebel or assimilate to what is expected of me. I'm going to write what my story needs to be. If I am simply writing things to make sure I include a market, then I am actually excluding the depths of my potential, which means dipping those toes in waters that I know may be infested with sharks.

Of course, publish independently and people will invent even more hoops for you to jump through. They'll question what you've invested in it, WHO you've invested in it... Is it any wonder that a great deal of writers just ditch social media and get to the writing? The more you succeed in any aspect, the more you'll find those detractors.

It's because of the changing climate of publishing that indie writers are asking for one simple contribution: if you like what we write, post a short review. Yes, there is plenty of crap passing through the gates, but if you want a more diverse market that doesn't suffer for quality, then direct people to the work you've taken a risk on. Say what you like or don't like, let the market know when indie is doing it right. While stomping and pouting won't make shitty book farmers go away, reviewers can restore some integrity to the market. I'm not just talking Amazon either. GoodReads, Books2Read--there are many outlets to post your thoughts on that can direct other book lovers to work they might jibe with.

Speaking of which, I need to upgrade some sites to reflect my upcoming release so I'll catch ya later! No small task...

NaNoWriMo Prep!

Whether you're a pantser or a planner (or both, like myself), NaNoWriMo is worth some planning. Since my laptop charger went kaput, planning is the more palatable part of writing for me right now, but I'm not going to assume everyone is going into this already knowing what they're doing.

First of all, if you're doing it, add me now. AbsentGoddess. I'll be a cheerleader and an ear throughout the event, no exceptions! I love interacting and helping out fellow writers.

As for the topic (yup, still here!), this isn't just a good time to plan the book itself, but a good time to set up your page (sometimes they have a queue for new accounts so at least knock that out ASAP). Pick your user name and password and click through the links to see how badge work. Some you can 'award' yourself, some are milestones that go through when you claim your word count. It's an honesty based system so you can lie... But there's actually gratification in doing the work, so at least try.

(In the name of nabbing the winner's discounts, I do suggest fudging your winner count if you want the discounted programs at the end. I have no doubt you'll reach the word count eventually, so you're at least a runner-up in my book.)

What else? Go to the My Novel section. If you haven't planned this, it might be a good time to play here. Pick a title, a genre, and a 'cover image'. Write a synopsis, plug in an excerpt if you have one. Most people who reach the word count did so because they plugged in these details that made the whole thing feel more tangible and attainable. All of these details can be changed at any time. Change your mind. Continue a partial draft of something else. Write five short stories. NaNoWriMo isn't about quality. The focus is on quantity because the point is developing habits, methods and creative flow cognition. There are after-camps for refinement so let this be your opportunity to challenge yourself not to self-edit.

**Prepping is mostly about seeing what is available on-site, getting familiar with any changes, building your buddy list and checking out guest writers. You'll get personal messages and site-wide messages of encouragement during the event. Make the most of it so you can decide your plan of action and focus.**

I won't lie. I self-edit. But I also attempt to stick it out for the word count goal. It's actually simpler than you think if you do it in the spirit intended. Ideally, you're going to just aim for the best output. 

If you're a 1K word per hour writer at best, this should be where you aim to race for that goal. I believe the average word count per day sets your minimum daily count at 1,666 words (1,667, if you have some superstition about three sixes in a row). Assuming you having a full-time job then an hour and a half of free flow writing is probably a pipe dream during the work week. Set up your deficits for weekends. If you only nail half of the minimum each day, then you're looking at some modest chunks of hours to catch up on weekends. 

Too much? Give yourself an early bump. Again, it's an accountability system that doesn't get suspicious if you claim 50K words on the first day. If 50K words in one month isn't possible, consider starting a couple weeks/month early and maybe claiming the 10K-20K you prepped with.

I've never seen this community look down on anyone for 'cheating' or 'lying'. Some people adhere to the strictness for their own goals but ultimately, this is only about writers writing. It's about encouraging everyone to start that one book they swear they have inside them. Poets, fanfic afficionados, short story writers all participate (so even the Novel-Writing part is not a rule). This is more like a writing camp where the content, the criticism, the confidence-- none of it matters. We're in it for the camaraderie, the challenge and the courage to begin! (Alliteration... Imagine that...)

Pass my name along to your circle of writers! I want to see new and old faces and keep up the tradition of passion for the craft. Also, feel free to subscribe to all of my social outlets and toss me yours. I've met some amazing people through these sorts of events and I'd love to keep that up.

For your convenience, you'll find all my links on the footer of my website HERE.

Idea Factory

There are times where I wish I could just pound out lists and lists of my ideas, that I could just be content to know I'm an influencer and let them roam free. Yet, alas, I cannot trust it and I hoard it like filthy, dirty treasure.

MY treasure

Influencers often monetize their ability to collect followers (and thereby justifying the ridiculous amount of time they spend on social media). Nothing wrong with that, but it is more like aggressive and often insincere consumerism. I wouldn't say that influencers are below integrity either-- I'm sure many will only influence something they believe in, yet with all rises in success, the temptation would also exist to lower their standards to collect on things they don't really care about. The creator in me just can't be satisfied with this passivity towards the production either way.

It's important to me that my ideas do go through some creative control. Maybe it's the obsession with being first. I don't want to be the sharing type only to decide I want to do it, yet they beat me to it. Then suddenly I look like the copycat, the fanfic hack, and the idea slams my heart into my feet. Perhaps it's possible to be an influencer and an author, but no matter how I think about it, it seems like a cycle too open to paranoia, wondering which idea I should have kept or released to the sharks.

MY tail

Having already touched on the writers that seem to want their book written for them and people who pretend to have an idea but are really farming, I won't do that again, but ideas are still, at least in the sense of the creative process, somewhat precious. (No. No Gollum picture here!) While some people get excited by an idea they can borrow or steal to carry their scene, more often than not, I find it too influential, too tragic a miss in working out the problem in a unique way (if not unique, at least organic to my own critical thought process).

In a previous post, I brought up impostor syndrome. If you're not hip to this, it's a condition that gives you the sense that your accomplishments are fraudulent, even when they are valid. Because I run into this feeling more than I'd like to admit, I try to avoid any practice that might give the negative loop grounds for feeling like a thief, a hack, a fraud. I do have an ample history with fantasy as is and often I can pinpoint some of my plots as being derivative, but I keep those influences as far from vivid as possible. I know those sorts of people who almost exclusively copy-paste or take credit for other people's work and have no shame for it. To me, it's disgusting. You won't often see a heavy bias from me, but this is one I'm unbending on.

It's not lost on me, the irony being these people almost never get a taste of impostor syndrome.

Maybe there will be a lot of my ideas lost when my life comes to a close. It's a shame, but I've never asked much from this life and ideas are one place where I tread carefully. I love to share methods, techniques, slices of life, mood management practices, fitness updates, patterns, but the times when I hoard ideas or put a price on them-- please believe that this is where artists need to assert the value of their contribution. We do give a lot away for free. I've shared crochet patterns I've made from scratch, short stories, pictures-- many of them even of quality I should be charging for. It doesn't always make perfect sense what I choose to make free and what I insist contributes to my wallet. Because so many artists do make stunning works available free, there's almost an expectation, an entitlement that something comparably better is free so yours should be too.

Ideas are a dime a dozen. Look at all the free books!

Also, MY books.

The idea that only the best should be allowed to have value is a falsehood. A free market doesn't mean nothing has value. It gives the consumer the ability to discern what to consume and the producer to decide what its worth. They often do put things out there, simply out of the need to share, their own measure of what might give them exposure and sell more of their work, but it doesn't exist to give consumers permission to undercut the value of all art. You are perfectly within your right to decide it's not worth your hard-earned money, but you are not within your right to decide its value. And yes, piracy will murder some dreams, and it will always be a problem. Your ideas exist in some form already. Your sense of humor is even dependent on someone else's ability to enjoy it (and you can just as well be the only one to enjoy it-- go, you!).

Everything is trash, everything is treasure, and you don't have to be right about which way that leans for you.

FYI: Treasure. You don't have to agree. You don't have to understand why I spent months bingeing on Homestar Runner games and toons. Strongbad, King of Town... Still my spiritual BFFs. Also, where I learned the word 'chiaroscuro'.

You've probably noticed, but I find popular authors game for examples, both positive and negative. The main reason for this is that is that their success no longer hinges on anything short of massive boycotting. Which never happens. You can hate Seeetepheeniee Meyeeer and E.L. Fudge all you want, but lack of taste will sustain them forever. Authors like Anne Rice, Stephen King, JK Rowling-- they're safely out of reach. It's much trickier either being positive or negative about the rest of us peons because I neither want to seem suspiciously undercritical nor do I have a desire to be the weed in their garden (or the wildfire-- some analogy for killing their career). When I do find time to read their work, sometimes I don't want to immediately be the critic. Sometimes I do enjoy being the consumer.

And sure, writers are SUPPOSED to look at everything with a writer's eye. We're supposed to do a lot of things, but I find most of them to be pretentious and counterproductive if you take them as gospel. Yes, take a little advice concerning the growth and cultivation of ideas, but you're doing yourself a favor sometimes just by not taking every aspect of it and turning it into work. Look, you're in a creative career. It's still about conveying emotion and passion. It's not all or nothing and your work benefits most from the balance-- be a passionate emotional person with a sharp rational brain.

I know creatives get a bad rap for being flighty and irrational. I can't tell you how relieved I am that this is totally wannabe bullshit. I ran into so many try-hard hipsters that talked a big game and produced jackshit. The productive artists, digital artists especially, are people who work with computers, technology, numbers and logic too. Some of us are ridiculously literal, critical, intolerant, stubborn. There's no political barrier either-- a mix of liberal, moderate and conservatives in many degrees. Because of this, creatives also don't have a 'type'. It's sort of just human nature to notice the loudest try-hards of any stereotype.

Kicking my ass back onto the main track though...

He's going to kick my butt.

No matter how you feel about ideas, I can always recommend plastering your existence with them. I have several apps on my tablets and computers, emails to myself, notebooks, post-its, scribbled and typed remnants of the big and small processes of ideas. Get them out. You may have a project in mind, or just want to put out the pieces that may lead to one. It doesn't really matter. Catharsis comes from release. Even when you're blocked, sometimes you're still feeding some beast that probably needs attention. Some people fear that they'll just end up starting and not finishing too much so they do nothing if not the big project. This is why I designate specific programs, ones I give myself permission to treat as generic. Sometimes, it does lead to ideas for the main project(s), but the point of an idea phase is to free it into being. Not to completion, but to some visual or tangible medium.

Which is why many idea-makers are still traditional. Pen and paper is still a good way to cheat yourself into a sense of making something, a boost in the right direction. It turns a secret into a promise, a promise into a project.

I've said this before too, but word count is trivial. While I've had spells where word count was the goal, it was only something I allowed myself if I was certain that the story was planned well enough or simple enough to be pantsed. Produce ideas first, worry about categorizing them when the need presents. Preparation is a good thing, but sometimes you do need to throw a few logs on the fire to shed some light on what comes next.

I'm going to wander off a bit since I've finished covering the branches of this topic for now. I do want to say that, despite the amount of time I spend blogging, I also spend gobs of time writing and planning and editing. I try to put update posts up so you can see accurate progression towards my projects. There are some slower spells where... well, ideas. Outlines. Planning. The word count is a nice little package, but it hardly delves into the process of accumulating it. It's not a mark of confidence. People do attach bragging rights to it and it IS exciting, but it's not the greatest measure of your effort. Connecting your ideas will be the silent victor and one that you work to share eventually.

Happy manufacturing, my word engineers!

How to Research

It never occurred to me that this isn't common knowledge until I've had friends and family genuinely surprised that I found something almost instantly that they haven't been able to find after a bunch of fruitless searching. It's not even a generational issue since my nephews and my dad are just as likely to be the ones coming to me about something. I'll suss this one out for you in list form, since apparently, people like lists. (Psh, I love lists. I think in lists, so my attempts to sound excluded are LIES.)

• One word: Boolean

  Why is this such a big deal? Well, it's basically the language of search engines. While voice services where you scream at Google/Siri/Alexa have come a long way in making your questions more convenient to ask, sometimes your most stubborn curiosities just need a basic knowledge of the logic of a search. 
  
  
  In actuality, efficiency is about eliminating the whole question. Stick to the most exact and simple form of it. You don't need 'where I can buy x brand of Phillips-head screwdriver?' 'Buy screwdrivers' is usually a good place to start. Why not be specific? Well, often, merchant sites have their own hierarchy for searching specific items and really, it's best to enter from the home page to type specifics or narrow it down with their search trees. In the event that a better or newer model of something exists, you'll have a better chance of seeing the best possibilities for your needs. What if it's a model they don't make anymore? I'll assume you can't remember what store it came from when it was. In that case, you're probably going to do best with being more specific: 'ebay x brand Philips-head screwdriver'. And if you're one of those people who wants to be a pain in the ass and insist finding it in a physical store rather than a convenient auction/online outlet, then you're probably still going to start your search with 'craigslist' or some other classified posting.
  
  
  I'm sidetracking just a bit, but basics first. Boolean search strings aren't just about what you DO want, but you can also specify what you DON'T. Let's say you type in 'elflocks' and you get an overload of 'dreadlocks' (they're different and it's not just an ethnicity thing). A Boolean search string will say 'elflocks AND NOT dreadlocks' to eliminate the lumped in searches and narrow it down. If you want EXACTLY what you typed, through some quotations on that part. 'buy "The Last Unicorn" movie' is one example.
  
  
  For more on Boolean, I'll link you to your options. This could really mean a world of difference in finding exactly what you're after.
  
  
  Basic Boolean Search Operators
  
  

   Gimme a Rabbit Hole!

  Sometimes you know you need something-- inspiration, an abstract idea-- but have no actual idea where you can produce results. It's common knowledge that you can use sites like YouTube or even social media to drum up some random, but the best way you can get some help is to make sure you're making the most of those trackers/cookies/stalking capabilities that come with those free accounts. Liking posts you're genuinely interested in, or videos or just building a search history rather than always clearing it-- each of these triggers algorithms that get to know what you like. This is part of the reason Google connects your personal account to Chrome for personalized bookmarks and histories. Even if multiple people use the same computer, signing in (and out!) of your account keeps track of your interests and will suggest or lead you to your general interests. My homepage on Google always has a list of articles concerning video games, books-- things I've looked for in general that start to become more indicative of my interests as I use these services. It's not just about showing your love to your friends and favorite artists-- it also helps the internet and specific sites create an environment tailored to how you use it.
  
  

  Valuable SubSearches

  You have Google and Bing and, I don't know, 15+ different search engines you can make your bitch on the most stubborn searches, but sometimes your most valuable engines aren't going to be the ones with the biggest databases but the smartest. That's where your bookmarks become a huge asset to your searches. If you're a bookmark junkie, use the Toolbar feature to throw your top folders or sites for one click access. If you're big on travel, then labeling a folder TRAVEL and throwing in sites like Travelocity, PriceLine, Expedia, and so on, will help you make quick comparison leaps on the best deals. And yes, it's often necessary to use all of them, even though many of them share databases. The reason they exist separately is because they do secure 'exclusives' and your trip could be the lucky niche with the amazing deal. When my dad wants to get a good deal, he knows I can nail it down faster because I keep my sub-sites in order.
  
  
  Sometimes you're trying to find a word when you can't even think of the synonym for the word you can't think of.  In this case, your 'sub' might resort to social media. Specialized groups for your particular stumper are one great niche, but you can also use broader springboards like Quora. Sometimes people will ask you the right questions to lead you into your specifics.
  
  

  Familiarity

  Experience is going to be where you'll build success in what you need for your research. Sometimes you're just tired, well outside of your most productive self, and just need to completely step away. I always suggest to writers to always keep a notepad or your phone/devices on hand to jot down even a word or two. It might not be convenient to actually do the search when you finally think of it, but most scenarios do allow for a little word entry until you can get to it. Of course, I've turned people into my personal dictation machines before. "Ooo, poisonous plants, poisonous plants-- don't forget that while I look for a pen!" Because yeah, sometimes your phone is charging in the back room or you left your notepad on the bathroom sink and you have to borrow the nearest brain for a moment.
  
  
  
  
  Really, most writers are pretty hip to all of this, but assuming as much is how efficiency can get lost in time. Boolean search strings are one such thing I tend to surprise people with. In fact, modern conveniences can end up dumbing down the mastery part of a task. It's great to be a jack of all trades in modern times, but once you start to narrow down aspects of what you want in life, sometimes you need to know what you didn't know to look for. Research is one of those areas where there's only so far you can fake it before the devil comes out. You can take some artistic liberties with some genres (fantasy, especially) but you still need to explain your logic. Nonfiction will be less forgiving, but even traditional publishers may expect updates to your nonfiction work as information changes or inconsistencies are spotted. You don't want to overhaul your fiction as much because it can create confusion when you dismantle the facts between editions.
  
  
  Hopefully, this will lead you all to more fruitful searches and inspirational distractions! Happy hunting!

Dreams and the Writer

I rarely dream at night over the past few years especially. I suppose when I was younger, I enjoyed lucid dreams but also didn't enjoy the occasional night terror. Not dreaming at night became a godsend because when I'm awake, my brain never shuts the fuck up.

I daydream... sort of. I interrupt myself when talking and hop immediately back on course. I can hear a line coming up on a show I've watched before while reading out loud, say the line in sync and go right back to reading. My short term memory is very, very unreliable but I can remember things that happened when I was still in diapers. Hell, I can recall how the world looks at less than two feet tall and crinkling around in the diaper. I can prepare lunch from scratch and forget what I spent half an hour making two hours later. Probably sounds problematic for a writer but I develop methods to complement the way I think. Daydreaming for me can be both hyper-aware and completely absentminded in turns. It can be a bit scatterbrained or very focused. 

No matter how you dream, it's a toolbox that sometimes reveals things you didn't know you knew or absurd counter logic your rational brain might miss. Dream are a scramble of information, sometimes garbled, other times crystal clear. Sometimes it can disturb you, staging something disgusting or horrifying as a desire or turning your sugar sweet pastel world into dripping tar nightmare. Once I saw people missing perfectly geometric chunks of their body, missing legs or part of the neck, but all smiling and walking around as if it was a regular day at the cotton candy pink office. Sometimes it can trick you into feeling real. I had a really ordinary dream that got weird when my best friend and I suddenly broke into a church to steal markers from the Sunday school room. It can feel real quite literally. I felt both sensual and violent dreams that had me gasping awake.

Because of dreams, we can adopt ways to immerse ourselves in our stories and ideas. It's certainly not a requirement. Even extremely logical and rational types that never dream are capable of collecting and reordering information and making something whimsical or at least fictional. I've seen plenty of art students trying to one-up each other on who has the artiest brain. ''I have lucid dreams!" "Yeah, well, I fart realistic portraits when I eat crayons!" "That's nothing! I was born holding a paintbrush and reproduced Starry Night in womb blood!" "Tax evasion!" *Literally all dissolve into puddles of forced hysterical laughter*

I know because I was one of those and I am so. So. So happy that I didn't get a digital camera or webcam until my early 20s and post that noise on the internet. Ffs, we think we're being quirky and original but only about 15% of it is funny to anyone who doesn't know us. And in this age of aggressive and insincere complimenting being a youth trend, I see most of these kids getting sick of each other pretty quick. "No, I do mean it! My bff is so ridiculously hot, I could just stalk her and strangle her!" Funny how quickly they'll switch hot into annoying and talk garbage from there.

Yeah, we all get carried away. Dreams are a much safer victimless way to explore uncomfortable ideas. Uncomfortable can even be a breath of fresh air if you're feeling jaded by the same old stories. Really, writing can be a uncomfortable as you can lean it and you can web publish it free in most hosting sites. Other places, including self publishing markets will set guidelines so be wary of where your wicked dreams lead. 

Personally I never assume that sensual settings gave to arouse that violence can't be disturbingly sensual. I realize it very well could used as an excuse to harm but could easily sate someone to keep them from doing so as well. Sometimes I like a safe, warm or comedic story, to be light and not going fir a little shock or squirm. Sometimes I just want to be a nerd, to tackle quirks or illnesses without laying it on too thick. Maybe the challenge is trickier than I thought, but I pool through daydreams and counter failing logic with dream logic and work it out better.

Writers can often affect changes in reality, even without that intention. Interpretation from dream inspiration can spark invention and innovation. Things thought impractical can challenge a determined thinker to create the logistics to make it so. At one point, touch screens were unlikely, laughable, but now that they're common, we accept the possibility that Tony Stark's air gestures operating a dimensional holographic computer could be widespread someday even in the near future. Virtual reality that can affect other senses than sight, including smell, touch, real movement, are possible. Everything we experience is a specific charge to our brains and science shows the possibility that virtual reality might someday be a place where people with disabilities can experience a convincing facsimile of sensations they have not in the past. (I hesitate to use deprivation or call it a lack of senses-- those who have never experienced something don't exactly miss it if they never had it. We all maneuver with limitations.)

Corny and overused or not, it can't be denied that dreamers are doers, encouraging all of us to dare to dream bigger.

Asexuality and the American Slut

I don't normally do pieces like this because it leaves too much room for misinterpretation and twisted words. It's also personal to a degree that I don't want it to be at the forefront of people's impression of me. I also realize these are some of the things that aren't being discussed, rationally if at all, and it does no one any favors if I shy away from it. I've talked about these topics before, but I feel like these are topics that evolve with experience and it's never going to be a 'drop the mic' post, one and done.

While I do steer clear of the toxicity that comes from people sniping at each other on social media, I stumbled on two particular issues I come across worth mentioning. Number one, feeling sorry for asexuals and two, foreign men, particularly from the middle East and Africa, that seem to think it's okay to say whatever they like to white women and they'll jump on a plane to live in a country that treats women like possessions. Since I can only speak from my own experiences, make a mental note that if I slip into generalizations, it's not an all-or-nothing. Nonetheless, I'll attempt to avoid blanket statements.

First off, I loathe spectrums. Even though my orientation fits best as asexual, the spectrums are constantly trying to gather every sexual and mental dysfunction and mask them as orientation. The same is true of the autism spectrum where I've heard self-proclaimed high-function assholes think they can speak for the nonverbal part of the spectrum. While spectrums are a great place to start when you're looking for answers about yourself, they all tend to run stagnant with excuses and bullies who assume they can define everyone else.

I'm not going to go into my history or why I arrived at my orientation. I do have a drive, it just doesn't work with others involved. I am attracted more strongly to men but I've felt lust when attracted to a woman. Lust does not equate with intercourse. Plenty of overconfident heterosexual men and lesbians have fancied they could convert me. It always involved prioritizing their pleasure and pretending like mine mattered. Does anyone else in the LGBT community deal with this? Yes. But heteros and the LGBT communities often share a sentiment towards asexuals: pity and disbelief.

I can't speak for all asexuals, but this isn't the same as celibacy or undesirability. Some of us aren't pining for sex to become appealing, but much like the rest of the LGBT community, we wish we could be left to our choices without being poked at like a social experiment. I used to experience sexual frustration that affected my moods before I learned self-pleasure was a thing; not just a thing, but a revolution in matching lust with climax. And yes, after that, I thought maybe a human connection might be less abhorrent, but no. I wouldn't say repulsed is the right word. When it comes to the action directed at me, I'm indifferent but vocal about not wanting to. I'm not disgusted by sex and I perfectly understand the appeal. I'm not uncomfortable with other people's nudity or sexuality. Once the flirting became a 'sure thing' I would become indifferent. You don't need to feel sorry for me because I'm not the one trolling bars because I need to get off. Don't twist this as slut-shaming either because it's not. I never judge people for that-- what it does mean is that my sexual health doesn't decline because of the stigma that it has to involve a ritual dependent on my success at attracting a mate. Not only is it quick and healing for me, but I can launch right back into what I'd rather be doing. You will never catch me lamenting being single or morose about being 'alone.' Your thrill and enthusiasm for sex isn't something I'm missing out on so I don't need pity. In fact, I enjoy writing about sex and I can also do it both academically and to suit my curiosity. I'm capable of writing about all sexualities without lust as well. Understanding isn't required but acceptance is desired.

There are plenty of reasons why people get so condescending about something they don't understand. For one, some people who find me sexually attractive suddenly get offended that it's not going to go their way so their bruised ego needs to strike out. It's really hard even for intelligent people to wrap their head around it, so I don't think it's stupid to be confused. I don't mind when people ask questions as long as it's sincere but because sexuality is a private issue, I reserve the right to withhold pornographic level details. Much like atheism, it's not a belief system or a blanket subject and I know the internet relishes in complicating it. Some people brush it off as trauma-related. It could be but when I look back on my earliest memories, I'd never really taken to physical intimacy. It's not a mental illness-- people of all orientations deal with mental illness. If people are capable of all manner of sexualities, it stands to reason that there would be also be a disinterest in involvement at all. 

It doesn't encompass my morals or my ability to love but there's also a stigma that it's a disregard for human nature. As a lover of psychology and anthropology, I'm extremely interested in people and am surrounded by amazing friends and family. I'm also deeply emotional. I don't preach like I'm more enlightened or better but I could give a fuck less about any culture where men think it's a woman's purpose to meet his needs. Although I also love studying cultures, those can get lost in history immediately. 

I know some people think it's tolerant or generous to say these things, but what you're really doing is stating your goals concerning your expectation that your patience will be rewarded. Like many virgins, celibates, etc. I've heard it all -- I'll wait until you're ready, maybe you haven't found the right person, you're not going to find someone as patient as me. All of these assume I don't really know what I want or that I can be talked into it. When I was naive enough to try dating, it got ugly. I had to confess that even if I caved in, it would be one-sided and as enjoyable as rape. Having someone coldly state that you were a waste of time when it didn't go their way-- not fun. In my thirties I've been able to be more honest about it. I don't like to assume every man I meet is going to entertain sex but if I notice enthusiasm for 'friendship' I kind of have to slip it in. And yes, it hurts a little when it's clear they don't need a friend, whether they're openly hostile or just unhappy, but it's better than letting the connection grow before reaching the same result. It does hurt when I think you've found someone I can have good conversation with and it becomes clear their conditions involve my body. 

Friendship is what I crave more than anything. For that reason, I tend to befriend happy(-ish) couples or neutral singles. While I often have hobbies in common with men and love talking to them, I don't want sex to determine how interested they are in being around me. Yes, I want a best friend who doesn't think sex is the trade-off but I'm not terrified I'll never find that. Because people are not objects for my whims either, I'm prepared to invest my life without ever finding that. There are many, many amazing people in history that filled their lives and contributed without that.

Asexuality, in my case, is not predatory. --I say this because 'the spectrum' also covers people who have casual sex but are okay with deceiving people and treating them like walking dildos-- disregard for human emotions and deception without care for the consequences is a starting classification for psychopathy. Their sexual preference is defined by their choice of partners whether they humanize them or not.-- Asexuality is not pedophilia or bestiality and there're no victims, but I believe that honesty is important (as long as it's sincerely discussed-- again, we don't owe anything to people who show disrespect). In my case, I can state that I enjoy steering clear of pregnancy, disease, infections and the jealousy and possessiveness that is eerily common these days, that I can aesthetically admire or fantasize without obligation. It's a laundry list of risks to my health that I avoid and I don't risk passing on my own illnesses through genes. We are not living in a world that obligates us to breed to survive. As a whole, the shock over sexuality, breeding choices, and bodily autonomy, the 'pressure to perform' needs to fuck off.

Enough with that. Don't get the wrong idea-- I don't find this to be a big part of who I am, but I do think stigmas don't go away unless we talk about them. Unless I feel someone is coming onto me or makes a wrongful assumption, I'm way happier talking about video games, comic books, writing, drawing, raising kids, fitness, crochet, swimming, volleyball, computers...

That being said, there's another oddity I stumble on. I'm not going to pretend it's a daily struggle because I keep these things clear on my profiles and it's usually a two time occurrence every month. Some I can dodge right away. 'Hi' and 'you're beautiful' have long been red flags but it's also weird when a stranger says 'I'm bored'. I'm not invested in you, I don't care. Why is this bad? Because people who know me or have something worthwhile to say to me just come right out and say it. The one-sided wasteful messages are demanding attention, but offering nothing worthwhile, a demand for reciprocation from a stranger. Strange people are not required to answer your whims just to be 'polite'. Again, this goes back to the expectation of your time. Now, these are guys usually from the middle East and Africa with either a brand-new profile or one with no picture (another thing I've stopped accepting or replying to). Some are even more patient and actually do pretend to be interested in one of my hobbies, but almost always they dodge questions about themselves and are invasive in asking me a ton of questions. I never get the outright pervs (crossing my fingers) but at some point, no matter how guarded I am, they bring up meeting in their country. As I've said above, big fucking no. American women do enjoy autonomy and having a voice which these guys are NOT interested in.

Somewhere along the way, American women were pegged as sluts. Perhaps there's some confusion about sexual freedom that is lost on them, but they often apply the backwards logic of sexual freedom and their culture's lack of women's rights to equal a wife that doesn't just have to but wants to because any man will do and we can be tamed. I'll restate here that I know this is NOT all foreign men; in fact, many of my most valuable and respectful relationships are people from other countries and it would pain me for them to think I think ill of entire countries. I only noted the nationality because it is a pattern. There are progressive thinkers, rebels, conservatives and followers everywhere in the world and I'm very grateful that people are more than the consequences of birth, upbringing or broken systems (and believe me, I'd never claim America is near perfection either). However, it doesn't change the fact that these men do creep around on strange women. I don't call myself a feminist (it assumes I'm only for my own interests when I would rather speak frankly about the injustice all people face) but I do think it's important that if it's not okay, we speak the fuck up. I'm not here to tell other women they have to do the same. I wouldn't even tell people not to meet people off the internet because I've had mixed results there (but I'm cautious so it's in public and often through friends). What I am saying is I don't like it and I'll continue to be a bitch about it. Or a cunt. Whatever. It's a word and I'm full of better ones.

I'm pissed about a lot of things really. I'm pissed that people treat sexuality like it can be bargained with or dictated. It's one of the most complicated subjects to understand and it's never been simple, we've just invested so much in societal norms that there's too much needless vocabulary some places and not enough discussion. We don't need new nouns, new words, we just need to get better at stringing words together in civil discussion. We keep slapping labels over labels, dumbing down on serious illnesses, assuming far too much, asking far too little and so much damn entitlement. But no, I don't want to be pitied or unique for this. I'm not proud of any string of beliefs I have no matter how strong. They're my experiences, my choices, and some are just facts of my existence.

I am so proud of what I put into writing, drawing, friendships, contributing to this world. Let me be interesting or unique or known for that. I don't want to be the first asexual anything or the first high-functioning something-else. My greatest accomplishments must never be what I am but what I do.

Current events though: James Gunn being fired for ten year old tweets? May none of the people appalled by this ever be held to the dumb shit they tweeted ten years ago. Sorry, but ten years! I know some people have probably lived angelic lives but ten years ago I was a hot mess and that's a long time to change. It wasn't said in any seriousness and tasteless humor is some comedians' bread and butter. Shame on anyone who attempts to destroy anyone over their past decisions. How bitter and small and irrelevant do you have to be to crucify someone on that basis alone? I'll tell you this-- abuse of power is a disgusting thing that needs to be punished but not on the basis of tweets. If that's really the case, let's not forget the juvenile ignorant garbage Trump posts. Considering how many GOP politicians are blowing up Twitter over Gunn, I smell a distraction tactic myself. Gunn, if it's any consolation, you deserve better. If I truly thought those tweets were serious or unforgivable, I would say so, but of all the wretched ACTIONS that are overlooked, why are we attacking free speech? I sincerely hope James Gunn is able to bounce back quickly. It's heartbreaking when I see creatives get hit so hard over something so dumb.

Going Dry...

To focus on writing rather than getting distracted, I'm taking a short hiatus from social media for at least the next week to get into drafting Part II of UnSung. I will still be checking emails for the beta sign-ups (and checking PM/DMs), but it's always better for me to escape the peanut gallery to pick my own brain.

My 5th book of the Heroes, World and Universe Chronicles has gone up, A World Reborn: Higher Reasoning , but if you want to give the series a try, start with The Truth about Heroes: One of Many for $.99. Or gamble with the first three in the trilogy edition for $4.99. The first two prints are at $20 because they contain illustrations, but most copies fall at $15 because I changed tack. The trilogies are tomes so they fall at $25. I wish I could go lower, but I'd get next to nothing for print if I did. I have all of the hard copies and they're superb quality so certainly not skimping there. It's the one downside to PoD self-publishing. Also, all nine will be released rather quickly, with the final ones out by July 11th. I've sat on this series for so long that it's time to let it go and focus on the many, many, many others queued up.

I haven't yet mentioned it in my blog at this point, but if you like doing fan art, I challenge you to draw my characters! I know in my first book, I described them from the onset (and readers are mixed about whether they like subtle introductions or 'just tell me what they look like already' so I went with what I like). If I drum up enough interest in fan art competitions, I'll consider doing a giveaway in the future. Again, I love to see art of all skill levels, so get creative. I didn't just get into this to show what I could do-- I'm also very interested in what is inspired by it.

In any case, about to start my retreat! I busted ass getting all the covers done for the first series and I hope you like what I came up with, but writing went on the back burner to do it. I gotta get back into writing mode, which usually involves wrangling my toddler of a muse...

How to Be an Awesome (Professional) Reviewer

Up to this point, I have usually focused my blogs on personal anecdotes, updates and tips for writers. However, writers are also readers, sometimes even exchanging stories with other writers; a beta reading swap, for any who are unfamiliar. You may also be picked as an ARC reader (Advance Review/Reading Copy). Now, ARCs were traditionally sent out prior to a release, but these copies are also used by self-pubbers to pass out to reviewers-- a free copy and crossing your fingers that they won't just run off, basically. The reason a lot of self-pubbers do this is because they don't have the money to shell out for copyright protection and there is automatic protection once published. Some don't shell out for professional editors or cover designers so they use other resources to try to get their work up to speed and noticed.

I won't go into the ongoing controversy that led to the inspiration for this post (I've brought it up in prior posts-- the tendency for bisexual women to be attacked for writing male/male romance), only that a fellow writer and published author, Sarah Beth James, ran into a legitimate concern with an ARC reader and it brought up some great points.

Writers are certainly not excluded from being diplomatic. When we seek out ARC/beta readers or reviewers, editors or cover designers, we certainly must observe simple rules of professionalism. We cannot demand performance, whether we pay or not. Before you go up in arms (but I paid to get these results!) understand that you do have a duty to research prior to this. You can't tie up a designer's time, scrapping all of their ideas just because their style doesn't match your vision. You have to look at the work or recommendations from former customers to see what you're getting into. There are reasonable expectations of professionalism on both sides.

I would be happy to go into the relationship for other writer/professional relationships, but for today. We're aiming at reviewers.

So how can you be an awesome reviewer?

1) You are a professional.

I don't care if you're a housewife from Vermont, you are a professional. If you are in any way an influencer or prolific reviewer, you are a professional. Don't use the excuse that you only do it on your free time or your spouse is the breadwinner. Even published writers have the tendency to downgrade their importance-- 'I'm just a writer, not a best seller.' I will not fault anyone for humility, but I don't ever want to hear it as a defense when you're challenged to explain quality. If you put yourself out there as a reviewer, you are expected to be professional. If not, you may get blacklisted by writers who see your work as damaging and unprofessional and the requests will stop coming in.

2) Don't make it about you.

When someone asks you to review their work, be careful that you aren't using their platform to self-promote. Don't go on and on about how you are the expert in a genre. In the reading/writing world, that's called gatekeeping. In fiction, you should understand that facts are often skewed to explore new ideas. Writers often delve into unexplored areas and are not making an attempt to tackle real-world issues. Fiction is largely the territory of escapism. You may very well find hidden agendas but I can assure you that there are just as many unconscious biases or intentional straying that is done as well. When in doubt, ask the writer. That being said, nonfiction writers ARE expecting to be challenged on their facts or opinions. Feel free to do so, but take it outside of a review. Give them the opportunity to elaborate and you may improve future editions.

Absolutely do NOT inject your political, social or religious agendas or virtue-signal that you are the righteous and the author is wrong. It is a guaranteed way to get yourself blacklisted. Authors talk to each other, share screenshots, provide proof and discuss. We generally know to avoid engaging with reviewers on review sites (at least publicly), but it doesn't mean we don't warn each other away from unprofessional betas/ARCs. You are also entitled to screenshot author harassment if you feel they are not being professional. Usually, it's better to move on, but there are exceptions, especially with multi-platform offenders.

Feel free to brag about your ARC experiences on your blog or website. That is certainly your platform and a good place to elaborate.

3) Offer a clear distinction between taste and technicality

I have mentioned before that my friend Joe Maley is extremely adept at this in his movie reviews. Not only is he able to tell you what he liked and didn't like, but he can compare it to other work and even recommend similar movies if you did like it and he didn't. What makes him so successful is the language he uses. Facts are often worded appropriately-- 'this is a movie about this and this.' Opinions are not disguised as fact 'I liked this character because...' It sounds simple but deceptively so because novices will often slip into unhelpful language, going so far as to assuming no one will like something because of their strong aversion to it, or even that it shouldn't exist at all. Those opinions are important but your feelings are not central to the intended audience and you must be aware of that. Once you've stated your tastes, remember to go back to reviewing the quality of the story, making it clear what audience it might appeal to. Even if you have to struggle with that part, it will make you a more intuitive reviewer if you offer that information.

4) Size matters

... and bigger is not always better. Yup, I said it. A well-thought out review shouldn't be a five paragraph essay and too much information may be tantamount to spoiling the content. Instead, start with a synopsis that states the facts. Help the audience find it-- genre, a couple of the main characters, the main plot and the tone/mood (dark, happy, etc). Follow it up with your strongest impressions, good and bad (I'm going into this more on the next point). Again, steer clear of spoilers like "I didn't like when the main villain turned out to be an ally." The same goes for trigger warnings. Take care that you aren't vague enough to create a bias or detailed enough to spoil. When in doubt, leave it out. As an ARC reader, you are invited to connect with the writer on these concerns before posting your review. Use the privilege.

5) Bullet point pros and cons

Formatting can be tricky on review sites so, as a reviewer, take the time to see what options are available to maximize the presentation. Gain basic knowledge of HTML, to start. Most form boxes on review sites use some variation of HTML. If at all possible, use the bullet point format to clean up your pros/cons section. If you don't already, you may want to develop an order or system. Your first point in pros and cons is for the characters, the second point is for the style, etc. There's no right format here, but this is a good way to offer a fair assessment on taste and technicality. 'This character was too whiny for me, but not for lack of being well-written' or 'I might have liked this character if the author had used them more like this.' Again, steer clear of spoilers.

6) Don't include remarks on errors

This goes double if you're reviewing an indie author. This isn't because you should let lower standards slide. Most indie authors want to be held to the same (or better) standards than traditional publishing. (Better, because you can't tell me Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey, or anything by Dan Brown was professionally edited.) The point here is that self-pubbers have full control at all times and they can correct grammatical or continuity errors any time they damn well please. Again, if you have the privilege to correspond with them privately, do it. As an ARC reader, you may not have time to point out every error or how you would fix it. Whether you can or will or not, you can be as vague as 'if you fix the grammatical errors in these stories/chapters, it would improve the star rating by one star.' That might sound like an ultimatum by itself, so maybe add that you can withhold the review as a courtesy until contacted about the change. A professional writer will not pitch a fit.

I'll give the reviewers this much-- some authors will not take criticism or pushback at all, but if you considered your position carefully and observed diplomacy, you don't lose points as an awesome reviewer. Being an awesome reviewer does not mean that you are passing out 4 and 5 star reviews. While that certainly helps, ARC reading is a good opportunity for both author and reviewer to educate the other and build a rapport. Become a valuable ARC and it may put you first on their list for secret promotions, future copies and other perks.

7) Your copy is for your use only

I've seen that there are people who believe that since they volunteered their precious time towards the task, they are entitled to give away or even sell hard copies to whoever they want. No. Just no. Not only is an ARC not the same as the final version in many cases, you are violating the confidence of the role and profiting from that. But it's the same as selling it to a used book store or giving it as a gift! Then why won't bookstores accept ARCs? Go ahead and try. And yes, internet piracy happens, but it's also highly frowned upon, especially for new authors. Being trusted with a free copy IS the reward, whether you like it or not. You can't eat free ice cream then return to the counter and say you didn't like it and you wanted a different flavor instead. You consumed and now you either delete it or destroy the copy. An ARC is a step above the average reader, given access to the author as well as the privilege. I don't say this from a position of entitlement; I don't feel as if an author's work, my own included, is above reproach. However, it is certainly my work and there are proper channels and expectations. As a side note, I have seen several groups on FB closed for violation of ARC use. If you are profiting on a large scale, you can incur much heavier legal penalties.

--------------

I have to reiterate at this point that these ARE NOT RULES. You can be as blunt as you like, but you are going to lose opportunities to connect if you eschew diplomacy in order to sound 'real.' Don't know if you've noticed, but people are getting sick of 'real.' Value your opinions enough to communicate them well. Anyone can lay down a rant, so take the time to be the rebel that maximizes the efficacy of communication. You don't have to use big words (I know I tend to do that, but I have certain feelings about dumbing down, just as surely as thesaurus-hugging), just use plain language that shows a consideration for what you actually read. You may use your own voice, but how you do it will separate you from being a respected reviewer or a blow-hard.

Keep these things in mind and it will certainly benefit everyone's experience. Yes, you and the author are important cogs in the wheel, but the audience, the zeitgeist is tricky enough without interference. Be honest, be involved, but above all, be professional. You ARE a professional, even if it's your first ARC. Every résumé starts somewhere. 

For the writers in the audience, keep it up and take precautions. Above all, enjoy your work. I hope readers and writers (and those who are both) build valuable relationships. As always, I'm here to help!

Social Media Links

Just a quick post to give everyone my available links. Some, like Instagram and Twitter, aren't used very often, but that may change in the future. I simply enjoy frequenting FB or writing blogs over most others when I have the time.

The UnConventional Author (this blog) - kristagossett.blogspot.com
FaceBook Page - Krista Lynn Gossett
Patreon - www.patreon.com/kitacraft
Twitter - CrimsonMoonGirl
Instagram- CraftyKita

Also have an account on GoodReads, but that site doesn't get much traffic these days so I don't check it much. I'm on Linked In but again, not a lot of traffic. There might be others floating around that aren't in use.

There's an author website, but I honestly don't do much with that either. I might pick some of these up if interest makes it worthwhile. For now, it's time I don't have that I'd rather spend on the work.

Thanks!

Campaign is Ready!

https://publishizer.com/unnamed/

There's the link.  I'm not sure how this will work.  Let's face it; I'm new and I don't know many people at all.  I'm deep in my craft so I don't network much. Still, I decided to try a campaign to see if I can actually interest people in my latest series.

Until Christmas, the campaign will take preorders.  Once it's over, I can either choose from the interested publishers or I can dissolve the campaign (preorders won't gets charged) and petition publishers\agents myself. Whatever happens, I'm determined to make it happen.

Okay, I'm determined to make a lot of things happen. I know that. Comic books are still one of those things. I love drawing and I don't suck at it.  I have stories to tell and I don't suck at it. I do intend to at least finish the stories and series I've started before throwing my weight into comics.  It would be stupid of me to not use the talents I have to find my niche.

It's hard for artists to ever "make it." I know a couple of successful artists even though I know a ton of talented ones. They all work hard and they all work smart, but it's largely about luck. And who you know.  Which is a big ouch for me. I'm a small circle kind of gal and not an elbow rubber at that. 

I can only hope that somewhere along the way, I can make a decent living at it. We'll see. Like I said, I'm new and luck is fickle.

If you want to help, be sure to share the link on social media. I share everywhere I can, but of course I love what I do. Secondhand support is always valuable!

Tag, You're It!: Social Justice, the Bored Game

Have you ever decided to change the error of your ways as representative of whatever race, gender, non-choice consequence of birth, due to the insane assaults of social justice warriors?  Oh, you have?  Congratulations and fuck you, because that person doesn't exist.

I understand there is always a need for sensitivity in matters that you don't understand.  We should all acknowledge that everyone has a unique struggle, if this were a perfect world.  But in this shitstorm, we have people touting the value of individuality while shoving complete strangers in neat little boxes.

Hell, I used to find comfort with labels.  My many confused attempts to define my sexuality, my gender, my questionable ethnic make-up (one of these days, Ancestry.com, we're going to have a long talk)...  However, people now use those labels to define you for themselves.  Back the truck up, people, because that's not how personal labels were EVER supposed to work.  I can no longer use the word 'feminist'.  Once upon a time, that word opened a conversation where people might ask me what it means to me-- I would say it's about empowering myself not to conform to gender roles that still barely exist in the largely ignored cellars of western society.  It means I don't flail at the injustice of prejudice or setbacks.  I make myself impossible to ignore, using every damn outlet I can headbutt my way into.  I don't start hashtags and bully anyone out of the discussion even when they steer a little off-topic.  Yeah, it's annoying when we get that chip in our shoulder where we might say "well, what about this?"  There is no crime in threading off topic.  No one is entitled to join your vent session and kiss your ass.  You are not being silenced by letting someone have a voice.

I see it without ever trying to.  You'll get the one guy that takes a poor little victim story and actually shatters the argument with the fact, usually the duplicity or bias from the supposed victim.  I love that guy.  He is not saying that the invalidation of said article means no woman experiences harassment, but you would think that's what he's doing.  I'll take his back when the rabid ones start to bully him.  He doesn't need me to, but I think society also needs to stop spinning every fact checker as the villain.

Which brings this up-- I have never been 'one of the boys.' I've never been out to prove I'm a man or 'as good as one'.  My body is biologically female and I have never tried to fulfill female roles either.  I like to customized dolls and crochet, but I love dirty jokes and video games.  For the record, assignments or no, none of those things are gender exclusive.  There are plenty of men in the craft game, plenty of women in the sword-swinging, rage-quitting game.  No one ever needed to tell me that.  Believe me, plenty of people tried to pull the lady card on me and I've tossed it back and told them to keep the change.  I am not interested in competing with women or impressing men with how cool I am.  I'm a fucking geek and primping is too much work.  I have zero interest in gender politics because I embrace the tendencies and decisions regardless of biological inclination.  If you're a slave to society or just want to whine that you're not socially acceptable but should be, you're a pain in the ass and change starts within.  Join a cult-- they'll love you.

Not all social justice is this tainted, mind you, at least not completely.  I ran into problems with how women authors are marketed as opposed to their male counterparts and it does SEEM as if women are often signed on as a statistical requirement and then thrown under the bus.  Take these for example if you missed my former post: 

1. women are often openly encouraged to use initials in male-dominated genres (and I'm also aware that men do the same in the crime fiction genre that demands female writers-- they don't cancel each other out, weirdos...)
2. covers by female authors are often resembling the covers of romance novels.  In the fantasy genre, if a woman writes sex, they want to peg it as romance/erotica.  A man is never thrown under this bus.  This genre fuckery can kill its selling potential because epic/high fantasy is NOT romance.  It's a niche that some publishers do market, but it's a graveyard planting nerd lore in the general romance section.
3. last but not least, women are sometimes the problem.  I can't say on a case by case, but women are supposedly statistically less likely to protest creative decisions or salary shortage, to allow decisions against their best interests because they short-change their own worth.

I know I'm risking a shitstorm with that one, but I've seen and even been one of those women that doesn't look the fucking gift horse in the mouth.  You have to be your OWN advocate.  There is a good reason I don't speak for other people.  For one, I don't know your position and two, you didn't ask me to.  I will not hesitate to speak up for someone if they want to use my voice, but I don't assume every creature on this earth without a dick needs me to rescue them.  It's infantilizing.

So when I see these campaigns where people have the audacity to say that a man asking them to smile because it's pretty is sexual harassment and a call for social reform, I shut down.  I'm not raising my voice.  I'm not going to try to drown out that noise because when the cacophony dies down, I'm going to clear my throat, speak softly and use sense.

I absolutely hate the divides people are creating with words.  I have always used words to tackle my own frustrations, my fictions to reach people, and I will not waste my words by yammering about these pseudo-problems.  Assholes do not have a race, gender, religion or shoe size.  They exist everywhere and just like criminals don't follow laws, assholes are not the ones punished by social reform.  You're spinning strong people as victims and making victims afraid to call themselves strong.  How?  Because when a victim tries to call you on your shit and disagree, they are suddenly not victim enough to cower to your narrative.

Real talk, men were never 'my problem'.  I have been sexually harassed and assaulted by females too, folks.  It was never a gendered problem.  A male friend of mine confided that with today's sexual revolution, women are under the impression that they can touch a man however they want and they are just as likely to talk about a man's body in a way that would get a man's ass beat if he dared to say that to a woman.  Social reform isn't the answer, people.  We need to stop with the assumptions.  Pick your battles. People are watering down the power of words by getting offended, injecting insidious intent in every innocent comment.  

Yes, I do look pretty when I smile.  No, you don't have to be attractive for me to be flattered instead of creeped out.  On some days, you can probably even say 'wow, look at the breasts on this cunt' and I might not care.  I've got a twisted sense of humor and sometimes I can admit that your frustration does not always warrant me wasting my time being offended.  

I'm not going to justify these hypocritical movements of victim unity though.  I'm not going to wave some weird survivor flag either.  I don't need a trophy for overcoming adversity because the revelation was its own reward.  Just like when I finish a book.  Yeah, it's disappointing when they don't sell, but I keep writing.  The journey and the accomplishment speaks for itself.  I don't want a pity prize for participating in all the fucked-up and beautiful twists in life.  I don't need karma or retribution or reward, tit for tat, promises on life.  Expectations are the source of your misery, people.  Next time something doesn't go your way, try asking yourself 'what did you expect?'  

Don't feed the trolls.

Do not pass Go, Do not collect $200.

The Key to Your Heart: Make Friends, not Fans

Yeah, friends can be your biggest fans too.  Sometimes the brutally honest, sometimes the ones that unfailingly tell you to never give up and only have good things to say.  I like them all for their different approaches.

I adore my friends and I try to make it a point to say something to each of them individually for any level of support that they give.  This is probably next to impossible for those best sellers, but I tell you there is nothing quite like trying to keep up with all of the people who support you.

Some of the people that have been there are family.  My dad really didn't know what I was about for years, but when he saw what my talents did for me and others, he was one of my first 'fans' and I'm certainly his #1 fan.  Above all things, he is the reason I am able to focus on fulfilling work now.  He's still the unfailingly practical one, the hard worker that might complain but loves his work.  We don't always see eye to eye, but there's a lot of respect and love there.  He's been the one to buy himself a print copy and one for me too.  My family is an odd bunch, but whenever I see them, they ALWAYS ask me how my art is going, ready to offer suggestions and encouragement.  We might be stuck together even when we drive each other crazy, but it always comes back to a place of support.

Now friends...  This is where it gets pretty diverse.  I have the ones I originally met through FaceBook, friends like Debbie, Erika, Phil, Rob, Amber, Stephanie, Brad, Fermin (with the fancy i that I'm not remembering which option key combo works; may he rest in peace-- I miss him).  I know some of them offline now and they've been part of my 'chosen ones,' those friends that you are so lucky to have met through social media, so you can never bring yourself to hate social media.  Then there's the longtime crew, the friends I met in high school-- Liz, Em/Ev, Joe.  These are the ones I talk to most days of the week and have both rocky pasts with and priceless conversations with.  There are more friends from school I keep on social media too, some that were co-workers at one time too.  Landon is still my favorite face of Kroger and he's doing a tremendous job with his creative pursuits too.

Oy, really, could absolutely go through my friends list and probably list a hundred more.  And these are people I have sent personal messages to, not just bumped into each other on feeds.  Not only for my creative work, people who have just sent me personal encouragement in crazy life situations.  You know who you are and I've not forgotten you.  

Some friends kind of boost you up in a lot of places.  I wouldn't dare forget about Matt, who I did my first official book cover work for.  He's not only a talented writer and blogger, but also an old friend from school.  I've mentioned him before so I won't neglect him now.

I'm bringing up Debbie here, who inspired this post to begin with.  She sent me this heart-warming gift today and I'm reeling from the unexpected high...

A USB Drive I can use to keep my books close to my heart at all times.  I really can't thank her enough for this.

It's hard to write a group post like this and not feel like I'm leaving anyone out.  Because I collect all of it and it fuels me.  I probably Poke you on FaceBook sometimes while I'm thinking of something you said or did.  Nothing I do is done without thought.

Okay, if you hung around past my gushing, here's the part where I bring in the point.  You can write a bestseller by catering to markets. You can collect a ton of fans that way and I'm sure it feels great. No one would turn that down.  Still, the most fulfilling relationships always come from being considered, not just as an artist, but as a person.  When people take time out of their day to really dig in and do something nice for you, even just saying hello, or that they really love what you do.  I know fans can do that... but I'd rather think of them as friends.  The amazing authors I've had the chance to talk with, the voracious readers, the encouragement-- it's all really building the artist up as a better person.

Once you take the risk and put yourself out there, they will tell you that you are a brand.  They aren't wrong, but there's more to it than reputation and sales.  People will want to connect to you as a person.  The phenomenon of someone being starstruck even is often just people observing their popularity and the rarity of the time with that person, having that one opportunity to gush and connect.  

Superfans can come with the super trolls too, so it's always best to appreciate your present place in your journey.  I probably have a couple best sellers in my arsenal, but I'm not writing them to be that way. They're all gonna FEEL like bestsellers, after all. I'm latching onto something earnest here, something that is catching on with people I care about.  I'm connecting through my work and there isn't really something 'better.'  'Bigger' perhaps, but it's something I intend to keep humble.  Work to make your life better for the ones you love, but why not reach out and see how it can expand you?  Always be grateful to your friends.  No matter how big you get, they're the ones that take room in your heart.

The Golden Days: Why the Age of Information Sucks

Why yes, I do realize I sound exactly like someone's grandma with a post heading like that, but here's the thing-- times have changed.

When the internet became a thing, our eyes were bright and shiny with the promise of all of the information and worlds that would open to us, the potential to reach more people, make our lives more interesting, learn new languages, immerse ourselves in culture.  Yet, what do the majority of people use it for now?  Social media.  Not to say that's a bad thing since it is so valuable for a reclusive artist like myself to be able to reach people.  At the onset, we had this nifty little thing called 'netiquette' that kept us all from being over-opinionated blowhards holding our 'The End is Near' signs in every passing face.

Like most things, we completely ruined it.  All of us.  Okay, that's a bit of an overstatement, some of us continue to make it suck sometimes.  It weakens the point a bit, but it's more accurate.  I can tell you what happened over the past few days even though I made it a point only to zoom by these posts on my feed.  Biggest mass shooting in history in Las Vegas, WHITE MAN, Tom Petty died, not really, but then he actually did, Trump said some more stupid shit, people decide what some football player is protesting for and black people must all hate America because they peacefully protest at the wrong times.  Does any of that piss you off?  There was a time when only some of that would and it would have taken you weeks to gather that info-- from Rolling Stone magazine or a newscast or your neighbor's cousin because they talk really loud and your window was open.  You would actually have to go out and talk to people or buy things and it came in small packages that weren't spun out of instant reactions to an overload of biased bullshit.

You, personally, probably fed the fire or still do because why not?  They're entitled to their opinion and so are you.  Did you feel better?  Probably not, unless you got a lot of Likes and everyone agreed with you.  Maybe you even had someone disagree with you reasonably and even when you ended it with yet another 'let's agree to disagree,' was it worth it?  Maybe so.

Still, it wore you out and all you did was sit at a keyboard and change zero people's minds.  You do that enough times and that proverbial straw breaks the camel's back so, what?  You announce that you're going on a hiatus from social media or swirl around like a shit tornado and tell people if they think a certain way, just delete you.

One day, I started looking back at my wall, at mouthy little rebel Krista and she wasn't unique anymore.  She sounded bitter and pathetic and she wasted a lot of time caring about shit she probably shouldn't have spoken up about.  It's not that we should all stay silent, but I started to see how very ineffectual it all was. If you're discouraged because you think nobody gives a crap, you are right.  And so very wrong.  You see, many people care about the same issues that you do, only 50 more of their friends are bitching about the same exact thing.  People are taking the irrational yet logically presented rants of longtime family and friends and burning all the bridges over it when they used to just grumble behind each other's backs at Thanksgiving dinners (which is now also becoming un-PC because let's also get offended about holidays we never celebrated in context anyway--  unless you ARE religious, most holidays were already just 'get drunk and pig out' days).

We are not becoming more conscious. We are becoming less tolerant and more offended.  It doesn't make us right or wrong, but it's absolutely making us a hot mess.  So yes, I stopped bothering with my main feed.  A hard thing to do because some of my friends are still the nostalgic sort that want to share what their families are doing, adorable animal videos and the kitschy crap that used to make social media worth rolling our eyes over.  I hop over on occasion to say 'hey, if there's anyone left in post-apocalyptic FaceBook, I am really excited to share my work!'  And it's a shame that I can't donate to all 50 places all hit by natural disasters and I'm never inclined to share which charities I do give to besides.  I do want to know how I can actually help fellow human beings and without being told I chose wrong.  Instead, I stick to my book, crochet, and doll groups because I haven't the capacity to spend all my time as a puddle of empathy.  You may already know this, but I'm not that empathetic unless I know you personally.  Nothing personal...

Are we better people if we make ourselves miserable trying to care about everything or all the 'right' things?  I think you know the answer.  

Yours truly was a total asshole (and I love you if you want to say I've always been sweet, but I wasn't myself and I wasn't sweet).  I wasn't that productive when I was doing all the right things.  I went to work, came home miserable, ordered a bunch of shit I didn't need on Amazon to feel better about feeling shitty, was too lazy to do a damn thing other than get worked up on social media.  Ffs, I had a lot to give and here I was, fucking it all up and pretending it was making me socially acceptable.  Since I hung that out to dry, I went to college. Started making incredible friends on the friendlier parts of social media, and holed up to focus on the shit I was good at and forgot how to enjoy for so long before that.  I stopped sniping at the kids in frustration, starting getting along with my parents more.  Learned to do advanced crochet, started collecting dolls that I hadn't outgrown as much as I thought, started listening to disgustingly saccharine pop music and picked up a drawing pen (incredible quality-- how was it not dry from neglect?).  I started working out and stopped snapping at people because I wasn't sacrificing for the 'greater good' anymore.  I had more to give as my time filled with things that meant something to me.  It was fucking terrifying, giving up steady work and dedicating my time to raise my nephews and bust my ass being an artist again.  I would take the terror over the tedium any day.

I don't consider the lessons or time that passed in misery a waste.  I think we all need to learn some things the hard way.  And yes, the age of information sucks.  Sometimes.  But it also keeps me connected to wonderful people, lets me share my work, makes research and curiosity instantaneous, and gives all of us a chance to start over.  I might cringe at that tidal wave of mood swings from the past, but I know how to focus through the paranoia and angst and find those valuable things that I can use to truly give something this world needs.  I don't have the cure for cancer or a universal reform that will solve the economic problems.  I have a drawing pen, some ideas, and an unfailing resolve to be the kind of person the world needs most.  And you?  Be your best self always.

Everyone's a Critic

So I began a new process this week in my quest for being a published author with zero budget-- the art of beggaring reviewers to critique my work.  You can find compilations of lists online sorting reviewers by genre (a list I'm happy to share for anyone interested).  Spent an entire day sorting through one such list, just going by genre and availability.  There are all sorts of caveats, and rightly so, since it can be difficult to make the waiting list for a freely offered service, especially when all you have to give is a free review copy.  Some will strictly list genres they prefer, some will annoyingly put All Genres (and then tell you you've wasted your effort).

Some insist you fill out a contact form on their site to ask first, some want you to go ahead and attach a copy.  These are the ones that I whiled away most of my time on since it's not a uniform list.  I was happier for the ones that were just an email, a request that you send a copy, no guarantee for a review.

Now, one thing I like to get is critical feedback, you know this.  However, one such reviewer, instead of just denying the application silently, felt entitled to send a message that very briefly informed me they read whatever sample floats on merchant pages and just sent 'your writing is clunky and too telling.  Your book won't be a good fit for me.'  Not only is that an incredibly ambiguous assessment, it was wholly unnecessary.  It only gave me the impression that this person valued their tastes as expertise and feels it necessary to impress themselves upon someone who is making an earnest effort.  I hope to fill the market with such clunky and telling books in the future regardless.  What I could appreciate here is that I'm glad this person jumped ship early and spared me whatever purple prose of a negative review they intended to feel entitled to.  It may be their time I ask for, but let's not forget, my risk and time was certainly not small either.

Another email I got back simply said they'd review it within seven days.  Cool.  I can appreciate hearing back when it's productive.  Most reviewers posted that they wouldn't notify you either if they decide to read it or if they post it.  I only picked reviewers that said they'd give honest feedback and again, most said they still wouldn't give less than 3 Stars on their system because 2 stars is akin to being nearly unreadable and 1 Star means they absolutely couldn't finish it.  As an artist, I'm no stranger to rejection letters, but if I'm going to hear back, I'd rather it be productive or not at all.  I'm just not fond of what amounts to spam and degradation in some pseudo-official capacity.  Stay out of my lane, girl...

Most artists grow a rather thick skin to criticism, but it does exact a toll.  You often see those reports in the news of the 'perfectly happy artist showing no signs of what led to their overdose or demise.'  Don't read too much into this; with all the grief I've been through lately, I'm still determined and not at all complacent towards the reality of the ups and down.  Still, I get it.  When you put yourself out there as a professional, part of your brand is likability.  Letting people see you moping with your doubts can hurt your marketability.  It's not to say you aren't experiencing real happiness, gratefulness, success.  There is just always that undercurrent of anxiety when you are constantly banking on the instability of trends, personality, and taste.  Your fans can turn on you at any minute, your sales could drop, your smile can slip.

First and foremost, critics be damned, I started this journey to make friends, not fans.  I didn't obsessively study the market to find what covers sell and I didn't emulate popular authors to write.  I didn't overhaul my art to reflect the trends toward realism.  I simply put a piece of myself out there, knowing the vulnerabilities it would leave me open to.  You might call it brave or reckless or risky, but I felt complete for having done all of this my way and not always working under the mentality of 'I bet people will love this.' Sure, I love to hear it when they do, but I spent years sitting on my talents and ideas and it was time to take the risk.

I want to say that I apologize if you get sick of hearing about my anecdotes and stories, but remember, I'm a reclusive sort of introvert and much of my experience is about self-reflection and internalizing.  I do hope that my experience with this journey brings me out of my shell more, gives me more to share.  It's still so newborn!  Only two months since I published that first book and, wow, the things you learn in so little time.  Also consider that I do not talk about myself in all the endless month and years I spend working on stories and novels.  This might be your only exposure to my writing thus far and whatever I've said about myself is miniscule in comparison to the time I spend developing characters.

On closing, I might understand what that reviewer had been hinting at.  The beginning of my book is very purposely abrupt and, yes, sometimes I absolutely describe a character right out of the gate, especially when it has a profound effect on another character.  I also realized that I may not have published my final edit where I had made some minor corrections to word choice, particularly a couple that I found in the first sample chapter.  I've gotten better about sorting my files since and I will have corrections to make when I release a compilation.  If it's my style she doesn't like, she's out of luck.  I don't fill my pages with flowery prose.  There are some exceptional writers out there that I could only read once because they used too much filler for my tastes, so I nipped that in the bud.

Like I said, everyone's a critic.  Me too.  You just won't ever catch me brushing someone off in less a paragraph.  And like my dear friend said, no matter how good something is, you'll always catch someone trying to find something wrong with it.  

Don't invest more consideration into any criticism than the time spent on making it and you'll be fine.