On Creativity

I'm sure people wonder just what all I do creatively.  While writing is the thing taking center stage at this point, many of my longtime FaceBook and real-life friends know it goes way beyond that.

You always hear it: I was an artist since the very first time I picked up a crayon.  We all were.  I never say it; it's pretty common.  At some point, a lot of might have realized we weren't very good at it, didn't enjoy it, were shy about people seeing it, and so on and moved on to other things.  I just didn't.  While I've never been particularly boastful about it and I've lacked confidence like everyone else, all an artist ever needed was that other cliché: passion.

I'll see a lot of doubt when I try to explain that.  Well, you probably REALLY wanted to be a better artist or still do, but no amount of passion is making you BETTER.  So what do I add to that?  Attitude? Confidence?  Maybe, but over the years I haven't had any abundance of those.  Natural talent?  Sure, but that doesn't stop people from getting better.  So practice, then?  Well, of course, but people want to know how I draw like I do.  I draw what I'm interested in, maybe.  I even find it difficult to draw on commission at times because of that.  It's never been about the audience, but I love to share.  One thing I have noticed over time is that I have a unique perspective/perception.

I am absolutely terrible at drawing things just by looking at them.  I know that probably sounds off too because I use a ton of visual sources when I'm getting an idea of what I want to draw.  But those are for my brain to shelf for later use.  I'm not teaching myself how to draw- I'm teaching myself how to see and begging my hand to cooperate.  I can't teach curiosity or how to 'see'.  I can teach you on a technical level and you can translate that, maybe discipline your hand.  A lot of people tell me they have shaky hands or some other disability.  I have shaky hands, carpal tunnel and fibromyalgia, things that started surfacing in my mid-twenties.  It absolutely took drawing away from me for a while.  I wanted it back bad enough that I started doing yoga, wearing wrist braces, and strengthening however I could.  I started with just taking long walks, doing light workout videos then built up to PiYo, P90X &X3...  Don't assume this was easy.  It took me the better part of 5 years to work for it, but I WANTED it.  Because passion.

Funny thing is I got better at drawing even when I couldn't because I was still 'seeing.'  I was absorbing things I wanted to try, things I noticed more keenly.

This isn't just about drawing though. I tend to do crafts with very little instruction and just wing it.  I do Perler Bead crafts, basically pixel art and often don't use visual aids.  I started customizing dolls with outfits I designed and stitched by hand.  I learned everything about crochet in 3 months and went to town on that.  I've done dresses for my dolls, elaborate blankets, I can make my own patterns and make things I see on sight.  I'm not keen on math, but I use a shit ton of it in design, pattern making and problem solving.  When I did the ASVAB test in school for career placement, my top job recommendation was coding for the FBI or military.  Bet you didn't know that one...  

If I weren't an artist, I would have gone into science.  People assume that artists are all rattle-brained hipsters, but art is about visual analytics too.  If you didn't know this stuff, it's because I know exactly how it looks reading it.  It looks like boasting and I'm fully aware of that.  It was never important to me.  However, if I'm going to be earnest about blogging my experiences, you should know just what I'm about.  Keep this in mind-- one of my favorites quotes:

No matter how you're tested in any system, I truly believe everyone has something they excel at.  Whether you're too busy, lacking confidence or whatever, it's there waiting to be discovered.  Maybe you won't, but you are full of potential.  Because I have always believed it, even when I had no clue where I was going with it, I just kept on plugging away at what I enjoyed.

I have mental challenges too, but I hesitate to talk about that because in many ways, talking about those tends to make people believe that it 'explains everything.'  Yes, I have a very unique brain, I will say that much.  It sometimes works against me.  While I can be a ridiculous overachiever, it can take a good deal of warring with destructive impulses before I can use them.  I've also learned how to wrangle those to an extent.  I have social limitations and I can get overwhelmed, but we all live with hiccups.  I am incredibly indebted to a father that has made my life steady enough that I don't need medication.  I went that route once before and it was an existence, not a life.

I think it's really important for anyone to understand they aren't alone.  Don't let your setbacks be the thing you obsess on as making you unique.  We are more than our problems.  Yes, huge failure can follow success.  You can never rest on your laurels.  But when you find the 'thing' for you, you will never want to.  You will never ever be bored at least.