Talk, Like, a Girl?

I do voices.

Not professionally, mind you, but I'm told I have a nice repertoire of dopey, fun, helium, and accent-thick voices.  Comes from years of reading text aloud on video games or acting out my own scenes in my head (fanfic anyone?).

My natural female voice is deep.  It's always been deep and if you ever heard my mother and aunt talk, you'd see it's probably at least partially genetic.

I say this because anyone can modulate or change the pitch.  My aunt has the theory that most women probably increase octave to seem more feminine or cheerful, but I have other ideas because I'm quite familiar with my own experience.

When I was around 16-17 years old, I got mistaken for a young man a lot.  Not just on the phone.  I was busty but I had short spiky hair and in the winter time, big coats.  I loved dark colors and earth tones, but sometimes I loved a kick-ass green that lit up my eyes.  I was never trying to be masculine or feminine, nor trying particularly hard not to be.  I wore what made me comfortable, what struck my mood, and mostly it wasn't about playing up my curves, but about chains and flannel and anime t-shirts (grunge was full swing and I was prime for it).  It just so happens that, away from my social crowd and around strangers, I was easy to mistake for a man.  I have a couple of funny stories about that after I get through the main point...

The thing is, I learned early that a female with a deep voice isn't as easily heard sometimes.  In fact, when I raise my voice to be heard at a normal speaking volume, I also enunciate and raise the pitch.  When someone asks you to repeat something, it's not always just because you're too quiet.  Sometimes you need to slow your words or, this is the thing, push past a nasal or rumbling sound.  I'll be the first to admit that I can be pretty nasally and it was actually singing that helped me open up past the noise.  But again, to achieve that, I can't maintain my natural low voice.

I don't tee-hee to be more attractive to men or acceptable to women, but yes, I'm guilty of 'feminizing' my voice for the very practical reason of having my words understood.  I know better than anyone how much attention to your words matters when speaking.  I have to tell people all the time that because I have sensitive hearing, you can't talk to me if you're walking in front of me and not turning your head.  The sound of the murmurs in your throat are louder for me then and you sound like Charlie Brown's mom.

In most quiet social settings, I am happy to use my natural voice.  When I decide to do videos, I may attempt to do so as well, but there's only so much I can project it.  I can still hit higher notes than a man without using falsetto, but I can never boom out powerful low notes.  Even us low-voiced women just don't have that development in our vocal chords naturally.  I'm sure we could train them a bit lower, I've made small strides there, but I'm nowhere near James Earl Jones...

What it comes down to is practicality.  I don't mask my voice in shame, I just pride myself in knowing how to use my voice most effectively.  Just like I will take great pains to express myself with writing or drawing, I want the usage to be most effective for the purpose.  If I'm gonna seduce you, I'm hoping it's my intelligence and talent that reels you in.

Okay, now, for the stories.  We'll go back to the first incident of being mistaken as a young man.  I went to a motel with my sister and a guy friend so we could smoke pot and feel grown up.  I'm not even going to dress that up.  My sister and I never went to sleep that night and we had been up watching horse races and laughing our asses off at the horse names.  I could swear one of them was called Fuzzy Nipples.  Pokemon came on when the sun started coming up and my sister and I were kind of over TV by then and we headed to the main office for free coffee.  We were sitting there and speaking really quietly since it was kind of a small lobby and the guy at the desk was still doing business, so even though we were asshole teenagers, we were trying to be respectful.  Wasn't really paying attention until a guy with his hands full had turned and looked at me and said "excuse me, sir, could you open the door for me?"  I suppose most girls would be offended, but surprise was immediately followed by a sort of glee and I said "sure, let me get that."  There was no damn point in making it embarrassing for him and there are worse things in the world than being mistaken for a man.

The second time was my absolute favorite though.  My mom was picking me up in her boyfriend's truck to take me to spend the night in Indiana for the weekend.  Pretty sure my hair was white blonde and spiky then, once again sporting a big navy blue coat.  Out of the corner of my eye, I catch this car following alongside us on the highway and it's this carload of cute blonde girls with flirty smiles, all directed at me.  I show my mom and she starts laughing and I wave at them.  They get all giggly and I pulled my coat open to show my tight flower print blouse hugging my ample breast and their faces fell with that 'am I gay now?' look of doom and the car dipped back out of sight instantly.

I'm not particularly masculine, although compared to some of those Japanese or Korean pretty boys, I could see it.  Some girls like the softer baby faces in men and in that aspect I get it.  When people aren't worried about sexual preference, it can be admitted that I'm just attractive.  I'm not gorgeous, but I can be called cute or pretty.  I look a lot younger than my age, both a blessing and a curse.  I have a very expressive face and I'm told repeatedly that I have a contagious smile.  

I wouldn't 'talk like a girl' just to impress anyone.  Have you ever heard someone think they're pulling off a fake laugh?  You kind of feel embarrassed for them, if not just annoyed.  Despite my love of voices, there's something embarrassing about passing off a fake voice as my own so I don't.  I like to make it obvious it isn't mine and keep it fun.

I have been debating on making videos, as I mentioned before, which is what made this topic click for me.  I've been told that people like to see their up and coming authors talking to them.  Is this for real, guys?  Because I really don't wanna.  If you like me, can't we just do a face to face?  Just buy my work and maybe I'll tour through or near.  I don't have these illusions of grandeur and I guarantee, cameras do not love me and I can't fake it up to pretend we're having a face to face when I'm eyeballing that judgy hole of a webcam.  I'm not going for celebrity status and I am the sort that, if I have time, I will always reply on my channels.  If not, I'm just hard at work on something and may not be checking anything for a few days or week or two.