Strength and Beauty: The Nature and Aesthetic of Women

Sometimes, we confuse the inner and outer beauty arguments, deciding what things should be without considering the person we're projecting them onto. 

Drawing isn't just about an aesthetic for me, although that's certainly part of it. It's not that I hate my face or my body, but there's never been a draw in simply duplicating what I see (and many an art teacher can testify to that when I took liberties in life drawing classes). When I want to draw a woman, I don't want to know exactly how it will turn out. Drawing from my head isn't so much about depicting the ideal woman as it is capturing a piece of what connects me to her.

Inevitably, the women I draw are beautiful. They're not always thin, but what I capture in their forms still reaches for grace, physical strength, emotional clarity. Sometimes, I'll draw a simple bust form...

Sometimes, I really want to play with the full anatomy.

There are always elements exaggerated, even realistically impossible, yet that's probably why I am able to reach into difficult dilemmas in my own life that I struggle to make sense of. When I pull these forms from my own experiences and observations, I am closer to my own nature.

Beauty is a concept women struggle with. We want to be beautiful but we don't. We are anxious if we'll be noticed, anxious about how we'll be noticed. We don't want to be forced to accept a compliment, told not to be a bitch when we don't want to acknowledge it the way the giver expects us to. We wan to feel safe, strong, noticed, but that isn't always about outer beauty. We want to be brave, intelligent, kind, curious, independent, but sometimes all the compliments (or insults) focus on how we look.

I know; it's a frustrating thing and we accept that is the nature of it. We know we can't have it all and sometimes we even objectify men or injure their self esteem when it comes to looks or superficial ideals of what we want them to be. 

What also should be understood is that what people fantasize about isn't necessarily what they want from reality. A bit of a morbid example, but on an episode of Law and Order SVU, a woman's identity was used by a vengeful ex on a rape fantasy site where he arranged for her to be sexually assaulted, her struggles and protests to be ignored as part of the act. While the theme is extreme, the episode touched on issues like consent and measuring virtual strangers by their online presence. Hell, the entire Catfish show can hammer that one home too.

With communities of disgruntled MRAs, MGTOWs, incels, feminazis and gender purists throwing out extreme ideas of what is expected of men and women, the prevailing danger comes most strongly from the very one-sided views of people that likely need therapy to cope with trauma rather than fueling each other's sicknesses. In the same vein, they try to police how the world should work in a way that protects them but harms others. 

Although my thoughts sometimes take a dark and gritty turn, I am optimistic. As I've said before, it's important to encourage individualism, to strive for the balance of humility and ego that lets us achieve self fulfillment without crushing others.

My struggle as a woman will still be unique to my experience. Even though I sometimes look for comfort in like minds, I know that to be too comfortable is dangerous as well. To agree with someone on one level does not mean we are bound to aspects of them we don't agree to, simply out of loyalty.

As they say, a true friend will always call you out on your bullshit. 

Mind if I wheel off these tracks and go back to the topic of art?

While drawing these pictures today, I had a bit of a mental glitch. I'd gotten used to digital painting a bit too much and the first time my pencil didn't cooperate, my left hand started pressing the page for the Undo hotkey on my tablet. Sigh. Blend or erase... Nothing quite beats the feel of paper and pencil but the transition isn't always so seamless and they both have their own challenges. I'd like to do some pen sketches if the mood strikes this weekend. As much as I love drawing women, I really need to work on men. As you can see, I have a soft style that often makes all of my males a bit effeminate. I'd like to work on some hyper masculine subjects. Not to say effeminate men aren't awesome, but I would like to extend my range.