Me Encanta Google Translate

I am not fluent in any language but English. I'm sure people have a lot of things to assume about my culture-lacking white American ass, but assumptions are about as fluent in understanding your fellow humans as Google Translate. 

Yet I. Love. Google Translate.

I tap something mundane in my only-lonely English and whirl it through every language and return it to my own, usually mangled beyond recognition.

"You've got to be kidding me" can become "You need to make a joke". The more colloquial or regional or local the saying, the more likely you are to tip it over its limits. Somehow, I managed to get 'whore' to translate into 'niece'. Them's fighting words.

Or as they never say in Catalan...

Okay, so it's not exactly news that the thoughts you spend a lifetime translating into your understanding of the spoken word are not universal. Ideas can translate over language barriers, but sometimes, learning the foreign words of a language (expressing ideas your mother tongue doesn't have a single word for) or a new language altogether is directly related to your aspirations or thirst for knowledge and not a gold card in being more 'cultured'. Nowadays, we can almost instantly learn how to say 'poop' in every language and using one of those simplified words usually bears explaining when it's not common use anyway. So it's probably more useful to learn 'pretentious' so you can confirm someone mumbling it in response.

Fluency in more than one language is impressive, I won't lie, but mastery in anything is no less so. The difficulty of learning a language highly depends on your mother tongue. Hungarian is said to be one of the most difficult for English speakers in terms of pronunciation but Japanese is actually one of the simplest to speak. Written, it's opposite, since Hungarian uses the same alphabet, unlike Japanese which uses simplified Chinese characters formed from picture mnemonics. Fluency is also highly dependent on immersion, so you can learn how to speak, read and hear a language, yet be completely lost in practice.

Mentioned before in another post, but I'm 'fluent' enough in Japanese and standard Spanish (español, for the PC bullies) to pick up on what's being said sometimes. It's odd because it's difficult for me to put my words into another language, but hearing someone doing it, something clicks and I'll contextualize enough of it to understand sometimes. More so in Spanish. With Japanese (wait, technically 'nihongo' but I'm not digging out the characters), it's more in the reading where I pick up characters I couldn't recall just by being asked. Years of attempting to translate manga will do that. I mention this for a reason...

Google Translate isn't completely useless or purely entertainment. It is still capable of guidebook-level translating of a mildly helpful nature. Meaning most of what I'm typing here would be a hot mess, but if you just want to know how to say 'where is the restroom?' it's probably pretty accurate.

Well, how else do I ask Catalonians if they even lift, bro?

There are certainly those more proper expressions in every language that we don't realize are not as down pat as we'd like to think, way too literal in translation than intended. Luckily, it's probably not going to deeply offend someone. Unless you're pretending to be an expert, most people are understanding of your little foreign hiccups.

Digital translators tend to latch onto 'safe' chains, or things most commonly in sequence, with no regard for usage. Your best bet is to drop in one word at a time and actually reference if this is the proper word for what you want. The intended language may not have a word for 'puppy' but also might not default to 'little dog' either, but instead decide that 'pup' might relate to a human child. 

What translators can help with is syntax and word order once you find the correct keywords (this is my experience with English to most other languages I've played with at least). Even when the words it flips back tend to deviate, the word order does stay true to the language, which can be a helpful device in the rules of grammar at least. Word order was one thing I struggled with when learning basic Japanese, especially when it came to questions. My English brain kept insisting that the 'question word' comes first, but in polite form, the subject always leads. You can jump straight to sentiment in informal/basic speech (Ganbatte ne!)

Disclaimer: this is how I formally address my sushi.

Now you're just being needy, Catalan...

As much as I love learning and playing with language, admittedly, there's no practical reason for being fluent in another. I do know the language of crochet terms and reading charts. I also know HTML, Flash and Basic computer languages to some extent. Each of those had some practical usage in developing skills. While it is immensely helpful to learn a language where you want to work or live, most efforts to learn something well need to be cultivated to be useful or remembered.

There are a lot of things to consider when looking at languages, but really, it's allowed to be fun and there's no shame in admitting you're only confident in the fluency of one language. I'd still encourage you to attempt your scant knowledge in friendly company and to take every opportunity to learn language from another. Take the opportunity to even ask if your Google Translate mess is redeemable.

Again, I don't see anything wrong with knowing one language. There are a great many languages where even the verbose never master every word of it. It only seems ignorant when the one language you know is very poorly done, almost to the point where you're incomprehensible. There are certainly plenty of people who are grateful to ASL (American Sign Language) or Braille-- languages that allow them to share and absorb ideas that can be distributed into other languages.

Crazy, I know, coming from a chick who is insane enough to insist on doing all of her publishing endeavors herself, but I am willing to admit I won't be the one to translate my work into 47 other languages.

Sometimes, a single discipline is more than enough. I endeavor to understand English better, but I do need to hit the dictionary sometimes and try not to send others running for theirs. However, I'm not going to pitch a fit when people speak another language I don't understand. Unless you're throwing shade at me. Bitch, I understand body language just fine!

Does anybody REALLY understand anyone? WARNING: Philosophy has been breached. ABORT! ABORT!