The 3 Spoon Problem

 Neurotypicals and neurodivergents may never fully understand each other’s ’methods of madness’ but I came across a simplistic and nearly forgettable instance of this in one of those missable daily chores.

For me, repetitive tasks need to become a ritual to focus on them and complete them and even then, they often have to be short and purposeful. 

I feed my cats every morning. Outside cats first, front door then back door, dry food. Then I feed what were originally my sister’s 3 cats one kind of food (anything but pate), then the kitten got sandwiched in between them and my older 2 girls because he also gets a metal bowl like the first three but he gets kitten pate (though he’ll eat anything) and the 2 girls get their pate on a plate. Different rituals because my sister and I did different things and cats are creatures of habit. The kitten’s managed to fit neatly by food type and feeding dish right between so it naturally fit in. 

As per the post headline, I use three spoons, one for each of them. I never started this intentionally, mind you, but it always made perfect sense to me. To my dad, it’s clearly a sort of unnecessary thing (more dishes to wash and he’s obsessive about how many dishes get used in a way I similarly don’t understand). He pointed it out and, instead of the cringy ‘it’s my ADHD, you wouldn’t understand’, I just said ‘don’t question it’ and that seems to be a satisfying code for the both of us.

The answer, for those of you who are on the side of not getting it (and even some NDs might not get it at first), this is a physical manifestation of a mental need for organization in the early morning chaos of my brain. I am not a morning person. I don’t enjoy getting up for this ritual. My brain is still a bit nonsensical and prone to mistakes first thing. For me, like stimming, this is a ritual necessity to start the day with a coping mechanism to prevent anxiety. I have lots of coping mechanisms and many of them I’m not even conscious of until they’re pointed out. I don’t always have a handy answer to pluck from the air anyway but when I do, it still doesn’t always fully make sense to the questioner. 

I like to believe that my dad is, over time, starting to understand that these oddities (for him) are the unspoken trials of my neurological disorder. Those with ADHD are not a hive mind and we don’t all understand the source of the quirks but we do come to understand that it’s why we get ‘looks’ or ‘comments’ from NTs and even without some weird therapy requirement, we do develop coping strategies that don’t compromise the self but do help us course-correct to avoid destructive crashes in our lives. I don’t try to avoid being ‘weird’ but I certainly try to avoid the impulses to spend money or have unhealthy emotional outbursts where I say things I probably don’t actually mean. I don’t try to ‘do things the normal way’ but I do try to explain it when I can (or reserve the right to politely decline explaining everything I do). I don’t bottle myself for the comfort of others but I do know how to find healthy outlets and not expect others to entertain me. And these aren’t wise adult strategies; many of them I started very young and just refined with understanding.

On that note, this is why I resent being told I need ‘cognitive behavior therapy’ to take Vyvanse. They aren’t going to tell me anything I don’t know. I research things like this exhaustively but I have severe ADHD and the only reason I have ever preferred stimulants is because they bring on a focus, efficiency and confidence that I struggle with and often fail to find without their help. I self-medicated in my youth and noticed things like coffee and cocaine made me ridiculously efficient whereas my peers were just ‘fucked up’ and messy. I can emotionally regulate, manage time and just FUNCTION normally with this drug. And even doctors don’t seem to understand how necessary this drug is for me to live in an NT dominated world. My coping mechanisms work fine. WITH the drug. Otherwise, I am always struggling through the brain clutter, paralysis and exhaustion of effort. Doctors are taught that it’s different for us and yet we’re still treated like addicts looking for a fix. Yes, it is a fix. To be functional in a world that is otherwise ridiculously hard to find a niche in. I don’t get my dopamine fix this way at all btw. That’s right; I get it from ASMR videos and watching kids play and cats purr and sometimes from the zone I go into when I can hyperfocus. Vyvanse is only an outlet, a key that makes who I am shareable and productive and motivated.

The 3 spoon problem isn’t fixed by drugs. But when I understand it better, I can help others understand why it’s necessary. Not everything is able to be masked and some things are very much about mental health maintenance. Not all of us want to feed into the superpower/quirk/etc. language that sometimes brushes off how debilitating it can be, so it may require some of that sensitivity into our coded language. My dad isn’t the most perceptive but he does pay attention. Sometimes that all we ask for. The understanding that this is doing something we need. Accommodations are not about going out of your way to cater to our differences. It’s just about communicating their existence. Communicate with me directly if it’s a problem that makes us undermine each other’s needs but remember I spent the better part of my life making my life harder to try not to rock the boat. It could be time to empathize and understand why crippling me isn’t actually helping either of us. Share in the discomfort; and remember if you have ND status, don’t retaliate by assuming you get privilege as part of the understanding. The other person may have it too so aim for compromise. No one needs to be the only sacrificing one. We should always be learning how to bring out the best in each other, ND or NT notwithstanding.

Updates are fun?

 Healthwise, there’s always something. My weight continues to hover around the same range, my liver enzymes are back to normal, I’m about to schedule for another upper GI endoscopy and a colonoscopy because I’m not getting worse but I’m not getting better so maybe we just have to look at the whole pipeline.

There’s rarely much to say or definitive answers so far so I won’t belabor it.

I finished a fourth mini house today so I can start on the diorama to set those in (I needed the exact base measurements of the completed houses to be able to set up the foundation for the grass mat; you never know how the completed piece will fit until it’s made because it can be different for everyone). Once I complete that, it will knock out one of the bigger projects I’ve left unfinished. I’m really hoping to slowly ‘finish what I’ve started’ since my health slumps set me on a long term burnout. That’s not to say there won’t be new projects here and there but I truly want to focus on the accumulation I’ve let build up.

So I’ll leave you with a quick pic of the latest mini house and get back to doing rather than talking about it!

Sometimes I Just Don’t Wanna Share…

 I do end up trying to catch up for the sake of transparency so radio silence can often lead to me sharing the many updates later. 

I’m not sure where I was with things last time but I think it was gallbladder surgery recovery and some follow-ups so I’ll try to start there and hopefully not repeat too much. I could read my last post… but I’m pretty certain I can pick it up.

The stomach flu prior to surgery landed me with elevated blood levels. I may or may not have gone into it specifically being hemoglobin and bilirubin. Didn’t occur to me than that it could be  *because* of the stomach flu but that’s likely. Did more follow up blood tests when I finally got in to see a gastroenterologist, even did some off the wall genetic marker tests, mostly looking at my liver possibilities. Did not get anything concerning back EXCEPT my kidneys are functioning at 77 and 90 is normal. However, unless there’s protein in my urine, only below 60 is a major concern. I have never had protein show up before so it could very well be temporary.

Weight loss came to a grinding halt but since GLP-1 drugs got approved for obesity (bmi over 30 or bmi over 27 and a health related problem like high blood pressure; I’m all of the above), it’s possible for me to get Zepbound covered and he asked on my last visit if I would be okay with trying it. I said absolutely; I plateaued on weight loss a couple months ago and kept up with diet and exercise. Hormones are completely blocking progress. I see him in September to discuss that again.

Monday I have the fibro scan to rule out any other possible liver issues. Keeping in mind my AST and ALT are only slightly elevated on the last blood test, it’s still possible these are residual from the gallbladder issues and still cycling out. Again, my surgeon remarked that my liver had no inflammation or signs of fibrosis or scarring from the outside. The fibroscan can look through the liver and see what everything else couldn’t so I’ll know if there’s any concern there. If so, early detection. And again, losing weight could reverse the problem. Which is why weight loss is imperative.

I did the research and Zepbound, taken properly, still takes a year and a half for someone my size to return to a normal BMI. Though because this has been an issue despite all efforts to change I might have to remain on it at maintenance doses lifelong. Celebrities don’t need it and abuse it which is why you see the freakish aging and bone visibility. You need to eat more protein to maintain muscle mass and rapid weight loss leads to the aged and loose skin. I will be taking it to lose 1-2 lbs a week *safely* as has been my goal all alone. I do not want to do this fast, I want to do it healthily. So I will NOT be taking shortcuts or overdoing it.

I am attempting to get a remote job, which may mean changing insurance but it’s a job with full benefits so… worth it. It’s the perfect job for me; flexible, computer oriented, task oriented, no micromanaging, so I’m really hoping I’ll get it. Leaving it at that because I’m both focusing on hearing back (and saying why I’m perfect for the job) and not getting my hopes up unless I do get it. So if I give more details it’s because I got it. Otherwise, I’m moving on without mentioning it again.

Our AC and furnace are done for so the summer heat has limited my motivation for crafting. I’ve been focusing my energy on maintaining a clean house and happy cats. I wish I had more exciting things to share but there is not much. I’m attempting to fix an old printer, staying organized for when the weather is good for crafts again and just focused on finding a career after this monumentally tough five years of health issues and finding productivity in pattern making sales, product reviewing and freelance design jobs here and there. I crave stability and routine to anchor me again. My dad is happily productive again and I’m more than a little jealous. I want to really contribute to improving this house and my own life too. I’ve done so much, raising my nephews and helping others, that having something for myself would do so much for my mental wellness right now.

And I apologize if I’m creatively stuck and putting off some favors for others right now but I promise this is temporary. I’m still finding strength and trying to set my feet on new paths (or forge new paths; not everything has to be novel to be an adventure though).

Regardless of when I update, hoping I have more good news and forward movement. I admit I’m impatient to get things moving again but also know that things worth having take time. Whether that’s losing weight, completing a big project or applying for that perfect job. Push ahead but give grace to things that move beyond our control.

Stay strong, people. Times are crazy but purpose can be found. Don’t ignore smaller steps believing only large steps make a difference. Just take steps knowing others could follow. Good can come from simply believing in your journey. Inspire anonymously and hope indefinitely. 

I got plenty of gems in this brain of mine. Stick around and maybe we can learn from each other. 

More on Recovery

 One thing they reiterate after major surgeries is getting up to walk. After abdominal surgeries, this can be a special kind of torture because it’s impossible to not irritate that sensitive healing area even a little bit unless you happen to have one of those slow auto-standing chairs my grandma had (and if you’re not wealthy, you probably don’t). Gallbladder recovery didn’t need the months that the ovary surgery did; it’s only been a little over two weeks and I’m getting around mostly normal at this point. I stuck to forcing myself to walk and avoiding the nightmare of blood clots but the minute I heard that’s yet another surgery and DAYS in a hospital, pushing my tender abdominals seemed like the much more desirable level of torture.

All the same, with the stomach flu preceding my surgery, I feel like my stamina and cardio have suffered greatly. I wanted to get back to crafting and computer work ASAP but instead I found it physically hard to be able to do as sitting up and sitting still have proved difficult. So today, I gave up on the notion of that and… did housework. Mind you, I’m still weeks from being okay to do any heavy lifting, but I vacuumed and mopped (sorely needed without my twice weekly routine not happening for a month; that’s to do both as vacuuming was still something I could do for the past week as long as it was short). It wasn’t super thorough, as I wouldn’t be able to completely clear off the floors, but I did get to focus on high traffic areas and the moderately accessible areas I could shove around with my feet. Some hangers I ordered came (I had 8 or so shirts that sat on top of the hangers in my closet without hangers and a bunch of those cheap clothing store ones I wanted to swap out) so I did a little closet cleaning too. I was dripping sweat like I had a rain cloud following me around and I can feel the ache of the efforts but I also feel like this was a valuable step in being able to rebuild stamina. And I’m going to make it a point to focus on getting moderate to vigorous exercise a few times a week to rebuild my stamina again.

I’m also going to attempt to test my stamina with sedentary but creative and critical thinking elements that I sorely miss too. 

The weight loss slowed significantly: only down a pound in the past month, but it’s somehow relieving that my diet went a little off the tracks and I didn’t see weight gain. I also know from experience that surgical recovery is a terrible time for dieting. People assume because they aren’t that hungry or have dietary limits that that’s a good time for it but no, you NEED those nutrients because your immune system is working overtime to heal the substantial invasion and changes. Trying to keep up an ambitious weight loss plan during not only slows healing but could increase risk of complications. 

So please do your already struggling body a favor and don’t underfeed or overwork your body. This also means that even if you’re feeling great, don’t go against the doctor’s advice to wait for those weeks or months before you’re cleared for tasks and attempt to do more than recommended. If you need examples, things like hernias, fissures, painful keloid scarring, muscle strains, blockages (in arteries, ducts, etc) and infections. These are things your body might not even give you any indication they’re happening until it becomes another major issue. That could require yet another reparative surgery. Keep in mind, scarring vastly limits their ability to avoid surgical complications and some doctors even refuse to attempt anything but emergency surgery if the scarring and fusing and issues are too complex, so even a ‘simple’ repair can cause problems for surgeries you might need later.

I’ve started to get back into my dieting again, started the day with cream of wheat and had a chicken and green bean lunch. Tonight my dad is making burgers with the new indoor grill my sister got him for Father’s Day but if that’s a little carb-y (my dad’s cooking usually is) I could actually use that today with the workout that housework gave me. I’m not ready for going back to ambitious food prep; my dad does not air condition this sweltering house and trying to spend hours prepping would wipe me out, if not cause me to pass out altogether, but I did get bagged salads to last the week. Cream of Wheat, oatmeal or egg on toast for breakfast, dinners I’ll just have to be flexible but mindful with until I can structure that again. The salads can land around lunch or dinner too.

I may need a couple weeks or even a couple of months to slide back into the balance of creative and physical and get back on track but honestly, it just feels really good to be semi-normal. Stomach flus always make me wish I was dead and this one left me drained for days instead of the 24 or so hours I could heal from them when I was healthier. No idea where I even got it but my nephew got sick too so it’s super likely we both got it at his graduation. Go figure the one time I’m around people, they can’t keep their germs to themselves. All the same, I’m glad my recovery hasn’t gone south so far and that I’m on track again. I wouldn’t at all call this a square one since I didn’t gain weight, my blood pressure is actually normal again and in a few months, my primary is doing labs to make sure the liver enzymes and cholesterol have stabilized since.

Dare I hope this means I can move on and get fit and healthy again. I had been really making progress in my late 30s before it all took a turn for the worse and set me back so much worse. Still, I’ve held on to hope and believed in myself and the doctors I worked with and have found my way through quite a bit. Of course, I’m cautiously optimistic but I’m in my 40s and that can be a dirty transition for a lot of us so I’m doing what I can to prepare for more obstacles but also doing what I can to avoid them. Genetics, my friends, isn’t something you can run from. I’ve had more than one dear friend die in their 40s suddenly. One from a sudden heart attack on his return from an out of town job, one who was otherwise very healthy then died suddenly in her sleep from a pulmonary embolism. We don’t get to prevent everything but at least when I make the effort to try, I simply KNOW I did all that I could with what I knew. Guilt is not something you want to bring into an already troubling situation. I don’t think advanced old age was ever a goal for me, but I would like to hope that going forward, the time I do have might have some quality of life worth sticking around for. I have done a lot of suffering and there may be more but I will do my best to eke out every bit of enjoyment I can and never belabor myself unduly. One life, nothing else, so precious.

Maybe Not That Juicy…

 I’m one week post gallbladder removal and I absolutely still don’t have the energy to organize a really well-thought out post where the details are concerned but I will give it a go anyway because I’m really not going to be able to keep the details fresh otherwise. Pain is something our bodies are wired to forget and going through this, like having the stomach flu leading up to it, is definitely something I’m eager to put behind me.

First off, I’m super grateful to the whole of my team: my surgeon, the anesthesiologists, the nurses, all stellar. Normally I love to post names and details but I still feel protective of my life here and in no hurry for my past to ever find me. I’ve sent comments to the hospital to address those people directly so they know who they are and they know I’m thankful and that’s what truly matters. 

The pre-op process is pretty simple. Check in, getting my ID bracelet, going to the lab for tests (if you’re a female, that is, because it’s a pregnancy test which is absolutely unnecessary for me but who ever believes you?), and waiting to be called back to what will be my recovery room later. I then meet my pre-op nurse who finds out when I’ve eaten and drank last, what medications or supplements I’ve taken or quit taking, what medications they will be giving me for pain then he has me change into the gown with all the fancy ports so he can put in my IV. The IV is then hooked up for hydration and also a first round of antibiotics, which is standard in most gallbladder surgeries but may not be deemed necessary for all. In my case, they just wanted to make sure the stomach flu would be cycled out and not cause issues.

The OR was still in prep so I waited in my room for another half hour before they came to wheel me back. Once there, they walked me through getting up on the slim table, making sure my gown’s ports were accessible, and placing a board under my feet and securing my arm out to my side. They would be operating in a reverse trachtenberg position which basically elevates you at the head instead of the feet. They secured the oxygen mask to my face and just had me breathe that in for a few minutes. In that time, I got to appreciate how a dozen people were milling around that room like perfect clockwork when any other group of people would be colliding in chaos.

The anthesiologist then informed me they were administering anesthesia and he asked me a couple questions; where my favorite vacation spot is and what I was going to dream about soon. The second one made me laugh and, even though my ears started buzzing, making me laugh must’ve helped me not feel the awful pressure like last time and I was out like a light.

When I woke, I didn’t open my eyes, heard the nurse telling my dad they would just let me sleep and he could come back around 1 or 2 when they could run my last rounds of antibiotics. I kind of just enjoyed the peace and kept my eyes closed for a while longer but when I did open my eyes, the post-op nurse had crackers and shortbread cookies and water for me. I probably had six more little packs, a refill of water, and a popsicle before they had me get up to try to pee hours later. No problem there. My doctor came in to let me know what was up, said the only issue to watch was that a bile duct was too short so we’d need to monitor for that in the coming months, make sure there is no narrowing, blockage, etc while it heals. Again, not anything I hadn’t known could be a risk. The symptoms are pretty telling too, a lot of pain and jaundice, neither of which would be hard to miss. I was plenty sore but didn’t have too much trouble getting around on my own. They let me get dressed on my own and then discharged me and wheeled me out to dad’s car. It went about as smoothly as I could hope.

Day 1 is always comparatively easy. The nerve blocks they give last at least 24 hours and that’s pretty much all I got. After that, terrible gas pain, both digestive and abdominal. This level of pain was a mainstay for 48 hours, made bearable with Norcos, but still not fun. Sleep did not come easy but even a couple hours sleep did make me feel noticeably better every time. I finally started getting good sleep around days 4-5. Day 5 is where I could finally get up out of bed without feeling pain in my abdomen. At no time did I find it unbearable. I was still able to do light housework, make food, do dishes, but I often asked for help to finish a task or just have them run my ice pack to and from the freezer. I mostly ate Jello, pudding, chicken noodle soup, in the first few days but then I started eating more regular foods, just in small amounts. 

As far as bowel movements go, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was on the end of gastroenteritis so I still had diarrhea for the first three days. Then it stopped day four and… there was a TON of gas. lol I called it a night of endless farts and it was just HOURS of these reams of flatulence. But they didn’t actually smell much. No more BMs for 48 hours though so I started taking MiraLax because I had a bad feeling… that turned out to be true. Super painful but more solid and brown constipation that crippled me for like an hour, nausea and sweating too. But once that passed I felt SO much better. The following BMs have been in the morning each day and still not regular solid. All the same, no yellow and no more issues with having them. At no time post-op did I feel like I couldn’t make it to the toilet so there was no problem with urgency. I also knew that constipation and diarrhea both are typical adjustments to the bile changes.

I’m able to get up and get around more but I do get exhausted easily still. There is still some tenderness and I can’t bend or squat well or for very long. I am able to sit on the porch for a little while to pet the outside cat but sitting up too long still isn’t comfortable. There is bloating and gas and tenderness overall and I suspect it may be another week before I feel close to normal. I can kind of sleep on my sides but with a fatty bloated abdomen, the movement makes my incisions a little more tender and it feels weird so I end up on my back again for most of the night. I feel like I’ll sleep better once side sleeping isn’t so tender. 

I did want to go into incision and surgery details too but that’s a bit much for me at the moment. I’m getting heavy-eyed just doing this much. I may revisit that in the near future but I may be ready to just move into the next phase of life. I’m sure the next blog title will give away which route I take. Until then, more rest and plenty of contemplation! I hope this does help someone looking for more detailed experiences to make it less scary, more realistic. It’s no picnic, but this has definitely been its own challenge, not really comparable to my surgery two years ago but with some familiarities that made it less full of unknowns. But it’s always been my philosophy that doing nothing is still a choice, and often a bad choice. When you’re at a point where nothing is getting better, then the risks are often worth taking. If I thought I could handle it, I never would have brought it up to begin with. When I go to a doctor, it’s because I’ve exhausted all of my own options and truly need to consider the best and worst of what it takes to hope things will get better. It’s not about me being strong, it’s about humbling myself to accepting help. Genetics just don’t give a flying fuck how good your diet or exercise or habits are. There’s no point in blaming anything; get the help your body knows you need and accept all of the feelings and doubts and hopes. 

And I thank whatever conditions created Medicaid so I didn’t have to continue suffering. Or worse. The ovary thing still haunts me because that sucker was killing me. My long term goal is to not die young enough that people say what a shame it is I went before my time. I don’t exactly want to see super old age but I sure as hell don’t want to be ‘too young’. I sure as hell don’t want to be pitied. I’m having a damn good run, all things considered. I’ve survived shitty friends, shitty jobs, got damned good at a lot of things. But I hope I’m nowhere near done yet.

Juicy Surgery Deets to Come!

 Day of surgery went well and I plan to go into some great detail as soon as I have the strength to dedicate to it. I’ve taken notes and talked to the doctor and did a bit of research so I’ll have plenty to go through even before my post-op visit June 12th. 

For now, simple details that I’ll likely mention again in the full post. Gallbladder did. Or just have polyps but gallstones and a weird little condition called cholesterolosis or ‘strawberry bladder’. I’m literally weird inside and out and this tickles the hell out of me. A duct that was too short needed to be catheterized to be drained and he’ll be monitoring that as I go through recovery. But my liver is not only NOT fatty or scarred but back to a healthy state. And the elevated liver enzymes and cholesterol and triglycerides can all be attributed directly to the gallbladder and I’ll see marked improvement of those over the next 4-6 months. Which also means the obstacles to losing weight and possibly even the high blood pressure will also see satisfying improvements.

Sometimes you know it’s not your lifestyle choices. Sometimes it’s freak genetics. And da-yum, does it feel good to be right once again. I just unloaded a little package deal and now my devotion to cautious but persistent healing begins again. Sore but already in so many ways much better than the collection of symptoms that plagued me before. I am beyond grateful for the doctors here and the amazing staff at the hospital I’ve been getting surgeries in. I’m grateful my dad took the leap and finally moved so I could finally unlock everything behind those invisible obstacles. And I’m proud of myself for breaking through doubt and fear and advocating for myself once more. 

As I said, more to come, hopefully a bit more organized so those who need it can glean a little insight if some of their experiences align here and are looking for comfort. That’s really my driving purpose with sharing openly.

Weird Life Hacks

 Do you ever realize that you probably have one or two or ten life hacks floating around in your brain but they’re just so random that you never think to actually compile them? Okay, that’s everyone, but I do have two in particular I decided to share because I remember Googling solutions (are we still saying that?) more than once and my particular solutions are kind of absent from all of them. 

Which basically means, yes, try them yourselves at your own risk but I have done these multiple times and they do work for me at least. Take from that what you will.

First… those painful swollen taste buds. Searches always say saltwater rinse (blech), apply ice, hydrate, keep moist, etc. So when you hear my solution, you’ll wonder how the hell that landed… here goes. Stick out your tongue between your teeth and lips, wipe the saliva from the area with your fingers or just air dry and… wait. Drying the tip of your tongue feels super weird but you’ll notice the painful taste bud actually becomes less sensitive as it dries. I usually leave it out like this for as long as I can stand it (usually no more than 10-15 minutes) then I go ahead and moisten my tongue again, drink water, make sure it feels normal then repeat if it still bothers me. 

I’ve never had to do it more than twice but instead of days of avoiding and wincing, the swelling and sensitivity is gone in less than a day. My little theory here is that drying actually works to starve and desensitize it while also keeping the dark moist environment from irritating it. I still go easy on it and make sure I keep up with dental hygiene but usually after a nap or sleep, it’s gone. Keep in mind I also do not have chronic dry mouth issues or any condition where this could cause problems. I actually stumbled across this because I have the tendency to ‘pick’ or relentlessly agitate wounds/scabs/bruises if I don’t find a way to isolate them. Tongues are tricky because they want to constantly move about. I’ve been in states where I really need to focus so I ended up putting my tongue in ‘timeout’ and momentarily forgetting about it to where it dried out and realizing it was significantly less sensitive and distracting after doing so. So since I remember weird details like that, I just started doing it every time and there was a clear pattern. If you’re prone to swollen taste buds, you may want to see if this cuts down on the healing time like it does for me!

The second one is plantar wart removal. I had one of these suckers when I was working at Petco and nothing worked. I didn’t have health insurance at the time so seeing a doctor wasn’t going to happen so I was getting a bit desperate. I tried the usual; duct tape, clear nail polish, paring (slicing off the dead erupted skin with a sharp sterile knife), wart removal pads and freezing kits. While the freezing kits gave me the best temporary relief, this sucker was persistent. So what worked? This one isn’t entirely outside of advice but it wasn’t this specific. I used a combination of paring and opaque nail polish. To start, you’ll want to pare the erupted part to the level of the skin around it. Do NOT try to dig in. You can do some serious permanent damage and a keloid scar can be more painful than a plantar wart so go ONLY to the skin level. You may or may not see a black ‘seed’ in the wart. Don’t be tempted to fish it out. I’ll explain why as we go. Once you do get to skin level, clean the area again and make sure it’s completely dry then use an opaque or dark colored nail polish to dab and smooth a thin layer, let it dry, then apply one or two more thin layers. Don’t do it thickly thinking you’ll save time. It won’t dry right and it won’t stay put, both of which are crucial. Then just leave it alone up until the pain comes back or the nail polish comes off. You may notice that the wart’s seed is closer to the surface. This is something I noticed myself but again, don’t be tempted to dig it out. You need it to keep rising naturally as this is a sign that your body is helping to reject it. Again, pare the skin carefully only to the surface and repeat the steps of cleaning and applying new nail polish (make sure you are sterilizing the knife and the skin each time; also you really shouldn’t be using either the knife or the nail polish for any other purpose so it’s best to use an old nail polish you intend to throw out or one that you don’t love and don’t mind getting rid of). 

Though I spent months with the other treatments failing, this one slowly but completely resolved the issue noticeably in a little over a week and three parings. By the third or fourth paring, I didn’t need to apply nail polish again; the seed scraped off with the paring and the relief was almost immediate. The skin looked healthy and new and pink, like baby skin, so I cleaned it up, applied an unscented moisturizer and that was that. No scarring, no infection, no need for expensive solutions after all. But again, everything affects each of us differently so this may be a terrific solution for you or you’ll just need to try other options. This one was one where I was able to still work on my feet without pain and the return of pain was an easy indicator to give it attention again. There were 2-3 days in between needing to treat it. You can shower normally (I wouldn’t bathe because it could over moisten the skin and polish) just don’t scrub or you’ll need to wait for your skin to dry completely to repaint it. I definitely had a smoother time of paring after a shower but I wouldn’t do it while the skin is still very wet either. Paring seems to be more controllable when the skin is a little tough. 

Again, I don’t know exactly why the color nail polish worked so much better; it could be the formulation or it could be blocking the light itself that brought the virus/damage/etc closer to the surface (maybe ‘blinding’ it from thinking it was more secure than it was?). I don’t know the exact science but I do think the the adherence but temporary quality of the polish allowed me to be more sensitive to when it was time to treat it again without irritating the skin around it or letting moisture in. Duct tape is probably operating on the same theory but the padding could desensitize the needs and tape can definitely hurt the skin or trap moisture more. 

I’m adding that if you don’t want to contaminate the nail polish or do away with it, use the included brush to put some on a folded up piece of paper (so it doesn’t soak through) and then use a q-tip/cotton swab to apply it. A cotton swab actually does a really good job of making sure the application is thin each time too. 

I used a floral paring knife that was rarely used and always kept cleaning. Please look up how to pare skin properly. I did it similarly to cutting fruit where you grip the knife with your fingers, placing my thumb out of the way on the edge of the foot but pressing the fingers toward the thumb parallel to the skin. You may have to change the technique based on the location and your ability to reach it. Don’t pare it yourself or trust anyone with it if the confidence isn’t there. I’ve been lancing my own abscesses and other things other people let doctors do for years but I’ve also always done due diligence in proper procedure. Feel free to ask about the time I drained an enormous cyst on my cheek, flattened keloid scars or filed corns. Very doable if they haven’t advanced to infection. 

If you have found some off the wall or specific procedure you feel that the internet overlooked, feel free to share! It’s definitely irresponsible to pass off personal advice as something people should blindly trust but if you feel you have a hidden gem that might work for someone but are hesitant that it might end up another TikTok disaster in the wrong hands, you’re still in good company with me, and it might inspire discussion on why it works and who might be more successful with it. In other words, one of the reasons why the Internet could still be a useful space!

Share in comments or drop me a message/email. It might inspire a future post!