Getting Busy

So the past couple of days have been productive at least. I managed to tape up my Rienna and cut out the pieces of fabric to make her cape and hood. I used some stiff paper to create a sort of ledge for the shoulder pieces. I might attempt my air dry clay later, but I've ordered a different kind in case this stuff doesn't work. It's a kid's clay that I have right now, so it will give me a feel for sculpting, even if it doesn't hold up well.

I also started some diamond painting of a sakura tree. I forgot how maddening diamond painting is. Takes forever and kills more time than I would like it to, but it's still a good distraction.

What else? Writing. Yes, I've managed to finish a second chapter of the Dreampunk Chronicles, so that's good. Poking away at UnHeard is also good. I have no idea what I wanted to do with one of my short stories. I think I confused myself when I initially wrote it, so I had to do a quick fact check, but I think I know what to do with it.

I'll probably release the three stories as one. One's very short, only about 10K words. The other is about 20-25. Not sure how long the last one will be, but it will be small enough that it won't break anyone's bank. Unfortunately, epic fantasy really drives up the price of prints, but I can at least keep the ebooks at a decent price. I'm thinking of calling it Before They Were Heroes, since each of them deals with characters I've done before the events took place in their series. One is pretty much romance erotica, while the other two are procedural in terms of fantasy. Either way, they still fit together, so I'll leave it at that.

But it's New Year's Eve and almost 2020, so I'm looking at a board game night with my sister and nephews and some good times. Better get things started (or at least get out the games). I'll see the rest of you on the other side of the ball dropping. Happy New Year!

On the Ball

It's kinda fun studying maps and images to try to put myself in a place I've never been. Once I plotted that out, it was then a blast just to explore it as a work of fiction to wander through. Conversations, plots, and making those images come to life. I like this internet adventure I've stumbled into!

So I wrote a few thousand words, divided up into the one I've been researching (France, in Through the Golden Doors), my short story collection based on the pasts of characters from my two series, and a little towards UnHeard and its rocky new paths I've attempted to lay out.

Epic fantasy can be a real bitch though, dealing with a roster of fully-realized characters in places you make up. Gotta keep all that straight so you can pants it all you want; at some point, you gotta pull up your pants and do some plotting! Of course, writing wouldn't be as much fun if you had to plot everything and just get it down. There's still flexibility in conversations and movement and character, so there's something to be admired in the many ways writers get their ideas accomplished.

I'd love to work on my doll projects, but it's kind of a crappy cloudy day and I tend to do better with writing and such on those meh days. Good lighting is important for painting on faces or adjusting fabric, so I'll definitely save that for a good day.

Maybe once I publish Through the Golden Doors, I'll take you to some of the real life places I visited in research, do some blogs on those places that inspired the dream worlds beyond them. I'm usually stuck on what I'm up to (and it's not exciting) but eventually, I would like to share more.

There's simply grudge and drudgery phases and those bright and shiny share phases where stuff gets finished.

I'll get there, but there's no point in rushing it. I'm already insanely ahead of where I could be. 11 rather sizeable books published in a couple years... Maybe it's a good thing I slowed down. I think some stories need time to ripen a bit too!

Might take a break from blogging until I have something to share though. But thanks to anyone that bears through my maybes and bare bones updates.

Another Modest Word Count

So today, I worked on the Dreampunk story again. In case, you're not sure of what I mean, it's the YA (young adult) fantasy novel featuring two girls, Miria and Vivienne, from Louisiana that discover they have the power to travel into pockets between our world and another, or the Real and Surreal, gathering artifacts and closing the rifts that are rather dangerous to other humans.

I've put a modest, maybe, 1000-1500 words in this morning, but I've made it a personal goal to just write towards my projects for at least a half hour a day. Not counting research, that is, so I actually spend at least an hour on the back and forth, since I've never actually been to the places where I'm setting up their journey in the real world. Traveling through the eyes of the internet so I may have to do quite a bit of changing in the editing process.

The working title of the Dreampunk Chronicles is actually Through the Golden Doors, which points to the start of their adventure. The scene I start with is based on a dream I had, where they are quite familiar with their gifts, so after that, I travel back to a time before they are acquainted with them and initiate the reader into their first awkward trip to the Surreal. The vocabulary is still advanced, but I think that at least Middle Grade readers would be able to field this one. I'm not filling it with gratuitous swearing or dark themes as I did in my first series, so it definitely won't be filed as Adult. I really wanted to write something my nephews could pick up without any embarrassment for the content. When I write for adults, I simply assume they understand sex and violence, whether they're comfortable with it or not.

So there's that, but since my goal is to both take care of my creative AND physical self, I'm also dedicating time to exercise and watching my diet. I gained back about 30 pounds this year that I'd like to melt away again. I simply felt better without it, so it's not totally a vanity play. Looking better does make one feel better though so let's not pretend it's not nicer to look better as well. If I had the discipline, I'd go for being muscular, because damn, can I build some impressive muscle, but it's also an obsession that too often distracts me from the creative. My journey's goals are about balance though, so we'll take smaller steps for the time being.

In any case, it's time for me to wander off to the next action. A little exercise, then I might hop back into writing. Or figuring out where in the hell I can actually put my new airbrush set. I didn't think this one through. I need a craft room... Can I get a few thousand bucks to build an extension on this house? No? Looks like I'll have to make do.

Don't mind my goofy ass. Just... do you too and we'll make it work. Peace, darlings!

Merry Christmas!

So it's been a good day, filled with board games and video games. At the moment, I'm researching Alsace, France for a book I'm working on. While actually traveling to these places would be the absolute best way to write about them, I'm going to attempt to simply write them through the eye of the internet. Maybe someday, I'll end up getting to write the screenplay and get sent on a wonderful tour to chase the facts in person. Sometimes, you write first and research later, so perhaps the first edition might need some corrections in the future anyway. It'll be a work of fiction ultimately, so if I can suspend disbelief, it's well enough.

I won't take up too much time here, since I've promised my nephews I'd be available when they want to play some of their new toys or games with me (also why I've stuck to research--much easier to break away from a research dalliance than a juicy scene). However, I'd like to take the time to wish you all Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year. If all goes well, I'll simply be too engaged in writing and other projects to really notice being absent elsewhere.

So enjoy your holidays and make the best of every day!

Christmas Eve Productivity

So I started the day with about 1200 words towards UnHeard. As I've said before, it's not really writer's block that is a problem. In this case, I'd been coming up with the ideas, but it's my rather sluggish laptop that frustrates me into not really wanting to work on it. I'll eventually get a nice writing laptop and leave this one to just drawing again. I did an intro scene between two of the main character's brothers, which I may or may not like later. Better to just get it down and let the editing decide later.

I've delved into that, but I'm hopping over to my Dreampunk YA story instead. I've been wanting to edit it, again, after becoming more familiar with it through my thought processes. It's my friend Antonio that got me thinking about the parallels between real world places and the other worlds the girls visit, so I'm more than happy to go back into it with the new ideas.

I don't know what order I care to finish them (what will be published next), but let's stick to enjoying the journey. I'm back, at least, for the time being and I plan on NOT planning and just letting the drive commence how it will. After having my friend Kristian ask if I'm writing, and the answer being no, I simply decided I hated the truth in that answer. So I *am* writing. Simple as that.

I plan on meeting up with one of my sisters for the first time after Christmas. It's complicated, but I'd like to attempt to make it less so. I'd like to meet the other as well, but I think it will be best to meet them one-on-one, not make them feel like they have to compete for attention and all that. It's a roller coaster either way, so I hope the ride is as smooth and thrilling as possible.

Ready to celebrate Christmas with commercialism tomorrow, spending a day eating great food and enjoying some new things with my nephews. Games, of the video and board persuasion both, and relaxation and, yes, even more writing or creating. Could be crafting or drawing. Who knows? I like this avant-garde decision process.

So onto the editing and continuation of Dreampunk for now. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all! Have a great rest of the year and a better year to come!

Daybreak

Started the day with vacuuming and wrapping gifts so I won't babble on about my pre-noon day. Not the rest is super exciting, but...

I did binge Season One of The Witcher and Henry Cavill makes for one hell of a yummy Geralt. I don't just mean that in the objectification sense; I really mean that aside from being a handsome devil, he also injected a succulent amount of that questionable Geralt charm and grey morality that the role needed. I really liked the actors picked until a lackluster Triss showed up in the 7th episode. A little put off that with the detail to eye and hair color that went into the others, they'd pass up a flaming red haired Triss. But it's a forgivable offense in a show that otherwise held my flighty attention span. The way they roll out the characters will even make it more friendly for first timers. The rest of us, gamers and readers, had a bit of whiplash from gathering the past lives and present connections spanning the series.

All in all, it makes me want to delve into writing my stories again. While I can't decide if UnHeard or  Through the Golden Doors or even Rock My World will get some attention (those three have been producing at least hints of a nudge over the months), I think I'll just open my laptop and take a shot until something sticks.

Finishing my day with some Kahlua and coffee. Because I'm backwards. But it's lulling me as I hoped. After some good rest, I'm hoping a day of writing is ahead. Christmas is sneaking up on us and I'm excited for that too.

Happy Holidays ahead to everyone! Keep your dreams on your sleeves!

Break Time

Oh, the possibilities for the next two weeks, without work, are endless.

Tips were super so first thing I did? Order an airbrush set! If you've followed my blog, you know I've been wanting one to do the matte clear layers on doll faces. Mostly. I totally intend to let my curiosity wild. But it won't be within the next couple weeks unfortunately since it'll take a month to get here. I shelled out for a good compressor though, not just the little ones you can get cheap. I've seen the Vallejo brand of matte varnish recommended so I shelled out for a little bottle of that too.

I'm also likely to work on the eye motifs for a small decorative blanket I crocheting... Pics to come once finished, of course.

I do have some wrapping to do still but that's mostly done. I do look forward to some family time for the holidays.

Dolls, writing, drawing-- so many possibilities. Why plan it all neatly when impulse is so much more satisfying? I did get my mischievous Minifee and Dreamland Karen, both white as the driven snow, as opposed to the usual natural peach tone my other dolls have. Yes, I love the darker skin tones but they're pretty pricey. Light and medium resins and plastics are easier to mix while a doll maker can hit inconsistencies in dark mixes if they don't know what they're doing. I consider myself a novice so there are certain prices I'm just not comfortable with paying... So I do without certain options for now. I bet I could learn to blush doll skin with the airbrush to get darker tones to look natural. Eventually. But with all on my plate, it's not a short term goal.

Onto a bout of sleep. Oh yeah, you didn't think I'd do without that luxury, did you?

Christmas Sprint

so, this morning was a quick stop at Dollar Tree and Walmart. Wrapping supplies I missed on the first trip, way more gift tags than I can use in a decade (they stuck together), a retirement gift for Margie (one of the waitresses I work with at Sports Page) and some Christmas shirts to wear to work and hopefully encourage customers to throw some some nice tips our way in the spirit of giving. Much needed after the slow business and small tips of the past week.

But hey, I do enjoy the customers and work so I don't grumble about bad tips to them or treat anyone differently for being cheap. It happens and often we do get generous tippers to balance it out. Most days anyway... Still not worth griping about. It's rare I find a job I actually like showing up to.

So with all that out of the way, it'll be some Christmas cleaning. We always do the big wrapping event on Christmas Eve, so there's that. Why wait for Spring to make the nest a comfy clean place? Same reason why New Year's Resolutions aren't something I peg change on. Sooner is always better than later. Circumstances are something we have to adjust to in life. Plans are great, but things come in the way and we can't let ourselves be defeated before we've given it the best chance to begin... again and again, if needed.

I always have plans to write or draw or craft, but what is done is a thing that often has to be in the moment and organic. Forcing things can work, but more often than not, there is a time I have to respect its pull. It can be graceful or a whip crack. It is what it is.

Back to the grinds, whatever they may be!

Magic Pill

There are few diagnoses that ever led to solutions for problems in my life. Bipolar Type II, sure, fibromyalgia, ouch, GERD, eh... The list went on with little relief, each one not really explaining where my energy and focus went and why treating them wasn't making them come back.

ADHD. Didn't really think that was it. I internalized unexplained anxiety, causing mood swings and lack of impulse control. I wasn't an outward exhibitor, largely because surviving in my environment meant a poker face and suppressive methods. Rather than becoming more socially adept, I was becoming increasingly frustrated with not being able to get it. Any of it.

However, I was willing to accept anything a doctor could tell me, get back on medications and be honest with myself. It wasn't until I started taking Vyvanse that I started really seeing myself. The body aches are less. The focus and energy to actually do things I love is back. I'm working on projects more often and having less anxiety about the unfinished things, just enjoying what I'm doing in the moment. With ADHD, there is a tendency to either have no focus or an intense stubborn focus on one thing. I'm both more flexible with having to put something down and less anxious about starting things.

I'm not going to say it's a miracle, but it's promising. A little stimulant is helping me wrangle my brain without the fear I'm becoming too numb or losing myself. It's helping me get back what matters most.

Vyvanse isn't for everyone. I've known some who do better with Adderall. What comforts me about Vyvanse is its lower addictive properties. If longer term side effects are negative, it's less damaging to withdraw from it.

I've been the frustrated Guinea pig in the past but my resolve to be honest about my problems, even when I'm confused, is making a big difference. Public knowledge of ADHD, autism and mental illness is making doctors more aware of what to ask confused patients. Because I'm very intelligent, ADHD was overlooked. Of course, ADHD was once attributed to hyperactive children who struggle with tests. Until markers like focus were examined (I aced tests but skirted around homework. Did class work well but never studied.), doctors were missing what made me awkward, sensitive and frustrated. Teachers were struggling to understand the extremities.

I talk about this because every story can help someone make a breakthrough. People CAN find a way to live their best life if they can learn to balance their chemistry. Now, I'll never be normal, sometimes inappropriate, always socially awkward, but when something can blow away the fog and pain that doesn't make sense, what is left is room for what I want.

I always wondered why Adderall didn't speed me up like it did my peers. But now it makes sense why it was just making me feel the normal that people talked about.

I hope Vyvanse is a lasting solution. I've had very little luck in the past, but a whole lot of hope. Maybe now I can start to do more normal things, like drive a car or go on a date. Okay, maybe just drive. I've never been that interested in dating.

Anyways, back to crochet for tonight. Quite a bit to do before Christmas!

Adding an edit here, something I don't often do. I am very optimistic but when it comes to drugs, I feel the need to be more responsible about my observations.

Mornings suck. When I wake up, I immediately take a handful of medicines to shake off the feeling of being 80 years old. Sour or cramping stomach, body aches everywhere, lethargy. I walk the boys to school feeling like I'm hiking up a bumpy mountain. It takes about half and hour to an hour for everything to make me feel normal and it's almost euphoric to get there. Keep in mind, that euphoria isn't somehow making normal people superhuman and happy. If you don't need drugs like Adderall or Vyvanse, you might feel more focused or hyper, but your risk of dependency and the downside of negative side effects more than someone who does. Because people who are using a drug they don't need are abusing it, and that comes with all the things addicts are often in denial of.

I don't mean to lecture my readers, but it's so important to understand the messages we hear about drugs. At the grocery store up the street from my house, a man was overdosing on heroin in the parking lot. We live in a world where people are chasing false highs at alarming rates and the denial is even greater.

So I hope you understand that my magic pill is simply helping me function on a normal adult level. I'm not free of problems and anxieties, I'm just in a place where my body stops giving me so many false signals. I'm experiencing benefits like impulse control, focus, energy, things people take for granted. I can't blame people for taking things for granted because everyone is struggling.... All the same, where I mostly function as a scared teenager, I've been able to come out of my shell a bit to do things the rest of the world does easily.

I feel incredibly lucky that I can work with doctors who care. Right now, that is largely due to being on poor people's insurance. I can't stress enough how much ALL Americans, even ones who can afford it, should not have to pay for basic or life saving medical needs. So I'm going to close with that. Medicare for ALL. Americans can't be our greatest if we aren't healthy!

To Edit or Read or Write

I finally got around to reading my friend Matt Roberts' new book, Lil Horror Stories for the Soul, and have a few things to point out. Story selection. He did a great job using the shortest less substantial stories first, followed by a few beefier entries before finishing with a well-researched fact/fiction novella. This particular strategy should be used by other multi-length authors; it did well to warm people up to his strengths of style.

I truly enjoyed editing the longest and final story for him, as a side note. Right now, I do editing purely for enjoyment, taking on betas I simply have a gut feeling I'll enjoy. Insofar, I've never been wrong.

So when will I write again? It's a good question but I can't say for certain. I've been getting tidbits of good ideas that I jot down for later, but there are three particular stories-- UnHeard, Piscine, and Through the Golden Doors that are warring for my idea space. Even my comic idea gets a poke here and there. I'm hoping I grab my laptop and become obsessed with one of those in particular. Not that I can't and haven't juggled stories, but each of these has vastly different needs that deserve my full attention.

Today, I went shopping, helped my nephew set up his Oculus Rift, crocheted and set up my Switch. Full day and one I'm not quite ready to put to bed. Soon, but not yet. All the same, I look forward to the work week at Sports Page, and to the coming Christmas break. I was able to buy some great gifts with my people in mind and can't quite wait to be able to give them to them. Namely because they're clogging my closet at the moment. My room is already a bitch for space...

So that's about where I am. Content and hoping there are more good things to come. Crazy world, but I'm doing all right with it so far.

Take care of yourselves too!