Why I List Myself as Self-Employed on Social Media

I guess I’m a typical millennial. Or Gen X’er. Or Xennial. Wherever they’re going to keep juggling my odd generation to, anyway. The longest job I’ve ever held was for 20 months. At 38, almost 39 now, I’ve had over 20 jobs. Pizza cook, bookseller, sandwich artist, retail service, floral manager, jewelry counter gal, and so on. Very social jobs that, for some reason, I was able to do, at least temporarily.

Because the list keeps growing, there’s really never a point in changing my social media accounts to fully reflect my employment wanderlust. I’ve been fired, I’ve quit both immediately and put in notices. Some of them I wouldn’t use as references simply because they cycle out the managers who knew me just as often as I make the rounds myself.

For all intents and purposes, my pride simply comes from completing hobby and design work and possibly selling them, sometimes just giving them as gifts. I’m not technically registered as self-employed and I certainly don’t make enough to call any of them careers. I work small part-time jobs mostly, enough to buy what I need and even save for things I just want. While it’s not technically self-employment in any traditional sense, my real livelihood in working comes from these much less lucrative pursuits.

I crochet and make t-shirts and customize dolls and design many things, all of them bringing me a true sense of productivity and pride. My ‘day jobs’ always pay for bills and things, but the fulfillment is very different from when I’m being challenged to really explore my talents and skills.

Of course, it doesn’t take away from the fact that ANY job I do is one I take pride in. I loved working as both a server and in carry out at Sports Page. In fact, I can say that being a florist and working with animals and animal parents at Petco were favorites of mine too, simply for the work. The management at Kroger and Petco, however, were largely the reason I refused to stick around.

Long story short, Kroger promised a promotion then changed the terms and harassed me when I couldn’t comply and Petco... fucking Tori, the warrior vegan, stiffed me out of vacation pay when I had to miss one day of work because of a flash snowstorm. Never mind that I covered every shift I was called in to do when I wasn’t scheduled... despite that, the work itself was satisfying and I would’ve stayed for that alone, but...

Yeah, I’m the typical millennial, I guess. Can’t keep a job. Absolutely won’t stick around when I’m being treated poorly by management, especially when the pay is mediocre or unreliable. So, for all intents and purposes, I just call myself self-employed. I make my way through life by employing myself in situations that don’t defeat my goals and potential for moments of happiness.

I don’t expect to be perfectly happy. However, I will employ myself according to what I hope to accomplish. Seniority in a job has never been worth the abuse to my soul and aspirations.

I do pretty damn well for myself, and I’m ever grateful to the people who make my lifestyle possible. It’s worthwhile to choose a job or career title that reflects my productivity and pride rather than change it up to reflect where I pay the most taxes.

Not a Bad Day Though

Looks like we’ve got a chance of rain for a couple days but Saturday and Sunday both are looking ripe for some outdoor photography sessions with my crafts. Mellow 70° weather instead of the hot as piss weather we’ve been having. Today? Actually not too bad. There’s a lot of breeziness so I went for a walk around 2 PM to enjoy it, get a little Vitamin D from the sun.

My BP has been hanging too high so some definite lifestyle changes are in progress. Starting off by drinking more water and ordered some supplements. Going for lipozene for appetite reduction, Goli for digestive and BP health, and a couple flavors of recovery drinks for after some intensive workouts. Those aren’t coming right away, but I figured water and diet are ones I can correct now. The worst part is that, with weight on, my fibromyalgia issues are a bit more frequent and pronounced so I do need to ease into any routine and increase activity slowly. When you’re already hurting everywhere, it can be difficult to discern pain as a warning sign from the typical nerve pain.

I haven’t been writing the past couple of days, but the muse is a pain in the ass as usual. Comes and goes at the drop of a hat. Today, I’m hoping my yarn and foam order shows up so I can get started on another cat couch. Of course, any excuse to use my new Clover Amour hooks!

But mail is turtling along as usual so it’s anyone’s guess when things will just show up. Even Informed Delivery has everything marked as unknown until about 2 days before it’s going to arrive. Sometimes I’m lucky it updates that early; sometimes it’s the same day. Again, mail impatience is real, with my stay at home mentality going on. I really just want to sit in the AC. I’m not a summer person. As my friend Joe says, I’m already fat, I don’t need to look sweaty too. Buncha pale ass piglets baking in the sun... okay, fat people aren’t pigs y’all, but I gotta have a sense of humor about it. Depression and low self confidence and being overly self conscious don’t get us the motivation to work out. We have to love our bodies WHILE we’re improving them, not after the goal is obtained. In fact, it’s very hard to appreciate a big change if you’re still convinced you haven’t done enough.

So even if the next couple days are relatively lazy ones, Saturday or Sunday I’m definitely planning to go sweat like a pig and contort for some picture taking. Hopefully, the weather cooperates. Cincinnati weather, well, trying to track it more than two days ahead isn’t always reliable. We get a bunch of freak fronts and changes last minute so it’s a tentative plan. Hoping it becomes the reality.

Dots Everywhere!

It simply wasn’t enough to have an Echo Dot for myself. So I had to get each of the boys their own too. Marcus had a blast playing DJ and asking Alexa ridiculous math questions, so I knew this would be a hit for them. They can control their Rokus with voice commands too.

Yay, spread the love!

It doesn’t stop there! My cats happen to love chewing on silvervine sticks (which are like a combo of crack and toothbrushes for cats) so I thought it was about time to introduce them to catnip today (which is just plain cat crack; that happens to be the brand name too). So fun will ensue once that order shows up too...

I did a template for the clay breastplate for Maxim this morning but I’m thinking tomorrow is a better day to cut the foam and start the clay work. I like to start clay early since the afternoons get hot. I’ll be working with air dry clay too, so I only have about a half hour window where it’s highly moldable before I just have to let it go and leave the rest to sanding.

Ah, I also have the clay hole punches coming. A cheap little set that I can use to get the right size holes in the clay. I want them to line up so I can tie or otherwise link the chest pieces together. It’s a new idea to try but should be fun to learn the results. I wonder if I could gently press some grommets in, for decoration, but I think I might try that on a sample mold so I don’t break or crack the actual piece. Not that I couldn’t glue and fix it, but I’d rather do some prep than damage control.

It’s still kinda early in the day so I may be motivated to do something. Another 87° day though so, even with the AC on, movement equals stiffness and sweat. Activities requiring bed sound pretty divine... I did stay up late and wake up early so I’m not exactly energized.

I guess that’s it. Gimme a cooler day for some photo taking and typing outside and I’ll be a happy girl. Otherwise, I’m just kinda winging it.

Material Things and Happiness

I’m a pretty simple girl.

Thanks for reading, bye!

Kidding, kidding... but I have a lot of things and not a lot of money, namely because I love things. I leave long trails of wish lists and unchecked shopping carts online because I play with the idea of having more things. Although, practically, I’m all thinged out. I have no more room for things. Now, eventually stuff gets made and those boxes of things dwindle down once I make those things and give them away. I also love giving things away so I’m not a hoarder either.

Truthfully, I mischievously love using the word ‘thing’ when a certain monotone English teacher in college expressed his dislike for the word. Thing a thing thing, thangy thang a thang thing...

I have expensive things, but I’m a saver and a bargain shopper so I set my mind on something and, whether it takes weeks or months, I save for those things. Some of those things... are admittedly not that exciting to get. Some are mildly exciting because they’re a piece of something bigger. Buttons, appliqués, fabric, yarn—sometimes they have to accumulate until they can be used together. And then because of bulk buys being cheaper or the only option, I often have them floating around until I find them a future project to apply them to. And I also gratefully give some away to crafter friends who need them too. Take one or two? Absolutely not! Take 50 and share my dilemma of what else to use them on!

Material things do make me happy. They’re a pleasant distraction and a piece of my creative motivations. Upgrading to digital drawing—yes, please!—but then I’ll buy a ton of paper sketchbooks and pens because I’m not done with traditional yet. I love to master nothing, to just continually explore what I’m capable of. I also love mindless distractions like repetitive sim games and solitary card games. I don’t go looking for people or experiences to fill my life or I’d save for that. I’m not too broke to do that; I just don’t because it pleases me to build my knick knack sanctuary in the comfort of home.

I’m kind of a social mess, in that I can be both entertaining and intimidating. You either can’t get me to talk much or you can’t shut me up. I exhaust myself far more than the social situation or people actually do. Even alone, I’m constantly humming, whistling, singing and talking to myself so I don’t suffer from lack of using my voice. I also prefer writing and reading long messages to having long conversations.

So, naturally, I can’t stand the idea that money can’t buy happiness. Sure, it’s not the only ingredient but it sure as hell helps. I’m happier when I have even a little job to help accumulate and cycle things into the universe. I don’t pine for perfect love or long to see places in pictures. Would I drink in the moments should those things happen? Absolutely! But the only time I feel life is lacking is if I’m not daydreaming the next costly project into reality.

I suppose I’m not THAT simple. For everything I don’t need or want that is commonly wanted or needed, there is something else that does fulfill me. 

And I don’t want anyone to think I aim for a perfectly happy life. No, I never want to lose my edge. Even the pain of anxiety and depression, for how scary it can be, have their place in my growth. Medication? Helps. Healthier habits? Help. Not so healthy vices? Yup, those help too. I’ve always maintained that life works through a balance of bad and good and grey and money is all of those things.

I don’t need a lot of it. I’m pretty broke compared to most adults. Now would I like a larger house—well, yeah. I can put more stuff in it. I could have a doll room, a craft room, a monster luxurious bathroom, room for my family.

But not too big of a house... if it takes more than a minute to reach a destination, too damn big. I’d need water coolers or snack machines along the way for some of those ridiculous luxury houses. 

No, I’m pretty damn happy with the way things are now, but not in a too-content-to-function or bored with it all kind of way. But is there room for more in my life?

Well, not currently but I keep growing into new plans and hopes, so it could happen.

In the meantime, cycling and recycling stuff is the name of the game. Feasible, pleasurable, workable. And I hope I can say that there is always room for improvement. At the same time, to be content with my things and more things works too.

I’m shaking my head right now because all this writing could be towards my book, but I blogged out of casual boredom instead. Annnnd likely bored my reader? Soooooorryyyyy...

Love yoooou...

Bomb Ass Day

I’m double-posting today, but, hey, why not?

So my dad fired up the new grill my sis and I got him for his birthday and we had steak, scallops, potato salad and beans. I’d totally forgotten this was Memorial Day weekend so the fireworks here and there didn’t make much sense at first.

I’m still not a fan of fireworks. Can’t help it. It’s the everything. The sound, the flickering, the smell, bleh. But I try not to let it get to me. No point in letting my anxiety ruin a great day.

My cats slept through all of it. Still sleeping as I write this. The only way I could get them up earlier was to make Alexa play cat sounds. They really either want to shut the cats up or find and rescue them, but since that would look about the same in cat body language, it’s anyone’s guess. Cats are assholes sometimes and sweet other times.

I guess tomorrow will be me setting up the Echo Dots I also got for the boys. Couldn’t resist since they’re on sale and I’m not the only one who could use an amusement. Plus, I can send them reminders rather than run all over the house looking for them. Laziness just happens sometimes.

Depending on how motivated I am tomorrow, I may start patterning my boy doll’s armor. I’ll try to remember to take pics for a tutorial post later. Or, rather, a discovery post because I’m just winging it and seeing how it goes.

As my friend Matt asked, if ‘is not’= isn’t, then why not ‘if not’=ifn’t.

Whyn’t, indeed!

I Need a Photo Shoot Kinda Day

It's hot... and sporadically rainy... so not the kind of day I'd like to take dolls and crochet projects outside for a photoshoot. Although, I've desperately wanted to do so for the past week. I'm really just going to have to catch the weather on a lucky day.

The outside gardens are looking beautiful since that's been my dad's pet project over the past couple of months. The grass has been a little oversaturated too, but I could use chairs and tarps for some shots. I really just want to get some natural light photos on some pattern photos I'd like to sell.

Namely, the hat I made for my friend Emily based on the anime, Dramatical Murder, of the Noiz character and a neck rest pillow that resembles an xbox controller. I've done quite a few custom hats but since I did them entirely freeform, I haven't bothered to write patterns for them, but I'd still like some more good shots of those.

The dolls are overdue for any outside pictures. I have quite a few for the fashion doll size dolls, but only some poorly lit indoor shots of my larger dolls. Of course, since Maxim and Endramena are still under construction, I won't be taking any of them, but I have at least 5 larger dolls I could work with.

I'm no amazing photographer but I know my way around manual settings and I do have a decent camera, that isn't my tablet (which admittedly is also my lazy goto for indoor shots). So I'm hoping to grab my tripod, camera and extra batteries and have a literal field day sometime this week.

Right now, I'm addicted to the Song Quiz game on my Echo Dot. Have one and aren't hip to the game yet? Just tell Alexa to 'open Song Quiz' and get similarly addicted. I rock on 90s and 2000s music but I'll give the other decades a whirl later too!

For now, I'm enjoying a little laziness on this 80+ degree Fahrenheit day. The AC is pumping out cool air, I've got my cats being lazy with me, and I'm drinking some caramel syrup laced coffee. Divine...

As usual, I hope you're enjoying your days too!

Grill Confusion

My dad is absolutely the hardest person to buy a gift for. No, he isn’t. Yes, he is.

So he just threw away a grill. I thought that meant he needed a new one. So he wasn’t unhappy that I got him one. Yes, he was. No, he wasn’t.

But he is happy. Now that he’s put it together, he loves it and we’re going to grill out tomorrow, if it doesn’t rain. But the weather is a lot like dad. It’s supposed to rain. No, it isn’t! Yes it is...

Either way, we’re all in a home improvement phase during this pandemic because, really, what else is there to do? I bought myself a new iPad mini, mainly because my old tablets were too old to even download the Alexa app... that I needed for the Echo Dot I already bought.

But I swear, those are the big expenses for me right now. I’m thoroughly enjoying just telling the Echo Dot to play all the songs on my free month of Amazon Music Unlimited. Holy hell, why did I wait to upgrade my tech? Oh, that’s right; because the pandemic put me out of work for the past two months and I couldn’t save for anything.

Luckily, I finally have the pandemic unemployment assistance making home stay a lot less irritating. I’m even writing and drawing and crafting more.

Which reminds me, my cat Seven keeps sitting on the couch I made for my dolls so I ordered some yarn and foam to make her one too. Bet that she still keeps trying to sit with my dolls.

Want a picture? Yup, I got a few!

Also, enjoy this bonus picture of Seven climbing onto the door near that shelf.

Well, she sits with them but ultimately, I think her goal is to get onto my door now... Either way, it fills me with the warm fuzzies, these adorable little assholes of mine... Seven, I trust her when she’s climbing but her sister She-Ra? Not so much. She-Ra is my little klutz.

All in all, it’s been a good week. I still have to work on the cover art and finish up the scenes for Part II of UnHeard, but at the very least, I’ve been working on them.

And now I can ask Alexa for definitions on words I’m half sure I’m using correctly. Which happens when writing. It’ll sound right but the brain can go to mush. Squishy, gooshy brain matter that it is...

Onto my day! I’ve finished up coffee (hey, I woke up after noon today so I’m behind!) and ready to do some things.

Even if it’s largely playing DJ with my Echo Dot. Did I say one free month of Amazon Music Unlimited? Because it’s on, my friends!

Peace out and stay busy!

Work It, Girl!

Who doesn't love words of encouragement?

So today, I worked on my male doll's bodysuit. Took a couple of tries to take it in about where I want it, but the belt ought to solve his little ghetto booty issues, where it sticks out a bit between the shoulder blades and booty at the small of the back. I've got the zipper on and started the sleeves, but I'll finish those up tomorrow. I sit like a mountain troll when I'm hand sewing so my back could use a break. After I've got the sleeves on and he's all fitted, I'll glue some nifty appliqués to the upper thigh and put his boots on. Then it will be a matter of doing the armor pieces and embellishments to get the outfit finished up. Easier said than done. It'll take some time. 

Aside from that, I did some writing today, but I'm still a couple of scenes shy of finishing Part II, if only because they are large definitive scenes. A lot to tie up before I clear the way for the plots of Part III.

I haven't yet worked on the cover art this week, but I'm hoping to get to that tomorrow and Friday, if not through the weekend. My dad's birthday is coming up so I have a few surprises for him coming in the mail, so I'll be on edge, waiting for those to arrive, trying to work on things, but likely jumping up every time I hear anything resembling a truck outside.

lol My dad doesn't read my blog, so I can spoil it here: I got him a new barbecue grill with a smoker. My sister also bought some grilling tools and smoker accessories; rubs, different kinds of wood, etc. that will leave him with everything he needs but the meats/veggies. He retires on his birthday too, so we wanted to set him up nicely for this one!

Well, I'm all caught up on my work for today, so I promised my nephews I'd play video games with them. I'll catch you later with more updates and, hopefully, some pics of the finished bodysuit.

See ya!

Arrival of a New Doll!

I started off today right by writing a couple thousand words towards my book when I heard a knock at the door... And realized my Soom Idealian Hyperon, soon to be Maxim, had come in the mail today! Two days earlier than expected.

So naturally I was, and am, pretty hyped up and ready to do some measuring, patterning, and clothes making tomorrow. But I'll share a few quick snaps with you now!

Plans for the Week

My apologies if you follow my social media and this is a repeat for you, but I do have some plans for the week as far as writing and drawing go.

I'll be working on doing the cover, which is here so far:

And I have organized three scenes to conclude Part 2 of 3 for UnHeard.

The character in the pic is Endramena, who's taken on quite a few looks over time. Including this one:

And doll version! But as you can see, the seafoam eyes and red lips are a constant at least.

I hope my formatting isn't absolutely atrocious here, but I'm not in a mood to fiddle with it either, so it stays.

In any case, I'm delighted to be working on so much at once, thanks to the magic of medicine boosting my muse-itude.

And uh-oh, I'm starting to have a favorite character, which I think is a real no-no. Now, I'm not favoring them to the point that they are invincible, because, sorry, they do die, but I'm finding their story is becoming apparently the most interesting to follow...

 

Which I suppose isn't the worst thing in the world. But I do try to avoid favoritism like the plague because it tends to make the other characters start to pale too much by comparison. I want all of them to be compelling and interesting, at least far enough you'll want to read about them, but I don't like to play favorites until... AFTER... I publish. Then I like to become a fangirl of my own work.

Although, truth be told, I don't like rereading my old work after publishing at all. To me, there has been a sort of finality to all the rounds of editing and drafting that I don't like to go back and second guess. Too often, writers reading their older work will find everything wrong with it and even kill the sense of nostalgia.

It's like the Mario Brothers Super Show or Dark Crystal. I never should've tried to rewatch them. I totally murdered the magic of memory when I did that. I worked with my books well enough that I can remember them when I talk about them, but I'd rather not have to reference them beyond the need for writing sequels. Even then, I usually keep extensive notes so I don't have to.

I neither want my work to be too precious nor become toxic with overpicking. I love them or I never would've bothered putting in the time to write them. Good enough. Case closed. If I want to revisit, I'll daydream or draw them.

So that's that. I did a 3K word sprint today, so I'm good. It's a bit of an uncomfortably hot day where the computer even feels like it's contributing to the discomfort. I'm holding off on running the AC though. It's really not THAT hot yet.

Anyways, stay in touch. Do or don't wear masks. No one knows what the hell is going on anyway...

There's Magic in Them Thar Pills...

So I finally got my scrip filled today and it had me writing THOUSANDS of words toward UnHeard, rather than the usual trickle of hundreds. Ah, the magic of my focus pills.

As I've said before, I was always told 'there is no magic pill' and 'they' couldn't have been more wrong. A pill that can give me energy and focus, as far as I'm concerned, IS a magic pill.

No, it doesn't help with the moods, depression or anxiety that crop up here and there, but it certainly takes the edge off of those even. And since it only last 12 hours, it doesn't interfere with my sleep either. So, yes. Magic. Poof!

In any case, it was also a lovely day to spray nematodes in the yard. I started doing this last spring when my cats got fleas and no amount of bathing or treating them was making the damn things leave them alone. So I opted instead for biological warfare and it works magnificently! I just load about 5 million nematodes in a hose sprayer, aim at the gardens near the house and let them get to work. No insect corpses or anything like that, since they're microscopic and turn the insects into dust. Spiffy. As. All. Hell.

I also walked to the store. Without a mask on. I know, I know, but I rarely leave the house so I don't need to protect anyone against the hermit who doesn't sneeze or cough around people. I only went to get my prescription and some cigarettes then head back home. I wasn't there all touching up on things or anything.

I get the mask things, but I think, unless you can't breathe in the damn things, they don't do one bit of good. It seems like it's more of a public security blanket than at all effective. And if you can't breathe in the damn things, you're probably making yourself dizzy as hell with a huge dose of CO2, so... enjoy the dead brain cells? I get why people tend to need to be super cautious, but I think limiting your outside visits and being hygienic are about the best protection you're going to get from this thing.

One thing I'm nervous about is going back to work. The restaurant is supposedly opening June 1st, most restaurants are opening May 21st. So they're already being cautious about when we go back. Moving tables and all that fun stuff. But the whole wearing masks and gloves thing is kinda freaking me out. I'd actually love to 'stay-at-home', as frustrating as that can be, until they actually develop a vaccine.

I get this too; the economy will need some boosting. The government has actively been wasting our tax money for decades now, so really, it's about time it started going directly back to the people. We need to be receiving and spending money, not exactly having to return to our jobs, so Karens everywhere won't freak out about their hair and dine-in meals. I'm rather warming to feeling like a real artist, being able to stay in and write and draw and design at leisure. I do miss the social aspect of working outside the home to be sure, but I also missed choosing my schedule, knowing no matter how bad I felt, unless I was puking, I needed to show up for that paycheck. Capitalism means reducing yourself as a productive person, since the bulk of the rewards are still going into lavish corporate spending and hoarding rather than the flow of production and ease of lifestyle that everyone who is busting their ass (or can't) has earned. 

Of course, I think there's a productive place for the disabled and elderly that we haven't been 'capitalizing' upon, and mainly because we treat everyone who doesn't function conventionally as useless. But nothing could be further from the truth. If this pandemic has taught us anything, it's that people can and will be productive if they are given the pride and conviction to make it through life. We've needed a new normal and now is a great time to explore that.

Well, it is still a fine day, as I write this, and I don't want to spend it blogging a book-length piece, so I'll skedaddle. Much to write, to draw, to design, to craft and I can't wait to share them when the time comes. 

Love, peace and chicken grease!

Playing Catch Up

Eh, I'll try to keep this short but I'm a weeee bit wine drunk tonight...

I've been poking at UnHeard, drawing for Totem, and still playing a bevy of video games. Not much new there.

But quarantine is growing on me rather slowly. I feel like life doesnt always have to be about doing things. Sometimes it's just about being.

Dear gawd, don't quote me on that. I don't want my famous words to be a half-assed drunk rant. Then again, doesn't that sumnup Hemingway's career?

That and fighting bears...

Heyyyy, I had a post about that once! Flashback!

Anyways, it's a trickle. A little shading here, a little 500 word stint there, but, yes, things are coming along. And every day, I'm checking AliExpress some 59 fucking times to see if there are any updates for my orders...

Love youuuu, Ali!

In any case, I'm definitely warming up to this. Any moment and I'll be flying off into my fantasy work again. Wheeeee! Stay tuned!