Good Days in the Land of Thousand Gods

A little run-through on my day, but I got up with small goals and no set numbers. I threw together a short scene in UnSung, maybe no more than 1K words. Good. Started a marketing image for the completed trilogy I released last week. Also good (and noting that I should attempt to do this as a pre-release ad in the future). Organized computer files a bit better...

I know I'm about to get into another involved week of tackling the next two covers in my queue. I had been hyper-focused on doing the one, but I find I missed juggling between two visual projects. Like writing, I always have one thing marked as priority, but I'll keep a couple of manuscripts on the side when I feel as if my muse needs a change of pace. I might have mentioned a time or two before that juggling, while making everything take longer as it competes for attention, actually makes me far more productive, provided I go in with the intention to make something of it. It doesn't have to be a grand finish, but I like to derive at least one clear purpose then be pleasantly surprised should it yield more benefits. I have some stories that may never reach resolution, but there's a good chance I've dropped a scene in there that will actually be fully realized in something I publish later.

In fact, I've become aware that there are some themes that I revive time and again. Nothing wrong with that since many successful writers (in any definition of success) often revisit a theme that they feel has even more potential in a completely different setting. Even in that case, writers are capable of doing this without stumbling on the same exact concepts. 

In my case, I find myself intrigued by the concept of Gods. Not in any real-life religious sense and I rarely ever dip into active theologies, preferring to dabble in mythologies. Not because it's 'safe' (since there are plenty of trolls out there ready to call someone a cultural bigot for taking liberties in fiction), but rather because it's a gold mine. There is something romantic, poetic even, about these beliefs that had once been the cornerstone of human morality simply shed over the course of history. Muses themselves are a byproduct of these fanciful ideas with no clear answer. If gods existed, they were understood to be flawed and not omnipotent, immortal at best, hard to kill at least; yet another system these people used to comfort themselves against the unknown and unjust. And just as often used it to enforce their ideas or explain the tyranny. Beliefs are inherently a survival tool and even atheists will admit that belief is necessary. If only to balance the ego, it's good practice to consider there are forces higher than 'human'. Not that they are organized or perfect or even sentient, just that we don't know everything and doubt is healthy.

It's a very vast and intriguing topic for me. For me, religion and belief have been a gauntlet. I hadn't known 'religion' was a thing until partway through elementary school when my best friend at the time asked me what religion I was. Having no answer, I asked my dad what religion 'we' were. He was understandably confused. I knew what God and Jesus were, but I had never heard the term Christianity. Even when my family would speak of God, it was mentioned in terms of belief rather than order and practice. My dad told me 'Protestant' which made just as much sense to me as my question did for him. I had started going to church with that friend and while I enjoyed the kind atmosphere, there was something always off about how much of a punishment it seemed to turn my brain off to sit through a sermon. 

I'd like to add here that this is no way is meant to insult people who find church meditative but, for me, I found 'God' through the crafts and cookies rather than the weird smelly tomes stacked behind the pews.

I've read the Christian Bible, mind you. Many times, even. Okay, I definitely skipped over Numbers after the first painful attempt. From the time my friend first introduced me to religion, I had battled with what belief meant to me well into my teens before I allowed myself to doubt. It was not a time for friendly faces anymore. If you've ever seen the movie The Devil's Advocate, you'd remember how the main character's wife was rubbing elbows with the wives of her husband's coworkers and she say their faces contort into demons. Rather than my Christian friends becoming demons in reality, it left me with the same sick vibe when I was admonished for asking questions riddled with doubt.

Needless to say that while I backed out of Christianity, even then I wasn't quite ready to feel the abandonment of belief altogether. I gathered library books on every religion in practice and while all of them had incredibly enlightening points, there was always something of a blind spot to the ritual of practice and discipline that I couldn't get behind. It wasn't an easy path to a state of non-belief and I have never faulted people for their beliefs or felt the need to tell them they are wrong (nor do I feel certain I am right for that matter). Even now, some of my best friends are Christians, some even devout Catholics. They are confident and secure people who don't judge me poorly or condemn me to hellfire. We don't discuss religion. On occasion when one of their kids asks about my beliefs, I feel it is my responsibility to honestly state I have no theological beliefs, I am not spiritually focused, but I do respect those who choose to practice peacefully. If people choose to indoctrinate their kids, it is not my business. It is no different than the many other ways that children emulate their parents.

Essentially, we can all relate more than we realize. We all have different ideas of church or dedication or morality, but look at how many of those terms are very similar in nature. Some people will offer prayers, good vibes, hopes, the better side of karma (which, while touted as lazy, is sometimes truly all we can do despite the way the internet has made a stink of it). In fact, I feel like religion and mythology have a big-picture sort of unity. It can be abused or useful as so many other things humans lay hands on. We might mince words or balk at the unfamiliar but we're all here wondering why we're here. Is there a purpose? Perhaps, but I've come to terms that there may not be, so I'd just as well craft the best life I can and explore it through my own 'church'.

Not looking to start any religious debates. I am also not the ambassador of all things atheism. It's not a belief system and some of us can't rightly stand the arrogance of the more extreme voices either. While I do remind people that I am aware I am voicing opinions, I do not set out to vilify anyone. I do have the bias of my own experience and reasons that are perfectly valid and anything but ignorant.

Really though, isn't mythology some of the most colorful creation of humankind's search for answers? Roman, Greek and Norse mythologies are fairly well-known but Irish was a deeper rabbit hole than I expected. They did not just ascribe sentience to gods ruling over human emotion or domain but they gave life to the rivers themselves. If you ever get a chance, start with the Fomoire and the Danae and look forward to my second trilogy being inspired by it. I may have some creative takes that you'll find interesting.

On that note, I could use some serious sleep. Even these micro goal days can wear a chick out.

Keep writing! Your audience is out there.

Nostalgia and Mood Swings

I like a post title that sums up every major plot development in my life. And those, if only because 'uneventful and frustrating' is a lamer choice.

Whether it's actually SAD (that thing a lot of people 'get' over the winter where you're just bleh for no obvious reason) or just old wounds or even fairly new ones, it's hard to say. I just made it through my mom's birthday, the first one since she passed away on her birthday last year. I suppose some people get extra sad on these morbid milestones but, like holidays, a day by itself means absolutely nothing to my moods. I miss her. A lot. Mostly on weekends when the habitual part of my brain that still connects weekends with visiting her has to get smacked down.

Depression has been... an odd part of my life since sometime in my early childhood. I say 'sometime' because memories have no real method or reason for me. When my parents split up, I didn't feel anything. Obviously, my dad was a mess and I could see how traumatizing it was for him, but there was nothing there. Don't get me wrong-- I was a hyper-emotional child, but for some reason I'll never get, it just didn't take. At least not until my own mind stopped making sense to me. I'm not going into early childhood trauma here, but it seemed a lot of ugly things were suddenly noticed and the backlash was the first word of this paragraph. Sorry; lightweight research time.

Again, don't know if you can attribute it to puberty or not, but I became pretty volatile. Up until my mid to late twenties, I was misdiagnosed, overmedicated and getting worse. Up until I stayed in a psych ward, if only because I needed to be separated from my current life to figure out what the hell was triggering me. I had no actual clue, just that it hurt here and here and nothing was working...

I got one of those Quora emails that I sometimes poke at when I need to make myself go to sleep. It amazes me the personal crap people will unload on there with the promise of anonymity. However, one comment links back to my lifelong battle with depression.

The question had been along the lines of what is actually a bad tip for someone with severe depression. The answer? This person took umbrage with the usual advice to 'Keep doing what you enjoy', claiming it was harmful.

Let me tell you why it isn't bad advice. The one thing that has kept me from drug addiction, more trips to the emergency room and hospital stays is this: I kept doing what I 'enjoyed' even though I initially thought it was bullshit advice myself. Supposedly, it is harmful because you will feel like a failure if you can't enjoy it. I can almost guarantee there is not a single fucking thing you can do when you're severely depressed that doesn't feel like cataclysmic failure though. Did I enjoy doing it? Nope. But I also avoided the guilt of doing nothing. There is nothing that keeps me locked in depression like that guilt, that I haven't even tried. In fact, much about my hobbies and things I enjoy involves failure to progress. If something, including depression, is making my work or hobbies suck, then it doesn't suck more simply because it's precious. In fact, I may actually amaze myself by how much I don't suck and it will pull me in the right direction.

I can kind of understand why you might want to avoid things you enjoyed prior to everything sucking, but those things are also the path of least resistance. You have some skill or knowledge that has stood the test of time there. Do you really want to try new things when you're there? Maybe, but I'd say that's another 'tread carefully' suggestion. I wouldn't try rock-climbing for the first time when depressed and mainly because I never feel completely in command of my body when I'm at a mental low and I wouldn't trust the adrenaline to kick in nor the temptation to jump to be avoided.

Menial tasks are probably a safer bet if you're not a hobby/work sort. Hey, maybe you're outright boring, but that's not a crime. Productivity is really the key to slogging through depression. Wash dishes, dust shelves that have already been dusted, vacuum and possibly while listening to music that you enjoy. I know it's crazy but this works too. I used to be a very messy person, but I conditioned myself to clean while listening to music, a sort of Pavlovian reward system. Hear the music, start to clean. And that's just it. What gets me through episode after frustrating episode over the years is conditioning myself to live with the consequences of those down times. In the same way that it sucks to come home from vacation to a messy house, it's hard as hell to rise up out of depression to a messy life.

So do the things you enjoy even when every part of you swears you won't enjoy them. You may have noticed, I'm insanely productive. I have also been simultaneously depressed and I know how dangerous it is. Just because the method works for me, it doesn't ever mean I'm safe from the absolute stupidity of my shitty subconscious. So take my 'bad advice'. Thing is, you have to poke the bear from different angles every time. Sometimes doing what I enjoyed does nothing. Sometimes I have to veg out on bad food, bad movies and poke at a tablet (this set in extreme moderation-- if it doesn't gratify instantly, I abort ship). Again, what keeps me functional seems to be my willingness to get that I will never quite understand the nature of the beast, but I'm still willing to go to battle.

I don't want to end on a grey area here. Grey areas are usually my favorite areas since extremes are not. However, I would like to say I have been productive. Maybe too much. Sleep hasn't been coming easily, but I've released three books that were held up in my queue and, well, if you've seen my updates, you know that cover art and drawing has made a comeback.

Just wanted my readers to know this-- find comfort in some of the crazy. When I stopped seeing every difference in myself as an anomaly, I was able to embrace my plans and ideas and find the courage to share them. Success for me is in small victories. The idea of a huge fanbase or aggressive marketing actually scares the shit out of me. Sure, financial success is yay, but I still want to grow into this role naturally. More than anything, I want people to see my versatility-- in writing, in drawing, in the genres I play with. I'm not a one-trick pony and I want to try a lot of things as an artist. Oh, and finish what I start. That is still rather new to me, but somehow I'm doing it. Wonder of wonders...

Anyways, keep writing. Before I ever entertained having the status of an author, it was always a great comfort.

Big, Scary Update Time!

Okay, it's not going to be THAT big, at least in term of word real estate, but it's big in the exciting sense...

I kicked my ass into gear this week and have three books pending release for next week. Yep, you heard me: three. UnNamed leads the pack, followed by the third book of the Heroes trilogy and a compilation of all three books (minus any illustrations) as well. You've seen the UnNamed cover most likely, but check out the work I put into the other two. You won't be disappointed...

In any case, I have decided to take advantage of KDP Select for any ebook versions, which will lock me into using them as my only vendor for the next three months. If you didn't know, KDP Select allows me to get better listings and I get a small royalty bonus for pages read by Kindle Unlimited users. So if you want to throw a handful of change at me and use your Kindle Unlimited for the powers of good, make sure you scan through my books.

So, that leaves me with two more covers to create, one for the short story and one for UnNamed's sequel UnSung. Yeah, UnSung isn't even near done, but I'd love to have a beautiful cover to motivate me to get going with that.

So hop on over to Amazon and within the next week, you'll see some new listings. All ebooks will be set at $3.99. Unfortunately, PoD print copies are a bit pricier so I couldn't go lower than $20-25 on those. I'm thinking of looking into mass market paperback options to see if I can find some more affordable PoDs. The trade paperbacks are big and gorgeous, but it's just not practical for a relatively new author.

Thanks everyone and keep writing!

A Rare Gem: Short but Sweet

I've got to get a bit busy for the rest of the week, so I may go quiet the next few days. I'll have some exciting news coming up for next week.

Quick update: cover art is going to swallow some of the time this week and I'm finishing up my submission for the fantasy author anthology for October release. Once I knock these out, I'm moving on to drafting UnSung again.

Just so you know, UnSung is a bit of a mammoth. I don't mean that it's a tome so much as it's complex to write. I have Part I and II mapped fairly well, but I have no clue how I'm going to close it. With the style I've chosen, how I map it will actually depend on the first two parts to wrap it up. Each part will almost be its own book, taking very different pacing and moods along the way. I can tell by how much I both struggle with it and loathe it that it's actually something special because of it. I know that doesn't make perfect sense, but if you've ever created something in total frustration then really surprised yourself that something came out of the chaos, you can relate. If you've failed enough times, you start to recognize that making breakthroughs is oddly similar in its wake.

Whyyyyyy did I make it so complicated? Well, because no guts, no glory, no grit, no story...

So I'm off, but expect to hear good things on my return...

Social Media Links

Just a quick post to give everyone my available links. Some, like Instagram and Twitter, aren't used very often, but that may change in the future. I simply enjoy frequenting FB or writing blogs over most others when I have the time.

The UnConventional Author (this blog) - kristagossett.blogspot.com
FaceBook Page - Krista Lynn Gossett
Patreon - www.patreon.com/kitacraft
Twitter - CrimsonMoonGirl
Instagram- CraftyKita

Also have an account on GoodReads, but that site doesn't get much traffic these days so I don't check it much. I'm on Linked In but again, not a lot of traffic. There might be others floating around that aren't in use.

There's an author website, but I honestly don't do much with that either. I might pick some of these up if interest makes it worthwhile. For now, it's time I don't have that I'd rather spend on the work.

Thanks!

Busy B

It certainly took Kindle Scout long enough to review, just to get back a rejection. I've seen some Hot and Trending books tanking on there so there's no telling what their criteria there is. Honestly, I'm so sick of identity politics deciding trends these days that I'm more than happy to continue self-publishing. 

So I'm putting UnNamed to the paces to prepare it for a release this week. Have not yet decided on pricing, but I'm thinking $3.99 for the ebook, but print will be determined by print cost. Once that goes through, please look for Book 3 completing the Truth about Heroes trilogy by the end of February. I'm working on painting the cover this week then I'll set that up. I'm hoping to shove all three into a text-only omnibus as well.

Believe me, this is no Cloud Nine experience. It's fraught with highs and lows like any other. As frustrating as that can be. I've only been doing this since August. Barely over half a year since I put myself out there. I don't market much and a good deal of groups don't let you unless you're in on the circle jerk. Which I'm not. I'm just not into manipulation when all I want to do is find an honest audience. I'm probably a little too 'pure' for quick results.

This is also part of the reason why I'm aching to do a web comic. I get a lot of positive feedback for my drawn stories. I can't churn out ideas with the same satisfying speed as writing alone when I'm drawing, but I do get a lot of positive feedback for my style and wit.

And let's face it-- I'm not one of those group hug types. I don't spend gobs of time stalking other writers and artists because I'm crunching to do the actual work. Oh, and I'm just not the fangirl type. I don't get starstruck, I don't rub elbows and squee. I might collaborate, but I'm a bit of a slave-driver when it comes to work. I'm sure that works for some people, but I'm just not a girlie-huggie kind of person. Yes, I probably do have a feminine voice as a writer and I write about things that I like, which as a woman are probably things other women will like. But I'm just not a we-womens-gotta-stick-together ride-or-die-girlfriend type either. Hyphens mean serious business, I'm telling you.

I will never ever claim to be an expert and I'm not looking to convince you I'm an expert. In fact, as much as I've read, the more I find Ernest Hemingway's simple quote to be true: "We are ALL apprentices in a craft that no one ever masters." Sure, we all want to make a mark, be quoted, have fans-- I would never deny that. However, if that means being safe or trendy, forget about it. I'll take a little niche market where all I can ever afford is making my fish eat as long as I can tell my stories.

You've seen plenty of my writing in public forums by now. I hope that if you haven't checked out my writing, you do so. Keep in mind, I know there's a lot of cringe in the introduction of my first series' book. I had always debated about rewriting it, but the more I read it and cringed, the more I realized that the awkward charm was fitting for the very awkward start of an adventure. I didn't want these characters to be eloquent and bad ass right out of the gate. It may or may not have been a good decision, but I committed to it because there are other stories to write and sometimes you just have to let your babies grow up. I feel like as the series matured, it began to show off the years I put into it. My characters were maturing with me (or dying off or 'retiring').

For that reason, UnNamed is a testament to how I matured as a writer. I think one of the best things about the advent of self-publishing is that we can let people see our work and learn how to market and value our own work. We can aim to please or aim to challenge and there are no literary snobs that have the power to shut us down. We get to grow in the public eye, not just when someone deigns to look down their nose at us. And it's a beautiful thing, somewhat quaint and ancient, like times when all you needed was a bound book and quill, copying each word by candlelight to immortalize your words. Now, anyone who puts in the time and passion can put a piece of themselves to market.

Woe betide the reader who now has to weed through the garden with all this burden of choice and no guarantees! So like the days when I picked up a book with no words on its cover, no idea what I was about to read and took a chance. Some of the touted classics bored me to tears but I've found joy in the 'trash' that critics will slam too. I don't think self-publishing dirtied the pool. There have been bad covers, poor editing and crappy plots long before that was ever a thing. Whatever standards people will claim exist to preserve the 'dignity' of literature have long been tainted by trend and politics and the whims of agents and publishers. It has never been a pristine pool and to be honest, my fondest memories of swimming were never in chlorinated pools but in dirty creeks.

Lastly, all my love to the risk takers who will read a new author's work (and not just the ones on those circle-jerk lists). It's so difficult to get those people who will invest time in you, who find you interesting and refreshing and want to see what you can do. I'm going to write with no guarantees of fortune or fame. I'm not going to please everybody, but I'd like to believe I have something to contribute. So I'll labor under that hope.

Keep writing! And stay tuned for more updates.

Burning Books and More Burning Books

Burning books (wait, don't leave, I'm not going to keep saying it!)-- ahem, well, it doesn't have the same effect that it used to. Most of us that know how to spell "Wikipedia" AKA the resource you are never allowed to use in college, are aware of the historical implications. It was a vicious way that rather large hate groups would go about censoring speech. Written history has been lost in countless wars and raids, so at one time, it was simply a horrifying loss of knowledge, even an abuse of precious resources. There was a time in history where even paper was a luxury-- at least until as early as 6th century AD in China and reaching mass production in the 14th century. Some Gay Yeti was credited in the 18th century as the designer of the modern roll, but until the 1930s, splinter-free was not a guarantee. Ouch. Some of that may or may not be accurate, so ffs, never take any source as gospel. Start here!

I understand that some people adore books. I adore my own paper book collection, but I simply don't feel that way for all books. If you want to burn your own copies or use them as toilet paper, feel free. You spent your own money and digital is a thing now-- no book is in danger of being lost to history anymore. Maybe don't burn your Kindle over a crappy book and definitely don't use it as toilet paper. Deletion is not as satisfying as a more physical expression of personal distaste, I know, but I'm positive that most of us don't want a bad book to cost upwards of $50 to replace some hardware.

Speaking of book burning, morality signaling ties in very closely to the sentiment people get for objects. I'm not unaware that the world is a crazy, scary place. Violence is skyrocketing in America and entitlement is getting ridiculous. Still, the call for violent entertainment to be eradicated has lost traction over the years, instead replaced by... sex and swearing. 

Ugh.

In this climate, I can't believe how often full-grown adults are hung up on those two things. Not just some sex, but all sex. Fade to black is even too racy for some of the complainers. 

"Expressions of love shouldn't be invasive." 

"They're masturbation fantasies..."

"I'm afraid I'll enjoy something that makes me uncomfortable" <--- conservative politicians

 I'm waiting for any of these excuses to not be lame, but the fact is, they are. It's not a crime to have a dirty mind. It's not even a crime to guiltily entertain a fantasy about screwing a turtle. Brains do some really odd connectivity exercises that don't translate into anything at all. Or they become entertainment. Whether or not we 'enjoy' it isn't the primary factor. Sometimes it's just interesting or evocative.

And if it's not outright fucking, it's fucking WORDS. I can agree with critics that find fault with misuse. If no one gets what you're trying to say, it's a problem. Completely negates the purpose of language when nothing is being communicated. However, when usage at all is the problem, I find issue with that. If certain words turn you off, I'm not going to demand that you get over it. Have your opinion. However, disparaging remarks on the intelligence or vocabulary of the user? Well, if you've been reading, you can see that I have no problem coming up with 'big words'. Mine are some of the bigliest. I also have no problem hitting you with puns, metaphors, analogies, idioms and clever comebacks. 

I love words. Most of them. Personally, I avoid the n-word and it's got shit to do with being white. I have never ever heard it used in any way that doesn't make it sound horrible. I'm not talking about 'nigga' but I'm not throwing that one around either. Why? Because I've never had a purpose for it. You could hear me attempt to say it, but I don't have a 'blaccent' and I sound dumb as fuck. I will never write a story that goes there. Does that mean I found issue with Mark Twain? Hell, no. I find no fault with his usage of it, but that's not where my interest in writing goes. I also don't use 'Jesus Christ' but then I write 'original' fantasy and Christianity isn't a thing there. However, I might drop a "Gods damn you!"

To my way of thinking (and therefore it is an opinion), censoring thought, literature, anything that you are NOT forced to look at-- it's akin to the ANCIENT loss of burning books. Knock it off with the 'I don't like it, so it shouldn't exist.' Believe it or not, I understand discretion. I drop f-bombs with my friends, but I check the usage around other people's kids and grandparents (even though my own grandparents are cool as fuuuuuuck and don't mind if one or two slips out when I'm venting). You see, even the socially impaired are still capable of showing some consideration. I also don't advertise my personal sexual stances to any but a RARE few-- I'm actually quite conservative there. Even though I would love for my books to be read, I'm not terribly concerned with being appropriate. At any time, you can be suitably disgusted and thrust my book at the first foul creature you smack into. However, suppressing my message DOES have dire consequences. 

When someone sets about trying to eliminate everything they find personally distasteful, what does it do? Turns everyone into criminals. Outlawing prostitution could very well incite rape. People who can't turn to one outlet will find another and often it's a lot less healthy. Despite the fact that guns are getting out of hand, I wouldn't entertain banning them. Control is something we need to work with, just like healthcare. Reform is frustrating, but I am a firm believer that moderation is key in everything. And in literature, sorry, anything goes. I don't disagree that it could benefit from a ratings system to keep children and parents informed, but it's also an extremely passive form of entertainment. You don't accidentally pick up a book, if at all.

If I have to find anything virtuous about my adult stories, it's that it is an honest outlet. I would love to write children's and YA adult books in the future, but they care about very different things than I do at my stage in life. Still, I strive to not only write for myself. I want to write for everyone along the way, just not at the same time and when my story is right for it. I don't intend to pander and I don't intend to cater to anyone but my muse. I will be more than happy to accept that it isn't for you, but it's for someone else.

Lemme close this up with a point of discussion that made my heart sing. Now this is a long article, but one worth the trip... Article that is well worth it

 My favorite part: where the Big Five publisher makes it clear that they do NOT pull their authors for controversial work or outcries. Encourages readers to voice their negative opinions, equally encourages authors to IGNORE them.

The rest: If you didn't click on it, let me sum it up. Some people REALLY value their opinion. The sort of narcissism where they believe that they are so righteous that it is worth trying to destroy a girl's career. This author decided to make an attempt at using fantasy to explain how a racist character (of fantasy races, mind you) reforms her thinking. An honest attempt at tackling more literature on diversity. Well, it's not that she did it, but that she did it WRONG. Only she didn't. She offered a perspective to which other women and/or non-colorless people took issue with. As a colorless girl, she was told she didn't have the range to be sensitive... Look, I could go on, but I won't. Honestly, I hope this chick does sell her book, learn from this, and go on to sell many more. I hope she doesn't lose the courage to keep tackling sensitive subjects. I hope this world stops penalizing people for making an honest attempt at understanding. You don't have to be openly vicious to be attacked anymore. You just have to offend someone looking for a hill to die on. These same people will wave off real hate as ignorance but go after someone who makes an honest effort by waiting until their back is turned and their livelihood is involved.

Pun so intended, (at least click on the link for the headline if this one is going over anyone's head) but it's a witch hunt. You can make a disabled character that is a gay POC and the first troll will pop in with 'why can't a straight white person be disabled?' Are we really trying to live in a world where the rules are changing so much and on every whim so everyone can be equally offended? Let's cut the shit. We need community. The non-exclusive kind where we actually tolerate things. You know, like how I don't shoot my neighbor even though it pisses me off that his car stereo is too loud. When discomfort is met with over-9000 reactions, we've moved well past reason and discussion. I consider myself fairly liberal, but no, I will not be lectured at about everything that needs to die because it offends you. That used to be an alt-right sentiment, but the alt-left is twinning on that. I'm still of the era where liberal meant tolerance and change. I can't relate to the intolerance and CONSTANT irrational change. Quite frankly, if I don't know you, I don't owe you gratification for however you identify. Be reasonable.

I went on well beyond where I intended to go. Armed with coffee and fighting sleep? Yes'm'sir! Let me throw in a quick update since I've been busy the past few days.

• Finished formatting my first series' books for ebook and print (7 books, each between 300-400 pages)
• Working on a cover for the third book, about halfway done. I will continue doing covers, but inside illustrations are postponed. I may bring this back later, but it is incredibly time-consuming so it's at the bottom of my list.
• Still working on finishing Part I of III for UnSung. This one is creeping a bit while I try to get my third book out.
• Will be juggling cover art with writing UnSung until I finish the art or the book.
• Once those two main projects are done, this may be where I start my webcomic idea. I'm going to post a poll to my FaceBook page concerning my two ideas. Please vote, whether you plan on following it or not.

And that's all I got. Okay, I'm lying, but blog ≠ book and this has gone on long enough.

Keep writing! Or reading! Whatever floats your boat.

Changing Gears

If there's one thing you've probably realized about me by now, it's that I'm not very patient. I don't like putting my fate too often in other people's hands, not even my own. I irritate myself when I can't keep up with me. Illustrating is a long process and I haven't been up to drawing in the winter months these days, so this waiting game has irritated me. So, change of plans.

I plan on releasing Book 3 of the Truth about Heroes books by the end of the month. I'm going to cut finishing the illustrations. I will put in the drawings with the color blocking in one edition, but offer a text only for both the ebook AND print. Rather than go back and offer prints of the first two in text only, I plan on releasing a compilation of all three in a trilogy set. And what else? I'm going to draw book covers for the remaining six books in the entire series then publish those as text-only print and ebook as well. I hope to release one a month (at least) until they're out there. I may do artbooks at some point, but let's face it-- I want to get to writing. When I'm up to drawing, I want to start doing my webcomics. Hopefully, this gets things going again. This winter slog needs to go somewhere.

So, I'm getting to that task right away. Like, after this blog post right-away. Before I leave you for that, I want to repost the link for my friend Joe's YouTube channel. His videos always keep this girl entertained when I need a boost. He's still one of the most well-spoken people I know and I want to see him succeed. Please check him out!

Saturday Morning Cheap Seats

UnNamed is in review...

Well, campaign is closed for voting for UnNamed on Kindle Scout. It will be under review 'im the next few days' so I cross my fingers and wait. Now, normally I work from a place of hope. Work and creativity are something I can apply optimism to and I'm usually very happy with the outcome.

Yet after the stress of knocking out some huge milestones, I've developed a rather cynical approach to how much I let potential rejection get to me. I expect it and plan for it. I don't even make the proverbial basket you count those chicken eggs in. It isn't that my confidence has been destroyed. I wouldn't still be hacking away on another book if that were true. I still take those disappointments and find positives lessons. Some people might call it a thicker skin or putting up a wall when it's not quite the same. I need a window into humanity to be a creator. Placing barriers might keep things from getting in but it also stops anything from getting out. Yeah, I've been there too. To express myself I was breaking walls then wasting time building them up again.

So no walls. Guarded gates, perhaps. Just like you don't put everything precious to you and brick it shut. Protecting things too much means you don't really get to enjoy it either. Again, been there. My stories were too precious, my ideas too vulnerable, lock them all up. No, that's not where you want to be. So where do you want to be when waiting to see if someone else thinks you've got what it takes?

Don't wait. In my case, I might have imagined positive and negative outcomes but until a thing happens, the emotions-- no matter how overwhelming-- are superficial. Much like empathy, no matter how strong, it's secondhand. I've lost my mother but I still have absolutely no clue how you feel even if you did too. I don't know how every conversation with her triggered all the things that make you you, nor if you were on good terms, nor how you grieved. The same goes for stressing yourself out about something that hasn't happened yet, even when you have a pretty good idea what might. You might be the sort of person brave enough to fight fires but the first time you walk into someones house and their pet ferret runs across your feet, you're shrieking for dear life. Thing is, most of us have no actual clue how we'll react to a situation until it's here.

Personal anecdote time! (I need to make a graphic for these.) When I was in sixth grade, I started to get bullied. In elementary school, I never had problems with anyone so it was a lot to take in and it lined right up with my mom and dad separating. Mom wasn't there and Dad was in pain; I was scared of being another problem so I kept myself alone with the pain more often than not. My best friend at the time starting shadowing a more popular girl but I was starting a friendship with another girl who was not only also bullied, but unfortunately much longer than I was. (I adore that girl to this day-- my nephews and her daughters go to the same school.) On top of this, the city decided I didn't need my best friends living at the end of the street as much as we needed another highway (how my young brain saw it). I considered myself pretty weak and an easy target with all the blows life had dealt.

One day, I had gone down the street, just to sit in the woods before they went and tore them down too. Rather than getting to feel sorry for myself, I thought life handed me another cruelty as a girl who enjoyed verbally abusing me came out of the woods carrying a big stick. Everything in me wanted to run but I froze to the spot. I can't remember what shitty things she said but the usual fear had flickered from rage to something cold, something alien to me then. She tried to hit me in the face with the stick and my arm shot up. I caught it and smacked her right in the side of her own head with it. Then that urge to flee I and wanted in the first place came to my aid. Guess which bitch didn't bully me anymore?

I wish I could say all of my run-ins with bullies went that well. Yes, I liked the taste of that victory and yes, I've found that cold satisfying reactionary place more than once. I'm sorry I can't say the bullying had ended and every confrontation gave me superpowers. It took a lot of standing up for myself until by high school, being 'weird' was my new successful bully repellant. I learned that most bravado fell flat and I was far more brilliant using logic and humor to avoid resorting to punching sense into people. Violence was never my first instinct but a frantic reaction to getting people out of my personal space.

Okay, slice of life served, let me reiterate: we are not chained to everything we think we are capable of, good or bad. It's never as simple as knowing yourself. The state I am in while waiting-not-waiting to see how this campaign goes comes down to this. It won't be my first letdown and won't be my last. It won't be the sort of victory I can retire on and quit for a life of luxury and ennui. It could change my life for the better or I keep going and work to release it anyway, another slower climb to the top. I've been through the most likely scenarios. I have no actual idea how I'm going to feel about rejection or success here. I have a book I'm drafting and that's my primary focus, the thing I'm doing regardless of the outcome. I'm focused there.

If you voted for me, let me personally thank you for that. The system doesn't show how many votes I get. (refreshing, if you ask me. I don't like fixating on numbers.) However, it does warm me that people want to see me succeed in my oddly humble goal to just get by on my own hard work. Not wealth, not fame, just a living doing what I love. I hope I have a little something for everyone eventually (just not all in one book because those books are for no one). Being an ecclectic sort, I plan on staying genre-curious. Fantasy will always be my main playground but I've got a lot of angles brewing.

Keep writing. Or reading. Mostly keep a sense of humor. Best armor ever.

On Small Talk

I'm not socially awkward, I'm just spiritually British.

I came to this odd conclusion after watching a show on Netflix called Very British Problems. Because I've exhausted the library of American releases, Netflix has taken to recommending a lot of shows that I'd actually have to read subtitles to follow so when I stumble on something British or Australian, this tends to be my choice when it comes to watching shows I don't have to pay attention to.

Some of the show deals with Very British things-- traditions, turns of speech and so on, but when it comes to socializing, I felt captivated by how very British my mind set is. I am a very polite person, for one, although I find introductions and goodbyes and tolerating most house guests just as painful as the generalized people they talk about. The show doesn't just talk to old white British men, but a colorful cast of women, POC, and people with disabilities to get their insight on these 'very British problems.' It's mostly very tongue-in-cheek and ''you, too?" but I could really relate to the preference for solitude.

It's not about being antisocial. I can admit that some of my most valuable conversations happen with people I rarely see or have just met. However, I am completely robotic when it comes to small talk. If you ask what my favorite anything is, don't set it in stone because it's likely to change because I didn't have a definite answer in the first place. I often default to 'purple' as my favorite color but when it comes to interior design, soft creams and burgundies are my draw. Orange is usually my least favorite color, for some reason I will never really understand, but I absolutely adore orange sherbet. It might seem tedious but this is how I answer questions when I want to give you a better sense of who I am because the usual lists of favorites and weather do absolutely nothing to distinguish my tastes or learned experiences.

It's just not antisocial to prefer my own company. The work that I contribute to humanity just happens to be writing, drawing, creativity that demands solitary work. It's not a complete echo chamber. My rare social experiences play an immense part in moods, observations and what I write about and when I need inspiration, I walk around and sponge new information. I don't find any experience to be trivial. The bulk of motivation to go out comes from the simple act of walking my nephews to school in the morning. This is a time where half of the trip, I am left to my own thoughts and the rest of the time, I am learning what my nephews are interested in. After school, I run into a girl (now technically a woman) that I met when we were eleven years old and she trips up memories of our old inside jokes, my creative partner in crime, who did tons of comics with me over the top of blue lined notebooks. She is the married mother of two girls and also manages to find time to draw and write still.

This isn't a memoir so let's hop back over for a moment. The point being, when people say they don't like small talk, it doesn't mean they don't engage in it. It would be weird if we always walked up to strangers immediately launching into the closets of who we are. However, I have a very small window for how many obvious statements and questions are tolerable before I mumble my excuses and wander off. 

This window is much smaller for internet conversation. I might have mentioned that it annoys me when I get a notification for chat and all it is is "hi, how are you?" Chats are only one step above an email in terms of needing substance but the notifications are instant, often goading us into checking them when we hear it.  Long time friends don't put up greetings at all, part of the reason these messages are ones we all tend to favor. However, in terms of people I don't know, by all means, be a little formal. Don't just send someone a 'hi, how are you?' if you really want a response. I'll give an example of what I mean by a good intro message.

"Hi, Krista! We haven't talked before but I've seen some of your work and I have a few questions about it, if you don't mind. I am also a (writer, artist, etc.) and like to connect with like minds."

Okay, please don't copy/paste this into a message because I know a smart ass when I see one. Again, my friends have earned this right in my social hierarchy.

Look, I know the statement is a perfect-world scenario, but keep this is mind. You're greeting me, expressing a clear interest in something specific and offering a piece of yourself in the process. This immediately helps me weed out the people that are just looking to date or liked my profile picture, which in turn means I'll get back to this person a lot quicker. I am also not so anxious to talk about myself that I will ramble on with strangers. I have to admit I'm even suspicious if I ask someone a question and they give a vague answer followed by another question for me. Believe it or not, I am extremely curious about people and if someone is unwilling to talk about themselves too, I'll retreat into guarded answers or disappear.

All people ever have these unwritten guidelines for social interactions. There are levels where discomfort in conversation is valuable and levels where it's creepy. Sometimes when we know these levels, we antagonize people for it, but who wants to be the doormat that sticks it out for someone else's bullshit?

Again and of course, I don't expect people to have constantly valuable and insightful things to say. Sometimes in the midst of an incredibly interesting conversation there is a silence and small talk might trickle back in. I'm not the sort to carry a conversation when I have nothing to add to it, but if I've decided we can have compatible conversation, I'll still try. I'm not the sort to listen to long winded conversations when I'm given no room to add my input. I am also the sort to go quiet and observe, sometimes just laughing at something I find funny. I myself am not this sparkling creature of infinite entertainment. 

Engaging someone in conversation is not capturing Pokémon though. Some people just don't want to stay hostage in conversation, no matter how interesting, when a muse or a problem is picking at their brain. When people don't want to talk to me, I don't take personal offense. I am always aware of things like distraction, purpose and priority. In fact, an insistence to be available is often a good way to end up being purposely avoided. It may be because of the speed of technology but people are losing patience with the art of talking to people in favor of instant gratification. Some of us don't carry around phones. I, for one, don't intend to be that available. I'm not a doctor or a prostitute. In fact, I often forget I put everything on silent just so I could write or illustrate without distraction. I do have a phone, but it's something I carry when I'm out if I need to bail out of social situations. I also don't play on it at all, avoiding the people I'm actually with.

I have to say, I love that the show gave me so many things to think about. Namely, we as people are never 'the only one.' Whenever a question starts with 'am I the only one?' it's clearly figurative unless it's oddly specific: Am I the only one that had a life sized hippo custom made out of rubber with big shiny red lips and ride it in a bathtub full of grape jam? I am not the only one who cringes at small talk, but I can admit it's a window, not a brick wall. I also learned I'd probably get along fairly well living or just visiting in the UK. By no means do I think the generalities apply to everyone, but I can appreciate an awkward social norm. I am already aware that anyone shines in the right conditions.

So that's about it. Small talk. It's not everyone's favorite. Also, let's bring back netiquette!

Blog post done, but I have a few personal updates on the work that condemns me as antisocial.

I've gotten back into writing a bit more, but the drawing is still difficult. As I've said before, I'm still hoping to put Book 3 of my first series out by spring.

UnSung, the spiritual sequel to UnNamed, is currently at about 40K. It is a Frankenstein's monster as we speak. I have been carefully reordering and plotting Part I of III and adding some scenes in that I neglected to add in the first place. This one will be different in that I am not restricting the word count. It may easily reach 120K, but I'll let it wander well past that point. Keep in mind that my first pass is pretty bare bones. I do tend to rush through scenes to get the structure sorted and I don't write in a neat order. Not for this one. This is why it could end up being a bigger monster.

Side note: this is why all of my original novels were under 100K. I misunderstood advice about confining word counts to attract agents and publishers. However, since I am enjoying the freedom of self-publishing, I'm not terribly concerned about that anymore.

I miss my marathon days, I really do, but considering I've done about 1K a day consistently (and 3K just last night), I'm at least glad for that. Some people struggle for a hundred words or 15 minutes. Yes, I want this to be full time rather than some hobbyist write-off, but I also need to be realistic about the consequences of those marathons. I have the brightness down to the minimum on my computer but I still end up with sore, blurry, dry eyes if I'm staring at a screen too much. Sometimes my daily writing does end up scribbled in notebooks to give my eyes a break. And dictation programs? Fantasy books have their own vocabularies so no thanks. Even if it could handle the unique names and terms, I'd lose my voice after a couple hours, if that. My voice takes a dive after an hour of karaoke, but singing is also more demanding.

Anyways, it's a coffee day for me. I spent the first half hour of my day stuck on thinking about donuts and this blog post is the next experiment in waking my brain. It did not produce the desired results, so coffee will be implemented.

Keep writing or doing or socializing. May your days find purpose!