TMI: or For Women Who Want to Know Our Bodies

 A rare thing but I’ll start with an addition to the header and a disclaimer… 

This topic also applies to AFAB (assigned female at birth), basically anyone with a functional vagina and/or sexual drive. This isn’t exclusive to identities, but for the biological health of all. I can’t apply this specifically to trans-males undergoing hormonal treatments to introduce male traits since some parts of this topic cover a spectrum that leans towards estrogen-dominance. Female reproductive organ health is still a field full of unknowns and even speaking with others with female organs and health professionals alike cannot always provide a clear understanding or definite answer and I do my best to sort out if causation = correlation or if women who simply have similar experiences are dominating a conversation and the outliers may be hesitant to play the devil’s advocate or even be able to have visibility in a flood of responses. (I have been thinking of polling some questions and asking the answerers to color code their responses; red for yes, blue for no, or purple for inconclusive/undecided.)

Lengthy addition but the disclaimer will be shorter. This post will include my own experiences with sexual pleasure post-surgery, so some family or friends or sensitive people may not wish to proceed from here. This is your chance to bail so don’t come at me with anger or disgust because curiosity gets the better of you. On the other side, if you’re turned on, feel free to keep that to yourself. I’ll remind you that I am ace and unsolicited sexual advances are not welcome. This is for information purposes for women that have had similar procedures and are worried about how they will function after. Information should not be so difficult to find and the only way to relieve some of the anxiety of the unknown is to know the real-life experiences and possibilities.

As a refresher, I had a right unilateral oophorectomy, bilateral salpingectomy and a Novasure ablation, all things I’ve detailed in previous posts if you’re scrambling to figure out what those are. Plain speak summary is removal of right ovary (ovarian fibroma with presence of cysts), removal of fallopian tubes, and burning away of the uterine lining (radio frequency through a mesh net). These procedures were meant to restore the regular function of the remaining ovary, reduce the chance of menstrual irregularities and make sure the ablation did not cause a condition where the scarring extends into the tubes and causes excessively painful cramping. Because of this, along with the size of the ovary (11x11x4 cm in the final report), this is considered a major abdominal surgery and incurred a lot of uncertainty in the risks involved and the quality of life after.

Before getting into the sexual function category, I’ve mentioned previously some immediate benefits like the absence of bladder urgency, abdominal inflammation reduction and mobility restoration (or I pee normally, my stomach shrank and I can reach my feet again; sorry, but I’m not good with the plain speak but I do try not to exclude anyone. I also like to use my natural intellect and not dumb-down like I’m ashamed. And no, I don’t think those with smaller vocabulary comprehension are stupid or lesser, but I take pride in my self-education and think sharing it honestly is true to myself and gives others an opportunity to hit the books like I did). In any case, I wasn’t certain which benefits were due to surgical ileus (which is where your body limits unnecessary functions to focus on strengthening the immune system and healing process) or sticking around so I was hesitant to celebrate too early; glad for the relief but not unrealistic about them being a cure for chronic issues. I do still have acid reflux issues, bouts of insomnia, a slower healing issue in the largest incision, and a struggle for more than small bursts of vigorous energy. I do need to lose weight but I struggle to be cautious when I truly want to dive into a routine. I have no desire to count calories or restrict my diet but I do make mindful steps with portions and nutrition.

Well, that ought to scare off the thrill-seekers or at least make them work harder to skim for the juicy stuff so let’s get to the sexual function. Prior to surgery, I had issues with bad odor, rashes from pH imbalance, unpredictable and frequent bleeding and absolutely no libido. I’ve disclosed before that I’ve never had a super active libido (I could go months without stimulation/self-pleasure but generally, it was weeks apart) but when I was in the mood, I would have a couple dozen orgasms in about 30 minutes to an hour with the first in under half a minute because I would be fully aroused prior to the urge. I’ve been doing this since my early twenties; clitoral vibrations with a finger inserted to feel the spasms which also heightens the intensity, just feeling your own orgasms. Experiments with fuller penetration and different approaches to different erogenous zones but this was ideal and important in understanding why people might believe women don’t enjoy sex. Some of us just have very specific needs and are best able to fulfill them on our own.

I can’t say I would miss a libido particularly since I never invested my identity into it or consider it time wasted to lose it. For some women, it is important and I did wonder what would change about it. Whether or not it’s important to you, I do think my discoveries might offer insight to recovering women which is my only motivation here.

First off, I no longer have a strong or unpleasant smell so I’m not rushing to clean myself off. I do have limited lubrication but I think this correlates more with perimenopause. This isn’t a huge deal breaker and if you’re not familiar with KY insertables (a smooth gel capsule you insert via applicator like a tampon that restores natural lubrication for 24 hours), this is a super simple solution for that and also managed to dilute strong discharge and tame pH irritation. All things to note. Little to no discharge but little to no irritation. Aloe based creams work for the ‘little’ irritation but if you’re allergic, hydrocortisone will do the job. I actually find orgasms are much easier to reach and I still like the half hour to an hour duration, which means more. Again, because there’s no odor and little discharge, I feel cleaner and more refreshed, not like I’m cleaning up a crime scene. So worries about hormonal changes after major surgery crippling you completely are debunked here. And you’ll find most women do report positives, especially with removal of ovaries and/or uterus or anything other combination that stops periods. Periods and cramping tend to put a damper on, well, everything. I don’t miss the two days every month where I didn’t want to get out of bed, barely slept, and had to lay only on my sides and get up every hour to make sure I didn’t have a crime scene to clean up.

I don’t feel like ‘less of a woman’. If anything, our issues there stem from letting people define what we are. Understanding that my time on this earth is short even when it’s long, defining what fills my life gradually became dependent only on what makes me feel good and whole; helping and inspiring people, showing people a woman is a person capable of self-defining, always following my curiosity and sharing my discoveries to contribute to the efficiency of others passionate about pursuing those interests too.

I do know that once I release my words or art or products into the wild, I sacrifice some control of how they are received or treated but I’m also not responsible for honoring disrespectful, boring or unwanted feedback. Yup, sounds bitchy but only if you were expecting me to roleplay a fantasy I have no interest in. For those who understand or offer clever insight, these principles are mutual and the conversation enlightening and fulfilling.

But anytime I talk about sexuality or function, I have to throw down ground rules because some people try to cross lines of consent anywhere they can. Lay down some traps, scare off or catch the predators then I can get back to focusing on what precious time remains on the priorities I care to contribute to.

Maybe a trauma response, maybe a product of ADHD, I won’t deny those, but it’s my experience that if you’re not direct, if you’re giggly and fun and liberated, some mistake these things for naïveté, an invitation to flirt or a vulnerable target for perverse behavior so I have that knee jerk tendency to fully explain I’m having none of that.

When I do build any informational databases, I will be leaving personal anecdotes out of it but in these alpha stages of gathering info, I’m more forthright with my own experiences, on my own blog, in the interest of making it perfectly acceptable for women to relate personal experiences to others. Guiding a database with my personal experiences only just seems like a suspicious narcissistic display of ego and the searches we go on often have specific personal needs where each person needs to feel like it isn’t biased. Personal experiences are helpful but not for those seeking the most direct medical factual information, whether plainly or in medical terms.

And because I’m rambling a bit on the edge of insomnia, I’ll leave it at that. My intentions are only to provide some relief to suffering women (in all forms and identities but biologically relevant) so I do hope to pick through my own ramblings and assemble them more succinctly into a coherent form in the future. This blog is clearly not for my most organized and flawless epiphanies. Nor should it be! Social media is certainly less coherent but has its uses too. Blogs are for blunders! Just in a more ‘who is reading my diary’ kind of way.