Spontaneous Change

 Sometimes you plan for changes in life. I’m rarely able to do that successfully so more often than not, I end up… just doing it? Honestly, the results of the US election got me so low that I decided I was done with social media. I don’t know for how long but the month so far without it hasn’t made me miss it. 

My health is still subpar but I decided after Thanksgiving that I would go back on a strict diet that worked prior to the hormone hell of the ovarian fibroma. I don’t know how much exercise I can manage just yet but diet is far more pivotal for needing to lose weight. I don’t see my new doctor until February (a nurse practitioner but the semantics are ridiculous here and NPs are the real deal) after ditching the one that caused me more stress than helped. This also means I’m doing without Vyvanse (hey, I had to cope without meds most of my life; it’s not a setback, just a bit more work). Had to get an ultrasound but my gallbladder is okay. My liver is slightly enlarged but I’m thinking taking green tea extract might’ve been the culprit. Still have to speak to the stomach doc to run it by him. Either way, I’m going to make a shift. Try to see if I can take drastic measures to reverse some damage while also being certain I’m not encouraging disordered eating or excessive muscle damage. I still have the deteriorating foot bone. I still have osteopoikilosis in my left hip. I still have degenerative arthritis in my lower back. Those things don’t get better but I can at least lighten the load.

And I’ve been crafting though that’s a bit of a slog. I’ve finished two tiny houses, I’m attempting to crochet some plushies before Christmas for gifts, I fixed some patches that didn’t glue onto a coat right the first time (make sure you remove the backing off of patches; the glue doesn’t stick to certain backings. Test prior to sticking onto a jacket with any kind of scrap cloth. If it sticks, don’t worry about peeling it off, just trim the scrap and glue it directly to the coat. If it peels off, you need to get enough of the backing off to dab the glue directly onto the patch for attaching). 

Long parentheses, but that’s what I’m good for. Those asides that get away from me!

I have a couple more of the tiny houses to make and I’ll post them to this blog altogether once I’ve finished. And think about committing some shelf space to bringing their tiny neighborhood to life. I would love to find stable work from home. I have no desire to convert my hobbies to that space. I will either to design, copywriting or data work if I take it to monetizing, but never again making my hobbies and passions subject to custom order hell. I’ve been doing decent with generating a humble passive income with selling patterns but not a livable one. It constantly eats at me that in my early 40s I’m not in a stable place. That my mind, body and emotions are in a sort of chaotic limbo that I can’t do much to break out of. I’ve had to put commitments with dear friends on hold just to try to focus my limited energies on what little basics I can. 

I really hope I can adhere to the diet. Not gonna lie, it takes weeks to establish this kind of habit and falling off the wagon can make you vulnerable to where the ‘get right back on’ doesn’t always inspire confidence you can stay on. That can take months to believe you’re capable of. But it’s really the only way I have left. Doctors have only been able to do so much and the wait between what I should do is maddening. I have this one nugget of a time where I was turning things around and I have to REALLY work twice as hard to do that again. So much has changed with surgeries and menopause and time that I know I will need more patience with the process than before and that had pushed me to the limits before already.

No time like the present for change though.