Building Community

I’m going to start with a solid opinion here, but it’s a sentiment that’s not rare: there is nothing admirable about being a miserable fuck.

I realize some people might take this personally or feel they’ve inspired the sentiment, but everything isn’t about you, whoever you are. In this case, it’s a blanket statement to introduce what is actually ‘wrong’ with the world today.

Americans have become ‘hustle-obsessed’. They literally forego working in jobs they enjoy or are actually good at and passionate about because of some misguided idea that this is a contribution to society, their family, etc. However, there is absolutely nothing more important to everything and everyone you prioritize than the quality of your time. Loving your contribution is just as important in the equation.

But, Krista, if everyone only did what they love, who would work all these ‘shitty’ jobs that keep society going? If you’re arguing this, you haven’t really thought about the whole picture. I worked with a woman who earned an MBA, had the tools and brains to start her own business if she wanted, so why the hell would she want to work at a Petco? When asked that, she laughed and added with such unwavering confidence, “I love this job and wouldn’t think of doing anything else.” Now, I’m sure some people have this very narrow view of this concept. Well, service jobs are much ‘cushier’ than, say, shoveling shit at a zoo or working on an oil rig. But here’s the thing: what most of us might consider a job that no one would work unless they ‘had to’, there are some people who truly take pride in doing the dirty jobs that most of us don’t want. We don’t need to force people into desperation and poverty, to take jobs they hate because ‘no one will do them’ otherwise. 

What society doesn’t need is cyclical suffering and misery. As a society, we need to gently lean towards utilizing technology towards encouraging more of the more widely ‘wanted’ jobs, not the desperately-needed. This looking down on people who enjoy jobs you think no one wants is a problem, but not the focus I’m after in this post. It’s a small chip in the bigger pile.

What I hear a lot these days, wherever I go, is how communities just don’t work together like they used to. The problem with this is that this NEVER comes from the mouths of people who actually DO work in and with their communities. 

One thing I actively started using social media for was joining the group pages of small towns. There is no shortage of posts about food pantries and clean-up events, but you see the same problem in the follow-up posts about these events: only a handful of hopeful, helpful faces are in the many photos.

But I had to work. But it was my day off and I just wanted to relax. But it’s simply too inconvenient to make the effort. What it comes down to is that if *you* do not make the effort to make it a priority, then you can’t be surprised that you don’t see how hard others are working to create the unity you simply expect.

It’s possible for us to rebuild strong communities again. While the pandemic goes on, it’s an unfortunate but necessary truth that events are a lot more limited for the time being. But it’s not impossible. 

For one, we each have to understand that attitude is everything. Building a safer, happier community means knowing your neighbors to some degree. If you want the luxury of a neighborhood crime watch, the ability to feel like your kids are safe and looked after when they walk around town, the fun of a neighborhood block party, you have to make whatever community events are available a priority. Organizers can lose hope and stop trying if no one ever turns up, but you can really invigorate them just by showing up. You don’t have to be an extroverted ball of sunshine. The best thing about organizers is that they are usually very intuitive when it comes to assigning people roles suited to them. If you’re a shy introvert, they’ll usually hand you a tool and give you a solo job. If you want to be in a more involved job, they’re also usually good at hearing out your ideas to make the event run more smoothly.

The whole mechanic behind community events is encouraging people to fall into roles they’re both suited to and might actually enjoy. If that’s not your experience, then what are you doing to make a more successful event? What would you do different? Events only improve and attract more people to future efforts with valuable feedback.

But you have to be there. Working hard may be part of your passion, making it difficult to attend often or at all, but there are other ways to contribute to the success and frequency of community building events. Most people might assume I’m talking about throwing money at it, which is often very welcome to, but sometimes they have a list of supplies they’re trying to gather and going a little further by ordering or purchasing and delivering what they need is often massively appreciated too.

There are many valid reasons why people don’t/can’t go or find some way to help, but if you’re the sort that complains about how this world has gone to shit, it’s time to give yourself a reality check. Attitudes may suck, but there are plenty of people still making the effort and it’s not because they don’t have day jobs. Participating in community is a priority because they want safer, happier and more interesting neighborhoods. I’ve seen volunteers show up, disheveled and tossing down a box of supplies, and still pasting a hopeful smile on their tired faces.

As a society, we are sick. Mental illnesses are prevalent, people are angry, scared, bitter and disillusioned to the potential for good. But among the unrest, people are still making it a priority to turn this around.

And yes, I used to be one of the miserable fucks. I fell for this broken sentiment that simply working hard or smart somehow put you on the right side of life. However, over time, I also learned that I destroyed whatever contribution I thought I was making with simply suffering and ignoring the lack of quality in this contribution. My family suffered, society continued to suffer, no one was healing. 

Moving to a new town really motivated me to think about this more. I set out determined to make sure this was a town I could love to live in. I was actually motivated by the grumbles of how ‘bad things have gotten here’ to do what I could to see how I could make a difference.

Seek and ye shall find. One of the first local cafes we visited is run by a very passionate and motivated man. He helped organize the Christmas Walk, one of the first events I saw posted when we finally settled in. While talking with him in his restaurant, he talked passionately about reviving a sense of community here and it ingratiated me to the idea. I added the cafe to my FB group page and started liking his quirky videos, commenting that I love his energy, ideas and menu. In turn, he added me and noticed from my profile that I’m a crafter and he just so happened to want to organize a craft show.

I jumped at the chance. At the moment, I’m antsy and nervous enough just being out of work and craving the motivation to do more. When a group of us met at the cafe to discuss how we’d set it up, my sister also mentioned I’m a graphic designer and that I would be happy to make a logo and flyer for the event.

It’s a lot of work and so small in the span of things, but I hope we can inspire each other and this town to keep up with efforts to build that sense of community that so many feel entitled to. I hope more people will want to work for those entitlements. 

The irony being that the same people that grumble about the undeserving receiving entitlements is that often expect the exact same thing from community. However, if you aren’t ‘paying into’ what it takes to make things happen, you’re just a different kind of freeloader.

It’s never too late to decide you truly haven’t been doing enough for the life you want. Humble yourself to that and build pride through changing that attitude.

And hey, I’m socially awkward and introverted, but it takes all kinds to make a community. Open yourself to the opportunity for making that difference.