Back Stories for Hypothetical People

 You may or may not know that I love watching stand-up comedy, and if you also know I joke about everything, you likely already guessed it. A few months back though, I ran into one of those clip assortment videos with a comedian (Josh Sneed) who caught my attention when taking a moment to be critical of fast food and dieting to mention the hypocrisy of doing so while using his stomach as an armrest. Although that was an LOL moment, it’s the part where he mentioned people-watching and inventing conversations he thinks they have that was the hook for this post because it’s similar to what I also do; when someone opens the door for what a hypothetical laughingstock might also do, I often go into deep dives with often hilarious (or disturbing) results.

On the one hand, it’s often loaded with pop culture fumbles but sometimes I can go into the twisted psychology with all the flourish of Freud and leaves people wondering if I’m talking about a real person. 

Given, I usually save the twisted for my personal amusement and practice. I’ve mentioned before and won’t go into it too deeply here, but I do have experience with the mentally unsound and my own struggles to identify them to avoid them. Psychopathy, schizophrenia, bipolar Type I, and often undiagnosed and unmedicated, people I had to navigate as a child. But dark as the truth may be, there are typically neurological or mental illness bases behind the quirky, annoying and/or disturbing that comedians are often attuned to, toeing the line between the hilarious and creepy, feeling out when it kills the laughter and makes the skin crawl. And then turning that ew back into laughter.

Comedians often point out that they are drawn to comedy because of that survival adaptation. Learning how to make a bully laugh to avoid an ass kicking. Learning how to read them and pull out their insecurities to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or even using the medicinal powers of laughter to self-medicate, though drugs and other vices end up creeping in desperately to fill the lack of a diagnosis or even escape from the heavy side effects of meds that never seem to work.

And maybe ‘clean’ comedians are successful too but they’re an exception. Really, our interests and careers always end up being a symptom of our flaws and strengths. And many times, if their comedy doesn’t directly expose what you probably already expected, something about the way they present themselves is already giving clues.

I know observers make people uncomfortable. Because it’s true that we’re absolutely analyzing you a little more closely than you like. But remember, we aren’t mind readers and we’re probably not actually probing around and finding the things you’re most afraid people will find. It’s not THAT disturbing. But sometimes we glean clues to create a person jokingly but oddly specific enough you’d think we have to know this exact person.

I’ve heard the same thing about the crochet patterns I create, the characters I draw, the projects I dive into. I won’t lie and say they’re all wholly original and really, everything is inspired by something when you’re rummaging around in your brain. But most of the time it’s just Frankensteining thoughts together. Much like middle school boys at lunch saying ‘what if Batman fought Mike Tyson?’. Some of the pairings would provoke thought on strengths and weaknesses and some would just be instantly comical. And we all land on that same vibe through knowledge we probably already have but never drew the connections to.

On one of my groups that makes fun of things, someone posted a picture of a chair someone proudly nailed to a wall as a towel rack. I commented ‘this person is definitely trying to figure out how to get their Keurig to float in a swimming pool.’ I can’t exactly say I know someone who would do this or that it was wholly original. I live in the Midwest and it’s often a running joke seeing people combine flotation devices and things like charcoal grills or coolers to combine river rafting and picnicking. It just occurred to me that the modern farmhouse version of it would be a coffee maker in a swimming pool. In the same way, you also picture her name is probably Amber or Kayleigh because it’s really likely you know or have seen a girl with that name who reminds social media every day that she can’t function without coffee.

As an observer, it’s just common and fun practice for me to keep these connections going like an amusing extension of word association. People often find comfort in aligning themselves to basic bitch or alpha male tropes but you also see it super commonly in people who are SO into astrology to the point you suspect they modeled their whole life around resembling that ‘fierce Virgo’ they are. As much as stereotypes are vilified, it’s true nonetheless that some people, consciously or not, often TRY to resemble them and it doesn’t go unnoticed. 

Some see it as a judgy or potentially a practice in removing people’s individuality. But that’s also a hilarious sign of the times. Every damn thing is a conspiracy, we’re all part of some problem (or dare I say, THE problem, which remains unidentified), and even creativity itself is oppressive, toxic and problematic. Words that are overused, improperly used even, and cringe-inducing. Comedy itself is under fire with sudden weird expectations of needing to be role models, needing to constantly remind people that’s not the point of comedy. And look at how lazily people assume you’re liberal or conservative or Republican or Democrat or progressive or bigoted, truly negating individualism based on their blind spot for the labels they give. 

I’m not assigning people lives and personalities and if it resembles the truth, that just makes it that much funnier. I don’t assume my biases so strongly that I don’t let people tell me or show me who they are. In fact, it’s because I make subtle connections, I’m always open to the exceptions that create depth. And I get a little carried away in the depth even.

Believe it or not, inventing people that sound like they could exist absolutely involves compassion, empathy, consideration and a dash of madness. I don’t do it to close my mind but to open it. Try it sometime. It’s addictive. You can’t be afraid to be inappropriate these days anyways. Have an opinion and it can be twisted. Some people walk through life putting one white jellybean in between their ass cheeks in the morning and blame the world when it’s brown at night. And don’t lie, you can picture what this person looks like.