Misplaced Free Time

I have to admit, one of the hardest things I've had to deal with is gobs of unscheduled time. Yeah, I get that this sounds like a wonderful first world problem, but without the structure I'd embraced in my somewhat normal day-to-day life, I've found that I'm dealing with anxiety and boredom in ways that I never have before.

I've said in the past that boredom is the luxury of people with nothing better to do, but it couldn't be more wrong for every situation. For the past two weeks, I've tried to ease into projects like writing or drawing or crafts and I am overcome with this massive sense of boredom and distraction, no matter how interested I think I am when I start doing it. I've even read that this is a normal trauma response to an unnatural upheaval in life.

It's akin to PTSD. The feeling of being trapped by this expansive sense of freedom. There's too much to do and the lingering feeling that none of it is what I'm actually supposed to do. Having no actual idea what the 'supposed to do' is.

So I try everything but the feeling just left me so exhausted that I turned to sleeping a lot. Restless and unfulfilling sleep but sleep that whiled away wasted hours instead.

I might've said that you can't waste time before as well, but with this new 'normal', I can't help but feel that it all feels wasted. It may not be. This may be a valuable lesson in cherishing and adapting to new circumstances.

Slowly, I'm becoming more accustomed. Being able to blog again is one sign. Sitting in front of a computer tends to leave me feeling drained so I was avoiding it. Today, I typed about 1K words towards my book, which is a massive improvement over zero. I sense that there still may be naps, and anxiety, and even boredom to come, but I'm also feeling as if I can adapt as long as I really listen to my body right now.

Not all the crazy cravings to eat out of boredom. Not the restless need to force myself to do something. But to continue sleeping when the strong desire strikes and to lead myself towards my other desires gently. Because nothing will improve by forcing my hand right now. It simply saps my energy very quickly to ignore what my body actually needs right now.

Taking walks. Working on everything in short bursts. Sleep. It doesn't sound like ambitious motivations, but somewhere in the gentle treatment of my own trauma, there lies the strength to appreciate the month ahead, rather than dread it.

I hope you're all taking care of yourselves and dealing with these changes the best way you know how!

Coronavirus Don't Give a Shit!

I'm not going to make this a strictly informative post, but I'll start you with a legit link, amongst all the memes and faux news you might be used to seeing.

Coronavirus: CDC Update

Just FYI, make sure you are getting your info from legit outlets, namely the CDC, and not automatically attaching faith in the media here. Scares attract viewers so get the facts.

What's true enough is that Ohio is seeing some mass closures. My nephews and all Ohio kids are going to be out of school for at LEAST the next three weeks while attempts are being made to isolate the virus until test and, eventually, vaccines can be distributed to the population.

And no, this isn't some hoax to take our feeble little minds off of politics or any other pressing issue. Not sure about you, but I'm a multi-tasker and a diverse thinker so issues like climate change and politics are still quite alive and able to be tracked. The media is not only NOT the only source of information but also often the weakest.

What is a bummer for myself is that I love my little job at Sport Page restaurant in downtown Cincinnati and the owners are now torn about whether we too should close or not. This isn't because of any mass hysteria; simply because business is wavering. Dine-in customers are becoming scarcer even though carry-out has increased. However, this is distressing to the waitresses, who rely on those tips, so whether they should show up or not for pennies is a real issue. It's a small restaurant but people are still becoming overly cautious about the volume of crowds, who is sneezing or coughing, and how close people are to each other.

And, yes, it's sadly a racial issue, one that does kind of piss me off since Asian customers have been telling us that they've been receiving 'looks' or that any human reaction of coughing or sneezing sometimes prompts more than a look but a lecture about being contagious. Fuck anyone who is making people feel uncomfortable for their race in ANY incident like this. Joke about it all you want, but understand that it's about as funny to people that hear it all the time as a headache. As a waitress asking people what they'd like to eat, replying with 'food' ranks on our list of 'no shit/not funny.'

So, yeah, it's very likely I'll be out of a job I enjoy for some time. And yes, I can use this time to be broke and do projects needing done, but it's not ideal. My job has been paying for those little projects and there are still many things I'd like to fund. While ComicCon is very likely to be cancelled, I'm not going to be purchasing a table or planning for it to be this year, which is also a letdown.

Nevertheless, I understand the caution. I don't understand the nuclear-fallout-levels of buying out grocery stores (people don't quite understand that full quarantine isn't necessary unless you're one of the 40 people in the entire state so far that actually have COVID-19, but who listens?), but I do want people to understand why we're LIMITING public gatherings.

It's not the severity of this virus that really isn't likely to affect or kill most of us. It's the sheer fact that, even if you want to compare it to the flu by symptoms, it doesn't not have a vaccine to lessen the symptoms, there are two prevalent strains and people with weaker immune systems can easily succumb to it. It spreads quickly in congested crowds.

As someone who knows and cares about immune-compromised people, I can understand that we don't want to lose anyone, no matter how few, if there's a way to prevent. I will take the discomfort and upheaval of my life to save another's. But that's me. No, I can't be endlessly compassionate, but I can certainly understand those that don't want to lose someone if we can take preventative measures to lessen the blow.

We'll get through this. There will be dipshits out there eager to infect people and will possibly extend closings and such because of it. Seniors in high school will have to lose privileges like class trips and prom (but, sorry, I don't give a shit about that--never did those myself and no FOMO here). It's simply my hope that the government will be able to feed and compensate people who really need it. I've seen that the electric company is extending pay dates and there are plans in place to keep people from losing their basic needs while they suffer from lack of pay. We have to give up some luxuries for this, many that we think we've worked for and deserve, but things will pan out.

If you're an Ohio voter, don't forget to vote this coming March 17. My polling place is usually pretty empty when I go, but I plan to uphold my civic duty.

Clearly, I'm not distracted from life just because some adjustments need to be made. Be safe and healthy!

Getting Busy

So the past couple of days have been productive at least. I managed to tape up my Rienna and cut out the pieces of fabric to make her cape and hood. I used some stiff paper to create a sort of ledge for the shoulder pieces. I might attempt my air dry clay later, but I've ordered a different kind in case this stuff doesn't work. It's a kid's clay that I have right now, so it will give me a feel for sculpting, even if it doesn't hold up well.

I also started some diamond painting of a sakura tree. I forgot how maddening diamond painting is. Takes forever and kills more time than I would like it to, but it's still a good distraction.

What else? Writing. Yes, I've managed to finish a second chapter of the Dreampunk Chronicles, so that's good. Poking away at UnHeard is also good. I have no idea what I wanted to do with one of my short stories. I think I confused myself when I initially wrote it, so I had to do a quick fact check, but I think I know what to do with it.

I'll probably release the three stories as one. One's very short, only about 10K words. The other is about 20-25. Not sure how long the last one will be, but it will be small enough that it won't break anyone's bank. Unfortunately, epic fantasy really drives up the price of prints, but I can at least keep the ebooks at a decent price. I'm thinking of calling it Before They Were Heroes, since each of them deals with characters I've done before the events took place in their series. One is pretty much romance erotica, while the other two are procedural in terms of fantasy. Either way, they still fit together, so I'll leave it at that.

But it's New Year's Eve and almost 2020, so I'm looking at a board game night with my sister and nephews and some good times. Better get things started (or at least get out the games). I'll see the rest of you on the other side of the ball dropping. Happy New Year!