Secession? It’s Not That Easy...

I know social media comments sections on anything remotely political are pretty much just a dumpster fire. However, one topic I’ve seen people bring up on both sides is ‘simply’ dividing ‘red’ and ‘blue’ states into separate countries.

I don’t have to tell most of you that this is a terrible idea.

I lived in Ohio and now Indiana. While I’d officially call myself an Independent or moderate, during crucial elections where third party voting serves no purpose, I’m a ‘blue’ voter. I used to live on Hamilton County, which covers the Cincinnati metropolis, which is among about 8 Ohio counties that is consistently blue. This is often a swing state in presidential elections and is never red or blue in general.

And now I live in Indiana so you likely see my new dilemma. Red county, red state, almost consistently. I do NOT want to be imprisoned under the authoritarian hell of a Red America.

This is what it comes to. A very stupid ‘solution’ that would effectively trap millions of Americans in absolute hell. I imagine the red voters trapped by their circumstances in a blue state terrifies them too.

Where you live does not determine your beliefs or ideals. While many take to social pressures and indoctrination, many also formed their own conclusions that go against popular beliefs. This country might be divided but it’s not a geological grouping you can just throw fences around and pretend that fixes the problem. After the tRump wall bullshit, liberals especially know better than that being even remotely a good solution.

What makes people’s knee jerk solutions and opinions so useless is that their research rarely ever includes consulting people who have dedicated their lives to that area of study. I see posts about the upcoming COVID-19 vaccine peppered with doubt about its efficacy and long-term consequences and that they’ll let the ‘idiots’ go first. The problem with people’s doubt and questions comes from the fact that they are unloading them without FIRST taking the time to do real research, to consult with healthcare workers (who not only risk their lives but have seen the full-blown horror of it). 

It’s become evident that, like forming uneducated opinions, there’s also an irresponsibility in asking uneducated questions too soon. We have the ability to find unbiased factual resources for the very nature of the virus, but it may be in language too difficult for many to follow. However, asking ‘is this vaccine going to kill us?’ is fear-mongering and inflammatory. Instead, we should be asking ‘if you’re a healthcare worker, can you tell us why we should get the vaccine?’

And it’s not enough to simply trust that every healthcare worker is going to be objective either, which is why polling is a mandatory part of research. Your doctor might be a biased idiot but it’s more conclusive if ‘7 out of 10’ doctors agree.

We all wondered why 9 out of 10 dentists recommend Colgate. It’s not because we have reason to believe the odd one out is right. He’s probably barking at the moon. He might’ve rightfully earned his degree and been educated but then started playing around on the dark web, not updating his education legitimately and now thinks that cavities are caused by 5G signals so he tinfoils his walls. 

But we’ve also seen that tens of millions of Americans also vote for a moron. While this wasn’t the majority of votes, it’s also possible to simply be surrounded by a majority of falsehoods. Which is why it’s so damned important to know HOW to find legitimate resources. It’s always worthwhile to even take the most batshit insane theories and find out the unreliable source that the ignorant ones are taking as fact. Just dismissing them only increases their hysteria. When face to face with the truly insane, I know from experience that the last thing you want to do is burst their bubble. You ask questions without judgement, try to look for whatever trauma in their lives made them vulnerable to the imaginative logic of that lie.

Division, segregation, that is the opposite of progress. We need to stop sorting privilege, stop drawing lines and stop insisting on labels. We shouldn’t entertain dividing this country. We should be challenging each other to tolerate and understand our differences and never entertain making things easier for bigots. This isn’t the time to be forming opinions and questions prior to research. Stop treating social media like Google (or for you paranoid nut jobs, DuckDuckGo, with its absolute shit sorting system). Use it to poll for educated answers and survey opinion, not confirm a bias.

Yes, as a liberal, I do celebrate progress, to a point. It’s not an extreme. Positive progress is very slow and met with a lot of stubborn opposition. As an atheist, it’s always especially exhausting how extremist conservatism wants to build laws, seemingly on behalf of their god. Not only am I quite aware that the Christian god touts free will, it’s also technically blasphemy to enact ‘God’s will’ through the laws of men. We are meant to bear the consequences of our own sins upon Judgement Day, according to the Bible. Subjective ‘sins’ like abortion and homosexuality (and I cringe to even entertain those are sins at all) are not detrimental to human society, which is why it makes no sense to punish for them like society does for actual human harm like rape, robbery and murder. However, religious perceptions (superstitions) overriding science is an attempt to undermine and subjugate, a move done more out of fear and hate than reason.

I’d love to discuss my passionate studies in theology that led to atheism sometime, but not now. That’s a VERY long conversation.

Which is why it’s so confusing that extreme conservatism has been pumping out the ‘fuck your feelings’ rhetoric. Authoritarianism, religion, almost every area they stand for are almost entirely built on how they feel about things, not the logic of progress, science or fact. 

I also think it’s irresponsible if I didn’t mention that I do have religious and conservative friends. I’ll tell you now that this is because there is wisdom buried in religious stories and meaningful progress is not something to be rushed. It’s responsible to admit that I don’t always agree with liberals when they spew extremist ideals either. However, I’m also aware that I do lean more left on economic issues, slightly right on social issues (only because I think a great deal of the shit people are suddenly forcing others to talk about is kind of none of anyone’s damn business).

Obviously, I jump around a lot but it’s difficult to talk about one without inevitably pulling a string from another. If I were a professional blogger, I’m sure I’d poke and prod and edit and organize, but that’s more work than a personal blog needs. I’d consider that more the responsibility of an influencer.

You got the gist. I hope. At this point, we just have to accept that we’re not responsible for how people twist our intent. I’m happy to elaborate for someone genuinely interested rather than condescending.

Stay out of the crazy rabbit holes, folks. Used to be a fun concept for the curious, the adventurous Alices of the world, but too often, it’s become tainted by the rambling of conspiracy theories and damaging biases. The concept of the Mad Hatter is superseded by the terror of the Jabberwocky. Rather than sticking solely to the classics, I’ve always been in favor of writing for the present and future. It’s never a good time to say it’s all been done and we have all we need so let’s quit. There are better things ahead.

Spreading Oneself Too Thin

One thing I’ve always contemplated was how to regard the opinion that I may be ‘spreading myself too thin’. I have no shortage of admiration for people who are able to laser focus on one thing, but that’s actually a pretty popular opinion and one we should assess more in modern times.

Certainly there is room to admire those with many focuses without being over-critical with the perception that they are taking on ‘too much.’ While I suppose it can be an issue when they never finish anything, but even if people don’t finish *most* of what they start, perhaps we should look at the success of those processes in more ways than making sure everything is done.

Some projects, even when started with the intention to have a finished product, are left undone. I’ve found this can happen when you’re trying something new and possibly very ambitious, something you’ve underestimated the sheer labor of. It’s often assumed that someone just gets ‘bored’ or ‘lazy’ but, quite frankly, that’s a lazy assumption. Every project contains a learning process, whether it is something you’re trying or you’ve done it a hundred times before. Along the way, it’s very possible that the errors are more tedious to fix than simply starting over or we’ve simply gotten what we’ve wanted from it and are otherwise inspired to apply what we’ve learned to a fresher idea. Especially in creative fields, you must marry yourself to an alien concept in most other fields; not every aspect is precious and some must be abandoned to apply your skills and attention more efficiently. But it’s also true that no labor or effort is actually ‘wasted’ and that those discarded materials and unfixable mistakes are an important part of your personal ‘résumé’ too. 

Those hundreds of hours of ‘mistakes’ and things left unfinished are the evidence of your efficiency. There’s a reason why professional artists aren’t cheap. We’ve literally taken a task that would take the average of persons hundreds of hours to do and get it done, with no lack of quality, in a matter of hours or days. Or more accurately, we’re able to get it done (and well) in exponentially quicker times. Creatives have also spent hundreds of unpaid hours earning the right to charge for that kind of delivery. While it’s easy to blow off the things that apps and filters can do for your images, it’s still incomparable to the quality done by a graphic artist. Anyone can write a book, but who actually has the patience to format, edit or market? 

Which brings me back to the point of whether we are actually spreading ourselves too thin... or if we’re simply exceeding people’s expectations for what one person can actually do. More often than not, I think people are critical about spreading focus because they themselves actually don’t succeed doing so. So in the midst of many months where you don’t seem productive, it becomes a shocking blow when you finally show the fruits of those ‘unfocused’ efforts.

It’s mostly a positive response that I get over time. People who take the time to get to know me see an ambitious and full body of work. I think it’s easier for people who don’t know how I operate to chalk those times when I’m not sharing anything as a lack or work or success, rather than a skillful process.

Indeed, modern people are more than a little spoiled when it comes to instant gratification. This can make it more difficult for artists because, while our neighbors can’t see our progress (like when we’re building a deck on the house), we’re enduring a period of vulnerability of ideas and a challenge to the great focus that project needs and we can’t reassure others or even ourselves of what progress is actually made. Even in this state of vulnerability, sometimes we have to expend energy defending ourselves against many kinds of negative criticism about our contribution and dedication. Which is also why even extroverted artists tend to shit themselves in a working solitude, to eliminate the distraction and focus their limited energy on a project.

I would never actually defend laziness either, but often it’s a false perception directed at creatives. Of course, it is ultimately destructive if they never produce finished work or never share progress at all, but that’s actually extremely rare. There is always something to admire about the discipline required, but a discipline without application or production ultimately does become a waste.

Sometimes I beat myself up about that too. For a little over a year, I kind of just... halted creativity, or more accurately, large projects. A dear friend of mine likes to remind me that I just spent three years of my life, doing nothing but living to write, edit, format, design and publish eleven hefty fantasy novels. My social life was almost nonexistent, my focus was razor sharp, my ambitious was undistracted. Now ideally, a bit of ‘burn out’ would occur AFTER I finished my second series finished (that I’ve published two out of four projected novels), but that’s just not the way a personal dream actually travels, and also why my friends often have to remind me I’ve ‘earned’ a bit of burn out.

Of course, it does make the professional in me wonder if this also makes potential clients think that this is somehow a lack of ethics I’ll sprinkle into work I do for them. The definitive answer is absolutely not. I do not tell people I will take on a job and never do it. In fact, my actual track record shows that I not only quickly tackle projects for others quickly, but they’re also often surprised that I deliver my work quickly and done well. 

In truth, sometimes my own ideas need to simmer or don’t quite challenge me enough, but I am quite easily charmed to the challenge others present me. I am not a client that will get frustrated and walk away. My ideas will always exist as long as I do. Yet there is a different pressure to perform when I’m dealing with the patience and criticism of a client. They can lose interest or patience in the stalling of my ideas in a way that my personal projects will not.

Side note: this is why I flirted with getting an agent or traditional publisher. The challenge of those eyes on my work was an appealing challenge, but ultimately I decided I simply wanted the experience of creative control. Very few aspects of commercial creativity actually give you the freedom of control and that was far more tempting than literary clout.

So... going back to ‘spreading yourself thin’... is that a concept to be admired or criticized harshly? Really, let’s stop with lazy thinking and start applying a more critical eye on generalized statements or perceptions like these. Ask questions about what they consider their failures and successes, get to know the body of work behind these multi-focused individuals, consider the vast amount of time, effort and struggle was involved to make their work look so effortless.

Perhaps remember that we don’t have to admire single-focused mastery less to show more admiration for the polymaths out there. While high IQs are sometimes squandered through lack of application, this is the exception, not the rule. It doesn’t take a great deal of time and effort to talk to someone and understand how hard they actually work.

Honestly, I kind of pity the ones that don’t bother to ask and try to hurt me with harsh assumptions. There’s a thread of jealousy in people that dismiss someone who is doing something they didn’t think possible that is truly pitiable. It’s also not worth my time or theirs to beg them to acknowledge my accomplishments. Sometimes, people are in a painful personal place where trying to hurt someone is the only way they know how to deal with what they’re going through. And I’m human too. I don’t always have the mental fortitude or patience to reach out to people in pain, so the best thing I can do is simply shrug and walk away sometimes. They’re not always in a position to accept help or advice or have their minds changed.

But that’s also a little superpower of mine. I do tend to sense strong positive and negative vibes that help me decide the risk of pressing an issue with someone. I’m all too happy to help others but I know all too well that even my own good intentions often just stir the pot.

Okay, I’m tired so it’s time to set this mess free into the blogosphere...

Building Community

I’m going to start with a solid opinion here, but it’s a sentiment that’s not rare: there is nothing admirable about being a miserable fuck.

I realize some people might take this personally or feel they’ve inspired the sentiment, but everything isn’t about you, whoever you are. In this case, it’s a blanket statement to introduce what is actually ‘wrong’ with the world today.

Americans have become ‘hustle-obsessed’. They literally forego working in jobs they enjoy or are actually good at and passionate about because of some misguided idea that this is a contribution to society, their family, etc. However, there is absolutely nothing more important to everything and everyone you prioritize than the quality of your time. Loving your contribution is just as important in the equation.

But, Krista, if everyone only did what they love, who would work all these ‘shitty’ jobs that keep society going? If you’re arguing this, you haven’t really thought about the whole picture. I worked with a woman who earned an MBA, had the tools and brains to start her own business if she wanted, so why the hell would she want to work at a Petco? When asked that, she laughed and added with such unwavering confidence, “I love this job and wouldn’t think of doing anything else.” Now, I’m sure some people have this very narrow view of this concept. Well, service jobs are much ‘cushier’ than, say, shoveling shit at a zoo or working on an oil rig. But here’s the thing: what most of us might consider a job that no one would work unless they ‘had to’, there are some people who truly take pride in doing the dirty jobs that most of us don’t want. We don’t need to force people into desperation and poverty, to take jobs they hate because ‘no one will do them’ otherwise. 

What society doesn’t need is cyclical suffering and misery. As a society, we need to gently lean towards utilizing technology towards encouraging more of the more widely ‘wanted’ jobs, not the desperately-needed. This looking down on people who enjoy jobs you think no one wants is a problem, but not the focus I’m after in this post. It’s a small chip in the bigger pile.

What I hear a lot these days, wherever I go, is how communities just don’t work together like they used to. The problem with this is that this NEVER comes from the mouths of people who actually DO work in and with their communities. 

One thing I actively started using social media for was joining the group pages of small towns. There is no shortage of posts about food pantries and clean-up events, but you see the same problem in the follow-up posts about these events: only a handful of hopeful, helpful faces are in the many photos.

But I had to work. But it was my day off and I just wanted to relax. But it’s simply too inconvenient to make the effort. What it comes down to is that if *you* do not make the effort to make it a priority, then you can’t be surprised that you don’t see how hard others are working to create the unity you simply expect.

It’s possible for us to rebuild strong communities again. While the pandemic goes on, it’s an unfortunate but necessary truth that events are a lot more limited for the time being. But it’s not impossible. 

For one, we each have to understand that attitude is everything. Building a safer, happier community means knowing your neighbors to some degree. If you want the luxury of a neighborhood crime watch, the ability to feel like your kids are safe and looked after when they walk around town, the fun of a neighborhood block party, you have to make whatever community events are available a priority. Organizers can lose hope and stop trying if no one ever turns up, but you can really invigorate them just by showing up. You don’t have to be an extroverted ball of sunshine. The best thing about organizers is that they are usually very intuitive when it comes to assigning people roles suited to them. If you’re a shy introvert, they’ll usually hand you a tool and give you a solo job. If you want to be in a more involved job, they’re also usually good at hearing out your ideas to make the event run more smoothly.

The whole mechanic behind community events is encouraging people to fall into roles they’re both suited to and might actually enjoy. If that’s not your experience, then what are you doing to make a more successful event? What would you do different? Events only improve and attract more people to future efforts with valuable feedback.

But you have to be there. Working hard may be part of your passion, making it difficult to attend often or at all, but there are other ways to contribute to the success and frequency of community building events. Most people might assume I’m talking about throwing money at it, which is often very welcome to, but sometimes they have a list of supplies they’re trying to gather and going a little further by ordering or purchasing and delivering what they need is often massively appreciated too.

There are many valid reasons why people don’t/can’t go or find some way to help, but if you’re the sort that complains about how this world has gone to shit, it’s time to give yourself a reality check. Attitudes may suck, but there are plenty of people still making the effort and it’s not because they don’t have day jobs. Participating in community is a priority because they want safer, happier and more interesting neighborhoods. I’ve seen volunteers show up, disheveled and tossing down a box of supplies, and still pasting a hopeful smile on their tired faces.

As a society, we are sick. Mental illnesses are prevalent, people are angry, scared, bitter and disillusioned to the potential for good. But among the unrest, people are still making it a priority to turn this around.

And yes, I used to be one of the miserable fucks. I fell for this broken sentiment that simply working hard or smart somehow put you on the right side of life. However, over time, I also learned that I destroyed whatever contribution I thought I was making with simply suffering and ignoring the lack of quality in this contribution. My family suffered, society continued to suffer, no one was healing. 

Moving to a new town really motivated me to think about this more. I set out determined to make sure this was a town I could love to live in. I was actually motivated by the grumbles of how ‘bad things have gotten here’ to do what I could to see how I could make a difference.

Seek and ye shall find. One of the first local cafes we visited is run by a very passionate and motivated man. He helped organize the Christmas Walk, one of the first events I saw posted when we finally settled in. While talking with him in his restaurant, he talked passionately about reviving a sense of community here and it ingratiated me to the idea. I added the cafe to my FB group page and started liking his quirky videos, commenting that I love his energy, ideas and menu. In turn, he added me and noticed from my profile that I’m a crafter and he just so happened to want to organize a craft show.

I jumped at the chance. At the moment, I’m antsy and nervous enough just being out of work and craving the motivation to do more. When a group of us met at the cafe to discuss how we’d set it up, my sister also mentioned I’m a graphic designer and that I would be happy to make a logo and flyer for the event.

It’s a lot of work and so small in the span of things, but I hope we can inspire each other and this town to keep up with efforts to build that sense of community that so many feel entitled to. I hope more people will want to work for those entitlements. 

The irony being that the same people that grumble about the undeserving receiving entitlements is that often expect the exact same thing from community. However, if you aren’t ‘paying into’ what it takes to make things happen, you’re just a different kind of freeloader.

It’s never too late to decide you truly haven’t been doing enough for the life you want. Humble yourself to that and build pride through changing that attitude.

And hey, I’m socially awkward and introverted, but it takes all kinds to make a community. Open yourself to the opportunity for making that difference.

Plague Trump

It’s not often that I’ll ever talk politics. Like religion, I consider the topic one deeply personal and never a gauge of the character or decency of the person.

However... Trump is a disease. I don’t mean this in a wholly political or personal sense. With great reservation, I set out to do unbiased research on the blind fervor behind his cult-like following. I say this because I know this line of research will be fraught with the sort of brainwashing and deeply cruel tactics that traumatized me as a child and teenager. However, I also know that, because I know the deeply subtle manipulations of psychopathy so well, I am also uniquely equipped to insulate myself against it and hash it out for people who don’t have defenses against the manipulation.

We can’t tackle what makes this cult-like plague possible without mention of QAnon. Thankfully, most reputable sites, rather than censoring this content and potentially forcing vulnerable people to seek more damaging outlets to know what it is, post warnings about the possibility of QAnon being akin to a terrorist or cult-like mentality if it continues to manipulate as it has. For those who don’t know, QAnon essentially is an idea that liberal Democrats are essentially a force of ‘evil’, a cabal of Satanists that run a widespread organization that deals in child trafficking and even cannibalism and ‘they’ are warriors of good, preparing for The Storm, where thousands of these evil elitists will be exposed and Trump himself will ‘save the world’ in doing so. Of course, these concepts, with vocabulary straight out of pure fantasy, simply welcome veteran conspiracy theorists, who attempt to combine their own outlandish rabbit holes into this ‘community’, so it’s really quite difficult to say what all QAnon ‘members’ (aka bakers) are actually buying into. There are all sorts, anti-vaxxers, flat-earthers, creationists and many other easily debunkable concepts run amok for them to pick and choose from.

Like cults, groups like these prey upon the fear, isolation and disenfranchisement of the ones they target. It would be easy to dismiss these people as gullible or stupid, but in so many cases, these people are simply vulnerable, in pain. However, the deeper they go, the less you can sympathize with them. The way they dehumanize opposing views, seek vengeance, and put others in harm with the delusion that they are the good guys saving the world is where the real harm comes in.

While you can’t truly give Trump the credit for this frightening manipulation, his own actions have easily enabled these vulnerable people to believe he is ‘on their side when no one else is’ and even speaking to them ‘in code’. That’s right; he’s not just an idiot who is terrible with words, he must be speaking this way intentionally so that the really ‘smart people’ are getting the real message.

Like cults, the idea is to hook people based on common fears, make them feel unique and like they belong. Rather than simply issuing the truth, QAnon makes it ‘a game’, a hunt through cryptic messages, codes, meta tags, and photos. Not only are you ‘uncovering the truth for yourself’ but you're contributing your own (paranoid and delusional) spin on it. This endless scavenger hunt is an exercise in madness, both further isolating you in a feverish chase of paranoia and even subtly shaming and guilting you into working harder to ‘save us all’. Your punishment and reward systems are so intertwined that you begin to crave the abuse as much as the paltry prizes. Like anything you end up spending time and resources on, it gets harder and harder to pull away and rationalize with the information because you don’t want to cope with how much you have wasted to get there.

To be honest, it’s an exhausting spiral of thought but I truly felt the need to give you the gist of this and how it applies to my own experience. You can easily find safe ways to explore cult mentality, vulnerability, QAnon and so on. 

The oddity of my own experience is that I joined a local FaceBook group for the town I just moved to. Someone had posted about wearing masks, which I found to be an intriguing opportunity to find if there were some more like-minded liberals here in a Trump-loving town. Although I was respectful, if not a little exasperated that I would have to explain science to adults, I happened to question why we should ‘thank Trump’ for a vaccine (that they would likely refuse anyway) when so often his ego-driven rallies were super spreader events.

What followed was veiled insults, bullying and intimidation so I blocked the two women doing so. However, no less than six other women actually jumped in and defended my arguments as factual and not personal attacks, even though they had devolved it into such.

The next day, I was surprised to see that I had been banned from the group, no explanation. However, it’s not hard to deduce that, although I hadn’t broken any rules, the admin either did so to prevent any zealots from retaliating against me or they themselves had an issue with liberals finding common ground here. Two very different possibilities, but since I was given no reason, the latter is more likely. Although liberals are clearly outnumbered here, it’s very apparent that keeping them divided serves the fear and paranoia of zealots better.

Everyone I have met and talked to here is kind and amazing. But the internet is a very different creature. I do very much hope that the plague of paranoia, fear, and authoritarian control that is Trump is squashed with Biden stepping in. We truly have to seriously address what vulnerabilities exist to make so many turn to hate, distrust and blind faith in a man so unworthy of it.

America is hurting. Healing is a hard road ahead but we have two plagues to address before we can build a better country for all Americans.

Adjusting to the Move

 Prior to the move, it’s pretty clear I was bustling with nerves and excitement, promising to take pictures and post updates and make a few laps around the world.

Clearly, that was too ambitious; let’s face it—I’m pooped.

While my dad was away on his ten-day vacation, the rest of us were chipping away at unpacking our own stuff, ordering new furniture to put together and keeping the mess as manageable as possible. For about a week straight, all I did was all that and sleep. Even when the workload started to slow down, there were still orders trickling in and organizing to do. Every box unpacked looking like a messy explosion was a necessity of seeing everything laid out to then make its place more organized.

In my bedroom, there was the bookshelf, the desk and the bed frame. I also water sealed the desk surface and installed those childproof bumpers (which make excellent wrist rests). I used an extender pole for a duster to hang a couple of tapestries on my tallest wall. There’s still a bit of clutter, but I know that over time, I’ll become more efficient with the space and aesthetic. For now, I’m just glad I can move around the space and find what I need. Moving through a maze of boxes was not as fun as it sounds.

I got bookshelves for both Dameon and Marcus. For Marcus, I got a floor rug and a gaming couch, but gave Dameon my recliner and also bought him a shoe rack. Dameon needs some curtain rods put up and they could both use some stuff put up on their walls, but their rooms were easier to set up.

My sister got a vanity, a storage mirror, a TV stand and a dresser. I had cancelled a bed frame for taking too long to ship, but then it turns out it did ship, so my sister and I just put it together anyway so she could use it. Her room is pretty much done at this point too.

Dad has spent the past few days going through his ridiculous hoard of boxes, but he has that mostly sorted through too. He just keeps way too much that neither gets used or displayed so it ends up just taking up space. I wouldn’t say I’m a minimalist but I’m definitely not that much of a pack rat either. I’m usually the person you can ask for a specific tool and there’s a good chance I have one. 

For the past few days, I’ve really slowed down though. Today, all I did was set up a new Ecotank printer. My Canon decided to hang up on a 5200 error after only two years of use. I said fuck it and bought an Epson with a 4 year warranty. Hopefully I get more mileage on this one. It’s agitating how technology just ‘mysteriously’ stops working after a few years. Even though I find good bargains, it’s still irritating to have to replace things. It feels wasteful to go through appliances and devices so fast.

A couple of rainy days are ahead so I’ll take it as more opportunities to relax. I do have some residual soreness from the weeks of constant moving and carrying. The faster I can heal and function better, the sooner I can start to fully utilize all this wonderful potential space.

It’s actually pretty difficult to relax after working so much. I feel a sort of restless need to ride the momentum, despite my protesting body’s opposite response...

I do look forward to focusing on more creative projects. But I also look forward to exploring the new town and working towards other goals, like improving my health. All in good time!

Closed Home, Opened Future!

 So, yes, everything went well for the closing for our new house on Monday! We’ve been rather busy, packing up more boxes, Dad taking stuff over by the carload, more packing and sorting, more loading, rinse, repeat. It’s been an exhausting but exciting process. We’re almost down to just the big furniture which will need a UHaul to finish up. Not yet sure if we’ll get to that before Dad goes on his trip in a little over a week, but I do think we’re at least getting the beds over there and beginning the unpacking process at least. The closets are fully fitted for filling at least. I can also go ahead and order a bed frame and bookshelf sometime soon. If I need any other furniture, I’ll figure that out along the way.

Unfortunately, I’m exhausted so I’ll leave it at that for now. There will be more pictures/posts ahead, but I’m patient with the process. I’m just glad it’s all moving forward!

Big Days Ahead!

 I have a bit of sorting to do with Dameon still. Just going to bag up the clothes we went through that he doesn’t want and then start going through the toys/collectibles today.

Tomorrow is closing day! Dad will do a walk-through to make sure the house is good to go, sign a giant stack of paperwork and get the keys. We won’t start the moving process until he returns from a trip with friends this month, but that’ll give us some time to do all the final packing and be ready to start the big haul.

Dad said he’s been doing some driving through and around our new town and is already drooling about how beautiful it is. I can’t walk for the walks and drives ahead to familiarize myself with all of it. I even went and added some of the local FaceBook groups to my feed, get a better feel for the bad and the good for people there. Apparently, the worst problem I’ve seen is FedEx’s tendency to deliver to the wrong addresses there. Our house's mailbox is actually on the other side of the street, so I’ll be adding some special delivery instructions to deliver it onto my porch whenever possible. The house number is big and clear on the house, but it’s not super close to the road. 

I constantly daydream about what life will be like there, the way I’ll arrange my room and decorate and make it our own. Nothing too fantastical, but I have snippets of our tour and where we drove in and I’ve pored over maps to see which ways I’d like to explore. I’ve always dreamed about an abstract home, somewhere between rural and suburban life, and this will be a surreal reality to come.

Not to say it won’t come without adjustment. Change is always a little scary too. Some of us live our lives afraid to make change and I can’t say I blame anyone for that. Some changes mean you can’t go back to way things were and, when the new situation is worse, it makes it all the more difficult to trust making big changes again.

Yet I remember how difficult it was to hit ‘publish’ on my first book. I drafted and edited and riddled with the cover and proofing, backed up to make adjustments required, learned all of the pitfalls of word processor formatting. I kept meticulous notes so that future efforts would be more streamlined. Yet as the excitement built, that dread crept in.

What if people hate it?

It wasn’t a dread that I cared to let build so I squeezed my eyes shut and clicked. 

The harsher reality is that most people didn’t care to read it or even know it existed. But I moved on. More books, each coming with some new challenges in the ever-changing processes. I didn’t even get my first review until this year, a very in-depth one, but I lapped it up. Feedback is golden, especially in a time where people consume and move on, rarely ever taking the time to interact with those who made the work they take in. I adored the honesty and the criticism and strive for more of it, good bad and ugly, in the future.

I would still like to organize to get some booths at local conventions, but in light of the pandemic, I’m not certain about making too many plans in an unknown future. Events are still being cancelled these days and I don’t want to accumulate any space-hogging racks or displays too far in advance. I’ve kept many suppliers bookmarked, ready to order when it’s time, but in truth, there’s still much work to be done and my muse is playing hooky these days. I know I’ll have to reread my previous two books in the series and comb over my notes to proceed. It’s too easy to forget when nearly a year has passed without drafting it. When you have a brain constantly processing many ideas, you have to be in a place to discipline it once more.

In any case, this moving adventure takes precedence. I’ll likely be straddling living between this house and the new one until the end of the year, fiddling with nesting in a new room and settling in. It may just be the sort of task that has my muse sniffing around in curiosity once more. There are also plenty of crochet and doll projects in process, so there’s really no telling where I’ll go from here.

Truly, it’s not a bad problem to have.