Run-On Sentences, Run-On Mind

Many new writers stumble on the run-on sentence at some stage of their development. As with a great deal of concepts strict grammaticians frown on, this is one of those yellow flag areas that are at least worth looking at more keenly when you spot them in editing. 

What can it say about you as a writer? It hardly means you're inexperienced or careless. What it can betray is a hurried need to connect thoughts without taking a breath, almost begging your reader not to abandon ship. Musicians will be familiar with the term breath-marks which, like commas, guide us both mentally and when reading aloud to... pause and feel the rhythm, connect the words. While I'm personally a fan of fragment chains that connect several events in synch, there are also times when I'm simply showing a reluctance to create the pause of a completed thought with a period. Examples of places I've caught renegade commas and how I correct them?

• She does something but what he does is something else; he gets a semi-colon, not another comma, especially when they have their own adjective and action fragments.
• Her action has many fragment chains, many thoughts. Her new action is different and no longer a part of that idea.
• I really want their actions to happen together so I reflect that—oh, noooo; an em-dash to continue it. Don't use an em-dash to avoid a comma that should be a period.

Use paragraphs as the indicator of what thoughts and actions run together. Use shorter paragraphs to denote a faster pace where you aren't looking too closely. Use longer ones when you want the reader to slow down and contemplate. Visually, this is often an unconscious signifier so trust your readers' instincts more. So what are some ways paragraphs subtly lead?

For one, use it to keep conversation neat and limit those he-said/she-said's. This has its own sub-examples.

• "I'm talking." She picked up the microphone before continuing. "You're listening."
• "You're talking," she commanded, but it was clear she wasn't done talking. "Let me get a drink first."
• "They're talking—" Her look dared him to interrupt. "—but I'm not listening."

Now with the em-dash interruptions come other techniques; you can start the interrupted sentence, use a new paragraph to start a verbal interruption, then yet another so the interrupted can em-dash/speak the rest of their sentence over them. Interruptions can be tricky business in novels since your words and actions are visually sequential rather than able to layer like in movies and other visual media. However, this is one of the ways you can introduce that occurrence. May I add that it's usually a good idea to really cut out any he-said/she-said tags if possible. Try to isolate the speakers to two possible culprits before you use it. 

Example:

Chisa was done with Hara's whining. She stood in front of Hara, an expression demanding Hara's full attention.

"Listen, you whining little mess, you—"

"I really don't need this..."

"—are just going to have to learn to set aside your drama and do what needs to be done!" Chisa tossed Hara the dirty bucket she'd dropped on the stool. "Start with this. These walls aren't going to clean themselves!"

Now that example includes the bonus of the paused speech-action-speech paragraph. In this way, I could avoid insisting that Chisa yelled, said or any other obvious variation, and just focused on her action before continuing. We get pretty quickly that she's irritated so you can trust the reader to pick up on that and focus on the fast pace of a tense moment.

Let me reiterate that run-on sentences are still a yellow flag, not red. Sometimes they work. They can create a cascade of words that leave you breathless. Sentences carry their own rhythms and at times, the effect of a long sentence can actual captivate the reader. Then, a short point can be more powerful.

She ran and ran but, no matter which way she took, there was another door, another wall, so her steps grew shorter and slower, then not at all. She had nowhere to go.

In that quick example, there's even a sort of poetry to the unintentional spacing between 'wall' and 'all' that creates a rhythm in the moment. For some, that subtle use might make us aware of holding our breath or even a racing heart if this is a build in a suspense scene.

You can excuse a busy mind as the initial reason for run-on sentences. Certainly, don't set out to eliminate all of them on your edits. Endeavor to limit their uses to where they might be most powerful. Be more critical of any sentence that exceeds two or three commas. Rework them if they just don't assist in the style or pace. 

Just like the use of fancier words, you sometimes want to save them where they are the exact word for the situation, not just proof you know how to use a thesaurus. While the 'very is lazy' idea is one I stand behind, I'd recommend using 'very happy' if you're writing for an audience that hasn't learned the word 'ecstatic' yet. Young readers are hard enough to snag these days, so limit where they detach from your book to look up a word.

In every case of the word 'rule' being thrown carelessly about advice for writers, there is ripe opportunity to find the exception. Even my trusting nature has learned to believe all rules have exceptions, so don't excuse a trusting nature as reason to accept it as the only good advice. Go ahead and challenge yourself to aggravate grammaticians—write a 50+ word sentence correctly using at least one em-dash, semi-colon, a comma and a period. Why? Because you can. There's a correct way to bend any rule so go ahead and challenge yourself with it. Why not risk doing it incorrectly even?

It wasn't because she hated him or even herself that she scratched his lover's name into his window; for her, it was an affirmation that she had no place in his life—as if she'd ever had a proper place at all!—and this was simply her way of moving on.

Hey, now, I couldn't just pose it to you without attempting it myself, could I? So give it a try. First, sort out how they are used, then create a sentence that can carry on the task. How about... not making much sense?

I've never been that blizzant about purple picklesnarf—my grandmagi would attest to this— but if you never get the opportunity, then disregard what I'm about to say; for the rest of you, I'd caligant to the nearest harsram before Ankersdam before you regret it for the rest of your unnatural lives.

That one sounds a bit Lewis Carrol and Tim Burton writing a sci-fi collaboration, but you get the gist. It's less about making perfect sense all the time and more about having fun with words.

So let your mind run-on from time to time, even if you're normally a very serious writer. Especially if you're a serious writer. Just like the best scientists are creative-minded, being a better writer involves abandoning some comfort zones.

Either way, don't red-flag those run-on sentences. If you want to feel them out, read them aloud using the punctuation marks as guides. Chances are, if you need to stop to take breaths because your style is leaving you winded, that is where you might benefit from a different strategy.

Hope this one serves you well. I might do more posts combining style and grammar in the future. I really enjoyed this one at least. Keep writing, peoples!