You Don't Have to Understand to Accept, But...

Usually, 'but' is a word that isn't good news... But stick with me for a second here...

... Maybe I can help you understand a lot about what Americans are going through at the moment.

Maybe you've seen an attractive guy wearing the latest make-up trend, wings and lip liner and brows on fleek. Maybe that person who looks like a girl wants to be called non-binary. From fashion to identity to status to personality, some people are just confusing your conditioned norms.

And it's okay. I was confused and frustrated too. However, there's a way I came to apply these differences and not just to the superficial. You can apply this to religion, politics, race, immigration status, etc. 

As an artist, there have been times where people have said 'why make this, when you can make that?' I heard phrases like this applied to what I wear, how often I shave, and so on. Why would I make these choices when someone else has a better idea? Well, why would I? Why would I change what makes me happy, what also makes some other people happy, simply because what works for you seems like the easier or more accepted choice? Why not write a formulaic best seller or sell your hobby work or have more acceptable hobbies?

I believe you know the answer. That isn't who I am. It doesn't make me happy. I can't make everyone happy. My work is something that only I can decide the merit of, in terms of time, self-worth, confidence... An artist doesn't want to be stuck doing work that doesn't align with their interests. It's soulless and it's depressing. In that same way, people make much harder decisions when they could have it 'easier'. They could give up that wonderful buzz in their head that lights up their face, puts a bounce in their step, lets them hold their head up and keeps them productive.

The reality is that we never have to truly understand what someone else is going through to accept it. We simply need to apply the choices we make to be happy to their situation. It's not idyllic, making those choices. Artists struggle, immigrants fear their protection can be revoked, transsexuals fight to decide how healthy a transition would be, non-binaries sometimes want to be specifically male or female as they walk through society, gay people let homophobes think they're straight even once they've come out. There are times where we're all tested and have to take steps back in a world struggling to accept or refusing to accept what is their norm.

If you don't 'get it', you don't have to force it. But ask yourself if one of the reasons you're stubborn to change is because you've too often sacrificed happiness or avoided knowing what you want because you made that 'easier choice'. Maybe you've worked the same job you hate for 20 years. Maybe your fixation on the scientific definition of gender makes you refuse to accept that gender identity as a choice is about whether societal roles fit someone who simply feels more comfortable with male or female roles. Maybe you're clinging to the fragile belief that your sacrifices have to mean something or you've wasted too much of your life trying to be accepted.

I'm not judging people who have closeted themselves in their beliefs in their life. I just ask you not to be so quick to wish your struggles on someone else. Let people be pioneers and advocates of the life they want for themselves. Maybe stop seeing people you don't understand as part of some problem and simply accept that their optimism doesn't mean their lives are any easier. Don't convince yourself that they're doing it wrong just because the world hasn't instantly changed, that they aren't instantly successful, that other people's refusal to accept them means they're wrong.

Take some time to pioneer your own attitude and, even in secret, begin to accept or even champion those who dare to be different. Once you open your heart to something new, you might even find some small way to inspire your own happiness. You might start spitting out those bitter seeds to taste the sweet fruit.