You Don't Have to Understand to Accept, But...

Usually, 'but' is a word that isn't good news... But stick with me for a second here...

... Maybe I can help you understand a lot about what Americans are going through at the moment.

Maybe you've seen an attractive guy wearing the latest make-up trend, wings and lip liner and brows on fleek. Maybe that person who looks like a girl wants to be called non-binary. From fashion to identity to status to personality, some people are just confusing your conditioned norms.

And it's okay. I was confused and frustrated too. However, there's a way I came to apply these differences and not just to the superficial. You can apply this to religion, politics, race, immigration status, etc. 

As an artist, there have been times where people have said 'why make this, when you can make that?' I heard phrases like this applied to what I wear, how often I shave, and so on. Why would I make these choices when someone else has a better idea? Well, why would I? Why would I change what makes me happy, what also makes some other people happy, simply because what works for you seems like the easier or more accepted choice? Why not write a formulaic best seller or sell your hobby work or have more acceptable hobbies?

I believe you know the answer. That isn't who I am. It doesn't make me happy. I can't make everyone happy. My work is something that only I can decide the merit of, in terms of time, self-worth, confidence... An artist doesn't want to be stuck doing work that doesn't align with their interests. It's soulless and it's depressing. In that same way, people make much harder decisions when they could have it 'easier'. They could give up that wonderful buzz in their head that lights up their face, puts a bounce in their step, lets them hold their head up and keeps them productive.

The reality is that we never have to truly understand what someone else is going through to accept it. We simply need to apply the choices we make to be happy to their situation. It's not idyllic, making those choices. Artists struggle, immigrants fear their protection can be revoked, transsexuals fight to decide how healthy a transition would be, non-binaries sometimes want to be specifically male or female as they walk through society, gay people let homophobes think they're straight even once they've come out. There are times where we're all tested and have to take steps back in a world struggling to accept or refusing to accept what is their norm.

If you don't 'get it', you don't have to force it. But ask yourself if one of the reasons you're stubborn to change is because you've too often sacrificed happiness or avoided knowing what you want because you made that 'easier choice'. Maybe you've worked the same job you hate for 20 years. Maybe your fixation on the scientific definition of gender makes you refuse to accept that gender identity as a choice is about whether societal roles fit someone who simply feels more comfortable with male or female roles. Maybe you're clinging to the fragile belief that your sacrifices have to mean something or you've wasted too much of your life trying to be accepted.

I'm not judging people who have closeted themselves in their beliefs in their life. I just ask you not to be so quick to wish your struggles on someone else. Let people be pioneers and advocates of the life they want for themselves. Maybe stop seeing people you don't understand as part of some problem and simply accept that their optimism doesn't mean their lives are any easier. Don't convince yourself that they're doing it wrong just because the world hasn't instantly changed, that they aren't instantly successful, that other people's refusal to accept them means they're wrong.

Take some time to pioneer your own attitude and, even in secret, begin to accept or even champion those who dare to be different. Once you open your heart to something new, you might even find some small way to inspire your own happiness. You might start spitting out those bitter seeds to taste the sweet fruit.

The Many Faces of Writers

After a long day of productive writing on a fun side story, I felt that intense urge to prematurely share the adventure... Once more hitting that frustrating wall belonging to every serious writer who self-publishes to market rather than throwing their first drafts on WattPad--I just can't. I can tell a friend or two, but the intimate thrill of the writing must still be refined into its intended finale before I take that leap.

The paradox begins to twist into my thoughts. Even though I blog in first person about myself or my methods, etc. I begin to feel as if my truest voice is growing in my fiction, my ideals, my most faithful words, my endless love for creation. I feel the frustration and confusion of reality start to untangle, the complex becoming understandable, my connection to reality stronger through my interpretation in fantasy. I don't feel this need to transform reality to cater to me, but rather, I become more peaceful in the acceptance that I can't control anything completely. I also have no temptation to disguise my real-life ideals, politics, or preferences to subliminally teach people or, worse, recruit them to think like me, or guilt my readers to agree with what I think might be good or bad.

Perhaps even more strongly since I've seen writers insist that writers have a responsibility to educate, when nothing can be further from the truth. Can it be a responsibility? Presented as non-fiction, certainly, but even then, it falls under personal responsibility for each person to remember you absolutely cannot believe everything you read, no matter how it is presented. Biases will always exist that will saw away the best intentions into so much dust.

For some in a state of mental simplicity, zen, whatever you want to call it, the easy answer is that all voices coming from you (barring crippling schizophrenia) are your true voice. However, I feel as if there is always a voice I associate myself with more and it's not always the one in our shared reality. Don't get me wrong--this isn't about retreating from reality. I can literally feel my brain working more clearly, cleverly, calmly in certain states. More often than not, it's while exploring internal processes than external stimuli.

Since I'm back at writing, I'll leave this at that. Thanks for reading!

We Are

Something about that heading made me 'arrrrrr' with a pirate's gusto, but otherwise, we are... What now?

Well, what are writers?

Are we desperate people with useless dreams?

Are we the laughing stock of a practical family?

Are we lauded dreamers forging ahead?

Are we funny, witty, social butterflies?

I've seen writers try to answer this question a lot. I gots me a story. I can't imagine doing anything else. You know the drill.

As many times as I've tried, the truth is this: that changes as much as my best attempts at planning. I'm not the same writer day to day. There are days I don't write. There are days where that I'm glued to my keyboard until my bladder threatens to explode. There are editing days and thinking days, days where I do everything, days where I kind of just drift. Can't say I ever do nothing because even when I'm sick, I'm still turning those snot-crusted wheels.

It's just as easy as saying what a writer isn't, which isn't easy at all. A writer can actually not write for years then pick it up again. In a way, it's like an addiction. You can kick the habit but you can easily pick it back up again.

One thing about identity that can never be said enough is that if you don't define yourself, others will try to do it for you. Hell, people will try to define you anyway, so you owe it to yourself to think hard about it.

Before you tell someone you've been a writer since you could hold a pencil or someone tries to tell you what a real writer is. You're who you say you are because you are. Now, you can't make other people believe you. People will always come along with the One True Scotsman Fallacy, but chances are, if they're so opposed to your identity, it's best you just move on.

As a writer, everyone is not your audience. Everyone will not buy into your identity. For some fantasy fans, Tolkien is Good, but I'm just not a huge Lord of the Rings fan and I actually liked the Hobbit movies better anyway. The books were just okay for me.

So. What you are, what we are, it doesn't have to be anything. Keep people in your life that understand your passions and really, ignore the rest. I've been in the position many times where people tried to assume I was a good or bad person and sometimes that's only based on whether they had a good or bad day and they're just projecting that on me. Over time, I've learned to swallow the impulse to react, then I take a breath and calmly tell someone that they really have no business assuming anything. Oh, they still will, and I'll have days where my impatience level is an instant 'fuck you' but that's life. The truer you are to who you want to be, the easier it is to face yourself.

Who we are... Is who we want to be. The best advice is the simplest, the sort open to interpretation. When my mom died, I watched an episode of Sherlock Holmes where Watson had just lost his wife. In one moment where neither knew what to say what came out simply was perfect: It's not okay, but it is what it is.

For me, profound moments don't always come from witty diatribes. Because strong emotions are very difficult, sometimes we reach people best when we throw out a blank. We say enough that they can fill in the sentiment and subtly show that we know pain. We don't have to explain that someone we love died too or that we know how they feel. We don't and we do, and mostly, getting along with each other is in the simpler expressions.

Just to throw the net in another direction, let's throw in some creative food for thought. Take a phrase and the reply that is trite or overused like "I love you" and "I love you too" and try to create a sort of secret code between the people that say it. For example:

Thank you --- You're not completely useless.

You're welcome --- I have my moments.

I can't tell you how much this makes small talk conversations way more fun to read and write. How about another?

How are you? --- Not dead yet?

I'm fine, and you? --- No, but when I see you, I wish I was. Do me a solid and beat me to it.

Okay, okay, not all of them are mean-spirited but my renditions of "I love you" are in my books and I don't want to spoil how ridiculously sweet they are. I do tend towards smart-assery and dark humor though so let's not pretend I'm sugar and spice. 

Before I cut this off, do yourself a solid and, even if you can't write, do a little wordplay everyday. This goes for my reader friends. Nothing staves away the risk for brain related illness like using your noggin. Who knows; you may actually enjoy it and be more fun at parties.