Writers, even before they are authors, often hear a lot of similar lines from the people in their life. If not being asked to be a character in their book, then something else; perhaps that they have some ideas that would be great for their story. Sometimes it's a shared misery (or pretended misery more akin to a humble brag), sometimes it's a bit of pleasant nostalgia. If, like me, you're in the latter group, then no matter how many times you hear it, it always warms your heart a little that people want to be involved in your work, even in a passive manner. Sure, some people can be pushy or relentless, but in most cases, they are coming to you with a vulnerability, a trust that you won't reject their interest. So even if someone can get a little defensive or stand-offish, it's mostly coming from a place we can relate to, maybe a place where we've lashed out from before ourselves.
One thing I'm learning to tackle more are personal alignments. While I've said before that I don't make characters that line up very well with myself, I've been more generous in offering up vulnerable instances in the guise of fiction. I might change the relationships of the involved characters or put it in a wholly different environment, but the psychological landscape is an internal conflict that can take place in anyone, resonating with people for the intricacies of those similarities. It's true enough that people who share a diagnosis are still, for all intents and purposes, alone in their suffering. Yet in support groups or forums, people still find comfort that other people can better describe a feeling they are troubled by as long as they can't name it. Because of that, I've learned to use my experiences without making it about me-- I can transfer these details and name them, creating an environment that can be discussed or understood.
Perhaps. I'm also aware that I might be too wordy for some people, which I'm not using to insult anyone's level of intelligence. I don't just fixate on what characters do or even observe. I also let them muse on what they think they are seeing on people's faces. Often, they aren't right so I do rely on the reader not automatically trusting a character's observations sometimes.
Conversations. Hoo boy, that one was not so easy for me. I wouldn't say it has little to do with any social ineptitude on my part. I just started asking myself if people really talked like I was making them talk. Back when Gilmore Girls first came out, that was a huge point of contention, how rapid and instantly witty the characters were yet how emotionally inept they were as the counterbalance. While it was an enjoyable show, too often it felt disingenuous and unrelatable. While I don't expect fictional stories to be overly realistic, it can really take you out of a story too much if a character can't be believable in and of itself. Conversations can't just be witty or enjoyable to be successful, but I do labor to avoid the small talk as much as possible because I loathe it and... I'd rather the reader just assume it happens rather than painstakingly recreating those boring and 'realistic' moments. I take it seriously that a writer has the power to decide what parts of the story are worth being delivered. It can be tough to decide but conversations... if they're there, make them count. Also, I try not to use them to bend the rules of exposition. While it's okay to let a character explain some finer points, I really don't want them describing what might be way more interesting to play out in real time.
As a fiction author, I can become personally fixated on what I believe to be strengths and weaknesses of mine, though neither of them become off-limits to my story. I certainly want to play to my strengths, but at the same time, those weaknesses could stand to be challenged and reformed as well. While I don't care to subject people to bad writing like subjects for my mad experiments, I find it worthwhile to go ahead and write them, then work out if they should stay or go or just get worked on over time. Play to your strengths, play on your weaknesses. While at some point, I have to make an executive decision for the good of the story, there is really no such thing as wasted effort.
Each writer's journey will differ and I can't say being a published, marketing author makes it any easier. No matter what paths you take, remember to include some room for self-discovery. Even in non-fiction, there's room for that, and not just for those memoirs either. I'm playing with the idea of a how-to-draw book that combines the technical with the intuitive, aiming to make it an experience that doesn't allow for the feeling of failure to inhibit you. To write a book that honest and evocative, I do have to delve into what I used to refer to as 'the zone', that place where you turn off the harsh critic and trade it for the helpful one. This is a place that does require conscious introspection into a mental process.
I don't think there is any such thing as a valuable book written by a completely detached writer. While we all need a healthy dose of logic and reason to create successful stories, we also can't completely distance ourselves from the subjects. Instead, there's ideally a place where our work is neither too precious for criticism nor too detached for emotional response.
In any case, keep at your own personal journeys. Back to editing for me, but think on your own strengths and weaknesses sometime. You may want to reevaluate that every so often, really assess what you found to be stronger or weaker in your writing and ask yourself how you can build from that.
