It Could Be Worse

Sometimes I do delve into the lower sides of emotions and states of mind like bitterness, distrust, and so on, but at the same time, I feel like I should make this clear: in most areas of my life, I am actually pretty content now.

Healthier than I've been in a decade. Amazing friends and supportive family. Published author and diligent artist. Finding work when I need it and able to be resourceful enough to acquire what I need (without selling my body or soul).

All in all, what bothers me at any given time is little more than a past that tends to rise like bile and sometimes people tend to pick at some annoying scabs (as only people who have known you for years can do well).

As a writer, I channel those things to my advantage. When the wounds were fresh, I wrote about those things privately and ended up burning or shredding them. That writing was never about crafting a coherent masterpiece. It was what it took to turn internal screams into therapeutic dialogue. I would not be able to write about them with any success if they were fresh. I don't find raw wounds to be more honest. I find them to be messy and sometimes just childish rambling. In my favorite books, it wasn't the rawness of fresh wounds that made me admire the work; it was always the careful presence of the years they took to understand it after. In truth, even though our bodies and minds are eager to forget raw pain, we can actually conjure up those raw wounds more potently when we look, not just at the actions, but the motives, the aftermath and the way it changed us. We are better able to see it like a doctor might see a wound; rather than panicking with the emotion, we train ourselves to really look at the wound and what it takes to heal it.

So when I seem particularly morose or depressed, sometimes it really has little to do with how things are going. Sometimes it's even the aftermath of a rather potent tapping into a deeply painful writing session. In order to write powerful scenes sometimes I have to get uncomfortably deep while staying afloat. Emotions are messy so getting too deep can be detrimental to the writing. Yet the pull is irresistible so it takes immense mental fortitude to keep drawing the boundaries.

Oh, but you WANT to get deep. Blood on the paper and all! I'll have to disagree. Once more, what comes from spiraling into a mental breakdown or letting a character's pain drag me down, that shit is not even that usable or even great when I read it again. It paralyzes me sometimes, which isn't at all useful to my work. What is useful is how I can recall it fully yet know my place as the writer. To get pulled in deep enough to look at it clinically. To see everything that my characters are blind to. Because even if I'm writing for their perspective, my POV is often ultimately omniscient and I need to not just lock myself into one character's drama alone.

The closest I came to being in one of my series was the presence of a being only called She. It was a feminine presence that watched, but had no form, and couldn't interact with the world. In a sense, I was using her to create the sense of what a higher power would be that couldn't affect free will nor had anything to do with the creation of the world. Although unlike She, I was still more omnipotent in duty to the story and didn't favor her in particular. I really just used her to anchor in the theme of the unknown.

The UnQuadrilogy uses some similar themes, but I do use them to tackle once-painful topics. Doubt, faith, religion, belief, imbalance, the unknown sometimes remaining that way, but not outside of logic all the same.

Wherever I am as a person and a writer? It could be worse. I count myself as damn lucky that I am doing what makes me happy. That I'm not hurting those I love and as few other people as possible. That I get to pursue writing while surviving being an unfortunate generation that got slammed by a bad economy. I was also a teenager in the 90s with some of the best music of all time. I also grew up both in the technological boom and still played outside and rode bikes all the time. Everything is not perfect, but I am satisfied with how I handle life.

As a creative, you'll take a lot of hard blows. Yet, from one creative to another, it's really all about letting things roll off your shoulders as much as possible. Don't neg other writers/creatives. Don't be discouraged because your first book doesn't mean instant fame. Don't use your identity as a crutch or an excuse to give up. The best thing you can do for yourself is take the blows and be thankful when you can say it could be worse.

But don't belittle the pain either. You are allowed to see it as important or even necessary. Just don't ever let it hold you back.

Writing Is A Word Game

Well, derp; of course it is. Yet, with the same sort of irony that infects the concept of any game, some people take it way too seriously and forget how to enjoy it. A competitive nature can help a game, but it can just as easily ruin it for yourself or others when you can't be bothered to look like you're having fun or pitch a fit and place blame... All that not-good stuff.

It's trying enough for creatives to always put their best foot forward, to save their personal grievances for inspiration or private conversations, but there are aspects of writing that we often feel is a requirement to be a successful writer. We try to emulate famous writers, only the reason for the way they live comes down to the fact that their popularity is a necessity for their protection. For the new writers, the little guys, people whose every word isn't mainstream, we need to put more blood in the water. Emulating success without having it does not fool people into giving it to us. We more often have to earn it through displays of humility, confidence, honesty rather than ego, arrogance and overexposure...  It's no exact measure but it still has to be an organic process unique to our own journey. As I've addressed before, one of the worst things you can do is turn against people on your platforms, trying to shame them into supporting you. You're more likely to get unfollowed for that. I'm straying just a bit but ultimately, we put undue pressure on ourselves and forget to integrate the game, the joy, of writing.

No, it's not the Game of Thrones or some other be-all-end-all idea. I really want you, as a writer, to stop being so serious for a moment. It doesn't matter how serious you take your story. For now, consider it a comedy. One thing I find odd is that, despite how easy technology makes it to pop open documents and type and delete at the near-speed of your thoughts, that people get so married to their one big project. They'll insist they can't possibly focus on more than one story at a time.

Guess what? I'm not asking you to start anew. You can just as well take your current project for any exercise. In fact, I learned that the Young Writers prompts, while not a fit for my story, were unexpectedly inspirational. In fact, my stubborn ass went in, fully expecting to decide it was a lame way to procrastinate, but instead, I often found myself more intimately in a character's head, more aware of their nature and their motivation, even their fears over what could happen to knock those dearly held beliefs off axis. 

Don't throw away opportunities to procrastinate, play, or simply enjoy your work. As a writer, I know you very likely have an impressive work ethic and you've got your head in making it the best damn story you can. Of all the people who might ask you to prove that, I'm one less because I know you're likely very serious—sometimes to the detriment of all that impressive effort. I also know that you're going to be sure of a lot of things as an excuse not to try them, possibly because you have better things to do. While you're not wrong, you also know what the onset of a writer's block feels and tastes like and these are the moments where what you need to do is feed the muse, not force them into grueling labor.

I won't pretend to know your muse, but where mine is concerned, there's not a damn thing you can force her to do. Since, like the mythological counterpart, gods and muses and magical beings of all sorts tend to be fans of trickery and deception and too flawed to trust, the same could be said of our own inclinations and inspirations. We sometimes need to trick ourselves with treats and incentives. In fact, you've probably long ago made the connection that mythologies are largely just colorful representations of more modern psychological concepts like our own ego, id and superego, analogies for the intricacies of human nature. No, I don't REALLY entertain an actual muse, but she is a good analogy for what occurs in the throes of inspiration. Stephen King insists his muse is male (mythological muses are always female) but of course it is. The muse is an intimate reflection of your identity. If a woman told me her muse is male, I'd just as well think she is trying to tell me she is more comfortable with ideas largely considered masculine. Oh dear god, don't let this lead to some fucking off-the-wall transmusism... Gendered muses aren't really an important concept, any more than your family would be okay with you sending a cutout of yourself instead of showing up for a holiday dinner. Your muse is yours and not a substitute for showing up in life.

This is what I get for late night blogging. I'm playing games with my own topics again. Nevertheless, rather than go off the rails over and over, I'll just assert once more—if your discipline is a roadblock in your goals, you need to ease up on the way you're looking at it. I might think of some prompts to add to a later post, but for now, at least take away the possibility that whatever doubts attract you to posts like this are sign enough that you're likely looking for a break or different approach.

Treating writing like it's fun is a very short stage. There will be plenty about it where you do crack down to get it right. Don't think every part of it has to be hard edges. Writers are often people with lots of fun unfinished drafts, but that's where the writer differs from the author. The author does trudge through what it takes to publish, to take risks, to finish. But don't forget that your stories could really start to lack character if you're unable to give a shit about them.

Why not apply that to any job? I can't recall ever enjoying a job less through refinement, skill and promotion. Sure, some people get bitter, jaded and hateful, but in truth, it doesn't make you a better person to stick with jobs you hate. It rather denotes a lack of courage when you don't make time to find something else. Even in a shitty economy, there are actually sacrifices you can make for what you really want. Yes, it may mean that life will suck for a while, but if you're really determined to reach for a life that will make you happy, then it's certainly better than being endlessly uncomfortable in your bubble of fear.

We live in a time where you can hate your job but sneak onto your phone and look for other jobs. The only thing stopping you from looking is your own doubts.

Games may not all be fun, but the games worth playing always have higher stakes.They also yield better rewards if you break through.

Or as in the Game of Thrones, you either win or you die. Lucky for you, writing isn't quite that high stake.

I Ruin Words. You're Welcome!

Inspired by a post from a talented writer friend of mine, Matt Roberts (post here but hit subscribe too), I thought I'd get into my love of all things wordy.

Now, I don't really think I'm a one-person army of maiming the current generational words but I do find that merely using them around my nephews' friends is often a way to get them not to use them around me. Often, I think the main purpose is to kind of speak in code and delight in annoying or confusing us old fogeys. However, I do embrace creative word use. What I don't embrace is cultural elitism or that rude way people will talk about you in another language when they think you don't understand it.

My generation often spent weekend afternoons with foreign language books looking up dirty words for fun. I'm pretty keen on all the ways people call me 'white bitch/foreigner/stupid' etc.

I'm not out to make them uncool but it's often the inevitable result of using them. It's the same reason why puns became so unpopular when I was a kid (and why I use them now--even the cringey ones delight me). Older generations, no matter how naturally or appropriately we use them, are meant to be locked out. However, it's equally useless to try to shame me out of doing it. I'm shameless and I'm likely to use dictionary words that will have them poking at the dictionary their phone came with, assuming they bothered to notice it.

I don't think kids are stupid or hopelessly entitled. Adults overlook things just the same but I tend to give kids these days some leeway. Their options are staggering and even with the world at their fingertips, they're still kids which means they prefer crass YouTubers over the news. Hell, I prefer that myself. You won't see me posting about anything I've seen on the news because I haven't. I don't expect kids to be held to the highest standards.

All the same, they're smart and full of potential, traits that I truly aim to nurture in them. I don't dumb down my words and, through hearing it used, even if they don't know if their phone has a dictionary, they're also more likely to ask me on the spot what a word means. Even when they try to exclude me, I don't reciprocate it. I aim to include, to be fascinating even, an example for why fitting in isn't always in their best interest.

It's okay to be an outsider. It's okay to take chances and try something new. It's okay to be the adult around kids. Even as an adult, the urge to be childish or impulsive doesn't vanish. Instead of shaming a kid for their language, I've found it's best to ignore it or use it. 

I've never told a child not to use the word 'fuck' around me. I do, through example, show how words can be more effective, but setting limits by themselves isn't convincing. Not to an adult and not to a child. Hurt your foot, all one word expletives are acceptable. Anger at a situation, go ahead and fucking talk about your terrible fucking day. However, with kids, I make it clear that what is tasteless is labeling. You can say she's acting like a bitch, but not that she is one. Why? Because there are few things about people that are permanent or certain and that falls under dishonesty, a trait that people don't respect and I strongly dislike. To be respected, you even avoid abusing words like 'always' and 'never' too--they often negate the times they've acted otherwise. Even with people you don't like, mislabeling them is more a discredit to you which will affect your reputation. You run the risk of being disregarded as a liar, a gossip, and so on.

What you say and do reflects more on how people view you than who you're targeting. No matter which words you use, assumptions will be made. You can't be in control of how you're received but it certainly pays to take the time to enact some diplomacy, to get better at anticipating context or defending your usage.

If you're going to ruin words, do it the right way, fam. Remember that a word's true purpose is to create understanding so consider it your duty to seek understanding before you're quick to dismissing it. Seriously, dude... 

More Fun with Words

Since I put in a few thousand words today, I'm allowing a little break to blog. Don't worry; I'm keeping this one light. We're all entitled to a little venting here and there, but fixating on it is poisonous. Get it out, let it run its course, get back to what moves you to make the world a better place.

My current book is a challenge in that I not only threw in a mute bard that found magical ways to communicate (I discussed that he was why I was playing with bracket use HERE), but there are also other creatures and characters that needed special ways to announce their thoughts. Communication is something we struggle with in its simplest forms, so how do you create special differences in creatures that speak with their minds or other languages or even different emphasis.

Sometimes your big dumb guy gets all CAPS when he talks. Because only your grandma who can't see the screen (teach her how to zoom the screen with accessibility options, you ungrateful offspring) and egotistical morons on Twitter use all caps, it stands to reason that maybe the ones that aren't so good at volume control would too.

I know some people enjoy integrating fantasy languages they make up, but I'm really not trying to assume anyone is trying to commit that much to reading a book. A new language is risky. Often, I might ease this burden by italicizing the conversation in two languages under certain conditions: 1) No one else can understand what one of them is saying. 2) It's communicated in a way that no one else can hear it (minds or inaudibly). This person is speaking the common tongue, this one the other-- one understands the italicized language, but the other speaks so that anyone overhearing would only understand the non-italicized language. In this way, I use font styles to communicate very specific events that the reader can pick up on. 

Many people wonder about the strengths and weaknesses of using different media and this is one way that books have an edge over other media. I wouldn't advise getting too creative with alternating fonts if you're going to use digital (keep in mind unless it's fixed format, the user gets to mash it all into the font of their choice-- if you do use different fonts for the print, I'd advise double-spacing the unique font into its own isolated paragraph, maybe even with indents removed, so it still stands out even in flex format. This applies to font size differences-- those might also be stripped in ebook flex formats). The best way to play with language appearance, is to stick with your chosen font (usually one of three defaults-- please look at your publisher's preference before you end up with a mess to reformat). Remember, if you're using italics, make sure you're not switching font types or those could get removed by your word processor and you'll have to hunt them down again. One way to make it easier to relocate any italicized sections-- use a symbol within your chosen fonts that you will not use anywhere else in the document and CONTROL/COMMAND+F that symbol to check your italics. When you're done messing with fonts, just make sure you remove those symbols before publishing.

I don't want to make it sound too technical here, since I do have posts for that. It's mostly my intention to open people up to some of the many ways you can style your manuscript for ideas that might get too complex in the description of them. Making a concept simpler is one of the many skills an author should endeavor to strengthen. If you don't know if it works, get someone to read it and offer suggestions. I'd make sure you keep the original copies and any changes and have future readers read each sample. If you find there's confusion anyway, you might want to attach some notes in the foreword explaining the usage. Tread lightly with that even-- you don't want to info-dump a 'how to read' section. Ouch. Big no. Some people will be able to follow it just fine. Even a little glossary in the back might be a useful addition, but also be aware that some people will just bail if you make too much homework for them. Your primary goal is still being an interesting storyteller. You may just have to approach it differently altogether if it doesn't take.

Sometimes a thing hasn't been done or isn't popular for a reason. It's great to be ambitious but when you're having fun with your ideas, ultimately you want the readers to have fun too. Reading is an escape, and one that is even losing its appeal with video games and movies and shows becoming so visually stunning. This is why bestsellers tend to be simplistic reads, quick, easy, done. It's wonderful that some writers go bigger and more complex and those can certainly succeed too, but this can be very dependent on genre and your storytelling abilities.

Do you have any fun ways of working with styles and words?