Ageism? It's Just My Opinion.

I turn 38 this year, which means the same thing it does every year: people older than me may devalue my opinions as inexperienced and childish, people younger than me may dismiss my opinions as jaded or over saturated. As we get older, there are less of the side that looks down the age ladder and more of the isolation and accusations of the younger set.

Believe me, I do plenty of asking myself if perhaps my saturation of experience makes me harder to please, but ultimately, when I'm actually accused of this, I balk at how ridiculous this is. The idea that I can't enjoy anything because my tastes have gotten too specific or impossible to please is not implausible, yet as I run around collecting 100 of the same item I already have in a game I've already done everything else in or watched a new movie three times in a row, I can just as easily say the exact opposite. I'm also quite easy to bring into a new loop where I don't ask much at all.

As for preferences, I don't really have a set area. I'm no more a hardcore fan of fantasy than I am opposed to all things sports. I find I read more thrillers, watch more action and comedy themes and I love the Summer Olympics, even those less popular events like fencing. I don't spit on mainstream as hype nor do I swear that the lesser known are underrated because you're all uncultured swine.

Of course, when playing Kingdom Hearts 3, I wondered if I'd just aged out of liking the story. I could rephrase it to sound more empowering, but I was so uncertain of my own opinion, that I turned to the Internet to see if it was just me. No, like many other gamers and fans of all ages and backgrounds, there was something missing in the magic of the story. It was a beautiful game with great gameplay, but again, there was an overwhelming outcry of 'what happened to the story?'.

We're not morons who are too old to follow or remember the so-called complexity. For one, it's not complex, it's just layers and layers of the same boring casserole. It's Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball, Pokémon--the same concept over and over with a new car smell in the same vehicle.We're driven towards shiny new characters and outfits, but there is still something sacrificed for the cosmetic. The devices become frustratingly simple and never lead to any new concepts. The fan is in the know but the characters conveniently lose their memory, their powers, their achievements and potential. Sometimes, entire plots and subplots are dropped and because they're too complex and rich to keep afloat in the distraction. Instead, it's rinse-repeat of the simpler ones. I too often felt encumbered by a snail's pace and a tedious repetition as if I were a stupid child that hasn't been paying attention. I'm paying attention, I just feel like it's not actually earning my attention.

In return, I started skipping the story scenes. As a gamer, there was no penalty for this that detracted from my enjoyment of the game itself. As a writer and storyteller myself, I was chagrined that I wasn't engaged in the story.

This isn't a one-off occurrence either, which is why I questioned whether I was becoming jaded. Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest's latest entries also left me baffled for a similar reason. While Final Fantasy XV started out rich and fun, the last third of the game was just bad writing. This is especially true if you watched the anime and CG movie leading up to it and wondered why the build-up led to absolutely nothing at all. Why even write an epic where there is no point? It's about as exciting as the neighbor passing out from heatstroke while mowing their lawn. It's not newsworthy, so why tell the world like it's worth everyone's time? Dragon Quest's usual fun romp with puns and cheesy goodness just felt corny and flat. While there were moments meant to captivate with emotion or drama, the light-heartedness of the presentation didn't fit these themes. Yet games like Dragon Age, Witcher 3 and Skyrim, despite or maybe because of their lack of endless cutscenes, still top my best games list, and not because they were flawless or even innovative stories. 

Uncharted, despite being accused of being playable movies, don't feel like a hostage situation to me. The cinematics always built the right amount of tension and I felt the flow when it was time to mash buttons again. I was embedded in the same way Marvel movies hook me--there's serious choreography and strategy to what makes the action so engaging that I hate to blink and miss the fluid transitions in every movement. There's a real sense of the genuine in the conversations and the plots. It's even possible to forget that these are grown-ups in silly costumes at times. It's not small talk and there's nuance and subtlety beyond the surface.

Hell, I've even been accused of cultural snobbery. Despite being otaku to Japanese everything for much of my fandom, some people still insist I don't understand the cultural preferences of small talk and storytelling of Japanese culture. However, I can just as soon point out what I consider to be successful in many Japanese stories that I still enjoy. The absurd part is that this accusation almost always comes from white men. I like to remind them that my opinion isn't representative of all American white women, but while we're there, does my taste and opinion become less valid if the story just doesn't jibe for me? Trying to invalidate my opinion by pointing out my race, gender, etc. is a strawman argument used to make me defend myself rather than accept my skills and talents are adequate to hold the debate. I am a storyteller, a creative, an editor, a professional in many creative fields, if not an expert in some, yet an unfavorable opinion can lead to a question as to all of that. Fuck me for choosing a field rife with subjective opinion, but let's not attack my character for attacking the build of a fictional one. When our tastes don't match, it too often becomes a personal attack, so I often go out of my way to talk about the work, not why your opinion doesn't match mine.

I want to love everything I try. It's for that reason that I am probably going in too soft, giving something more credit than it has earned from the onset. It's not easy for me to ditch nostalgia or feelings because I want to be loyal. I'm not even relieved when I'm not the only one to just not love something anymore. I'm crushed when sequels don't improve on something I love. When I write, I know personally that I want each story to be better and, hell, as of now, I have no great success of popularity to even bank on, so I absolutely don't feel like I can coast on a great beginning. Yet I can't eschew honesty when I'm falling out of love. I would rather hand in my fan card than pretend I love current trends.

I can live with being the jaded old fogey. It's not worse than being discredited as inexperienced or ignorant. Sometimes I'm easily amused or entertained and other times, I'm over-critical and impossible to please. Perhaps I'm also lucky that I'm in the position of a creator, that rather than getting burned in the search for the next best thing, I can hunker down and fulfill what I want to exist. I'll probably always be discredited for really absurd reasons. I'm even in a place where I have to protect young white boys from being discredited because everything white, male, ableist, straight, etc. is being called to task. Their fight to have respected opinions is often going to be a struggle not to fucking offend everyone and assert themselves as individuals, not representatives of all that is wrong with white men. Ageism is the least of their problems, but certainly a part of it, because there is no golden age for being universally respected.

Why are we called to task for perceived advantages? It is an abyss, really, but it seems ever more absurd that just the act of liking something superficially often comes with the burden of questioning if it's 'okay' to. Does it make us a stereotype of our age or gender, etc. to like or not like anything?

Yup, it's exhausting. An unavoidable burden of living. We wish we could be as stupid, ignorant, or shallow as we're sometimes accused of being, if only because there's peace in emptying ourselves of the burdens of so much dead weight. 

I can't say I don't care what people think. Yet I can say that we can't afford to care about everything. We sometimes have to clear our caches and be content with ourselves, to quiet our brains and accept our own opinions before we seek to bring others in. We do need to bring in opinions and be validated and share and give and take, but wisdom teaches us that if we can't face ourselves once we act and think and share, we must adjust what we allow to take in and put out there.

Age does not assure wisdom, but it also does not assure senility. To discredit someone, especially yourself, because they've cultivated years and routines and selectivity in what goes in and out is a discredit in itself. 

Learn to smile or laugh in the face of words used as weapons. Don't let people put words in your mouth that make you mute towards your own potential. Defend your right to be what you are. Walk away if the time isn't right to mount a defense. Don't let someone else's ignorance of what is important to you dissolve your ability to enjoy or dissect it for your personal growth. People have bad days and it makes them petty. Don't give that shit real estate in your head.

And when people arrive at a point where they antagonize, patronize or condescend to throw off the argument, they've already lost. You don't have to invest in that snobbery. Walk away, add a dash of 'fuck you' and move on to greener pastures. You're only getting older and there's never a good time to endure heaps of the same bullshit.