More on Totem

I went back to Totem today, but I'm looking at the draft lines I started and... decided to start over. I did keep the basic structure, but each of the characters is a different ethnicity and mood and it just felt like it was missing something that a few quick lines wouldn't accomplish. There are several enmeshing elements that combine them, things that blend and things that separate. There is no hierarchy here, but I'm sure people will read into that. I'll talk more about what my thoughts were when I created it when it's finished, of course, but likely in a separate post from the picture itself, just because I don't WANT to lead you into exactly what you're 'supposed' to be seeing. I still want to give the viewer some ownership of their thoughts and impressions, to have visceral reactions rather than know what to expect.

So all I got done today was fully drafting it. Now, normally a draft takes me 10 minutes, an hour at most. This one took me two hours and a slightly different approach. For one, I like to do draft lines in the most extreme colors of the digital spectrum. In this case, I started with blue (or cyan, that eye-blinding light blue) to form their bodies and faces, then used green to do clothes and accessories. Usually I stick with those two, but this time, I did yellow for the hair lines. Most notes were jotted down in the same color and layer I was working in at the time.

However, I finally got the lines, direction, mood, and many elements to flow without becoming too busy. There's a little bit of a background in this one, but only because it's an important bleed into the foreground. I'm not much of a background artist, if only because large scale distance planning is not my forte. I've managed to do some outdoor backgrounds, but they typically aren't large scale (a dense forest, a waterfall, a mountain at closer range, etc). Indoor can be challenging but I also rarely get creative with the architecture. If I really want to do so, I still know my way around basic 3D modeling and could throw together some basic furniture shapes and room dimensions to help out with backgrounds.

Mostly I end up sticking to characters. That's where I start to connect with the moods and emotions of drawing. It's not the abstract that draws me in, although living bodies are plenty diverse. However, it is the underlying skeleton, the movement of muscle and skin (or feather and fur) that freeze in their dynamic states that really connect me to the work. I love to blend real anatomy with my favored Disney and anime influences to create something personal. If I want a quick fix, some comic line work does the trick. If I want to bleed, sweat, cry and ache, it comes down to a painting that won't let me go for days or weeks at a time.

Speaking of which, part of the reason I broke off was because that ache has gone from delicious to actual back and shoulder pain, so I'm cutting off of here soon as well. There's something gratifying about turning work I can't yet share into words.

But as usual, I'm both screen shotting progress for a post that shows my workflow as well as planning to share the picture in one post and my impressions in another. So there will be three separate posts pertaining to it... unless I feel like throwing another one of these impatient posts in while it's a work in progress.

For now, a break is in order. More to come before another work day pops into the radar.

Scrubbing Day

Like Pippi Longstocking, there comes a time when sometimes the most cheering feeling comes from domestic shenanigans. After a day of cleaning the fish tank, doing a boatload of laundry, taking fifty flights of stairs, healthy eating and a lot of walking, I... am just cool with being showered, lying in a clean bed, and letting my sore but satisfied body do nothing more the rest of the day.

My head is in my unnamed world, full of named cities and continents and struggling characters, but I look at my laptop across the room, laugh cynically and pull up my tablet to write a blog post instead.

Even though my NaNo draft has been sitting untouched since, I remember some of the little side scenes I haven't gotten to draft yet, playing at the frayed edges with secret laughter, sideways smiles, and furrowed brows as I feel the untouched structure strengthen without spoiling what it will be when I finally commit to typing its first draft into existence. I think of the Young Writer challenges, where I wrote scenes and notes that would never make the book (but might find a home in my blog someday), remembering how they decided more firmly what my characters would and wouldn't be.

I see the ending already written but still so distant, so lightly molded, as it will eventually be baked into its final form from the paths leading there that will decide its shape. I see my side stories more firmly resolving the character of the enigmatic asshole I wanted to create, not just through his own actions and circumstances, but the people around him as well. I see each of them as main characters and side characters, significant yet just as easily buried in the ever-stretching sands of time. They are the deserts that grow over time, the stubborn oases that keep such deserts from being unsurvivable wastelands, the cities lost and found and lost again. They are sentience and constance and vigilance and everything in between.

When their journey ends, I will still step into their stories and more besides, time and again, even as I move onto other projects. They may not stay so prominent in my memory, but pieces will resurface because faded is not forgotten. While some things are blurry as our minds build anew, some become the foundations of a greater curiosity the writer will explore over and over.

In my own future, there is hope in the long haul rather than any frustration for the present. I eschewed expectation, managed to create a place where I'm not discouraged from my goals.

Palate cleansed, I patiently coax my muse to return, to feel the natural flow, so I still write daily, regardless of whether it goes towards my goals. Sometimes I bleed on the pages, sometimes they keep my blood thrumming happily in my veins, words filling my lungs and releasing, coaxing my breath when the story leaves me breathless. I do not dare to dread the finite time, but grip it both firmly and gently, my unpredictable steed to guide. Whether it takes me all over the world and into old age, or it bucks and I break my neck, I know that this is life and I was never in control of anything but hope.

When I begin again, for hope at least speaks in whens not ifs, it is always time.

Mad-Libbing It Up and Skipping Ahead

While I can't really talk about my stories while writing them, there are certainly some techniques for fast drafting that I can share with you. This is assuming you're up to the challenge or it's already a method you enjoy but are curious to see if there's some angle you haven't looked at.

Most fast work is sloppy work. Even people quick to whip out books and articles run the risk of putting out work chock full of errors. If your plots are simple enough or if you have a decent handle on grammar, you might be the exception. However, when drafting something trickier, it's entirely possible you can do a rather impressive job of getting it down and making it comprehensible for editing to iron it out.

Hell, I'll even add a bonus section at the end, showing how to throw out quick notes using Scrivener.

Mad Lib!

In a carefully treaded story, you probably stop, research, play with names, formulate those plots carefully... Do none of that; try this instead.

In place of the name or place or other unknown, plug in a word you absolutely won't use anywhere else. Persimmon, whorebag, igloo-- just grab at something off the wall and let it fill the place of something you might hang up on. Not only is it a quick creative nibble, it's a tried and true trick that makes replacing it later super easy. I usually advise to put it in caps too. If you accidentally misspell it then you'll catch it easier on a manual sweep. Keep a notepad or a plain text window open to record the word and a description of who or what it's filling in for. It might be a mini break in the flow but I've never had an issue with it taking me away as long as other options.

Skippy Dippy!

Sometimes, you want to form a subplot, some fun little opportunity for a bond, a development or a murder. You know the transition needs something but the inspiration isn't hitting, even boring you just thinking about it. In Scrivener, I sometimes create a whole new scene tab and leave it blank for later and move to the next solid scene, but if you're using a simple one document WP like Word, just double space, center text in CAPS along the lines of FIGHT SCENE #1, double space again, return to body format and move on.

If you have a solid lead on a subplot then give it your full effort, but if you're not quite into it, either give yourself time to warm to it or ditch it. Trying to force it out is mental constipation. Don't be afraid to rush on parts you're unsure of. You're going to edit later and you won't easily miss a spot you rushed through. You can always use a word processor feature like highlighting if you're sure you want to find it faster to fix up.

Bonus: Quick Scene

One thing I do with Scrivener is take my bare notes and throw them down right away. In a folder I start a bunch of new unnamed scenes, then take that document notes section and jot down any notes relevant to that scene. If you didn't plan, just jot down the quick version of what you hope will unfold. Name each scene something fun and relevant. By default, those names aren't going to pop up in your main document so you can give them spoiler names. Fall of the King, Poison Ivy is Terrible TP, All the Butts are Itchy, whatever. The idea is to set up scenes like you would for a play or movie. I usually stick to staying on one scene block until they change settings, but you can use them to isolate specific plots and perspectives as well.

Use each scene block's note section to type up a rough synopsis. You might be surprised by how fast you graduate into each transition when you've got the general idea peeking on the side. Mostly, I just type up a rough synopsis, but it's a good place to jot down new appearances or places and possible subplots. The Novel template contains subfolders for Characters, Places, and Research but you can make more of these 'hidden' folders to jump to while writing and refer to those as well. I usually find it to be more work than needed, filling all of that out and keeping it updated, but it can work as a style sheet or database just as well.

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No matter how you write, I'd always suggest doing a rough outline of what you think you want from the beginning, middle and end. All stories benefit from structure and you might get stuck a lot if you don't give yourself something to shoot for. In the past, my unfinished stories were often due to running way off course. They would become boring or muddy and it would be difficult to find where I jumped off course because I didn't have any idea what course I was trying to take.

At the very least, do some basic linear plotting. Think of it like a pitch. It's okay if you end up diverting as long as you still have a destination plot. If you originally planned for the hero to die at the end, but eventually formulate a much better idea that you need them alive for, then adhere to the new plot, even if it's as rough as 'hero lives'. You don't have to write everything down. Even if you're pretty forgetful, once you light a fire, you can keep rough notes and still be on a clear path. Even if you're blazing full speed, you may hit lulls. I do this from time to time, where I think the path is clear, but the transition starts to feel like it could be weak or dull no matter how you swing it. You might need to work in a subplot or jump to another character. A chapter jump (switching to another character or even a memory/flashback/dream) can be a natural transition when you need to move a character to another scene. If one path seems stale, go ahead and cut it short and move ahead. Don't come back to it until the idea of writing it is appealing. You may need to rework something before it or find some clever transition. Remember, you can use other characters, scenes, timelines, etc. to blend subplots relevant to the main plot. Sometimes you get caught up in detail you can do without. It sometimes needs help by moving ahead without it. That's the beauty of drafting though. You can write it in any order you need to, so there's never a need to force what isn't working.

Double-Posting! I Have To!

On the eve of the numerical anniversary of my date of birth (=birthday eve), I have to admit, I couldn't do it. I could not continue this farce of relaxation when the muse has demanded my suffering.

Over-dramatic, I know, but I pounded out a few thousand words towards the baby fresh third part of my book and I regret nothing. I suck at relaxing and even if people were just flocking to kidnap me, it wouldn't have made a difference. After a great idea smacked me in the face, I was just way too eager to run with it, eager to see how I could make it unfold in the continuance of the story.

I definitely plan to be in the moment while I visit friends and family tomorrow, but that was all the more reason to succumb to the muse and get some serious writing done. Drafting isn't always such a breezy process, but I was simultaneously editing the shaky beginning and moving on at a pace that was almost inhuman, a feeling both like addiction and so much better for the lack of bad side effects and 'coming down' (although, my back is a little cranky from engaging in a bit of bad posture).

It was a great day. I can always use those. Watching stories grow is a thing of beauty. Taking the reins is a feeling like no other. Sure, sometimes characters end up swerving in directions of their own, but it's an organic and chaotic thing to head-hop and never gets effortless to nail down, even for someone who lives with a butterfly brain. 

I've chased enough butterflies on Skyrim to be completely sure that's the perfect analogy. I thought about Pokemon but it's more like having no Pokeballs. You're just clicking wildly in the general area until you get a... shiny pair of butterfly wings. (Don't worry, butterfly, you're just a caterpillar again...)

I should probably sleep now.

Coming Together: Love/Hate in Writing

There are some things I'm convinced only another writer will understand. I don't mean anything so elite as whether or not you're published, whether you write short stories or enormous series-- nothing along those lines. Here, I mean the sometimes baffling mix of loving your story and hating it when it didn't just magically change on its own.

Even casual or hobbyist writers can relate. Like a lot of grade schoolers did, I kept a diary. I wasn't one of those daily writers and still don't adhere to that strictly, but I'd attempt to not just recount the 'big events' of my life (like every human being I had a crush on) but also thrown in ideas, stories, poems and drawings. (Any attempt to keep an official sketchbook or diary usually resulted in having many lined or unlined sketchbook/diaries.) In the moment, I can always remember being in love with what I was writing, then cringing at it later.

Getting a little closer to what I'm aiming at, but not quite there yet. Writing changed for me over time. The passion I speak of isn't like the idolatry of my hobbyist days. Drafting is often anxious work for me now, wondering if my mishmash of ideas is going to make sense in the medium I decide for it. The love/hate of writing becomes a culmination of work and play-- needing the focus of work but the fingerpaint of play, the brush of whimsy. Because of that struggle, going back to edit can be paralytic in theory, something I need to just DO and screw thinking about when or if I'm 'ready'.

It's inevitable that I always forget my ideas rock. Humility is my usual stance, but when I start reading, I end up getting sucked into it quickly, even experiencing the magic anew like a first time reader of my own work. It's because of that that I edit it so many times-- I sometimes forget I'm there to rake it and exact change upon it, that I'm not the reader, damn it! The thing is, I keep asking myself 'when did this happen?' When did my history of doubt make me this person that does it anyway, continuously doubting throughout, no matter how many times I'm drawn in.

Because with the pride I have in what I write while reading it, it's not humility to say that I often expect it to be horrible. And why? It doesn't make sense. One of my survival techniques in life has made it imperative that I get damn good at self-entertainment, so why? Better yet, do I ever want that to change? In many ways, it's this idea that I suck that makes me labor to, well, not suck. I can say for certain that self-deprecation is no way to live, but if it isn't terminally paralytic, is it necessarily bad? When I'm pissed at my health issues or dissatisfied with my work, doesn't it make me exercise more, mind my diet, work until I start getting things right?

Used as an excuse for wallowing in self-pity, get rid of it. One thing that never worked for me was looking for people to be miserable with, to be defined or identified by disability. Pffft, outta here with that. While I can find comfort in knowing I'm not alone, I'm more drawn to people that pioneer what can be done when people (and even themselves) say it can't be done. Again, one of my favorite quotes comes back: The people that say something can't be done should get out of the way of the ones doing it.

Sometimes as an exercise, I do a love/hate marking system. Each time I read through something I'll write love or hate on the part I feel more strongly about, on a fresh copy each time so I can't be influenced by the love/hate of a different readthrough. I use these emotional temperatures on multiple edits combined to see if there's a consistent vibe. Something loved a lot might be looked at more critically and something I hate may actually be pretty awesome.

I know I have a lot of these personal exercises and if you think I do all of them for each and every story, you're talking madness. No, I don't do that, but on occasion I come up with ideas like this to get a better understanding of the strengths and weaknesses because repetitive procedure is also madness. If you find that your love/hate gauge is throwing you off, it may be a good exercise to try. The idea is always to push you past the parts where you're stalling. Believe me, when I hit those walls, I'm likely reading your writing blogs to sail over my writing humps too.

Sharing is carrrrring... (Ask my dear friend Emily how creepy I can make that sentiment sometimes, but I promise it's also uplifting and hilarious.)

The Editing Paradox

So. I sits down to do me some editing and the game changes. I knew UnNamed would be opening a can of worms, but I had no idea that revisiting it to clarify a character's development would be a traffic jam. It's not a huge spoiler to say that I introduced a time travel concept that I only worked out on a skeletal level for the first book. Tonight I had to revisit all of the concepts more fully to continue its promise.

Unfortunately, describing it in any detail would probably just confuse it. It's a much simpler idea rolled out in small doses as the story grows, but it's because of the other storylines and events that it  just doesn't sound as complex as any attempt to summarize it would. I know this means that I will have to reference the first book as well as recomb the 1st part of this book to make sure all facts line up. Of course, book one has the final say; it's published.

Now, I did need to work out the details before moving ahead, to make sure any more mentions in Part II line up; why make more work for later. However, it does mean I have to resist the urge to move backwards. The point of this edit is still lining up part 1 and 2 in its current sequence. I'm making sure that, while it's fresh, I'm aware of what I already have and only adjusting what contradicts as well as any grammar, punctuation and wording immediately obvious. I'm also allowed to add anything that can help with pacing or storytelling. At this stage though, my only rule is not going back. If I do, I might create a paradox in my thinking that forgets the chronology and screws up what the characters know or not.

I still have to draft Part III. Part I and II being cohesive will actually make Part III almost lightning fast. After that, I'm adding a reread of the first book before editing all three parts. Once all three parts are edited? I step away for a few days or a week then do a last edit. Nope, still not done, because I do the epilogue leading into the third book at the end of the first.

Although, I may have to check on whether I can technically call this one an epilogue... In the first book it was, but this one is more like a prologue but at the end of this book. I like to set the stage for the story at the technical end of each one, something that isn't just repeated so it's not a preview and certainly not a preface or foreword, which are author's notes at the beginning and end, nothing to do with the continuing story.

(I looked it up for anyone who wondered. Technically, an epilogue is only defined as a section at the end after the main plots have been tied up; doesn't specify that it HAS to be the same characters to count. The thing is that many old characters have the potential to show up again, so there isn't really a formal ending for anything until the last book is written.)

In any case, the struggle will be worth it. My notes grow but they also tend to get more organized as they come together.  Yes, often the idea of stopping mid-edit is horrifying for some people, but as I've said, I keep one rule at this stage and it's that I can't move backwards. Filling out a concept more fully so I can resume the edit only chopped into my time a couple of hours and it didn't reorganize my understanding and screw up the primary mission. 

One reason for this-- I keep notes of things I might have forgotten I wrote later now that I started over. As I run into them, I cross them out. If I jump around and change things, then I alter facts that I haven't processed yet, making my notes useless. If I get a good idea for later, THAT can go into my notes-- it fits into the forward-thinking rule. Because I still have many edits that will put me back to check on the newer notes, it CAN wait. 

Why create a time travel paradox in my own thinking? Now, in a simpler story, it's fine, but a complex idea becomes complex to read if I start playing Jenga with it. To edit a story like this, I have to start from the beginning and walk through it as the reader would. Every. Time. Anything that halts ME is going to halt the reader. Each time I make the journey, I am aiming to keep it moving. When the edit comes that I am not stopping, publish.

Really, I will love to see what this series becomes. As much as I love my first series for all it taught me about writing, I really feel the lessons are paying off in creating a very different story. I love when a new character stands in the horizon, holding a torch to pass for the sake of storytelling. I didn't want a story where the main character carries it so much that it can't continue without them. I wanted this to be a world where everyone else isn't just an NPC (non-playable character; sorry, gamer term on a writing blog) in 'their' world. It's never been more important to realize their lives even when it's not important to the story so that when they reappear, you don't think they were just lying on the floor with their eyes glazed over.

My hope is that your takeaway from this is in understanding why some processes are important to the type of story. Don't be afraid to write complex stories. If you find something is irritatingly flat, you can take notes on what to come back to or attempt to flesh it out right then. When you have this new understanding, you take it to future edits. No, you decided her personality would change so she wouldn't say it like that anymore. No, I decided his upbringing means he wouldn't know something like that now. Your first draft is your first impression of your world. That's it. Each draft reflects what you add to it when you get to know it better. It's not as complex as you initially think because you're making the connections to understand the transitions as you go. 

And yes, you can do a lot of backpedaling in a first draft. I know a lot of writers swear by the forward movement only rule here, to keep it creative, but there are three types of people: ones who dip their toes in the water and get in a little at a time, those who jump/dive in, and... those who don't swim at all. In terms of writing, either one of the first two are okay. You don't have to have perfect confidence to get things going. If you have to poke and edit and hedge a bit, at least you're moving. It isn't a mark of quality to be less confident. In fact, reasonably cautious writers are the ones that give themselves less work in the long run. Tortoise and the hare, if you will. Okay, hares can succeed too. I'd never hate on a fast writer because it's not less work just because the pace is different.

With that being said, a break is in order. I pulled away from the draft to take a 'break' and here I am. Not. Breaking. But now I am. If this is your break, thanks for sharing it with me!