Christmas Magic

Comparison is often a gauge for how we rank a day. Christmas is one such popular holiday where people have some bias as to what constitutes a good or bad Christmas. Never mind the starving kids for a moment and allow yourself to just go on a personal bias. It's way too easy to ruin your day by virtue of sweeping comparison. In order to enjoy any day, it often comes down to your expectations for it.

And yes, it's often a damning milestone holiday but it doesn't have to be. I've gleefully worked Christmases when my family didn't have anything planned. My childless, single self was able to remove expectations and at least be grateful I was healthy enough, free enough, to work for those double or triple rate wages. We're not all disgruntled workers ripped from the arms of our sobbing family. Work on Christmas is a great way to validate goals on a day where most businesses are closed and most people have someone to celebrate with.

That's not to down on my family. It's often through grief that holidays were just too hard to put on a happy face for. Sometimes you know you're just going to be a wet blanket. Lonely days are great days to find a new hobby. Instead, I'll see those posts about lamenting being single or without family or broke etc.

So why don't he choose joyous times to announce it? Misery loves company? I wish I could say it was that simple. I think I was just being plain stupid (yes, I've been one of those people that does it). Was it some subtle ploy to be included or spoiled? That's likely. However, if you really feel you don't want to be alone on the holidays, start talking earnestly to your friends about plans. If someone has room in their day, ask to pay them a visit. Find a group or an event-- if you're depressed, there are low-key options like concerts or performances. If you're down on your life you may not want a highly social event, especially with the usual round of high school reunion questions where people ask questions they want to brag about themselves.

I get it. The established live-in partner, the steady job, the family-- the less effort the better. However, when you don't have the luxury, don't waste it on the lamenting. 

It's okay to have a shitty holiday. Don't get so low you want to die, but understand that it's okay to not have a social media worthy day to share. Over time, I've even become very private with the quality of my days. I don't want to notice patterns or lock in moods that don't really represent what I'm about. Really-- be at peace with highs and lows but don't get stuck there. It may be a good time to reassess your expectations.

By the way, and just my opinion, it's extremely creepy when people lament being single. Not only is it unattractive, it also tells people you have expectations for a person you think you deserve. People aren't prizes for good behavior. Finding someone is often a side effect of self love and sheer dumb luck. 

Come on-- if you're my age, you damn well heard Jasmine on Aladdin throw it down. She is NOT a prize to be won!

I'm going to have a great Christmas this year. Not only because of gifts but because my family is getting along, we have food to eat, and I wanna see their faces when we finally do get to see them open our thoughtful gifts. No-- this ain't no Charlie Brown Christmas. We busted our asses to buy or make gifts and managed not to stress out or lose sight of holidays being fun.

Make your own magic. It doesn't have to be the best nor does it have to be the worst. I lost my Grandma two Christmases ago (to the day) and my mom two months later on her birthday. I've had hard holidays. It doesn't mean the world stops. If you can't have the best ever, then it may take effort.

Or none at all. Fuck it. Make it another day. A day of rest and reflection. A day of food and sleep. A day of great wages. Treat yourself.

From my family to yours, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Enjoy all the other holidays of your choice at leisure.

Sooooon...

I don't think I've ever pined for writing more in my entire life. It's an odd thing, to be sitting around crocheting last-minute gifts when I start voicing aloud a dialogue between two characters, often going from anger to outright crying. No, I don't mean I'm dissociating and being taken over by angry characters begging me to write them or some other quirky shit young writers think they're being original about. I mean that I want to tap into the story so much that I'm talking to my yarn and wishing it was a keyboard.

The crocheted gifts are almost made and I'm excited about making their new recipients happy too. Yet, my memory, my moods-- they seem to be deteriorating under the wistfulness I feel for my stories. I left UnHeard's main character stranded in her upside down life. I left my UnNamed mercenary as a hot blooded teenager eager to prove himself. I left a saucy erotic and psychologically tortuous tale drafted but unedited. 

This is one of the reasons I've advised before not to panic if you can't write your stories every day. Those burning marks on your soul don't fade that easily. I truly do enjoy crocheting but only the need to make gifts for the holidays made it a priority at this time. My head is just aching to get back to crafting my stories.

Christmas is right around the corner so it won't be long before I dive into my stories' waiting arms and nuzzle the ever-loving shit out of them. I only have a few things left to finish, the holidays to enjoy, then comes the elevating orgy of words I've too long abstained from.

And if I sound overly poetic, then you aren't wrong. I feel like a Moody Blues song. Letters unwritten, never meaning to send. I've been pleading for my brain to accept these changes, both with working weekends to save for advertizing myself and crocheting these gifts. I've been emptying my characters and plots into physical expression but, like reading a list out loud, hearing and feeling it only cements itself into some form of being.

Back to the other things, fueled by the knowledge that soon will come the writing again. And it will be magnificent.

'Tis the Season

I'm not really the sort of person that gets excited about holidays. That being said, I'm not the begrudging sort that will ever mumble things about them being commercialized, expensive, depressing, 'just another day' etc. either. I've had a few crappy holidays here and there, but I've never gotten to the point where I've ever felt like shaming people for enjoying them.

I do enjoy watching people open gifts I've gotten/made them. I love how excited kids get. Love doing the crafts. Ehhh, not a fan of Christmas music (I was a retail worker too long to get that excited about the month long 8-hour a day piping of the same 30 songs over and over).

What I enjoy now is the time I'm taking off writing and drawing to make Christmas presents. Of course, I'm daydreaming about going back to it and I still slip over to blog or edit a chapter here and there, doodle on the edge of a page--there really isn't a 'break' from that part of life, any more than I can avoid sleep when I really want to work.

There is also the daily workout of keeping an eye out for the packages coming and the possibility of porch pirates, the inevitable Grinches of the season. Fuck those guys in the ass with razor-sharp candy canes. Yet I'm on those notifications and the sound of every vehicle that comes down the street and, hey, it's only for the next week, so I got this.

No Christmas tree this year. Not a sacrifice, though, since having two rambunctious kittens instead is always better. We do have decorations up on shelves they can't get to. We've been doing Christmas crafts and chocolate advent calendars and hot chocolate, so it's plenty festive. Enjoyable, to say the least.

While I'm not the sort to find some inner pool of excitement for holidays, I find that I often enjoy them based on the moods of people around me. When the kids are excited and the sentiment is genuine, I definitely get into it more. The people who are genuinely grateful for the things I make them continuously end up on my list. Hats are usually the quickest make but we're still looking at AT LEAST 4-6 hours of my time on simple hats, with any kind of off-pattern make taking several days. There has to at least be an excited thank-you in the return or it's deflating to have spent the precious time in making it.

On that note, this is why I don't bother with the business side of it anymore. On occasion, I have a couple of regulars that are happy to pay me fair wages for that effort. On occasion, I even gift to them, free of charge, as a thank-you for supporting me as an artist. However, for most people, I do write patterns and encourage them to learn how to make them for themselves. I definitely do not tolerate being told I'm too expensive. Hop on over to Etsy and see where I'm getting my prices. Considering I usually run my estimates right in the middle of the ranges, my quotes were always generous. Why? Because I'm an expert. No, really. I can admit there are some Russian ladies that free-form most of us to shame, but my custom work is original and a work of art so I have always earned the right to charge for materials, time and labor.

Unfortunately, it is also mostly a hobby now. While my art and writing are always competing for my professional attention, crochet isn't something that takes a top spot in competing with that time. I still have yet to figure out how to squeeze in marketing, but make no mistake, I do seriously monetize my work because I take pride in it. I won't undercut or water down a market for a quick buck so I always deeply consider market value in my decisions.

Well, I didn't mean to stray in that direction, but you know, 'tis the season. All four of them. Because you have to know that the creative brain, while also focused, is a ride that jumps the tracks and flies where it will. I don't monetize my blog so you're definitely always going to get what you pay for.

And then some, because I'm a giver.

Just Stuff

Cold weather is finally here and if you know me, I'm as psyched as the people who like hot weather (and probably enjoy those same people whining about how cold it is). Right now, I kind of just want to sleep under the warm fluffy blankets I dug out to celebrate and breathe in the ice cold air pouring into my window. No fans, no heaters, just silence to enjoy or fill with purposeful noise.

Of course, there's a cutoff. Once the cold dips towards freezing, I close windows. Once it dips into the 20s, I pull out the space heater (if my fingers and nose are icy). Yet, my favorite wardrobe comes out-- giant sweaters, fleece pajama pants, crocheted hats, fluffy socks. Things that aren't comfortable to wear unless the air is genuinely chilled. Even a cranked AC can't quite create the same environment a legitimate fall/winter permeating chill can.

Sometimes it can spark health issues, but for the most part, it's ripe for crochet, reading, writing, hot drinks and wholesome food holidays. I even met my weekly writing goal towards UnSung this week so I can hibernate and huddle up and plot if I want. (Getting so close to the end, but I'm really trying to tie up plots in the draft rather than throwing it together and dealing with an editing mess.) Still have cover art to do, still have NaNo prep underway, still have holidays to squeeze in so my loved ones don't think I'm losing functioning status on the social spectrum. Kingdom Hearts 3 will steal my soul in January and maybe Dragon Quest XI which I've been meaning to play, but haven't gotten yet.

Priorities still point to writing. Aside from the daily grind of feeding little people, keeping the house clean, and maybe some tablet gaming while nodding off at the end of the day, the usual juggling became more concentrated. At the least, I want UnSung's draft done. It will get put aside after that. I won't edit it again until December and not just because of NaNo. I really want to kick some dirt over it and look at it with fresh eyes. While starting its sequel for NaNo, things might shift even. So I'm looking at a 2019 release after all. I really want to avoid rushing things even if it means pushing them around a bit. It will be worth it to be more flexible in plans to get them just right.

That being said, time to enjoy this chilly weekend, however I use it. About to make some hot tea to start. Oolong, if you want to know. Here's to a productive winter season. Buh-bye, bugs, sweat, sun rashes! Hello, wonderful smell of dying leaves, fire pits and seeing my breath when I breathe!