Pixel Perfect Crochet: Gauge Matters

 I often stumble on the best solutions through much trial and error but, in the past, have foregone sharing it because… it’s obsessive, lost on my audience, pick your situation of fizzled-out attempts. However, over time, I’ve learned that people often light up because these little obsessions of mine are often information that doesn’t exist in totality and the three or four research topics I combined to create this unified, though niche, concept are often more in demand than I realize. Or like I love to counter ‘you’re never the only one’; act as if you’re looking for your fellow weirdlings!

To the point, I wanted to create pixel perfect crochet for my nephew’s next birthday gift. I’ve use sc with some success before but I’ve never bothered to use gauge, despite the fact the professionals abide by it for the legitimacy of their patterns. In my case up to now, I have always created patterns where the other elements or results are not skewed or ‘wrong’ without gauge. Even the pattern I’m working on that will feature the measurements I used for the structure will come with the instructions to work the stitch as it looks best for you, then run the easy calculations accordingly. The pattern would actually be needlessly complex if gauge was strict, considering I don’t know the exact measurements their cardboard structure will end up with but you can adjust your numbers accordingly. Math IS more complex for some, but for others, strict gauge is the tougher sell. In order to balance the skill level I’m proposing I want the user to have the freedom to crochet comfortably; simple math gives them much more freedom to successfully cover their structure.

I use this example because it’s important to express that, despite my knowledge of gauge, it hasn’t been an important component. When I wish to achieve ‘perfection’, it does not mean you use every tool in the box. It means you carefully decide the simplicity/complexity of the task by selecting the tools you believe best accomplish the job. Some will insist I can take shortcuts, others will accuse me of oversimplifying and needing more info. In every case, I have two questions: what do you think you need to understand it and after I explain it, which part could be added to the pattern to clarify without adding more confusing complexity? Annnnd I sidetracked a bit, but I wandered a bit because gauge is one of those things I have been pestered about but am willing to provide why it wasn’t necessary to achieve a successful finished project. Also to reiterate, I am very aware of it and do ask from the onboarding if it is a tool I need.

Pixel perfect crochet stitches is one that need it without exception and I’ll show and tell the way though this. To start the gauge standards are 4x4” and this was the aim throughout.

If you wish for a TL;DR, skip ahead to the Pixel Perfect Swatch subheading and I’ll include one of the special notes necessary there as well.

The Journey

To start off, I used the standard H (5.0 mm) crochet hook and 4 Medium yarn. Ch 16, single 15, ch 1, turn. Proper gauge means you can gently flatten it against the ruler without stretch to reach the 4” mark. A couple stitches short by eye so I unraveled and added two chains to reach 18. So sc count was 17, and once established, easily rested in the gauge.

Though we were good to go but the goal is to make stitch height SQUARE so that my row and column counts would be equal. This means after 17 rows, I should make the perfect square…

Unfortunately after reaching row 17, the tight but easy tension of a standard sc just seemed to fall about 3 rows short. Pixel perfect it was not.

Slightly taller, maybe more texture? I knew hdc was the next best best for a taller stitch so the start was the same: H hook, 18 ch, 17 sc. but alas…

From a glance you can see more height and more texture which should’ve clued me in; too much height and I wasn’t fond of the ‘banded look’ which was not a feature of old school gaming so much as a shitty CRT/RF (ch3/4) adapter reality of the 80s. The goal is an artistic take on a beloved game and it’s not nostalgic or likely even that interesting for my nephew like it might be for someone my age so, next.

I found a stitch referred to as single crochet cross stitch because of the way it looks in rounds; like an X. However it would not visually work for turned work but I was curious. Same parameters as before but this stitch (which I personally called power move single crochet or PMS stitch. Heh.) involves what she called ‘yarn under instead of over’ but to me looked more like giving the power move to the hook and was easier remembered as a hook OVER step. But alas, row 17 got me a little more height but was still falling short of that ideal square.

Getting there but no. It was a little extra work for a look that most people wouldn’t even see that slight difference in. But I had other ideas based off of these swatches…

Finally, I decided to switch to an E (3.5 mm) hook and added only one extra chain to reach the 4” mark. Mental math told me I was about to gain just a smidge more height if I was guessing correctly as well as an additional row. (18 sc so 18 rows to reach the goal of a square stitch).

Crocheting too loose would relax the horizontal measurement and I’d lose the advantage of the tighter loops of a smaller hook so this is where I aimed for height and tension. Not the best pic, but the idea was to ‘trust the hook’, keep the yarn over snug but slack just enough to make the hook rest parallel to the top of the previous stitch (just over the ch 1 starting the row), twist hook and pull through. Added height without loosening the width…

Note that I held below the working stitch to keep it taut and not raising with the taut but slackened loops. The creation of a controlled gap and controlled tension in a vertical maneuver is often a technique that advanced crocheters use for those long triple and longer stitches and is giving me just the slightest height without risking a slight widening. As a crochet anatomy tip, this is something that is maintained no matter how you stretch the finished work; keep your base entry tight and your towering chains will not limp out later. This also applies to strengthening the peaks; finish with tight chains or create a strong single crochet foundation for more rows to come.

And now the finale. I was devastated to see that my 18th row landed me at 3.75”. However, I wasn’t defeated; I went ahead and remastered the horizontal: 3.75”! So in trying not to widen it and effectively heightening the stitches, I actually managed to tighten the width and accomplish then perfect square. I  made sure the swatch was still relaxed, measured again to confirm and then gently stretch tested to confirm both directions had the same give and would not contort later.

Success, at last!

I already know; pics or it didn’t happen. I would do a video if I didn’t have my cat sleeping on my lap but it’s the real deal so… onto the TL;DR…

Pixel Perfect Swatch

The quick and easy is this: E (3.5 mm) hook, controlled snug tension (with listed exception) ch 19, sc 18, ch 1, turn. Exception; after base entry, y/o, pull through, hold at base to draw up slack so hook is rest above starting chain or previous stitch, parallel, yarn over and pull straight along the parallel.

This makes all the difference if you skipped ahead of the why. Finishing gauge will not be the 4x4” but 3.75x3.75”, but this means the stitches are indeed square and ‘pixel perfect’.

Conclusion

Ew. I just felt like I was writing a college paper again. But this lets the vultures pick the meat and wander off again while I add a few more notes and thoughts. This can likely be done with different hooks, yarn and stitches. Absolutely experiment and even share with your fellow weirdlings, scraping through the wasteland of internet misinformation to unearth some gems. In my case, I wanted this gauge to work for a cushion design so small stitches with fewer holes and limited stretch were my personal goal. This will give large projects a higher ‘resolution’ for your goal yet be small enough to get recognizable visual pixels in smaller projects. Want to go mini? Bust out the thin steel hooks and crochet thread. Jumbo aspirations? Grab those hilarious S and larger hooks and super jumbo blanket yarns and get to it! I’d love to add to the pixel perfect search over time but this will be a good medium for all ages. Some of our veterans just can’t see or hold those itty-bitty wonders or fatigue wrestling the anaconda-like proportions of the other end. 

Remember; do your test swatch. There are subtleties that must be experienced and it will develop the muscle memory to be consistent through the project. Get your rows and columns at the same number and at the same measurements and you can contribute to the search for great crochet pixel art!

Finishing Things

Three day weekend, woot, woot!

I had to start off by saying that. Hella busy week at the restaurant so I am more than happy for a break. And some good news! I got this blanket done:

TA-DAAAAA!

As well as receiving my latest doll in the mail.

The tan lady on the right

She's actually the last one I plan on getting for a while until I actually finish up the others. I still have to learn to use my airbrush machine and plan for some sculpting for some of the other parts of projects-- a Nendoroid's ears and feet, Rienna's armor, whatever else. I feel like I'm mentally lazy with that list right now. I have several different types of clay though that are meant for quite a few projects and I'm not entirely sure how far I was going with that anyway.

In any case, my new doll, I actually bought the face-up, clothes and wig for so that's not a custom job. I really just wanted a finished doll to gawk at and maybe inspire me to finish the others. Especially since my two boys would be the easiest to go ahead and finish. It's the girls that will take me a while.

'Specially with Rienna always under construction...

I'm also crocheting a Simon Belmont for my friend Joe. Crocheting is one of those nice in-betweeners these days while I sort out the rest.

Beefy baby-man in progress

And yes, writing was done. The only thing I'm neglecting these days is drawing, but I'll get back to that in my own time. The writing is going well enough... even though I feel like I'm being kind of mentally lazy with that too. It's not really a cardinal sin for a first draft to be kinda lazy though. I'll be able to dress it up in edits as long as I can make it at least partially coherent.

So tomorrow, more crochet and whatever else. You know me by now; enjoying the random. Letting the impulses lead since my muse is an asshole mostly. I'll see if she feels like playing tomorrow. Or not. I can manage.

When the weather is nice again, I'm hoping my dolls will be ready for some photo shoots. So I guess I better get cracking on them before spring springs up! But to be honest, this cold weather is ripe for writing. And drawing, if I feel like it.

Seriously, I sound like the world's worst procrastinator, but we all know that's... not really like me at all. I don't have clear intent for plans in the first place.

And that's probably the secret to happiness. Eschew expectation, comparison, and if you have nothing planned, you can't procrastinate! Sounds good to me.

All in all, I have to say I do love finishing things. It's not often that I get to say that because I rarely choose small projects. Everything has small steps and progress, but sometimes I like to save things for a big reveal. Other times, I just have to show anything at all. If only because I love to share.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

And Other Shit Rich Cunts Say When They Dissolve Your Trust Fund. But that's a long headline, no?

Here's some back story. I knew something was up when I found out my aunt had talked my grandma into a joint bank account. Mash up assets and all that. What's one of the ways a trust fund can be dissolved? A quick Google search will tell you outstanding medical bills. So, with her entire millions of dollars' fortune (and I know my grandmother's SMALLEST bank account contained $15 million, btw) tied up with my aunt's and no way to distinguish any of it was my grandmother's... VOILA! Dissolved trust approved.

Now, I wasn't slated to received millions. Actually, a modest but life-changing $20K. I could've gotten my teeth fixed, my future convention booths stocked, my equipment upgraded. 

I know; don't cry over spilled milk. But I hope an elephant sits on the bitch and crushes her.

It makes sense now when my mom told me that my grandma in her last moments, delirious and desperate, kept repeating that she was going to Hell. No one in my family is particularly religious, but her father was a preacher, so I can imagine she had some residual beliefs. Yes, grandma, if there is a Hell, you'll probably be there. If souls have any transcendence or punishment, karma isn't looking good for you. But unlike you, my aunt has no guilt. Only pure entitlement to all the money you squandered in your life.

It's simply something worth venting about but all the more motivation to make it big. Let the bitch try to share a spotlight with me in those moments I make a mark and I'll have her ass kicked out.

Because throughout a life of being the dirty family secret, my mom's love child, I've learned to be sweet and caring, but guarded and vigilant. I've learned that family can be the coldest blooded and that friends can be the family that warms your heart.

My aunt dicked us out of a better spot in life. Not in class or any such societal bullshit, just a chance to fix everyday inconveniences and expedite some dreams.

I don't want this to be only a negative post, but I don't often dig very deep, so I'm feeling generous enough to give a torn piece of myself.

However, I've been working on my dolls. New cape, boot soles made of clay and hardening to be cut later, shoulder wedge built to sculpt the shoulder guards. Writing is coming along. Love me or hate me, I'm feeling my groove again. I'm excited to have found a cheap cube organizer set to organize my craft, writing, and creative stuff better so I'm not always digging in the four corners of my room. You'd be impressed by the game of Tetris this girls works in, but I've always been resilient and resourceful.

Securing a better life for my nephews has always been a priority. I've said before; those boys saved my life and renewed my purpose just by being born into this world. There is no way in hell I'm squandering my life when I have them looking up to me to guide them. They're so smart and sweet and talented and bright-eyed, and it fills me with pride that I am responsible for such wonderful human beings. Sure, I can take credit for how they are turning out, but I think we're all born with something that guides the people we become and I could never take all the credit. They have worked hard to be amazing young people too.

Don't sweat the small stuff, they say. What's difficult is sorting the small from the big piles of shit. From sorting out those who love you and those who just love to torment you. In the end, you must find that guide within and reach for what YOU think is most important in life.

And I hope the stuff that moves you doesn't harm anyone else and helps you and those around you grow and change the world for the better. Be the better person... but maybe don't think you are.

Comparisons don't do you much good. Just be better than who you were yesterday and don't worry about where you rank. Let the ones who inspire you lead you up and the ones who detract you fall behind.

Love, peace and chicken grease!

Wig Quest

Didn't think I was done going on the quest for making the perfect wig, did ya?

Okay, not really 'perfect'. Perfection is an idea I rightfully murdered long ago. The best for my ideals is plenty, but I digress.

Came up with this:

Well, these. The first came out taller than I wanted and a little shabby at the part. I've since hot glued the part a bit more flush, but she's going end up with some sort of crown to cover the mess. As for the redhead, it did turn out beautifully, but I originally intended it to just be bangs and a ponytail. The seams were too visible so I ended up laying braids over the spot I didn't like. Turned out very well, even if it wasn't what I set out for.

What's next? Well, I said 'quest', so that's not all I had in mind.

I bought some pre sewn wig caps to sew wefts. I've seen some interesting tutorials on blanket stitching wefts and using a hand sewing machine, so naturally, I ordered what I need for both to try at a later date. AliExpress can be slow but it's worth it to buy crafts there. Amazon overcharges and I'm just not a brick and mortar shopper.

Resting for the remainder of the day since I work the next couple of days but more projects to come!

Not a Bad Day

So today was more about working than crafting, but we made good money at the restaurant and managed to make a busy short-handed day a productive one.

As for crafting, I was able to finish the wig cap for my 1/4 girl, but the 1/3 girl's wig is still drying as of now. I'll likely go ahead and finish it up after work tomorrow. I work every day this week but I'd still like to sneak in some crafting.

I haven't mentioned this before but I also do some conservative investing on a site/app called Acorns. It takes whatever money you want to put up, daily, weekly, or monthly and invests it in stocks, bonds,  etc. based on your selected risk. You can also do Round-Ups, a feature that lets you take transactions and round them up to the nearest dollar and they'll let you invest that money from your checking/savings account once you reach $5 increments. Since I do a lot of micro transactions, I have it turned off, but you can set it to round and take the money out automatically. It's a great way to either save for retirement or just put aside money for holidays.

So I've got my little balance going of classic hard work, mixed in with the just as hard but fulfilling work of crafting. Writing and drawing are still elusive, my muse on vacation there, but I know she'll come back with plenty of it for those aspects. I can't exactly put a harness on my creative outlets but they flow like a thundering waterfall when the time comes.

I look forward to seeing what the week has to offer and am anxious to put forth the effort for those bigger goals. More doll tutorials to come, but I'm trying to wait until I have some substantial finds rather than breaking them all up. As a little side note, while I haven't found the perfect glue, im getting better at utilizing them. Whatever didn't cooperate tacky glue wise, I plan on patching with hot glue. I may go ahead and finish the large wig with some hot glue, since those affix to the underside and I'll be flattening that out with a patch anyway. Good stuff all around, I think.

Glue, Yarn, and Madness

Crafting!

Fucking crafting...

I love it, all trials be damned, because successes are as big as the obstacles. Today, I did exactly what I hoped to do.

Sort of.

I started by making a wig cap for the new 1/4 girl I don't really have plans for yet. No sweat, just the usual glue and power mesh.

Then came Rienna's wig.

I love/hate it. Insofar, I've yet to find a glue that doesn't piss me off for wefting but sewing wouldn't exactly be easy either. With the tacky glue, ugh, it just never wants to hold right away so I've taken to just squirting a bunch of glue down, waiting about a half hour for it to firm a bit then sticking the hair on, just so I'm not playing weft chicken as they try to slither away from the wet glue. E6000 was not better. I've yet to figure out how to keep that bitch from oozing away when not in use. I managed, over the course of the day, to get the wefts on until the hair's off-center part so I'm leaving it to dry and I'll tackle it again tomorrow after work.

Crochet... What. The hell. Did I do. With the rest of the polyfill? I'll have to buy some more anyway, but I once again hid it from myself so I've yet to finish the cupcake. So on to the Ezio plushie. Wonderful world of flying by the seat of my pants. Masochist... I crocheted eyelash yarn into a crocheted head to make facial hair. Looks fantastic, total pain in the ass. Then I started sculpting the neck, body and an arm. Again, looking great, but yarn sculpting is one of those things where you kind of hold your breath and hope you don't fuck up. I haven't, so far, and I can undo mistakes, but that doesn't make it less precarious.

So yes, productive day, and hoping for more of those this week. Writing? Drawing? Who knows? I rather like this thing I do where I'm just working on what I'm in the mood for. And there's always something. ADHD is a mental playground. Mixed with talent, it's a whole carnival. Or circus. Either way, it's a wild ride full of imagination, anxiety and victory. I'll run with it.

Craft Mojo

It would be amazing if craft mojo was something I could summon on command. Artists, writers, creatives in general, all face a sort of on-demand attitude from people who... Well, aren't creatives. Okay, we're ALL kind of creatives but there are certain types of creativity that are inevitably wishy-washy. Writing nonfiction is about gathering facts while writing fiction requires tapping into a fickle world that sometimes isn't bridging the gap into something translatable. Web design is using a visual space while sculpting is about manipulating a physical space, and depending on whether you're using a source or pre made assets, there lies the difference between organizing or creating original content from imagination. Imagination isn't really a wholly logical space that can be harnessed. Nor should it. Part of the thrill is the slippery, wild chase to catch it.

Inevitably, what is drawn from imagination sometimes get jumbled for me. It doesn't dry up or burn out, it just comes gushing like a waterfall and I'm standing at the bottom with a goldfish net. Often, I play with a lot of snippets before I expand all at once, able to start producing with insane efficiency.

Which is why giving advice has always felt tenuous, or like I was giving recipes with no way to list the ingredients. I've got my craft mojo, so I feel like I want to describe it but I can't. It just means over the past week, my goldfish net traded up. I'm probably catching mid-sized sharks but that's a good sign. The burgeoning ambition was simply a sign I'd been in the throes of mania. It really wasn't that good for me in the long term.

In any case, I started crocheting a cupcake for my friend's daughter's birthday and an Ezio plushie for my nephew. Yesterday it was a small yellow flower shaped dress for a small doll. Tomorrow...

Well, I can tell you what I'd like it to be. I'd love to work up a swimsuit and wig for my doll project, keep working on the crochet I started. I'm not in the headspace for writing. Right now, that part is a stream, frozen on the surface, rushing beneath. Ideally, the ice will crackle and slough away in time, but I'm not looking for it to be the rushing river. 

That place was too much an obsession, too much a diversion to pull me from pain. When I first started to slam through writing, it was a way to salve the grief of too much loss piling up. Once I healed those wounds, the writing itself had masked too many bad habits picked up. My health started another decline and I had to face that there are aspects of myself I'm blind to and I needed help to get back on track.

Don't look for a secret to creative mojo. Just understand there may be some intuitive signal that there is something else needing attention. You will find you are more productive over time, more thoughtful with what you produce, if you listen to those urges that go ignored. Now, I'm not talking some serial killer urge. Lock that way the fuck up. But if you've got some voice saying you suck at self-care, maybe take a breath and listen a little more closely.

Making a BJD Wig Part 3

Forgive my lackluster picture taking skill on this gloomy day, but let's start with where I ended up on the last wig...

As you can see, there's still some work to do to finish the braids and style, but it did hold together. I ended up hot-gluing the braids but tacky glue would have driven me up a wall...

But enough about that one!

I've started doing the first of the big ones. This time around, I'm actually sewing in the first row on the underside of the cap. This will make it so if the hair is gathered, there won't be any visible hair around the cap edges.

So for this one you need:

• Sharp scissors
• Synthetic wefts
• Saran wrap
• Clover Black and Gold needles
• Thread (go with either white or one to match the hair)
• Glue (tacky or hot glue or whatever you prefer)
• Rubber bands
• Wig cap

This is assuming you have a wig cap made from before. I'm using the harder tacky glue one I made since it's much easier to pierce a needle through it.

I specified Clover Black and Gold needles for a reason. These tiny evil samurai swords will pierce through anything. And yes, they slip through skin like it's made of Jello so be careful.

Cut the first weft the length of the bottom neck base to start.

You don't have to be a seamstress and no one is going to see these stitches so just line the weft up, about 1\8 from the bottom on the underside and do a running stitch into the area between the two stitches anchoring the hairs in the weft. Running is a simple through the front to back, back to front stitch.

Now because I'm doing an off center part, I'm going to use a diagram to show how i mapped the head for this one. The hair will be glued on accordingly, but I think I'm going to go for the E6000 on this one. I didn't mention it before but it's an industrial glue that I'm familiar with so I know how it works out. What makes it a favorite is that it's a quick grip but a slow cure. So it holds on contact but you can nudge things around. It doesn't fully cure for 24 hours, but it does hold tight about an hour or less after setting. It's a bit messy, like hot glue, but you can touch it and it does wipe right off of skin. You can always opt to use a paint brush or wooden stick to smear it on like tacky glue though.

I'm going to have to treat you to yet another of my diagrams to kind of explain how the off-center wig will work.

It's very similar to the braid wig at first, just laying down rows of wefts until you reach the crown. On the crown, you'll have made a cut line, which I wouldn't bother actually cutting until the bottom hair is dry and you can lift the wig off of the head/stand again. Go ahead and lay out vertical rows that radiate away from the cut line, but leave about a 1/8" edge away from it. Once those are dry, go ahead and lift the wig from the base and carefully make the cut.

You're actually going to lay the next wefts with the sewn edge on the inside with the hair radiating outside the wig. Hot glue might be a bit too puffy, but if you want the quick glue, you can go for it, just carefully smear it down with a wooden stick. When you're ready to seal it back, the best solution is to use a piece of power mesh made the same way as the wig, one large enough to cover the hair and affix to the underside of the wig there and glue it in securely to hold the part together.

Since this is just a play by play that I haven't finished yet, there isn't a picture to go with it (yet), but I'll be back once that's done to say how it went. I'm nervous because I've actually got to cut/style this one, since the hair I'm going for is short and wavy, but I'll study up on that before I take the plunge.

I hope you found this helpful! Stay tuned for pics and possibly a start on the next wig, which will involve a ponytail and bangs.

Making BJD Wigs Part 2

I'll be adding pictures later, so if you're reading this early, you'll see some placeholders instead.

First off, my favorite of the wig cap experiments is... Power mesh with tacky glue and a layer of silicone sealant underneath. It's this wig cap that I started my first foray into hair wefting.

I used these premade synthetic hair wefts:

Aliexpress.com

Along with Saran Wrap, rubber bands and tacky glue. I also had a pair of bent tip tweezers to do some holding of the wefts.

But I'm already telling you; I'm going to do hot glue for the next one because the tacky glue just didn't hold the wefts very quickly so I did a lot of holding them into place until I was sure they'd hold enough to move to the next row.

Although I cut the long weft as I went, you may find it easier to precut the pieces ahead of time. For this wig, I did straight rows that began a gradual curve as they neared the crown. The rough edges meet where the bangs end and, to cover that, I am gluing in a braid over those edges (with hot glue).

To start, it's the regular drill of securing Saran Wrap to the base or head you're using. The wig cap goes over that.

The easiest way to describe the wefting is with a diagram I drew. The wavy lines are the row I built from the base of the neck to the crown. The jagged lines are the top head fillers. The dots are rows for bangs. The number of rows isn't a precise count but it gives you an idea of how the wefts were paid to build shape and cover the head.

I squeezed the glue in lines directly onto the cap and just laying the wefts carefully in place and holding them as needed...

So far I've only gotten everything glued down. I placed another piece of Saran Wrap, secured with a rubber band to both secure the last rows and keep anything from sticking to it while drying. We'll see if that was a good idea or not when it comes time to remove it and secure the braid. More pictures to come as I finish it up and see what I end up with. I don't expect a first try to be stellar but I've been open to the learning process coming with a few failures.

Be back with the results!

Making BJD Wigs Part 1.5?

While digging through some craft bins, I came across what was left of some GE Clear Silicone Sealant and some cheap nylon wig caps so I'm running some more experiments. I used one of my smaller, much cheaper heads to lay out some of the sealant on power mesh. Not only did it only take a few hours to dry completely, but it peeled right off of the Saran Wrap and doesn't slide around on the head. However it is stretchy, which may or may not be ideal for all styles and I don't know if other glue will adhere to silicone. The package makes it clear that you can't paint on the sealant. It may be possible to use more of the sealant to weft hair, but it's very thick and could get messy. Silicone tends to only adhere to other silicone, if that, but more experiments to come...

Currently waiting for the nylon stocking/silicone one to dry to see how it holds up with material even thinner than power mesh. Even if these don't work well for working with wefts, they look like they might be a cheap fix for non-skid caps under the wig anyway.

This isn't a formal addition to the tutorials, just some brain-picking thoughts since it's always good to look for alternatives that can be used for a multitude of projects. 

That being said, the power mesh/tacky glue ones turned out great. I slipped a silicone cap onto the head and the wig cap I made was able to fit on snugly over that. Which looks like it would be the best solution for a heavier updo wig since it doesn't slide around easily once settled on. Next up will be some wefting tests on the silicone, see if we can get it to cooperate as a wig or not.

Write What Will Never See the Light

I took a long hiatus...

From ambition, from discipline, from the ever-growing list of rules. Over the past month, I've indulged in reflection. I roughly sketch out ideas and doodles and steered clear of major projects with big goals. I carefully shopped for pieces of my doll project and contemplate what I might still need but they sit in a myriad pile of boxes unstaffed while the way I want to tackle them actually changes bit by bit with new inspiration.

I dream of changes to UnHeard's draft. Some I've added, some I'm still uncertain of and become notes. There's been no look at word count, no minding the words for an audience just yet. I reverted to private journaling because there is something stilted about many of these public posts that I couldn't quite place. Whether I was holding something back or struggling with the inability to keep to a topic, I'm not quite sure, but I do know that I needed to change gears.

I bought a second doll without finishing the first. As Rienna grew in my mind, I saw Talia warring for space to grow a physical form. No, not literally. I haven't decided to jump ship and talk about my characters as if they have a mind of their own. I simply thought of my early drawing of her, the wild flame of her dancer costumes, those blue eyes and fire engine red hair and knew she'd be cropping up in the scheme of things. 

I'd love to do a doll version of a male character but I find too many of the affordable male dolls are generic if not crude builds. The female bodies and faces are many and the males, if having any muscle detail at all, tend to be boyish. While some of my male characters are young, I want to realize the string mass, stubble and broad strength of my oldest characters more. I see Corvus or Eredin or the mercenary, the hardened bitterness of Melchior.

I might have loved the boyish characters when I was younger, but my scars have been more drawn to those creased and mature faces, those eyes that squint in caution and swallow light rather than wide-eyed and reflecting it. The female characters are their own enigma. They war with their youthful appearance, sometimes determined to show the strength of femininity, sometimes striving to be androgynous or childlike so that gender isn't the way people assume their roles. 

In a way, that's a piece of my struggle too. I didn't play with dolls because it's what girls were supposed to do. I don't exactly play with dolls now. I try to evoke from them all the forms womanhood can take in pain and triumph. To enjoy an aesthetic rather than model myself to it. To separate and join with a construct I still struggle to understand.

So things are moving much slower, but I haven't been fighting to catch a fast wave. Like all good things, it's not as wonderful when all of it is forcing the effort. In all my journaling that will never see the light of day, I find a few shiny bits that may after all. And remember not to treat every word so sacred.

Things Go Boom

As you can tell from the eloquent title, I'll start with a bit of an update on fireworks. It hasn't been bad around here yet but I'm expecting Wednesday through Sunday night will come with a lot more.

I don't begrudge people the joy of celebration or fireworks. I've never been a big fan of haunted houses or fireworks because I can't seem to avoid panic attacks with the combination of flashing lights and loud noises. I've been that way since I was a kid, no matter how much my parents tried to acclimate me. I've been to haunted houses and fireworks shows with friends, and earplugs help. They don't completely drown out sounds; I have very sensitive ears so it just muffles things enough to calm me. What I can't stand still are those damn mortar shells that are all noise. Although there hasn't been any of that yet, I often have to stay sitting or lying down, because my legs will give out when noise is too loud. It's not something I can control. Let's face it though; the more amateurs drink, the worse the danger too. Even though it's illegal in Ohio, occasionally people take the risk and set them off in my neighborhood. This time of year, it's hot as hell, but I have to shut off my AC and cover the vents or I'm choking on straight sulfur all night.

By all means, I'm all for people going to professional shows or, hell, even going out to some rural area and setting them off. I don't at all like it close to home though. It's a fire hazard, makes the air unbreathable and it's dangerous. Plenty of war veterans and autistic children also would like the choice not to go into panic for your fun. In this area alone, we have Red, White and Blue Ash, the Mt.  Healthy fireworks show and Arlington Cemetary does a show too. The last two are both visible from my house, at that. Both are done by hired professionals and not close enough to be problematic.

Again, not out to ruin anyone's fun, but it's not fun for everyone and I hope people can come to respect that more over time. 

I didn't actually want to say too much on the topic; mostly wanted to run a little update.

Did some house cleaning today and went through some of my mom's things. It doesn't really get that much easier. Years have passed since she died, but there's a numbness that still causes a lump in my throat, an eagerness to laugh and the threat of tears. But I found some crafty stuff and some old dolls I'd like to refurbish. I'm still struggling to write or draw in anything but short bursts, so I'm poking at crafting. I got some more practice doll heads in the mail and Erin, my sister, gave me some acrylics I can use for painting the faces. I still haven't gotten the supplies I need to do the wig caps, but I don't need to do wigs prior to painting.

Painting is not my strong suit. I'm not the sort of artist that likes the feel or mess of paint. This is also fine work and my hands do tend to tremble, so I'll have to use light quick strokes and likely need to start over quite a bit before I get the hang of it. New crafts can be like that so no biggie. I rarely ever end up making a disaster of it.

Obviously, the chance of fireworks kind of halts any sort of finer work in the evenings, but it's a few days where I just have to find something else to do. 

I absolutely do dream of having some secluded craft shack to retreat to in the future, but right now, I've been spending nearly every penny I make on establishing myself as an author/illustrator/crafter so there's no budget for saving up for some acreage and a quaint little mini house just yet. The idea of scaling up crafting to renovate a house is pretty exciting too though. Something to work for...

'Tis the Season

I'm not really the sort of person that gets excited about holidays. That being said, I'm not the begrudging sort that will ever mumble things about them being commercialized, expensive, depressing, 'just another day' etc. either. I've had a few crappy holidays here and there, but I've never gotten to the point where I've ever felt like shaming people for enjoying them.

I do enjoy watching people open gifts I've gotten/made them. I love how excited kids get. Love doing the crafts. Ehhh, not a fan of Christmas music (I was a retail worker too long to get that excited about the month long 8-hour a day piping of the same 30 songs over and over).

What I enjoy now is the time I'm taking off writing and drawing to make Christmas presents. Of course, I'm daydreaming about going back to it and I still slip over to blog or edit a chapter here and there, doodle on the edge of a page--there really isn't a 'break' from that part of life, any more than I can avoid sleep when I really want to work.

There is also the daily workout of keeping an eye out for the packages coming and the possibility of porch pirates, the inevitable Grinches of the season. Fuck those guys in the ass with razor-sharp candy canes. Yet I'm on those notifications and the sound of every vehicle that comes down the street and, hey, it's only for the next week, so I got this.

No Christmas tree this year. Not a sacrifice, though, since having two rambunctious kittens instead is always better. We do have decorations up on shelves they can't get to. We've been doing Christmas crafts and chocolate advent calendars and hot chocolate, so it's plenty festive. Enjoyable, to say the least.

While I'm not the sort to find some inner pool of excitement for holidays, I find that I often enjoy them based on the moods of people around me. When the kids are excited and the sentiment is genuine, I definitely get into it more. The people who are genuinely grateful for the things I make them continuously end up on my list. Hats are usually the quickest make but we're still looking at AT LEAST 4-6 hours of my time on simple hats, with any kind of off-pattern make taking several days. There has to at least be an excited thank-you in the return or it's deflating to have spent the precious time in making it.

On that note, this is why I don't bother with the business side of it anymore. On occasion, I have a couple of regulars that are happy to pay me fair wages for that effort. On occasion, I even gift to them, free of charge, as a thank-you for supporting me as an artist. However, for most people, I do write patterns and encourage them to learn how to make them for themselves. I definitely do not tolerate being told I'm too expensive. Hop on over to Etsy and see where I'm getting my prices. Considering I usually run my estimates right in the middle of the ranges, my quotes were always generous. Why? Because I'm an expert. No, really. I can admit there are some Russian ladies that free-form most of us to shame, but my custom work is original and a work of art so I have always earned the right to charge for materials, time and labor.

Unfortunately, it is also mostly a hobby now. While my art and writing are always competing for my professional attention, crochet isn't something that takes a top spot in competing with that time. I still have yet to figure out how to squeeze in marketing, but make no mistake, I do seriously monetize my work because I take pride in it. I won't undercut or water down a market for a quick buck so I always deeply consider market value in my decisions.

Well, I didn't mean to stray in that direction, but you know, 'tis the season. All four of them. Because you have to know that the creative brain, while also focused, is a ride that jumps the tracks and flies where it will. I don't monetize my blog so you're definitely always going to get what you pay for.

And then some, because I'm a giver.

Get Rid of the Entitlement: Your Unique Opportunity for Growth

As I've said before, crocheting happens to be something I excel at, but it was a hard won path that took years of patient dedication, like any craft. Sometimes, there are points where crafts cross over with philosophies that boost another of your outlets.

Comments I see time and again in crochet groups. "How do I make this? There's no pattern!" It is then followed by more increasingly entitled lamenting "I found a pattern in Russian. Can I have it in English?" "I've only found a diagram and can't read that kind of pattern?" "Ugh, I hate when there's no pattern, but I REALLY want to make it!"

People tend to get passionate only as far as the comments go, but most of them give up when the conditions aren't completely ideal. There's rarely any spirited chirps of 'well, guess it's a good time to learn Russian/read diagrams' or 'maybe I could look at the stitches and attempt to make it from the picture!' but damn it, there should be! Age or patience or sheer laziness and entitlement shouldn't ever be an excuse to cut yourself off from attempting a new learning experience.

And yes, this absolutely applies to writing.

I get it. One thing crochet has over writing is that the mistakes can often become a part of the design, unknown to all but the proficient crafter themselves and even another master would have difficult spotting it without being told. However, writing also has an edge over crochet in that the mistakes are easier to correct, that a story doesn't have to be unraveled to be fixed. However, it does require you to shed entitlement, to welcome humility in the process and take the bad with the good (and realize bad and good are subjective).

See the failings of a perfect scenario as your place to make it better. Take the time to write the non-existent pattern and you can turn around and charge for that coveted design. Take the time to write that non-existent book! Or shrink it down-- novella, short story, poem. A lot of short pieces grow with inspiration into something much bigger than you imagined. Even a proficient crafter can float as run-of-the-mill, always passing up challenges beyond the comfort level for any number of excuses.

We're modern creatures, often spoiled by its conveniences, so many of us resorting to whining, looking for the bleeding hearts to do the hard work for us. It's one of the reasons I started plugging up the holes on my own bleeding heart tendencies. There's only so much you can do, only so much you can let yourself be sidetracked by the monumental amount of pleas begging you to their cause. I can't say I never cave. Sometimes I'll translate patterns or make my own when I see the whining, not because of some genuine urge to please the masses, but because the challenge DOES appeal to me and I DO see the sense in appealing to a profitable demand. Yet sometimes I withhold that urge, wondering how desperate or passionate that 'need' will be, whether it will encourage just one of those entitled commenters to take matters into their own hands.

It's okay to be an enabler sometimes, to be selfless in your work or selfish too. I don't push back and try to shame those commenters because who really cares about the opinion of some internet stranger? It's not going to reduce their number and could even do quite the opposite. I do want to see people reach their full potential, but coddling is NOT the same as nurturing. When someone feels the edges of confidence, you have to push them ahead of that sense of instant gratification, to let them know that it's just going to get scary sometimes. Ultimately, that's where the greatest sense of accomplishment always seems to reside. Not in who you can look to for help every time, but where you can go inside yourself to try and help yourself first.

No shame in looking for some help sometimes, but the temptation to treat it like a crutch is where people fall astray so much. Don't be 'too old' or 'too impatient' or have 'too many other easier options' to reach for goals that might require both some help or some scary alone time.

Think of it like learning a language. You can either trust the interpreter to speak for you or you can speak for yourself. Even the most well-meaning interpreter can fall short of what you mean to convey. There's a lot of benefit to shedding ignorance in your craft, even if it's just a little at a time. Can you spot a misspelled word? Can you proofread your own work? Can you shed more excuses and say exactly what you're trying to say? Sure, you can pay someone to do it and that's a great way to encourage people to develop such skills. But don't always shuck a learning experience to take the easy way out either. You might surprise yourself and spread that proficiency across the board.

I became a better artist over a 5-year dry spell with drawing. This doesn't mean you can piss away the importance of practice because, honestly, it was torture and the longer I went, the more I thought I'd lose it altogether. It doesn't quite work like that-- you do lose some things but some things are innate, locked into you. Writing was the same way. I can't say for certain it was confidence or 'the right time' but I do know that much had changed and I saw too much entitlement in myself with nothing MORE to back it up. Why can't people see what I've done and snatch me up? You'll notice that no matter how wonderful it feels to get a big response, people will just as quickly forget if you're not DOING, producing and working on something else. People will hesitate to invest in you if you tuck it all in after a victory. What makes writers like King so successful is he keeps popping another title in his library. It doesn't have to be solid gold-- people can hate it, but it keeps his name reappearing on those New Books lists before it ever fades out. Of course, there's no lack of talent and hard work in his case, but one thing that keeps creatives afloat is visibility. Stay relevant and it's not just your new work that flies off the shelves, it's the curiosity for the old work too.

I say this time and again, but you ultimately decide how far is far enough. But you're totally a dick if you're whining about something out of reach and have no intention of contributing towards getting it. "Oh, the pattern exists, but it's soooo expensive. Can I get it for free?"

Get out. Just... get out with that. It's just as nauseous when you're an 'idea person' wanting other people to write your damn book for you, but 'you'll pay them with royalties'. Or worse. Exposure. *shudders* If you want to gamble with your time and money to see your vision, fine and dandy. Don't undercut or undervalue the skills of others with entitlement. Entitlement never looks cute or even acceptable. Even if people are too polite to say it, they're disgusted with you.

Go ahead and pass it up if it's not that appealing to pursue. A parting shot is not a mic drop-- ride off into the sunset, quietly, and take your highest horse with you.