Power Hours

My waitressing job isn't tough. It's even pretty fulfilling and good for my social development. It's also a compressed three hour (sometimes a little longer) shift, which is so much better than running around or standing for an 8-hour shift. On a slow day, I still pull $50.

But damn, it drains physically like I ran a marathon. Not quite tired enough to nap, but not really awake enough to do more than vegetate with Netflix or Hulu. At best, I might sit up to scribble down notes on what I'd like to do when I have more energy.

Well, last night, I printed off and added borders to another 100 business cards. That took about two and a half hours so it wasn't too time-consuming. It was pretty much the slow wait of them printing then folding and perforating, followed by sorting border colors, rolling on tape, cutting excess, rinse repeat. I like the sort of mindlessness of it because it gives me room to daydream or just quiet my thoughts, sort of meditative.

Tomorrow, I'm going to peruse website layouts, pick those out, pick HTML colors (they'll match my business cards; a mix of cream, warm browns, and a dusty purple accent), organize photos, then let Joe do his magic. I was only putting that off until I could test print the business cards, make color adjustments, then decide how the site colors would play into that.

Writing might happen, but really, I'm anxious to finish Totem. Writing is something more natural to step away from but art seems to have a window for whether it will be finished or I'll get distracted by a shinier visual desire.

I'll be ordering a doll base soon, with the hopes of customizing her to look like one of my female characters. It's difficult to find the right male doll parts. They tend to be generic, boyish (rather than masculine adult), and limited, which is why it's much more tempting to customize a female. Now, Iplehouse, one of my absolute favorite BJD manufacturers, sells the most amazing male forms, but I'm not quite in a place where I could display, protect or maintain such expensive dolls so that option is not a short-term goal. If I had the room for a big display cabinet and even more to spend on the base bodies, let alone outfitting them, I'd have two foot tall versions of at least a few of my characters, but for now, I can dream. It's a much higher priority to juggle inexpensive hobbies with my career ambitions than it is to blow every cent on showstopper pieces.

Of course, there's crochet too. I'm still waiting on a few yarn colors to come in the mail so that's on hold until then too. I tend to buy inexpensive but ridiculously soft milk cotton yarn from overseas. Unless I can hit a yarn sale locally, most US companies charge more for less impressive yarn. As much as I love to support local businesses, especially since I'm leery of supporting countries where labor laws are inhumane, yarn is one of those supplies that goes fast and takes a lot for anything but small projects, so it's just as distasteful to spend more for less quality and yardage. Yarn production isn't one of those things that even needs heavy manual labor to produce, just someone to inspect and fix the machines that spin, color and label yarn.

Time to stare at some show I'm only half watching for now. Much to choose from but I have a good idea where to focus my priorities once I've rested.

The Art of Listmaking

Many years ago, I caught my best friend chuckling at me for making a list of video games I wanted to buy. Curious, I asked her why. With an affectionate eye-roll, she told me that it was one thing her husband and I had in common that she'll never understand.

While her husband and I very likely have different reasons for the habit, I can say for certain that it effectively does a lot of favors for me: it keeps me from impulsive spending when my broke-ass does have money and it helps me decide what is valuable and what is worth my time. 

(When it comes to shopping lists, I tend to have another rule when it comes to temporary and permanent decisions. If I still want a thing after six months, then I should buy it. For things like tattoos and piercings, it's actually a six YEAR rule. Loosely-- I don't ACTUALLY count the years, but if I've noticed the desire remains for years, I understand it's not passing. The 'six' part just sounds nicer.)

Small notepads are stashed everywhere in my room and they typically have a simple purpose-- daily and weekly lists. Monday, Wednesday and Friday tend to be my target active days so I plan for those the day before. I scribble down what I hope to get done and throw on some maybes. If I don't do it all that day, I push it to another-- Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays tend to be 'leftover' days because of this. No, I don't heavily plan this. It seems to just be the way I work best. It's really not as structured as it seems, but I'll get to that.

None of my planning necessitates anything as formal (or time-consuming) as a day planner. If I really need to keep track of an event, I just use an electronic calendar. This goes for repeating events especially (thank you, birthday reminders). What works best is disposable notepads for the variables of life. At the top are priorities of that day. In the middle is an ordered list of quick tasks and maybes. At the bottom are ongoing projects I can choose from. These are still priorities but of the 'Rome wasn't built in a day' sort.

Here's the thing-- once I write them, I rarely need the list but not writing them almost guarantees I'll forget something. On days where I'm really not motivated, checking things off is an odd incentive. Writing and marking things off is one of the easiest rewards systems for functioning according to plan. This is the same reason I actually prefer to hand-write ideas in notebooks despite apps and built-in notepad functions available. I rarely ever consult the notes I write again, but there is something about the act of writing each letter by hand that seals it in my head far more effectively than typing it does. I need to connect each thought to the letters they represent whereas typing is simply a convenience for speed and neatness. I love that I can throw out my thoughts quickly, distribute them even quicker, but if I really want to remember them, there's nothing like handwriting.

Either way, I consider all of the items on a list as a suggestion. Priorities even sometimes get pushed. If I just don't feel well or something comes up, anything can move. Things that get pushed too much often get upgraded to a priority. Why? Because there's only so much pushing until it's clearly procrastination or an excuse. Then I have to look at it differently.

My obsessive habit of alphabetizing my game collections into lists actually turned into a motivational tool in this too. (What I didn't share much then was the fact that my siblings liked to steal and sell my shit so it was a safeguard for keeping track of it. Now, I just put a lock on my bedroom door.) Organization only kind of helps since my best attempts to create order are often forgotten and result in digging around trying to find them anyway. However, to-do lists continue to be a great way to keep moving, to keep refining my workflow, to keep looking for a better way to create order in the constant chaos.

You can definitely add making lists to the list of ways to fake focus. List-Inception, at its finest. Mentally or in practice, life is often a list in a list in a list...

Let's flip to the other side of this practice for a moment. For some people, not completing lists comes with a demotivational sense of failure. It's a perception you have to actively learn to discard. Seriously, regrets are shit. You can only move forward. After making a mistake, my dad used to give me a lot of shit for it but there really wasn't anything to be done to change it and if there was a way to fix it, I'd already thought about and did it. I only ever ask for advice if I've truly exhausted my own resources. (And let's face it-- most people looking for 'advice' on anything other than an opinion are simply looking for peer approval/conflict. For facts alone, Google is gonna cover your ass.) Rather than compound the guilt, you have to similarly remind your critics (or the critic that made the list/did the failure- ahem, you) that it's something you will labor not to repeat.

In that same way, this attitude helped me be less anxious of things that haven't happened yet. It's unavoidable that I'm always thinking of best and worst case scenarios, but I don't get very anxious before interviews, mainly because I know they'll either like me or not and I'll answer the questions to the best of my ability. It ceases to matter how badly I want the job or what it could mean to my future if that just means I'll be a mess where it matters. If there's any anxiety, it's me telling my mouth not to run away with the honesty of my brain. (Don't overshare, Krista.)

Lists are just another planning guide in your behavioral toolbox. A good habit in a long line of tempting bad habits. However, they have the long-term ability to develop a good attitude if you don't beat yourself up over what isn't done. Grab a whiteboard or a corkboard, a planner or a tablet and work to remind yourself daily of what might matter. Having things specifically dedicated to this habit truly helps. Tablets can be distracting, if only for the ease at which you can get distracted from taking notes/lists to hop over to FB or check messages. Again, this is why I recommend just buying stacks of cheap spiral/composition notebooks. While you can get distracted in thought, handwriting still requires purposeful marking. Even if you switch over to mindless doodling (which I do) there's a greater tendency to get back on track when your real estate is limited to the physical page and there's no 'accidentally' opening Facebook.

When you don't regret how you spend your resources, it's a valuable tool. No, it doesn't have to be daily or weekly. Sometimes people just keep a calendar. My dad is a random list maker and only when he's super motivated. If you're forgetful rather than neglectful, even better. Sometimes we tell ourselves it's neglect but this often removes that possibility when those lists are consistently met. It's not always procrastination that makes us unproductive but some simple lack of a task that keeps us ordered on our task.

I've mentioned before but puzzles are a terrific way to create a mentality for focus. I tend to avoid brain scrambling moments after taking time to hyperfocus on a task. Diet can be a huge help too. Omega 3s, found in fish or supplements, is touted as a terrific way to get your brain function on point. In truth, there's rarely ever ONE thing we do that contributes to the best methods for productivity. I really just enjoy making lists and always have. If I sat and thought about it, I could think of a time all the way back to when I learned to write words where I was making some kind of list. Even before words, there was the temptation to draw as many fruits as I could think of-- shapes, animals, etc. I've always loved to satisfy how things might be grouped according to what I need from them.

Ha, and we do get a lot of shit for grouping things these days, don't we? As if noticing the difference between men and women or skin colors, etc. is some sort of cardinal sin. Ironically, people often end up ignorant out of a fear of seeming ignorant. Stop asking, stop talking, stop searching, stop making stupid lists... Nah, take some risks that you'll look stupid to avoid actually being 'stupid' for acceptance.

I'm jumping around just to feel out what might be some mental hurdles here. I know I favor handwriting, but some people have terrible handwriting. Finding a strategy is about personal preference and resources. If anything, I'd always say adaptability is going to be key with this one as it is with most. List-making is secondhand for a lot of people, but like a lot of things, people also fall out of certain habits and don't realize its value when it could be best used.

How do lists help you through layered tasks or everyday life? How much of a hot mess are you without the joy of lists? I'm kidding, but really, lists are a pretty terrific way to assist a busy brain.

Thinking Outside Your Genre

As of lately, I know my mind being in my work has led largely to talking around it but I'm sure for my writer friends, this is a place where we grab the sails and ride the wind for all its transient and precious value.

However, I have to say it's the work of others that I also feel compelled to account for these moments. Once more, a very valuable relationship I have with another writer plopped a second go at reading a screenplay I'm always excited to see the evolution of and it really propelled me into my current edit with renewed buoyancy. Antonio Maccagnan-- I need you all to remember this name because his work has the sort of depth, humor, emotional depth and versatility that even this crazy world can't ignore. I find his style and enthusiasm to be really instrumental into the courage and confidence that feeds my own work.

It can be really difficult to find a truly sincere camaraderie among other writers and if I can give you more valuable advice from this, it's to look outside of your usual genre for those connections. Or in this case, it's not always a deliberate action you take. When I received a private message asking me to take a look at his work, it was through a FaceBook group that I had joined only hours before and one I hadn't yet even posted in. Perhaps because it was a personal request rather than a general post, it appealed to my curiosity. Yet another takeaway for you-- just like agents aren't fond of being a CC in an email for general queries, your best beta readers are probably going to be the ones you seek out with individual consideration.

For one, there is no immediate feeling of safety or even competition in the mix. When you're not looking for 'experts' in your genre, you're getting truly fresh eyes. They are often still adept as writers with a similar passion for story-telling but they have completely different angles and approaches that can really enhance what you bring to your genre. Rather than looking for new ideas (difficult to near-impossible), you find a new way to tackle themes that can add depth to your piece that falls well outside trend and predictability. Ideas are wonderful to have, but you're going to find your voice is lent more to how you set the stage, the play of dialogue-- all things that aren't locked in the safety of your usual genre.

When you're not looking for someone to echo your thoughts, you even find very valuable exchanges in the disagreements. I don't always feel immediately comfortable offering what I would have done differently, but when you can build that level of rapport where your opinions hold more weight, then it becomes an experience outside of technicality, editing, a true exchange of knowledge leading to insight into your work that is often overlooked by a casual observer.

That being said, I do hope to be able to do some active searching for what my friends are doing this year. If you're one of these friends that I've expressed an interest in your work then haven't said much since, it wasn't just empty flattery. I know that's a thing for some people, but I don't do it. Truly, I have been immersed in my work and my intent to seek out your work is still in my radar. Right now, it's come down to the ones that seek me out and ask my opinion on something specific. Because my focus is very singular, the ones that give me 'homework' and a clear aim are something I find time for first and foremost. Nope, you don't have to beg or get too formal with me, just hit my inbox or comments and if I can fit it in, done and done. It's always an honor when a friend finds my input valuable.

I never want to give the impression that it's easy to build those relationships and for some of us, reaching out is a paralytic thought. If you're not the active seeker then be the one who offers an open door. Gently remind people you want to hear their 'pitch' and work out what you have time for. Gathering valuable relationships isn't scything fields of wheat, it's more like panning for gold. Find peace in the process rather than developing anxiety when things just aren't panning out. Sometimes you have to let go of active searching, switching into a more passive state so you can continue developing the work you want people to look at. If you're frustrated by time spent fruitless, stagnant on a stubborn path of unmet expectations, give it a passive assignment so you can give the active time to your work.

You'll fall into old traps of unproductive states from time to time, but I hope this can serve as a reminder that you're not quitting when you change priorities. You're placing value on your progress, prioritizing the work. Don't cling to what you think should be a bestseller and ignore the potential to expand your future work now. Many writers hustle to put out work consistently for many years before they find an audience. It's not because their work isn't good or they're doing anything wrong. Many of them met up with the harsh realities of obscurity but kept building their vision. Visibility isn't all advertisements, spam posting, and waving your arms around. It's often about standing your ground, moving just enough to make sure the strongest parts are always under your feet.

Okay, sometimes it's flailing...

Like wacky waving inflatable tube man, it can be a little dizzying, but don't forget that there is no lack of direction (and redirection) to keep up the momentum of inspiration and action.

You, too, can do this! And for the low, low price of free (+labor, materials, time, and putting up with your muse), you will rock! You signed up for this so take it for all it's worth. 

On a side note...

I know some writers get discouraged that most, if not all, of your friends and family are not fans of your work. Do remember that this is very typical and is not an indication of your talent or their love/support. I'm fully aware that sometimes family isn't a guaranteed source of love and support. For years, my aspirations were largely scoffed at and I can even admit it was rightly so. I kept notebooks, sketchbooks, never really focusing on anything, never having a complete show for the discipline of what I was doing. People will think you're not serious-- until you publish a book or two or ten, until they start seeing people commenting about your work on social media. Sometimes it takes a lot of visible little victories to start recruiting some of your closest friends. Sometimes the reason for this isn't awful-- many people closest to you are hesitant to enable you to flounder on your potential. They want to see you reaching beyond their safety to reach others. 

Yes-- some of those toxic people won't ever come around, won't ever knock on your door unless you're wildly famous or are even eager to see you fail because they are afraid you'll prove them wrong. I can also tell you that these people are both very few and will also crowd your view of what is actual and what matters. Toxic people are often like ink on your windshield, keeping you from seeing the cheering fans or even the sunlight. They are not the sum of all that's out there. If someone you respect and love isn't coming around, it may be time to take inventory of what you are putting out there. I've found that most of those people aren't hard to win over. The time it takes to accomplish something big is not the correct value to place on their approval either. When you want that journey for yourself, it isn't reasonable to place all of that weight, all of that struggle as what it took to win someone. That kind of assessment will only feed the bitter, resentful troll in your own head. Rather, understand that they might have already known you had it in you but didn't want to lay the weight of that on you to add to your failure if you couldn't come through.

I know the people that didn't ride my ass, either in opposition or support, when I struggled to perform weren't cruel. They were cautious of how vulnerable that process was for me and even trusted me to find my way. I can appreciate that no one tried to hold my hand because I needed both of them to type (and even when I draw, the non-dominant hand was useful for the hotkeys on my tablet). What speaks volumes is that their silence turned into words of pride for me, buying my books and even calling me an 'author' in conversation. Or like my bestie Emily says, a 'sensei'.

All in all, your passion-people are out there and they're probably not going to be who you expect them to be. The work is what will draw them, for better or worse, so don't apologize for the time and energy you need to spend to make that happen. Let your family and friends take on their important role as is and don't expect them to take on the fan role. More often than not, they'll have the important role of helping you through the ups and downs so you're not blowing off steam everywhere else and turning people off of your work. Their impartiality can be important in reminding you that you're still valuable outside of your work, that indeed you are still a pretty amazing person regardless.

The Desire for Shared Misery

I'm probably not going to tell you anything you haven't heard before, but I'm also sure that there's a first time for everything and I may be breaking a thought cherry that you've overlooked many times over. That's reason enough to go for it.

What I'm doing now, it's my dream, you know this. I used to fantasize about a day when I could write and draw my stories with the stars in my eyes that everyone else has when thinking about the things that they either won't do or lost interest or hope for somewhere along the way. It should be glorious, but it's the human condition that when we attain those difficult goals that we are always looking ahead to the next. We ascend to bigger things, but there's always something more. They say that the highest achievers sometimes reach these places where there's just a big empty space above with the mountain of all attained below. I can't tell you how, even as an atheist, that seems absolutely impossible to me. I wouldn't feel like a god nor feel the need to create one. In life, there will always be something above as long as I don't wave off everything as below me. I carry this attitude into a situation where I am asked to teach-- I may be the one viewed to have the authority, but I go eager to find something to learn as well.

I probably seem pretty zen about life, but appearing stoic is an everyday struggle. The idea that I am not capable of misery or knowing real pain because I'm not 'woe is me' is a fault in logic. My threshold is just different, tailored to my own survived trauma, and when things are hardest, I'm just more likely to clam up and power through. When I do whine, you'll notice it's oddly minor-- I have a cold, my back hurts again, I'm anxious about doing something. It's not commendable and it's why modern people are so inclined towards mental illness, this idea that suppression is strength, but it's also not a habit that is broken easily nor safe to do in certain company. Modern attitudes can be predatory at any sign of weakness.

You also see how many people seem almost excited as they compare how awful their day was, how it actually worsens mood when people enter this frame of mind. Can't say I didn't do it because in some work cultures, your level of perceived misery often calculates how well you're received and if there's anything worse than being on your feet for 8 hours, it's having no one to talk to to pass the time.

Somehow, people perceive a 'dream' career as a break from the fold and can unintentionally isolate you, more than that kind of effort already does. I can set my own hours, but if I treat it like a part-time job, it will take me years to do what could be done in months. I could work 8 hours a day, but again, creative demands often press you to strike while the iron is hot. I've come to operating my life on a series of alarms just to remember to eat, stretch, take a walk, check on what the kids are up to. Those things that people think I can do 'anytime I want' disappear, not because I'm engaging in escapism but because I struggle to make something that maybe, just maybe, might give that joy to someone else.

Have you ever psychologically profiled someone? Have you done it for all 30 characters in a book? Have you ever had an idea you know jack shit about and realized you have to speak to people or otherwise research it so it still bears logic? Has two weeks ever passed before you really paid attention to what day it is?

Writing is not just a career and it can border on obsession. Some writers build soundtracks for their characters, draw them, make maps, a lot of 'extras' that they use as devices to make something unique of their ideas. It's often something they only talk about with other writers because even people who obsess over a fandom struggle to comprehend that sort of obsession with your own unfinished work. It can be dismissed as narcissism rather than the struggle to translate these worlds into something legible to others. In fact, writers can often seem 'mute' while mid-project to resist the temptation to just talk endlessly about the made-up issues they face and struggle to help you relate to. Even once they finish, many writers don't find it any easier to discuss it, hoping to lure people into discovering it without what is tantamount to spoiling it. When your friends and family aren't reading it, that too can create a silence.

Don't get me wrong-- many writers actually prefer some or all of their family and friends don't read it and we also don't want to have to force it when we do, but it inevitably causes a gap in interests. This is why many, many writers almost have to have other jobs and interests even when they can be a full time writer. There is literally nothing we can easily say about it unspoiled, especially when it consumes our life. I'm a full time writer and illustrator, but I also take time to watch TV shows, read books, crochet, learn new skills, because I need things in my life that won't turn me into a monk locked in a vow of silence when I'd like nothing better than to talk about my books. Of course, a quest for knowledge is part of who I am, so I'd still find ways to break out of any one thing to experience something else. It is just a thing that comes rarely.

The thing is, my misery is a different creature, not one I'm flying above on to laugh at all the peasants below. Writing is as emotionally, physically and mentally draining as any other job. If I had been an archaeologist, a zoologist, a radiologist, a physical therapist or a lifeguard (yeah, when I was six this was somehow my dream job), it would have borne the same weight, but I would pay taxes, hate customers/patients/dinosaurs/colleagues/bosses, in the same ways most people do. People see my pajamas (which are more attached to the fact that most regular clothes are physically painful), my flexible hours and my unfailing faith in my work and think I'm somehow above it all when much of the time, I'm scrambling out from under a rock and begging people to believe I'm human.

And no, I don't want you to think I'm below anyone either. You probably haven't seen me talking to celebrities either, but I'm not someone who gets starstruck. I imagine they're plenty used to being treated like aliens and there's absolutely no surer way to get them on autopilot than doing so, for better or worse. In my own mind, I'm both a celebrity and a nobody and I'm not that different from anybody until someone insists on treating me that way.

FYI, if you ever want a room full of pregnant women to look at you like they suddenly think cannibalism might not be a bad idea, then say 'oh, god, no!' when they ask if you have kids. It will also give you a good idea on how it probably feels to be... Kanye West with anything he has said in the past few years. (Sorry, no sorry, but I laughed at the Swift drama; the Kardashians were the point of no return.)

Damn it, Kanye, I used to be able to tell people I adore you. But I still love your music.

In any case, sometimes shared misery is something we aim for to be the only one not miserable alone. I've been there, even spent years believing that doing the 'right thing' makes it okay to feel wrong about everything. Now, sometimes I go ahead and risk some infamy to release my obligation as an impostor. To be fair, I honestly loved my job in floral at Kroger, I just hated that one bitch assistant store manager. I could dodge the bitch competition and go outside to water flowers and hum. Nothing makes a manager angrier than someone enjoying their job.

My boss is still a bitch, but with flexible hours, engaging work, and not having to cry in the bathroom or explain it to coworkers that it's just frustration and I'll be smiling in about five minutes, I'll settle for the bitch I choose rather than the bitch I don't.

I'd say I've ranted thoroughly enough to wonder if I've gone too far. And my finger still wanders towards the Publish button anyway... Sllllooooooowly, and--

Going Dry...

To focus on writing rather than getting distracted, I'm taking a short hiatus from social media for at least the next week to get into drafting Part II of UnSung. I will still be checking emails for the beta sign-ups (and checking PM/DMs), but it's always better for me to escape the peanut gallery to pick my own brain.

My 5th book of the Heroes, World and Universe Chronicles has gone up, A World Reborn: Higher Reasoning , but if you want to give the series a try, start with The Truth about Heroes: One of Many for $.99. Or gamble with the first three in the trilogy edition for $4.99. The first two prints are at $20 because they contain illustrations, but most copies fall at $15 because I changed tack. The trilogies are tomes so they fall at $25. I wish I could go lower, but I'd get next to nothing for print if I did. I have all of the hard copies and they're superb quality so certainly not skimping there. It's the one downside to PoD self-publishing. Also, all nine will be released rather quickly, with the final ones out by July 11th. I've sat on this series for so long that it's time to let it go and focus on the many, many, many others queued up.

I haven't yet mentioned it in my blog at this point, but if you like doing fan art, I challenge you to draw my characters! I know in my first book, I described them from the onset (and readers are mixed about whether they like subtle introductions or 'just tell me what they look like already' so I went with what I like). If I drum up enough interest in fan art competitions, I'll consider doing a giveaway in the future. Again, I love to see art of all skill levels, so get creative. I didn't just get into this to show what I could do-- I'm also very interested in what is inspired by it.

In any case, about to start my retreat! I busted ass getting all the covers done for the first series and I hope you like what I came up with, but writing went on the back burner to do it. I gotta get back into writing mode, which usually involves wrangling my toddler of a muse...

Looking Ahead

Haven't caught a cold in three years and BOOM! Friday night hit me with one that ate up the next three days. No writing, no drawing, and some pretty weird ideas of how sickness worked.

Like I told my friend, Joe, I actually mentally put my cold symptoms on Photoshop layers and felt frustration when I couldn't delete them. Before you think I'm dangerously close to thinking myself weird or quirky, this isn't the first time cold + obsession = impossible invention. I used to play this game called Puzzle Quest until my dreams became disturbingly occupied with rows of colorful gems and skulls. Colds tend to form these pockets of yearning for all of the things I physically can't do.

In any case, pre cold, I started running a blog draft of my illustration process. It's basically just a run through of what each layer entails rather than what tools I used. I plan to publish that sometime in the next couple weeks. It uses the design of my upcoming cover so I'm trying to get it close to that book's release.

I wrote down a rough idea of when I want to release the books and the last of them is scheduled to be released on July 11 (my 37th birthday). So yeah, they're coming quick, but with things piling up the way they are, I don't want to neglect my first series when I get caught up in newer ideas. The UnQuadrilogy continues and there's also the DreamPunk Chronicles and Piscine that are queued up. I've played with the idea of doing some prequels of my first series, visiting an event in the distant past and one that occurs in one of the time periods between trilogies.

When I could keep my eyes open long enough over the weekend, I did read some writing articles and I'm getting the impression that none of them are actually offering any new insight. It's just the same top posters trying to make more bank on redundant platitudes. From the more passive but motivational 'your time will come' to the aggressive guarantees that ' I can make you a top poster.'

Only pinching a small fortune writing redundant articles isn't where I want to place my focus. I wouldn't say that my path is better, but it's certainly better for me. If you read between the lines on these articles, you start to gather that these people went into bankruptcy, lived with family with no job, spending every waking moment building an audience. Yeah, I'm actually in a position where this is possible, but playing the self-help guru has always been a quick side venture, not my entire focus. Also, it's not feasible advice for most people and it's incredibly niche-y, the exception not the rule. In my eyes, advice aimed at a general audience should be something they can tailor to their needs, not be a treasure map that might've been looted dry before they get there.

I love writing fantasy. I love building characters, letting them grow organically, exploring the world around and inside of them. It's a process that's calming like sitting in a bay window on a rainy spring day, opened just a crack to let in the smells of cut grass, new flowers, and thirsty soil. If I'm going to hunker down in front of a computer to escape into creation, it should be a place that I want to share beyond a mundane weather report. I labor to tell a story that can activate your senses and emotions and curiosity.

No matter what genre you write, it's something you feel passionate about. I tinker with non-fiction even, the idea of writing a book that can teach you why you 'can't' draw and how to change that. I have been through a great deal of drawing books in my life but all of them assume you are unwavering in motivation and laser-focused. If you know me, I'm about as focused as a laser in a room full of mirrors. There are approaches to drawing that I believe have become lost on a lot of people as they grow older and I feel like I am uniquely attuned to that, that I can teach the unteachable.

That would be another thing. Although it does take research to make a cohesive article, most of my ideas benefit from at least an entire novel. There are so many layers to be carefully considered. I have enjoyed writing short stories here and there, but I feel as if they are clipped in comparison. 

Still a little sick so the effort of typing has worn me out. A sick nap is in order before I attempt to do some long missed cover work. Also, my fish seem displeased with my decorating skills and are currently spraying mouthfuls of gravel at the glass in protest. They've toppled a couple of their rocks that I need to set right...

Keep writing though... Unless you catch sick, then take a break!

Working with the Window Open...

I keep saying I'm going to take a break from drawing, like one 24 hour period without it, but coming up on the 6th day in a row just proves I'm a shameless liar. How can I stop though? I have one book cover done and another the other four in various stages of completion and already they are looking amazing.

And today? Cool air, sunlight, perfect weather for drawing so I couldn't pass it up. I worked on the clothes and shoes for one cover, started the outline on the next, and did most of a background for another (gasp, yes, background-- the one thing I will usually troll through stock photos to avoid doing). A great day and now I'm get ready to force myself to stop and give my hands and eyes a rest. Will I take a break tomorrow? Probably not. I'm already mentally plotting what I want to draw next.

Although, I should probably stop calling it drawing. Drawing gives off the wrong impression. It's digital painting. No one take four hours just drawing shoes. Also I paint on multiple layers. I shade skin that will get hidden by clothes on the finished product. I'm scribbling guidelines and palettes that will be hidden later too. Digital painting is not really like drawing or traditional painting at all and the stunning visuals and effects sometimes need special brushes (some I have to customize using a source photo or a vector image I've drawn).

How about a visual? This is my layer window and I haven't even done more than outlines and skin layers for the characters yet (and the character folders are closed or I would have need a fourth screen shot).

And yeah, I can't condense any of it. Each layer represents both a separate visual element and the order it needs to be to be visible. The background alone is occupying two and a half of the screenshots. Of course they're all in a folder that I can close to navigate easier once I'm done manipulating it. You can absolutely paint without labeling and organizing. It's also a pain in the ass to find everything if you do. I was a little lazy here, but I can remember what some of the default numbered layers are just by the labels around them.

I probably mentioned it before but I've been taking screenshots of my progress with all of them to share later so I can take people through my process. It won't be as detailed as a tutorial, mostly shots involving wherever I stopped or certain milestones. Mostly I've nailed some of the details by studying photographs and color-picking areas to attempt to recreate. What makes it challenging is that I'm NOT aiming for realism. I'm attempting to inject my style into even reference photos. I'm using 3D and physical models to figure out poses. It's an amalgamation of many sources, but still what I originally envisioned.

I'll cut out so I can get some rest though. Plenty of fun for the next week or two where the digital painting is concerned. I'm hoping to jump back into writing once I get through that. I've certainly been playing with UnSung enough in my head that I will beat my muse if she hides behind a blinking cursor. Hell, I've even been playing with ideas for UnHeard and that's not even a bridge I've come to yet. All this practice can only help the web comic though. I'm creaky and achy but it's the work I love.

Smoking!

Not really; I don't want to be stopped...

Crazy. Here I thought I'd never get going until this weather picked a non-Apocalyptic range. Physically, I'm still a hot mess but mentally, I'm insatiable.

I was supposed to take a break today, but yet again, I crept back to my passion projects. I want to share so bad but I'm waiting until I release the covers. I'll have a ton of progression screenshots to share too.

Surreal, really. Once I give into the curiosity and start poking at the paintings, I start feeling like they're part of the space around me. I'm flying through the toolbox without consciously choosing anything but somehow it's always the right tool. I'm connecting with the characters all over again, remembering why I fell in love with writing them to begin with. Beyond all the worries, I remember that I'm not a novice. That I've been at this my whole life, got two degrees in design, rocked an internship and paid my dues. I made the choice to design intuitively, to chose vision over what is most effective for the market. 

Let's face it-- the most distributed advice is to emulate success, that authors in your genre before you paved the way to give you the guidelines. Future writers are supposed to build on that. Bullshit. My favorites are my favorites because they followed their story. They were dedicated to their craft. Let's not forget that this IS a new age and self-publishing, for better or worse, ushered in the courage for polymaths to shine. We get to research cover design, formatting, the craft of writing and storytelling, all in a way that makes us agents, publishers and marketers on a new level. We get to blog from our tablets and put our computers, scanners, printers and social media to the test. It's a wonderful time indeed.

So as impatient as I am to share, I'm also in a workhorse state of achieving. Writing, drawing, formatting, editing, planning and, more importantly, doing. Imagining success but humbled to the task of just enjoying the process. It's both in my hands and completely out of them. I read my stories over and over and never get sick of them. Someday, I hope you will too.

Find your passion and revisit it whenever you can. Your story awaits.

Finding balance

I've let a few things slip over the unpredictable winter months, I must admit. Not just my overall productivity but my health strayed too. I spent Spring Break doing some planning and reevaluating.  I can't just step right back into the level of discipline I enjoyed starting out last year, for one. I'd crash on day one and that's no good...

So what's important? Well, in my case, I tend to either take good care of my health or work really hard on my creative goals. I've never made a real attempt to blend them together. They are very different beasts. Optimal health is a lifestyle just as much as creativity. Supposing 8 hours of sleep is a goal, there's usually at least an hour of self maintenance outside of that-- showering, shaving, brushing teeth, all of that fits in the bits and pieces. For some people, more than an hour but I'm a minimalist and I don't wear makeup. Creative pursuits are my work and I treat it as such-- 8 hours, 5 days a week at minimum. I don't set it on a 9-5 schedule but I'm considering that. Routine may be necessary in understanding what works. The first week, I'm going to try that. I've set alarms for breaks and meals to try to aid in time management. 

During the week, I walk the kids to and from school. This is an hour of brisk walking every day without fail but I'm going to start making it a slightly longer walk. I'm also going back to P90X3 but I'm modifying it for low impact until my joints give me the green light. And yes, fibromyalgia people, you can work up to this. I started on Slim in 6 to gain enough muscle to handle it. I still have the muscle but I did put on weight over the winter and am wary of stressing lazy joints.

I did a fitness blog where I charted my experiences so I'll jump past more details here. The blog was called Becoming a Different Shape. I still use it as a reference when my pain flares and I have to remember what worked.

In any case, diet takes some preparation too. Again, I'll spare the details but my plan includes an hour or two or preparation on Sundays and heating or preparing during the week can take an hour or two each day. As you can see, it leaves time to rest or work overtime or throw in another walk or two. The wild card tends to be sleep and energy levels which I have the most trouble with. Drinking water and taking a daily vitamin are an important factor not to forget and often the most overlooked.

This is a writing blog though so let's wander back over to that. Creatively, I've never had a definitive workflow or any clue how much I'll get done. Generally, I aim to just make good use of my time. Once I've clocked 8 hours, that's where I decide if I'm interested in going longer or taking a breather.

I know word counts or forcing yourself to write daily might be part of the mix but as a writer/artist hybrid, I often find I like to spend a full week on one or the other rather than bouncing these days. I've written posts that bouncing around works best but my discipline and needs change with the project. UnSung is a Titan of storytelling prowess and the cover art is also something that needs visual focus so I've taken to centering on one or the other so I'm very clear on where I'm picking it up or putting it down. My next books or next covers may need something very different.

Balance isn't always about finding the perfect routine. I need cheat days, I need rest days, I need a staycation even if I'm too broke or stubborn to relax for a proper vacation. I know I need to market to make more than $20-40 a month on this, but right now, I want the library before I create the demand. I especially want my first series done before that. It's complex and controversial and I'm almost positive people will misinterpret it but I'm also prepared to defend it. Balance is very much about understanding how to optimize goals. I suffer when I let one priority override too often. So that's the priority.

I don't want to solely focus on recovering the slacking discipline I had with diet and exercise. Then my work and creative needs suffer. So the name of the game is finding the harmony I need, to not let either become too much of an obsession. And I do have a history of letting things fall off so I cling too hard to things when I know I should be doing something else. You'd think finishing college and finding discipline would make those fears unwarranted but they always lurk. I'm going to have to trust my discipline more. I know I can do anything and I've proven that over the past ten years.

For the rest of you, find pride in your own struggle and accomplishments. Don't let a dark past or a bleak future overshadow the present. Right now belongs to you. Keep writing!